Helen's Food Diary....This time it's personal!

helenmcloughlin92

Full Member
S: 13st0lb C: 13st0lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 29.4 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
Hello!

I am back for what feels like the 100th time attempting to restart my Slimming World Journey. Firstly, a little bit about me....

The last time I was here (properly) was a distant 18 months ago where I had just reached my holiday target weight and had lost 1 and a half stones in 13 weeks prior to heading off to the sun, sea and plenty of cocktails in Fuerteventura. I had completed the 30 day shred - the most I think I have ever committed to an exercise programme - and I was feeling on top of the world. For the first time in a long, long time I was in the 10st band, and I wasn't too far away from creeping into the 9st band. My time had become solely dedicated to doing everything I could to lose that weight before I headed off on holiday and it just became part of my day to day lifestyle pretty quickly. The one thing I remember the clearest was how much I actually enjoyed what I was doing - the meals, the cooking, the exercising...there wasn't anything that I could grumble about. All my hard work was paying off too which made me feel amazing. I dropped a dress size throughout the whole process and a total of 7 inches just by doing the 30 day shred.

Then the holiday came and went....

The holiday that I had been so looking forward to for months. It didn't disappoint either. Two weeks of luxury and everything I wanted it to be and more. During these two weeks I even climbed a volcano - something I would never, ever have been able to had I not massively improved my fitness and lost the weight. I also felt good in my bikini - this was unknown territory for me, I was always so used to cowering away when I was sunbathing, I didn't want people to be looking at me, but this time around I didn't mind in the slightest. My eating habits weren't good at all though. I knew I was on holiday and so I knew I was allowed to treat myself but as usual in those situations my self-control went out of the window. I ate so much, everyday.

Arriving home I found that I had put on a whole stone in just those two weeks. The whole stone that I had tried so hard lose throughout all those months was back, in the blink of an eye. I knew I had to get back on track immediately. But there was no holiday goal this time, so what would be my motivation?

This thought was quickly interrupted when my fabulous mum whisked me away on a surprise city break to Mallorca three days after getting back from Fuerteventura. She had being planning it for months as my early 21st birthday present and it was wonderful. It was the first time in so many years that we spent a lot of quality time together and I loved it! However, another holiday meant another whole load of food. And plenty of vino...

Things weren't about to calm down anytime soon either. Two days after arriving back from Mallorca I was going to be moving. For my third and final year of University I was moving to Leeds to live with my best friend and two other girls in a shared house. And so there was an incredibly manic two days packing everything up and getting moved into my new house. It was an complete emotional rollercoaster - the first time I had ever properly moved away from home - before this I had been living with my boyfriend and his parents for three years - and so I was a bit teary to say the least.

So during that final year at University I made various attempts to keep tabs on my weight and try to eat as well as possible. I spent time calorie counting, trying to go to the gym, attending legs bums and tums classes (not advisable!!) and occasionally trying to get back into slimming world again. But none of them particularly took off and the brownies, ice cream and takeaways were far more tempting. Plus the stresses of it being my final year were too much and I succumbed to them hook, line and sinker and spent copious amounts of time eating my feelings.

So in July 2014 I graduated from University with a First Class Law Degree. All the hard work, tears and sleepless nights proved to be 100% worth it and I had achieved what I never thought could ever be possible.

I also moved into a new flat with my partner - the first time we had lived together alone - it was all so exciting and I was so happy. I had began doing some voluntary work at a law firm and so began the life of an office job...and the eating without a lot of movement.

Fast-forwarding 8 months to now...

I have a new job where I have been for 6-months now. I have become engaged. And the biggest bombshell since pre-Fuerteventura...I have gained 3-stones. I am ashamed to admit this but I need to document this now before I let it slide any further (even while I sit here feeding my face with a meat feast pizza). I have an office job and I am the most inactive I have ever been in my life. I spend 8 hours a day sat at my desk - usually eating - and I do nothing else when I get home. I have lost all motivation to eat healthily. I have developed a worrying sugar problem and I eat a lot of sugary treats every day. It has also been a good 10 months since I have done any form of exercise. My clothes have become too tight and I feel so unattractive in them all. The other day a pair of jeans I was wearing little ripped at the seams while I was out. I was mortified. The only pair of jeans that I have which still fit are my old size-16 boyfriend fit jeans - when I lost the weight before I couldn't even keep these up and now they are dangerously close to ripping themselves. To know that I have gone from a size 12 to practically bulging out of a size 16 in only 6 months is genuinely heart-breaking.

The increase in my weight I seriously affecting my mood and I often find myself in the same old vicious circle - I am sad so I eat, and then it makes me sad because I am eating crap, which is making me put on weight ridiculously fast, which makes me sad....and so it continues.

I know that I really need to give myself a kick up the backside and give my head a shake. I always seem to have these wonderful intentions. I have 100s of recipes printed off and only this weekend I sat carefully copying out Slimming World recipes after pouring through this brilliant site. I have made myself a weight loss folder, with pictures of myself on the front from when I lost the weight before and when I actually liked the way I looked. But nothing seems to have kick started the fire inside of me to actually get going.

I don't want to use my usual phrase of "I'm determined to do this" because every time I do then I seem to end up giving up after 3 or 4 days.

It seems incredibly surreal now writing all of this down - it makes me realise all the wonderful things that I have done and achieved in the last 18 months and how I am now letting this become overshadowed by this weight gain. Hopefully this is something that can help to motivate me to begin my journey towards being happy again with the way I look and towards my general happiness overall, which is currently being so unnecessarily affected by all of this.

If you're still with me here, then thank you for reading (and listening in your own way). When I did Slimming World in 2013 my diary on here became a wonderful companion and I loved sharing my food and exercise with other people - the power of this site really should not be underestimated in the slightest.

And so I would like to make this my official return. I acknowledge that at first it may be more of me working my way towards beginning my journey and then hopefully being firmly on the journey, and I would absolutely love it if you would come along on this journey with me....from the very start and to the very end!

Once again, thank you for reading this!

Helen x x
 
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