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Hello All

I've been ill for the last three years with depression and stuffed food down my pie hole so help.. all it did was make me fat .... again... went on Lighterlife years ago and lost 5.7stone and was a lovelly 10/12 size but still plump as not much exercise... so this time I'm doing it differently... I'm up at the gym 6 day's a week... starting again from tomorrow... unfortunately I have bouts of depression and this sets me back but I was at the gym 6 day's a week 3 weeks ago and was doing okay... confidence is at an all time low and I still can't/won't control myself when things go wrong... so I saw a Buy it Now on ebay for Avidlite as I can't afford to go back to Lighterlife so I have 4 weeks worth and I guess I'll keep checking ebay for vlcd's and try to keep going that way... can't afford £30 per week on my food so we shall see... I'm back up to 15stone and need to get down to 9.7 stone... never got to my goal last time... I've got to loose 5.7stone by 1st September as this is when I'm due to return to work so need to be able to get back into my work clothes... can't afford to buy more and can't face going back a failure again.. already feel a failure for being off sick let alone putting the weight back on..:eek:

goal 1 - get past 3 day's and drink 4 litres per day.
goal 2 - loose 1 stone in 4 weeks
goal 3 - get back up that gym 6 day's a week and start doing cardio work in addition to yoga, pilates, tai chi.
goal 4 - buy a cosie, hat and goggles, when I've lost 1 stone and start swimming as well

Very apple shaped and I've just turned 45 years and luckily enough don't feel this old... so I've got to tone the thighs, get a bottom, definitely needs toning, stomach and boobs need firming as well as arms. I also do body pump 3 times a week so hopefully the arms will get firmer as I loose weight.

I need to loose weight and get fit as my hubbie and I go on walking holidays and he's already set some brilliant challenges.. walk up cinder mountain in USA in less time than last year.. up to the glaciers in Glacier park and lots of other walks - usually up a mountain so need to include hill climbing on the treadmill...

I can't imagine that Avidlite will be dissimmilar to Lighter Life the only problem is that with LL I ended up only liking Vanilla... eek so buying from ebay will have its challenges. I've got lots of flavours to try and hopefully they are tolerable.. the peanut on LL made me gag so am crossing my fingers that none of the flavours I have will do the same.

I'm keen to start, my packages arrived today so am starting tomorrow, I think I'll have talk my hubbie round me spending the money on Avidlite but even if I do one month its a start in the right direction.

I read about joining Overeating Annonymous but I eat due to stress, anxiety and depression so its used as an escape for my feelings, I'm afraid step 12 on the programme about all the people I might have upset in the past and making amends has no relevance to my overeating... to be honest and this may sound awful I can only think of two people in my whole life that I wasn't 100% nice to... Nicky and Marina, Marina I made up to at school and Nicky I apologised to at the time.. I'm passive and don't express my anger but do get resentful at being put apon and being the 'reliable' one at work which is why I got sick in the first place ... being bullied... lots of courses via NHS and MIND charity have really helped this year see I need to be Assertive, continually build my confidence and lets face it loosing weight is going to make a huge difference to my confidence and Anger management... the latter didn't really help as we didn't discuss how to release anger or divert it just put up with comments and ignore... I was hoping for techniques e.g. screaming into a pillow or something. Or techniques on how to talk back to someone in an assertive manner that how they are talking to you is unacceptable e.g. what you said hurt my feelings... however the other courses were brilliant and I need to continue to follow up and do the things we went through on the course.... and of course keep taking my medication ... because unfortunately recently I had to stop my medication as Dr thought I was allergic to it and my mood dipped... hubbie said I was antagonistic and I quickly went back on... my all over rash ended up being scabies and the only place i could have picked this up is from the yoga mats at the gym... so I'll take my own gym mat... urgh... makes me shudder to think of mites crawling into my skin and laying eggs... fully recovered now.. the itching went on for 4 weeks and nothing stopped the itching... so have gorgeous scabs all over my arms, legs and chest but these are alot better now than they were... just could not stop itching... even cut my nails off so I couldn't take the skin off any more.. I should really tell the gym but am too embarrassed...

Hubbie is buying me a treat when I loose the first stone... which I'm looking forward to either a) haircut b) earrings c) hand cream from Neals Yard.... might swap b) for a swimming cossie, hat and goggles? three for the price of one so to speak.

Anyway I've been waffling and I do this alot a) because I'm due to see the psychiatrist in a couple of hours and I can't say this is either enjoyable or friendly.. just don't get on with my Dr. b) I have to see my Dr this week to get a new sick note c) my work Occ Health is ringing me next week to check up on how the other two meetings have gone and how I'm doing... again I dread these phone calls d) I'm due to talk to my new Manager at some point in May to see if I still have a job...

My minds in a jumble and I bunny hop from subject to subject... flits about alot and I'm worried if I get made redundant I'll have to get new clothes for interviews and I'm so fat and ugly it terrifies me to go for interviews, write a CV etc... been working at the same place for 21 years this July. Then again I'm more fearful of not being made redundant and I'll have to go back to my place of work and face the bullies that contributed to my illness... So more fearful of no change.... but as with all things I can't leave as I need the redundancy money to tide me over until I get a new job... been out of IT for 3 years so no idea what job I could get.. again my confidence in my abilities is rock bottom.

Sorry to anyone who wades through this blog... I'm crossing my fingers that my mini goals will give me focus and I can just try and forget the rest until things actually happen... 1 stone at a time, one gym class at a time, one shake/bar at a time, one drink at a time... this is well and truly enough to focus my attention and if I can do this then the biggest goal of my life is going to be to keep the weight off and stop my sabotaging and eating for comfort.

I must say through all the bad moments my man has been there and a cuddle from him helps no end and he loves me no matter what which there were times when I thought that wasn't possible and that he would leave me. He's proved me wrong and we've been together for 17 years and he is my soul mate and I his and I am so blessed to have a love, friend and confidant who has never said a negative thing about me, never put me down but will tell me how it is. He wants me to loose weight for me as he knows I'm unhappy when I'm overweight and he loves it when I'm high on sport.. I get to the point where I can't get enough... I want to be that person again ... only better at all the other things in my life... not perfection, but able to cope with lifes up's and down's.

Take care all of you lovelly people and I wish you every success in whatever dieting method you are on... we all deserve to loose weight.:D
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Hi ya, sounds as if you have had a bad time of it of late, as for the depression i know where your coming from, as i have been suffering with it for years, my doctor has just increased my dosage, and im already feeling the good results. Good luck, believe in yourself, you and you alone can do it !!
Hi Honey

As Irene has said, its best not to buy from ebay. Avidlite products are a very reasonable price if you buy direct from them, about £1 per shake, but you have to make sure the products you buy are meal replacement ones, as not all of their products are.

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