Hi all, I am due to embark on my LLT journey on Jan 6th. I have been here before but life and my emotions got in the way. I last did LL in 2009. I had 5.5 stone to lose to get to my goal of 10 stone which would have put me firmly in the healthy BMI range. I was doing fantastically, I completed foundation without faltering once and then went on to developers. I had got down to 12 stone. This was the smallest I could remember being since school. I thought I looked great, I felt great and life was great. That is, until my boyfriend of 3 years at the time cheated on me. I couldn't understand this. In all the time we had been together, I had never been as happy or looked as good as I did then. Why would he cheat on me? This completely destroyed me as in my head we were in it for the long haul. I then started to over think everything and came to the conclusion that all this hurt had come from me losing weight. I justified this seriously crooked thinking by reasoning that we were happy for 3 years, I lose weight and BAM it's all over, I'm alone and that was probably my only chance of happiness. I withdrew myself from everyone that cared about me, quit my job and surrounded myself with people that were only interested in going out and drinking far too much. I spent 6 months in this state of self destruction and very nearly pushed my closest friends away. It was towards the end of this phase that I meant my OH. At first we were just friends. We spent every minute together and spoke about everything you could possibly imagine. Nights of getting blind drunk with people that wouldn't of ever noticed if I wasn't there, turned into nights on the sofa watching movies and staying up til 6am just talking. This turned into a relationship and I genuinely believe that he saved me from myself. We moved in together and we were blessed with the most beautiful daughter I could ever of imagined. I finally mustered the confidence to go back to college and begin a foundation degree which is the start of my journey to becoming a primary school teacher. To be honest, my life is pretty wonderful. There is just one thing stopping me from being completely happy. Due to my depression and pregnancy, I put on every pound I lost, and some. I feel that I am at a time in my life and my head that I can take control of my weight again. Towards the end of my last LL journey, I had come to realise the reason for my over eating. All through my teenage years I had regularly self harmed, I never to the day put my finger on the reason why I did it. All I know, is that it was an overwhelming need to feel that release. I managed to curb this behaviour but in doing so replaced it with over eating. I am determined that this time round, I am going to address this behaviour and finish the journey I started so long ago. I have a wonderful family, wonderful friends and am perusing a career that I am passionate about it. I know I'm a couple of weeks away from starting, but I used to use this site back in the day and I found the people on here really supportive. I used to just read others posts and occasionally make a contribution, but this time round I thought I would start my own diary. I don't know if anyone will read it but even so it will be a place for me to release my thoughts and reflect on my journey. I have a tendency to ramble and think of more and more things to add so a lot of my posts will probably seem never ending, it's a nervous thing! I am very exciting about regaining the control I felt back in 2009, but I am also terrified. I'm terrified of having to face those emotional demons that I did last time but the thing that scares me the most is losing my OH as I did last time. He is fully supportive of me beginning LLT but my irrational part of my brain is telling me that I'll lose the weight, feel truly happy in my own skin and then lose everything again. That is enough for tonight but no doubt I will be back very soon!