Hello, newish to Lighterlife and struggling

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by nik106, 18 October 2010 Social URL.

  1. nik106

    nik106 New Member

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    Start Weight:
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    Current Weight:
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    Goal Weight:
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    Lost(%):
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    Hello,

    I've was pointed in the direction of this forum when i first started on LL, had a little gander but didn't join. But now i'm really struggling and i've decided maybe its time i got a little bit of support before i give in, so here i am!

    I've been on LL for 3 weeks now, i start week 4 tomorrow and i'm not really finding any improvement in coping with it all. My mum has recently just finished her initial 3 months and she looks fantastic, but i don't seem to have the same sense of willpower as her.

    I've sort of reached breaking point with this, and i'm finding it very difficult to stick to the food packs when i'm with other people. Being home alone and at work is easy, i can quite happily cook for the household and not have the slightest temptation to pick. The problems are just when other people are eating around me.

    I feel i have a particularly unhealthy relationship with food, i go through stages where i just don't care what i eat because i'm already fat and others where a small comment about what i'm eating will through me off so much that i physically can't force myself to eat in front of people in fear that people will think i deserve to be fat because of what i eat. The food packs are falling into the last category. I cannot bring myself to have a food pack whilst i'm out and about, i won't even take the packs with me because i'm terrified of what people will think - i'm aware that it shouldn't matter but it really does, i spent 18 months refusing to leave my home for anything other than family visits and work because i got so stressed out when leaving, i'm better at it now, but i still struggle to do a lot of things outside the house by myself. At home during meal times, i just feel deprived, the two lads i live with can eat what they like and not gain an ounce.

    My feelings during these times are allowing me to justify to myself why its ok to skip a pack here or there and replace it with something like cooked, unprocessed meat. At the same time, its not really helping me lose weight. I know it isn't but it doesn't seem to help, i hate being fat, i find myself getting very upset and wound up when theres mirrors around and if i see photos of myself but the need to not be judged and singled out because i'm doing something different takes precedence. My inability to stick to it totally is making me unhappy, i know i'm not helping myself

    Other people have commented that i look like i've lost weight, but i can't see it at all, when i see myself, i don't see any difference to my overall shape. The only difference i've noticed is that my wrists and fingers are smaller and now my jewellery won't stay on, leading to more stress and upset when i've realised that the diamond ring my boyfriend gave me as an anniversary present has fallen off yet again. As for my clothes, my jeans no longer stay up at all, by the time i get to the top of a set of stairs, they're usually round my ankles, but when i was shopping over the weekend, i couldn't get the next size on at all. Not being able to see a difference is adding to how unhappy i'm becoming, because it doesn't seem worth it, especially as the rest of my group have all lost over a stone, and i still have quite a way to go to get there, admittedly i'm a week behind, but even in my first week when i was good for the entire week, i lost 5lbs compared to their 7lbs +, one lady lost 12lbs. They are all maintaining large losses each week, and whilst i'm aware that i won't because i'm not totally sticking to it, i feel that i'm dropping massive amounts of calories and becoming increasingly unhappy to lose the same amount as my friends who are undertaking slimming world. For the most part, during the week i stick to it completely, its the weekends that are the problem.

    I'm really sorry for waffling on a lot, and if you managed to stick with that, then thank you for reading, and if you didn't, i don't blame you. Basically, does anyone have any tips on how to get over these hurdles? How do i make it more bareable to have a food pack in public, especially as i hate consuming something that was not purchased in that particular eating establishment (i'm the sort of person who will buy something i don't want just so i can use the toilets without feeling bad because i wasn't a customer)
     
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  3. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Hello, nik.

    Wow. A lot going on for you right now! Take some deep breaths...

    I know you're finding it difficult to stick to, but have you made it through any days 100%? If you make it through three or four days without cheating then you will go into ketosis and it will get MASSIVELY easier because (honestly) you'll lose your appetite. You may still have feelings of being deprived - we all have our moments - but ketosis makes it much easier to separate those feelings from unhelpful behaviour (picking or bingeing or using food inappropriately).

    I can hear from your post that you REALLY want to lose weight but are struggling with LL, and I sympathise. I have been very selfconscious about the packs - but when I'm out and about I time it so I can have a bar, and buy a peppermint tea or black coffee and no one bats an eyelid. At work I was nervous about making up my soups until I bumped into someone in the kitchen, he asked "what are you having?" and when I said (matter-of-factly) "mushroom soup" he just said, "ooh lovely!" and couldn't have cared less (or even noticed) that it was a LL pack.

    Now I'm rambling... not sure if what I've said makes sense but wanted to reply to your heartfelt post.

    By the way, is any of the group counselling helping at all? Would it help to raise some of your anxieties in the group? You might find that others are feeling just the same as you.

    Hang in there!
    xx
     
  4. nik106

    nik106 New Member

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    Start Weight:
    13st8lb
    Current Weight:
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    Goal Weight:
    8st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st10lb(5.26%)
    Diet:
    LighterLife
    Thank you for the reply! I've managed a lot of days where i can stick to it 100% and have no problems doing so, i have ketostix at home, and up until yesterday, where i was so naughty i haven't even checked, i've always been in ketosis, which is a first for me, even on the atkins diet i didn't manage that!

    I really don't like the bars, the only two that look vaguely appetising are the nut ones, but i'm allergic to nuts so that totally rules them out. I had an attempt at cooking them, but i wasn't overly keen so i pretty much just stick to the porridge and the same 3 flavors of shakes (i can't stand the soups)

    My mum says that Cafe Nero are really good about using ice and the blender for you but i really don't want to ask them to do it, because of seeming odd and different. Ack, maybe i should just not go out for a bit.

    I've had a quick chat about it in the group, but with exception to me, the group are all returners so they've been through all this before. They've given me lots of tips on how to make them more appetising, but they don't seem to feel so stupid in public like i do
     
  5. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Oh Nik, sorry you are feeling like this. It must be hard, especially if your Mum is doing so well.
    LL wont work if you keep leaving out packs and eating other food. It's quite finely balanced and you need to stay in ketosis or you'll start to feel hungry and find it harder to stick with.
    I didn't eat food for a year while I was on abstinence and I never had a pack in a restaurant at all and I didn't have the bars either.
    I would try and have a pack before I went out and then I would have black coffee and or water in a restaurant. If it was just me and my OH I would say "I won't be eating today thanks,I'd just like a coffee please."
    In a group situation people are much more concerned about themselves than what you're up to.
    I know what you mean about feeling so fat and other peole looking at you and judging what you are eating. I felt the same.
    A great way to get round that is to get slim and then no-one reacts like that. I LOVE walking down the street eating an apple!
    Goood luck. I do hope you decide to stick with it, but it helps so much if you have support from your friends and family.
     
    Last edited: 18 October 2010
  6. yoyo-ohno

    yoyo-ohno Full Member

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    Hi Nik,
    This programme can be really tough but especially so if you find yourself skipping packs or replacing them. I haven't really got any advice for you except to say hang in there & when you are tempted to lapse remind yourself why you are doing LL. In week 2, my LLC asked us to make something to represent our goals - i did a collage with loads of magazine images of clothes I want to wear & poeple looking happy & healthy etc etc. It does help me focus through the tough times:)
    One other thing, you are only small (like me) & I am losing much less than everyone else in my group too BUT, hey ho, I'm losing and it will be 3 stone by Xmas :D
    You can do it ... big hugs:hug99: ... try not to be too hard on yourself & use your LLC for advise
    yoyo
    xx
     
  7. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    Lost(%):
    3st5lb(19.26%)
    Diet:
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    Nik!
    First of all welcome! This forum is great and I promise you, popping in here will make the biggest difference in your journey.

    Now I'm going to maybe sound a bit harsh when I say this but you will not be successful with this or anything else for that matter if you going to constantly worry about what people say or think about you!
    I can tell that this is a massive issue and it's been there for a long time. It almost sounds like you've accepted that things just are the way they are and they can't be changed. Wrong!
    Darling! You can be anything and anyone you want! You just have to believe it!
    The power truly lies within you!
    If you haven't read The Secret yet I'd strongly recommend you do! If you have, read it again or watch a DVD and REALLY listen to the message.
    Your thoughts and feelings create your life and your reality so if you keep telling yourself you can't do things, you won't do them! Simples! ;)

    May I ask what is the motivation behind losing weight? Are you doing it for yourself or other people? It is your body, your life, your health and eventually your happiness!
    I dare to say that fear of having packs in front of people is an excuse. For some reason you have programmed yourself to fail and putting those obstacles in front of you is only allowing you to justify your actions. 'cheating' or skipping packs is another form of that. What's the bloody point? You only make it more difficult for yourself darling!
    Think of the abstinence as of... exactly that! It's an abstinence from food, the very root of the problem. A bit strong but I dare to say it's a bit like with alcoholics or drug addicts! Abstinence is designed to take away the trigger that gets you into trouble while you're dealing with the disorder on a phsycological level.
    You wouldn't give an alcoholic the odd drink while they recover would you? So why are you doing that to yourself? LL is a gift. It saves lives, fixes people and their relationships with food. It really works! IF you want it to work. Once you put your head on the right place your body will follow. Trust me!
    We all have our struggles. I should know one or two things about that. It is not easy but with the right attitude and the great support you get from your counsellor and from here it is really doable!

    From the bottom of my heart I wish you figure it out and once you do that things will fall into place (and the weight will fall off ;)).
    Remember we are all here for you if you need support or encouragement. Your LL group should be able to help a great deal too!
    Just keep telling yourself that this is not going to last forever. It will pass. It's just a stage. Try to take one day at a time and you will see that soon you'll be on your way.
    Good luck Hun. Sending you big hugs.
     
  8. Jennifer80

    Jennifer80 Full Member

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    Hi,
    I know exactly how you feel. I am a returner so have done the programme before and lost weight so i know it works a treat IF you stick to it 100%!

    I am now on my 3rd week back, lost 6lbs in 2 weeks all because i've lapsed on more than one occasion :cry: I don't feel deprived, i just think about food a lot and like tha taste but i know im not doing myself any favours and there must be more to it than what i initially think.

    I have just lapsed again and this whole week has been a write off! I need to get my ass back on track as my leader will give me the usual 'what do you need to change?!' that i get every week.....if i knew what to change i wouldn't be at bl@@dy Lighterlife :mad:

    Grr all i can say is YOU have to want it enough to be able to get through the programme otherwise your wasting £70 a week like i am at the moment :break_diet:

    Good luck x
     
  9. SandraEly

    SandraEly Full Member

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    done them all - now going to suceed with LL
    :( it is difficult to get your head around it, I woke up and decided I have had enough the only person you are doing it for is you, no one else :) make sure you are drinking plenty of water, use the fibre flavours for a change, if you think you are 'hungry drink a glass of water and wait most likely you are thirsty not hungry. I am not 100% comfortable about being around people who are eating and asking them to make me a shake I tend to do what Brenda does and have a black decaff try not to give up remember you are doing this for you and no one else xx chin up Sandra xx
     
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