Help!! really struggling!

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by janie215, 1 August 2010 Social URL.

  1. janie215

    janie215 Member

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    Hi everyone - Im sort of new here, I posted when I first joined LL but havent been on here for ages as had no computer for a while.

    I have just finished my 14 weeks of abstinence, although in reality finished at 11 weeks as we went on holiday for 2 weeks and Id always planned to eat normally then.

    My problem is trying to get back into it. I have about another stone to lose but just cant seem to get over day 2 without eating something - usually chocolate! When I eat, I really eat - Im talking binge eating. Its almost like I think well Ive failed so I might as well fail big time. Then I wake up the next day and think, actually I can do something about this so start again.

    Does anyone else have a problem with the nut fudge bars? I LOVE them and cant seem to stop at 1. Once I have 1 I end up eating my whole weeks supply.

    I really dont know what to do about it, Im on day 2 of abstinence again after my holiday (Im actually on week 14 of LL) but am struggling. Any advice greatly appreciated!

    Janie xxx:cry:
     
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  3. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    Congratulations on your achievement, Janie.

    I did LL a few years ago and I've been where you have and panicked too. Have you started the Route to Management meetings?

    Firstly, don't buy any more of the fudge bars just now, you know you're just going to eat them:rolleyes: all at once. Secondly, sit down with your counsellor and talk through your last 14 weeks, recognise how well you have done to lose this weight. Realise that what you're feeling is completely normal. Knowledge is power.

    Have you thought about just trying to maintain what you've lost? Forget that pesky stone. Give yourself a break. Go back and lose that stone next year some time, let's face it, it probably ain't going anywhere.

    Here is a post I did a couple of days ago...
    Well, last night I had a bit of a crisis. I went into the freezer to get some meat out for tomorrow's tea and there it was. The ice cream I'd bought before my holiday a few weeks ago, and which I'd completely forgotton about.

    I immediately wanted it, and thought to myself "Well you can have it, you can start again tomorrow".

    Then I thought "Are you kidding! Are you really going to 'start again tomorrow' every time you get the urge to eat something inappropriately? You'll never learn to manage your eating habits long term with that attitude."

    Then "How are you going to feel tomorrow morning if you do eat this icecream?" Oh, and by the way, I was not intending just to eat one scoop of the ice cream, oh no.

    So, I didn't eat any ice-cream, and I wasn't happy about it either. I didn't care that I knew I'd feel miserable this morning if I did succumb to the ice cream, I didn't care much how I'd feel to be frank. Tomorrow could take care of itself.

    I wanted that lovely, cool, sweet, delicious, indulgent ice cream. I knew it would make me feel nurtured, special, peaceful, relaxed, happy. I knew that the absence of it would make me feel empty, bereft, lost, angry, frustrated.

    But I didn't eat it, and I felt empty, bereft, lost, angry and frustrated. And it was not a nice place to be. Not one little bit. It is even quite possible that my bottom lip stuck out, I was so miffed.:rolleyes:

    This morning, another day. I'd forgotton about last nights crisis, only remembered this afternoon. Thought I'd tell you about it because I know you'll have been there yourself at one time or another. Let's face it, we all have:(.

    The ice cream is still there in the freezer. No doubt it will be used up over the next few weeks by other member of my family. I'm not throwing it out at this stage. I have to learn to deal with this sort of temptation again and again. May as well start now.


    Here is part of another post I did...
    Yes, it's the grim reality of addiction, with a large slice of habit thrown in.

    I really wanted to eat after tea last night too, but luckily I still had a snack to eat (chose cream cheese with pepper strips). I was aware though that I would have preferred something sweet, so it was nothing to do with being hungry.

    This is not ever going to be easy:sigh: MsJ, these battles will become a way of life, conquering both the addiction to the sweet/fat/salt combo, and the bad habits.

    Last night I focused on the negative aspects of denying myself my regular 'fix' all the time and visualised the future stretching bleakly ahead. Not good.

    However, I also visualised the future where I was no longer obsessed with food all the time, where I had eventually learned to live well without these 'fixes', and the realisation that only I could make either one of these futures happen.

    The hardest thing, MsJ, is actually to question the urge to eat something just for an emotional high. My brain wants to switch off the voice inside which says "hold on, what are you actually doing here?" I don't want to listen to reason. My mind will go blank while I eat the ice cream or the sandwich with butter and cheese (what a deadly combination). Am I savouring this food? No, there is nothing but the satiety and relief afterwards. Then the recriminations


    I hope this helps with your crisis, Janie. The truth is, if you don't get a handle on your food issues, you will undo all your hard work and effort. I know this from bitter experience because I lost and regained 100 lbs. The thing is, it is not inevitable that this happens to you. My fingers are crossed that you get over this hurdle and get back on track. You can do it!!!
     
  4. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Hello Janie,
    I know what you mean about the bars!
    I didn't have any bars when I did abstinence because I KNEW wouldn't be able to resist them.
    If they are not there you can't have them.
     
  5. Lind

    Lind Is feeling the love!

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    Hi Janie.

    Just think, it's only a stone, and maybe you can go back and loose it but maybe it can also wait a little. Prehaps the more important thing at the moment is to get to the bottom of the eating. You should go see your LLC and figure out what is going on.

    But you have done so well, to be only a stone away must me a magical feeling.

    Take care. x
     
  6. janie215

    janie215 Member

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    Thank you both so much for your replies. I've been feeling really confused and a bit tearful thinking that I'm just letting myself down by being so weak willed.

    I don't think I've had proper counselling sessions to be honest as my leader (who is lovely!) has had quite a few weeks holiday, & then I was on holiday for 2 weeks, then she was ill one week so we have only really had a few group sessions. Then because there weren't enough of us in our group she put us together with another group so it's all been really disjointed. I think I maybe need to get my green book out and read it thoroughly!

    I must admit I did recognise my problem with the bars so for quite a few weeks didn't have any. I guess it's the chocolate that is the problem. Will this always be a problem for me do you think? I'm imagining it will. I can also relate to your ice cream story Amanda as u did exactly the same thing on Friday night - apart from I ate the whole tub! And your right, I don't think I tasted it after the first few spoonfuls. All lessons to learn I guess?

    Thanks again for your support.

    J xxx
     
  7. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    I'd say you are finding it hard to cope with the sugar coming out of your system. First day is fine, second day as it starts running out it becomes really hard. Then the third is where that withdrawal stage REALLY sets in and the craving is near impossible.

    Sugar is - what I consider to be - close enough to a poison. Some people cannot handle it. I can't. My body goes into overdrive and it's like taking some crazy drug. I'm pretty addicted, but once I cut it out, my judgement over food/life in general REALLY improves. When I'm on the sugar, I eat, eat, eat... *feel bloated to the point of bursting* .. and eat some more. Sudden tunnel vision of just food appears. Always the 'what else can I have??' thing going round and round.

    I went on a really, REALLY bad binge for the last few months because of emotional issues, but 3 weeks ago I just put my foot down and cut everything out. Set yourself mini targets to get past the withdrawal - OCCUPY YOURSELF. GET IT ALL OUT OF THE HOUSE. I promise, if you last about a week - it will get so much easier.

    Getting things out of the house of course may be difficult because other people in the household may want those items. But -sit down- with them, and explain that for a week, it would be really beneficial for your sanity if all sweet treats were removed and hidden if anyone especially wants something. Luckily for me my boyfriend went on a diet at the same time so I didn't have temptation IN the house and I could restrain myself enough not to pop to the shop and buy a whole load.

    I wish you luck. Keep a big bottle of water with LL water flavour in it for the sweet cravings, it will help. You can have limitless water flavours, so just keep going. When I was on LL, at those moments, when I REALLY wanted soemthing sweet to almost 'chew', I dipped my finger in the dry mix and got a kick off that. .. hey, every little helps right?

    And second time around is DEFINITELY harder. Keep at it. You've come so far and done so well, don't let yourself down now. I remember I was on abstinence for 10 months or so in 2008, and in the middle of it I went on a week's holiday where I did eat as I wanted. Getting back on it was excruciating, but it had to be done. I wanted to become healthy. I wanted it much more than food.

    Just try doing it for a week. A week is all it takes.
    x
     
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  8. Lind

    Lind Is feeling the love!

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    Hi Janie, how are you doing today? I hope you are ok.

    My counselling seems to be a bit disjointed too at the minute. My LLC is on holiday next week, we didn;t have group tonight, not enough people turned up and she was saying she may have to put me into another group, but the are in Development.
     
  9. janie215

    janie215 Member

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    Hi ladies - Im feeling a bit better today thanks, Im hoping Im starting to go into Ketosis. My husband and kids made a chocolate cake this evening which nearly killed me!!! I SO wanted to dip my finger in it!!

    Im feeling a bit stronger today too, you have all helped me so much I cant thank you enough. Just to have someone to support me through it really helps. I just hope that I can do the same for you really kind ladies.

    I have started to have a quick look through the green book today as well and it does seem to have alot of good stuff in it. I am a bit disappointed with the classes. Do you know if I can just buy the foodpacks from somewhere?

    J xxx
     
  10. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    Oh Janie, bad luck about the ice cream.:17729:
    How are you feeling now? When I give in to stuff like that it's just so demoralising:(. I made myself really think about the consequences last time, and managed not to give in.

    AJ

    p.s. the ice cream is still intact in the freezer...

     
  11. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    "....Sugar is - what I consider to be - close enough to a poison. Some people cannot handle it. I can't. My body goes into overdrive and it's like taking some crazy drug. I'm pretty addicted, but once I cut it out, my judgement over food/life in general REALLY improves. When I'm on the sugar, I eat, eat, eat... *feel bloated to the point of bursting* .. and eat some more. Sudden tunnel vision of just food appears. Always the 'what else can I have??' thing going round and round..."

    Minerva, Sugar = poison - I like this comparisonm=, and I like your graphic description.

    I'll go further and state that sugar is as addictive as a drug (to me and other people) and therefore I am wondering whether it has a place in my eating habits at all in the future.

    I would love to be able to just 'have some' but, like you said, it just seems to set up a reaction and everything goes in a downward spiral.

    Have a look at this description of why sugar can be as deadly as cocaine...

    Sugar Addiction

    Sobering stuff, eh.

    Sending waves of support :vibes::vibes::vibes:

    AJ
     
  12. janie215

    janie215 Member

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    Wow AJ! that article is pretty strong stuff - but does make perfect sense!

    J x
     
  13. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    Thank you Amanda. :) I was indeed aware that sugar has highly addictive properties (much like A Class drugs for some people!), and for some individuals it's the combination of sugar, salt and fat that is addictive (i.e. McDonalds!).

    I found that stopping smoking wasn't very hard, drinking never appealed to me in the first place, and drugs - the odd time in Holland (only weed) - really does NOTHING for me. But SUGAR. ... Sugar wreaks havoc.

    Thing is - while I know I have to cut it out for the rest of my life (and that's fine) - I also have gained understanding of it. I know a LITTLE bit (like once a month) is fine. It has a cumulative effect. The more you have (i.e. little bit every day) the more it builds inside your body.
    The first bite will do NOTHING - as long as you've had no refined sugar for a long time so you're starting at ZERO. The next day, you are no longer starting at zero, so the next bite does more harm. And so on. By the third day it's much harder to let go of, physically and psychologically. The build-up becomes too great.

    Hence we need to be aware that if we have some of our 'drug' there needs to be a detox period afterwards (of at least a week - and this means eliminating fruit too) before we can have any more safely. If there are social engagements lined up, then we should be aware that a "treat" can only be had at ONE of those events, and no more. ... Otherwise we're just harming ourselves and making our lives harder than they have to be!


    :)
     
  14. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    "...Thing is - while I know I have to cut it out for the rest of my life (and that's fine) - I also have gained understanding of it. I know a LITTLE bit (like once a month) is fine. It has a cumulative effect. The more you have (i.e. little bit every day) the more it builds inside your body.

    The first bite will do NOTHING - as long as you've had no refined sugar for a long time so you're starting at ZERO. The next day, you are no longer starting at zero, so the next bite does more harm. And so on. By the third day it's much harder to let go of, physically and psychologically. The build-up becomes too great.

    Hence we need to be aware that if we have some of our 'drug' there needs to be a detox period afterwards (of at least a week - and this means eliminating fruit too) before we can have any more safely. If there are social engagements lined up, then we should be aware that a "treat" can only be had at ONE of those events, and no more. ... Otherwise we're just harming ourselves and making our lives harder than they have to be!..."



    Wow, Minerva, that makes so much sense. No wonder we cannot succeed at keeping off weight when we go back to eating foods with sugar or combos of sugar/fat/salt.

    Knowledge is power indeed. Thanks for posting this :)

    AmandaJayne
     
  15. PrettyPaula

    PrettyPaula Amusing Title.

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    i was looking at deli stuff in m&s the other day, i wanted just some cooked prawns or chicken, plain.

    every single pack had added sugar, literally the ingredients were chicken, brown sugar.

    its ludicrous! how are we expected to grab healthy snacks when you cant even buy plain protein from M&S?
     
  16. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    I'm glad that was useful Amanda! :D Though there is an element of habit in there too, but ritual behaviour is sometimes easier to break on a conscious level. :)

    PrettyPaula - the Deli snacks counters are rubbish, what you need to go to is the 'cooked meat' section where there are little boxes of plain chicken slices or a tiny pack of ham. M&S do some individual portion sizes of certain things (such as salmon for dinners etc). But I do agree, lunches/snacks are a real toughie. I tended to buy plain salads and bring small tins of tuna (the 80g ones! Make sure to get the ones with the peelable lids) with me places when I was on a very strict regime. The Weight Watchers pre-prepared tuna tins are really good too but could have weird additives that are undesirable. The little tins can just live inside your bag as well as they don't need refrigeration or some such. :)
     
  17. DOVES

    DOVES Full Member

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    Hi,

    I feel your pain :cry: I went to a wedding followed by a holiday followed by a weekend away which means during the last 3 weeks I have put on 2lbs instead of losing 9lbs or so. My LLC refers to it as the gate coming down and once its come down once it will come down easier next time. What I have done so far though is great and I definatley want to continue so I am perservering and not giving up which is what I would normally do.

    Today is day 1 again for me and I doing okay (work is fine its when I go home that I'm likely to slip). Keeping busy is a good idea I'm going to Zumba tonight first exercise in a long time but I can just sway at the back if its too much.

    I have decided to be kinder to myself also which means saying no to events if I feel they will hamper my progress and goal which is to be a healthy weight.

    Take Care
     
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  19. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    Yeah, it pays to read the labels, Paula. This insidious stuff gets everywhere. If I had a paranoid mindset (I do occasionally:D) I might believe that food manufacturers deliberately added sugar to savoury foods to keep us addicted to them. Surely not though:rolleyes:.
     
  20. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    Good for you, Doves. The first week will be difficult, even more difficult than when you first started LL. However, as Minerva's wonderful earlier post explains, you need to get the sugar out of your system first before you start feeling better and in control. Keep plugging away, Doves.

    By the way, Zumba is fun, it won't seem like a workout, and you'll do a lot of laughing:).

    AmandaJayne
     
  21. janie215

    janie215 Member

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    Hi everyone

    Doves, I so sympathise as this has recently happened to me too and in fact is happening at the moment!

    I had stuck to LL religiously and then went on holiday where I had already decided to break the regime. Once I got home I found it really difficult to stick to it completely again. It is right, once you break it once it is so much easier to do it again. Unfortunately I have found this out the hard way.

    Like you, I have also got to go back to day 1 next week (we are away till Monday).

    It WILL be worth it!!

    J xxxx
     
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