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Having a rant!

Rayven

Addicted to Minimins!
S: 18st9lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st6lb BMI: 42.9 Loss: 0st3lb(1.15%)
#1
Being overweight isn't easy, especially if you're a compulsive eater (as i am). You're forever putting things off because of your weight and in turn that makes you feel even worse about yourself because it seems that everyone else has a life except for you. I've put off having a life for seemingly the last ten years because I can't face life as a fat person. I've wanted to join a gym but can't face being the big fat red one puffing away on a treadmill, sweat dripping down my face, fat jiggling up and down like some oversized lava lamp! Ive wanted to go swimming again, but i so don't want to be the oversized whale struggling to keep its head above water! I've been talking to some old friends from school (via facebook) and keep putting off meeting up as i'm ashamed of how much weight i've put on!
You'd think that having been living a life that makes me miserable, changing my life - by going on Cambidge - would be a welcome and easy choice to make. However the last time i went on it i was constantly talking myself out of the diet, making excuses - its not good for my health, my hair's going to fall out, nearly everyone puts the weight back on, i'm not that big anyway, i can stick to a different diet that allows food, but its so and so's birthday next weeked..............on and on, the list is endless, and then theres the all time fav - its just too hard.
This time is no different - I've sat here today and i'm doing really well, have my first meet with my CDC this evening, have had one shake (saving the other two for later) and have polished off about 3L of water but already i'm trying to convince myself that i don't really want or need to be on it! The girls are off to their Dad for the night, so me and the OH have the night off, this would usually mean a meal out and a good few bottles of wine.............I'm torturing myself with thoughts of steak and a night on the tiles! Thoughts of being skinny don't seem quite as important as eating right now!
How much longer am i going to torture myself?? How many more years do i 'exist' as opposed to living a full and happy life? Why do i continue doing things that will make me miserable in the end? :mad:
 
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mrs c

Cambridge Consultant
#2
I know how you are feeling we have all been there before, i turned down loads of invitations to meet old friends because of the way i looked and when i couldn't put them off, i was sitting there miserable as i was the biggest of them all and not fashionably dressed. It took something serious, my dad having a heart attack in sept of 2006 to get my head around that i needed to sort myself out, didn't start the diet until march 2007, due to all the probs with dad and a couple of other members of the family were seriously ill.

But come feb, my mind was made up, i had to do something, so i embraked on CD and haven't looked back, it was hard adjusting my life to it with 2 girls and hubby, but i was determined that i could do it and with the help and support of my counsellor i got there, once i started and saw the weight come off that was the incentive to keep me going.

After a while I didn't miss normal food, the only decision was which flavour i should have. It is the easiest as well as the hardest diet to do, my doctor gave me a full MOT when i finished and everything came back ok, so it isn't bad for you it can only improve our health. My whole attitude to life has changed i am more outgoing, confident the list is endless.

Good luck with the diet and keep coming on here for support.
 

Fuzzys Angel

The Lovely James Hetfield
#3
You must have been in my head a year ago, that's exactly how i felt! But i push myself into this i got to the point where i was so unhappy with myself, i was approaching the big 40 & fat, i hated myself.

It finally clicked & i couldn't bare it any longer, a VLCD was th best thing i ever done. When i first started i could only see the task ahead of me, this type of diet IS hard & you really have to focus.

You helped me when i was feeling low so i hope i can do the same for you, focus babe on what your heart truely desires & go for it.....xxxx

 

nessie

Loooooves MiniMins
S: 14st2lb C: 13st6.5lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 30.4 Loss: 0st9.5lb(4.8%)
#4
I totally understand what you're saying, it's like we go into self sabotage or something but the truth is you do want to lose weight more than have food right now, as I do, and I often tell myself I don't really need to do this, then I have a bit of food and suddenly remember that I do need to do this cos my bellies wobling about but I escaped to notice that when there was the prospect of food! I see that part of my mind as a little devil trying to stop me from getting there, to my goal, and constantly have arguements with it. Sounding a bit nuts but really just wanted to say you're not alone and you can totally do this and you'll be desperate to get out there with friends etc to show off your fab figure and enjoy yourself!
 

Time4ME

MUST get a grip
#5
With you all the way...

If I had a quid for every time I'd thought like you had - hey chick! I'd be taking you and me over to the USA for an EXTREME MAKEOVER.... :D:D:D...
I think the real key is - now forgive me experts I aint one, but I say it how i feel it peeps.... Its NOT about giving into the short term wants its finally accepting your long term goal!
Your short term wants are the choc, wine, cheese, burgers etc etc coz you like the feelings you get in the short time that you are consuming them - yeh???
Its only AFTER they are tucked in your tum - that you look up to the ceiling and think why the fu(k did I do that (excuse foul language but needs must an all that)!!!
I too addicted to food, I am Clare I'm 36 and I have a real problem - BUT I can and I will are the constant phrases you must tell yourself!

Opps I lied - I'm actually 37 - bugger it!

Its the negative chatterbox thingamajiggy - but you can deal with this, we all can... We need to surround ourselves with the people who understand our needs not the ones who talk us out of it! So I now ask you take a deep breath and really think that you can and will do this like lots of others!

GO FOR IT GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!:D:D:D
 

Rayven

Addicted to Minimins!
S: 18st9lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st6lb BMI: 42.9 Loss: 0st3lb(1.15%)
#6
I WILL get through today without eating! I WILL get through today without eating! I DON'T WANT food, i DON'T NEED food! I'm happier without it! BE POSITIVE!!!!

Oh i'm soooo good at giving out the advise and if it were any one of you ranting i'd be saying, you'll feel awful about it tomorrow, think of the loss next week, do anything to stop thinking about food.....blah,blah,blah. Why is it when it comes to talking myself out of something i have problems taking my own advice?

I WILL get through today without eating! I DON'T want to be this big, fat, afraid of the world person anymore! I want to just be me without worrying i'm too big.

RIGHT THATS IT!!! I'M NOT EATING!!!! *stamps foot*
 

Rayven

Addicted to Minimins!
S: 18st9lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st6lb BMI: 42.9 Loss: 0st3lb(1.15%)
#9
Food is soooooooo last year!
Is it???? :sigh: and there was me thinking i was being fashionable stuffing my face with everything going! :giggle:
 
#11
Hi Rayven, you reminded me that last year, just before I started my VLCD journey, I hid on the train because I saw a school friend and was so humiliated that she might see me. I'll never forget the feeling of shame and panic I felt...and if I met her now I would feel like a different person...calm and confident. That is why I kept going....I kept thinking that I was choosing not to eat, 'for me', so that I could be the person I am on the inside again. I don't know if that makes any sense...but I wish you all the best for your journey to the real 'you'.
 

Rayven

Addicted to Minimins!
S: 18st9lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st6lb BMI: 42.9 Loss: 0st3lb(1.15%)
#12
Mmmmmm, packs......yummy! ......i think......
 

Rayven

Addicted to Minimins!
S: 18st9lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st6lb BMI: 42.9 Loss: 0st3lb(1.15%)
#13
I kept thinking that I was choosing not to eat, 'for me', so that I could be the person I am on the inside again. I don't know if that makes any sense...but I wish you all the best for your journey to the real 'you'.
See, thats just the thing. The person that i REALLY am is bubbly and outgoing and ready for anyone and anything. The person i've turned myself into likes to sit indoors and hides away from the world - and that is probably the most depressing thing, the fact that i've managed (somehow) to turn my life into this. :sigh:

NO MORE! :mad: This year is MY year! I AM going to be happy, and if that means a few sacrifices and not going out until its done then its going to be worth it. Tight Jeans and knee high boots here i come!!
 
#14
Good for you...with resolve like that, you'll do it! Time to let yourself fly! I wasted 10 years, and like you, decided not to waste anymore!
 

Rayven

Addicted to Minimins!
S: 18st9lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st6lb BMI: 42.9 Loss: 0st3lb(1.15%)
#15
I was told when i was fifteen by my doctor that if i cut out the treats after school, within a year i'd be a healthy weight. 14 years on and i'm more overweight than ever! I am NOT going to waste anymore time!
 
S: 20st7lb C: 11st7lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 25.2 Loss: 9st0lb(43.9%)
#16
rayven, I could have written your post myself.

First time round on CD, I was soooo focused and strong. Nothing was going to deter me from becoming the slim person I was desperate to be. After 3 months the hairloss became too much and I stopped but now, looking back, I was just looking for an excuse to quit.

After 3 months of messing with WW and pretending to be on a diet, I grabbed the CD bull by the horns again on new years day. Every single day since then I have struggled, I have had an extra pack twice as I couldnt cope with the hunger, ate crisps a few days ago, then yesterday ate biscuits, and then have eaten again today.

I want to be slim so badly, but food just keeps falling into my mouth and I just cant stop it. Its just too hard.
 

Time4ME

MUST get a grip
#17
WTL8S
Yes you can do it and yes you can stop doing it...
Look at this I copied from your post..




Thats what you have done and can continue to do, as I said earlier DONT let your short term wants get in the way of your long term goals... I need all the help I can get and inspiration from people like you all - I think you need to look how far you have come and achieved and accept that you can do this rather than remembering all the times you were unable to achieve it!
It really is your goal, bless you xxxx
 

Rayven

Addicted to Minimins!
S: 18st9lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st6lb BMI: 42.9 Loss: 0st3lb(1.15%)
#18
I dunno, it just seems like you have to REALLY want it, and as much as i want to be slim (or at least not as fat!) I really wanna have a good weekend. What doesn't help is that this is the first weekend me and the OH have had without the kids for a good couple of months.....so its tempting to make the most of it - which unfortunately includes eating! Damn tasty things for tasting so good! lol
 

Rayven

Addicted to Minimins!
S: 18st9lb C: 18st6lb G: 10st6lb BMI: 42.9 Loss: 0st3lb(1.15%)
#19
Oooh i'm full of contradictions today - i wanna be thin - i don't wanna be thin - i wanna eat - i'm not going to eat - *sigh* i'll get there eventually! lol
 


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