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Having A Hard Day - Apologies for a Pity Party


Do a little dance!
S: 13st9lb C: 8st2lb G: 9st7lb Loss: 5st7lb(40.31%)
Okay, as some of you know at the ripe age of nineteen I have the hips closer to a 70 year old. This is due to a lovely case of hip dysplasia that was only completely diagnosed this year.

For the past couple of years I've had a dull ache in my hips most of the time - it hurts but its been bareable. Over the past few weeks its been getting more and more painful for longer periods of the time.

Today - oh my lord, I am truly in agony. I just woke up and every movement my hips kind of popped out of joint. I can hardly walk, it hurts to sit, to stand, to lay. My OH had to help me dress after I had a rather uncomfortable bath. Plus my feet and bottom of my legs keep feeling numb every time they popped out.

I know I'm not going to lapse..but my head is yelling that food will make me feel better. I know it won't - and I'm going to - but its made an already crappy day a harder one.

I'm just fed up of being in pain - and fed up that the hospital wouldn't let me have the op because of the weight (a good reason that I started LL in the first place.

I've hardly slept a full night the past few weeks and I'm just fed up with pain.

And...I apologise because I know people, and even some on this board I would guess, are in far more pain than I am... but right now I just can't think about anything over than frustration.

Pity party over... I guess I'm just annoyed that my thoughts turned to food...I'm just thankful for LL CBT meant I am not acting on them! So I guess something good is coming out of it.
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Is back in the saddle!
S: 15st1lb C: 14st5.8lb G: 12st7.0lb BMI: 31.6 Loss: 0st9.2lb(4.36%)
Wow Em, you're being so strong!!! Sorry you're in the pain and there's nothing we can do for you except be here on the other side of a keyboard. :hug99:


Gold Member
S: 12st6lb C: 10st8lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 28 Loss: 1st12lb(14.94%)
hi em
sorry to hear you are feeling bad - well done for resisting food.

will losing weight have an effect long term? will you be able to have surgery when you get to target?

hope the pain eases soon
daisy x
Hi Em, I know how you feel, I have chronic migarine (all day every day). Sometimes it's so bad i can't even move my eyes never mind anything else!

I've also had a bad day today and just wanted to eat something in front of the telly under a blanket (as i used to which is part of the problem in the first place). It makes me feel even more miserable, i've been trying to remind myself that I already feel better about myself after losing close to 3 stone so imagine how much better i'll feel after another 3 stone!

I think when you're down about something it makes the pain seem much worse, keep reminding yourself that you'll feel better with each pound that you lose, it'll also take some of the pressure off your hips which may ease the pain, and eventually you'll have lost enough to under go the treatment that you need to fix your problem..........imagine how proud you'll fell.

Hope you're feeling a bit better this evening and what I always think if I'm still really bad by this time of night is tha at least it's nearly bedtime!
x :4635:

Blonde Logic

Yes. You can.
S: 258lb C: 228lb G: 168lb BMI: 35.7 Loss: 30lb(11.63%)
Hi Em


I empathise with you love. I am just learning to deal with chronic pain myself. It is no picnic and when it gets on top of you, like it sounds it is for you now - well, there is just no getting away from it and its horrible. So sending you hugs and understanding.

Good on you for being aware of the risk of lapsing, and being strong. Its not easy - but you know food will make you feel bad in the long run, and you will still be in pain, so there is no benefit from it at all. So keep being strin - you will feel proud of yourself, and then you win. Not thepain.

Hope you get a good rest tonight, and feel brighter in the morning.

S: 14st13lb C: 14st7lb BMI: 30 Loss: 0st6lb(2.87%)
i had spd (cant spell the long proper name for it) in my hips when i was pregnant and it ws agony, and still sometimes get pain even now, so i do sympathise. Well done for being strong and not turning to food and hope you are feeling better soon and you are welcome to rant/moan whenever you need to

Blonde Logic

Yes. You can.
S: 258lb C: 228lb G: 168lb BMI: 35.7 Loss: 30lb(11.63%)
i had spd (cant spell the long proper name for it)
Spondylosis? If so, thats what I have in my neck. ANd recenlty been having trouble with my hip too, so awaiting an mri.

If thats what you meant, it is indeed nasty.


Surgically happy.
S: 23st8lb C: 10st7lb G: 11st11lb BMI: 21.1 Loss: 13st1lb(55.45%)
*hugs and love*

No advice I can give but never feel the need to apologize - people want to support you.
S: 16st2lb C: 13st11lb G: 12st10lb BMI: 29.3 Loss: 2st5lb(14.6%)
Oh dear Em that's awful, sounds like it's so painful! Must be awful but it's so great to hear that you're staying strong on this diet, and when you get that weight down you can have that op, and hopefully it'll be all good again.
Hi em, sorry to hear you're struggling with your pain. Well done for staying away from the food though. I've suffered with a serious spinal problem for over 10 years and when it's bad it can be so debilitating, especially when all you want to do is lie down and sleep cos you're so tired..but you can't cos it hurts too much!
Have you been back to the doctors and got something for the pain? You shoudn't have to suffer in silence. There are ways pain can be eased a little even though it very rarely goes away completely.
Hope you feel a bit brighter soon xx
S: 16st2lb C: 13st11lb G: 12st10lb BMI: 29.3 Loss: 2st5lb(14.6%)
One suggestion, is that cranial osteopathy might be able to help. They're ultra gentle non invasive techniques (most people don't think they're actually doing anything until they realise they feel completely different to before treatment). Although it will not be able to solve the actual problem as that is a surgical issue, it can ease some of the strains and twist you will probably have accumulated which are probably aggravating it, and settle down your body a bit, and help it to recover from the surgery quicker afterwards.
Worth a thought, if you're in that much pain it could be worth a try.


Full Member
S: 16st13lb C: 11st4lb G: 11st0lb Loss: 5st9lb(33.33%)
Hi Em

So sorry you are in so much pain, I can kinda sympathise as had a slipped disc in my back last year and that was just awful.

Its such a shame that your pain is increasing rather than decreasing as you loose weight, have you been back to the doctor's recently? Sometimes they really have to be pushed to help you further and especially with these numb symptoms too you really must go back asap and demand for some further action, as it does sound like things may have changed and perhaps progressed a bit further. As some of the others have said they should be able to give you medication to control your pain as you shouldn't be suffering like you clearly are.

You really are amazing to be sticking to LL through this struggle so well done and sending feel better hugs! Let us know how its going. :hug99:

Susianna is right about having to push doctors.
Eventually I just paid £100 to see a private specialist who then referred me back to the NHS where I got an MRI and was having surgery within 3 months. It's the best £100 I've ever spent and really bumped me up the list. It only took 10 years to sort it out! Don't waste 10 years though Em. There's a problem and it needs sorting and you shouldn't have to suffer.
I'm by no means fixed now but i don't have quite as many episodes of lying on the floor screaming in pain.
I've got permanent nerve damage as a result of things not being treated quickly enough and what you're suffering at the moment will turn out the same unless it is treated.

I've learned how to 'work' the NHS and my GP. Last week I went back three times until they finally reaslised I wasn't jsut feeling 'under the weather'. It takes a lot for me to be off work sick and complain about pain so thankfully I'm going to some tests this week to see what my gastro/jaundice/fatigue problem is.
Good luck and keep smiling as best you can xx

Blonde Logic

Yes. You can.
S: 258lb C: 228lb G: 168lb BMI: 35.7 Loss: 30lb(11.63%)
I think, with regards to the (appaling) treatment we get from the NHS (Sorry people, that is really the only complaint I have about living here. The NHS is diabolical, and the worst system I have ever encountered)

I have just seena rheumotologist for the first time a month ago.

I requested it a year ago, when I was being signed off work ever coupld of months for 2 weeks because I was in so much pain, or couldn;t walk.

It was six months before that when I saw an orthopedist. That came 4 months after tellin my GP I was in pain all the time, couldn;t sleep, was missing work, etc.

No one seemed to take it seriously until I kicked off. ANd I kicked off Yank style. I think that is what you have to do.

I saw a specialist in the states, cash out of my pocket. Equivelane to abou 75 pounds. For that 75 pounds, I got an appointment on the day and time I requested. I saw the doctor, who spen TWO HOURS with me. Asked questions relating to my entire medical history. Did physical tests. Reviewed my NHS records. Brough me books and brochures to take away. Provided me with 2 prescriptions for pain and muscle relaxers. FOR 70 QUID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHen I came back to my GP, and gave him this info, he agreed to refer me to a rheumotologist. BUt it took a year of suffering. ANd my leaving the country in order to get that referral.

When I first saw the orthopedist who advised me at least three discs in my neck had disintegrated, leaving my vertabrea trapping my nerves 24 hours a day, 7 days a week - causing my arms and hands to go numb.....(This was of course after the FIRST ortho I saw on NHS who offered me a smart ass shrug of his shoulders and a glib 'eh - not so bad, you will just have to live with it" as he walked out of the room. That is what I waited, in pain, for months for!!?? He didn;t feel it important to tell me my discs were disintegrating and may cause permament nerve damage at some stage in my life. Kind of things you ought to know, innit? - anyway, I digress) So yes, after I saw HIS boss who I must admit was good, I went back to my GP and said now that I know I have an aggressive frorm of arthritis in my neck, can he please refer me to a Rheumotologist.

He asked why? I said, erm....because they are specialistis with arthritic conditions!? He replied, "Welllllllll - othopedics know about arthritis too ya know" To which I replied, "I am sure they do. And I am sure Rheumotologists know about broken bones, but I bet you wouldn;t send someone with a broken leg to see a Rheumotologist now, would you?"

It was a fight every step of the way. It wasn't until something started happening in my hips where I could not walk that he took it seriously enough to refer me.

It does not help at all when you suddenly learn you will havge to live with chronic pain, to have doctors who either don;'t have the time to care, or don't have the inclination to care because they have only come to this country for the dosh. Its horrible.

ANd I am sorry for going on about it - it just makes my blood boil everytime I look at payslips to see how much we payu for medical service that we seldom receive. At least that has been my experience.

So, I am now going to climb off my soapbox.

ANd I am sending Em even more positive vibes and healing hugs today.

And praying the states never socialise medicine. ANd, thanking god that my new job will provide me with full private medical care in 6 months time.


Do a little dance!
S: 13st9lb C: 8st2lb G: 9st7lb Loss: 5st7lb(40.31%)
Thank you everyone for the replies. Sometimes people caring is just what you need!

Pain is probably worse today, I'm walking like a very bad cowboy in slow motion, as if I try to walk normally it feels as though the hip is coming out. I'm really scared its going to fully dislocate pretty soon - I can feel the femur head moving so much more than usual.

Spoke to my physio lady who said that I shouldn't be doing physio as it won't help when I'm feeling the pain from the small amount of exercises I'm doing (Standing on one leg! Thats all I could do, and even then it popped!!!)

Going to go see my doc again tomorrow about pain management (haven't been prescribed anything yet.) But lets say I don't hold out much hope - BL I completely agree with you about the level of service from a lot of the docs around here. My GP diagnosis when I first went to him was Obesity and being double jointed and wouldn't refer me. Eventually took my mum in with me (Always the best plan for me!) and he still maintained it was only because I was double jointed...

Then playing hockey it did pop much more than it ever had before and I could hardly move the leg after. Ended up going to A&E and having a x-ray and told there was nothing wrong with the bones.

Back to the docs I go a month later as the pain is getting worse and popping more regular. FINALLY agrees to refer me.

Jan this year I go to orphopedics. Didn't have the best experience Doc was late so had to wait for an hour and a half for him to get there and "fit me in to his schedule", told him I had the x-ray before but he was too busy telling me I was abusing my body to actually listen so sent me for another. TWO HOURS I wait at x-ray to be told when I am in the room that the doc made a mistake and I don't need once after all. Go back in to the docs who then blames me for not telling him I had had an x-ray, then looks at the picture from the previous month (you know - the one there was nothing wrong on!) and mumbles about the condition tells me op is out of questions because it isn't worth the resources as I'll wear it down with my weight and tells me to live with it and get physio. Still no pain relief.

And now here I am - and part of me really can't be bothered to have these docs look down their noses at me and tell me I'm making a mountain out of a molehile.

I am fed up of not getting taken seriously because of the weight (although I guess that MAY not be such an issue now).

Woah! - BL you get the blame for the above torrent!!!!!!

Anywho - at work and in a very bad mood. But I do feel happy that I seem to have brought in different coping mechanisms and am not dwelling on the food side of it.

Hmm...lets just hope I'm not on here later telling you all that my hip finally gave out fully and dislocated - but right now I'm not confident.
Given my experiences I completely agree that for the most part the NHS is a ridiculously slow service where you have to stomp your feet and shout to be taken seriously.

HOWEVER...when my Dad was seriously ill (cancer) with months to live his treatment was amazing. Test results were back within hours. Drs were there as soon as he needed one. He become a 'gold' patient at our GP surgery which was brilliant. I'd ring to book an appointment for him. They'd say thay had nothing. I'd say he was a gold patient and they'd say 'can he get here in the next ten minutes'!

They are terrible, frustrating and clouded by red tape. But when you're REALLY sick the NHS is equal to, if not better than private care. In my expereience anyway!

Hope you can get on top of your pain Em and they can help you. If it's not working after a few days...go back! I did this for weeks before I got the right combination of drugs to make me comfortable.

BL, hope you're doing ok these days and you're not in too much pain xx


Do a little dance!
S: 13st9lb C: 8st2lb G: 9st7lb Loss: 5st7lb(40.31%)
Thanks roundrachel. Again, my experiences only from over the years have been similar to the above.

I didn't mean to tar every GP or doc with the same brush or say it was the same for every patient! Glad your dad recieved the treatment he deserved during his illness, and as I'm sure many others receive the same.

Blonde Logic

Yes. You can.
S: 258lb C: 228lb G: 168lb BMI: 35.7 Loss: 30lb(11.63%)
I don;t tar the doctors, necisarily at all. Its the SYSTEM I tar. I don't doubt that the majority of doctors on the NHS began their profession with the intent to help people. BUt they are buried in beauruacracy (LOL no idea how to spell that!) and unable to do that. I am pretty certain it is frustrating for most of them as it is us. I would like to think so anyway.

Glad your dad was treated well, as he (any everyone) should be. THat must have been a huge comfort so I am pleased it went that way for you all.

I am doing ok. JUst getting used to living with it, and have been managing it pretty successfully just with diet and exrcise. The occassional pain meds, but not as often as I had been wich is great. Thanks for asking R. :)


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