Here we go...

[jenboo]

It's the 12th April...this is me....I have decided to begin to document what happens over the next few weeks. Todsy I met with my new cwp consultant and I will begin trying the plan on Monday. I am very nervous...nervous to fail....I absolutely have to do this...am so over weight and unhappy with myself. When I look in the mirror I feel so sad... I feel unattractive and that I am missing out on so much. I have made a list of things I want to do when I have lost weight. I have decided to keep a diary of how I feel in the run up to starting and during. I know I am going to hate this and find it hard...I have done nothing but eat in the last 2 week's and is beginning to spiral again...I can literally feel the weight going on but I can't stop. I think removing the food is the only way to tackle this situation . I have decided that I am so much more than my weight and I want to build my confidence to show the rest of the world what I am capable of. I often lack the confidence to speak up and give my ideas or opinions because my weight holds me back...it is time for it to go.

I am actually looking forward to starting ...I think this weekend I am going to indulge myself a little bit but not too much. I think my main challenge will be not to drink diet coke ...I am completely addicted to the stuff! I think I will get major withdrawal symptoms.

My consultant is really nice...she was really friendly and non judgemental putting me at ease. I was shocked at how much I weigh I didn't realise I had gained that much.. I am now over 19 stone which is so embarrassing ...however I feel that I have taken the first step to addressing this by 'owning up in front of the consultant.

I think I am going to use the diary as a way to keep a record that I can look back on but also to get some of the frustrations and achievements out there...and hopefully help other people by sharing my experience.

Much love x

 

[green eyed monster]

Good luck on your journey. X

 

[jenboo]

I met with my consultant today...she came and saw me at home which I liked. She was instantly friendly and I felt that she was non judgemental which is really important to me. I was devastated when I got weighed as I weighed about 7 pounds more than I though...I have clearly been whacking it on over the last few weeks

She went through the plan and explained that because my bmi is over 40 I would need 4 products per day...I was a bit gutted because to be honest the plan is expensive and this means more to pay...however I want to get this right. My neasurents were taken...again I did not feel judged at all.

My consultant explained that she herself did the plan and lost 10.5 stone...she was really honest and said she has been off plan and has gained weight however she is intending to go back on so we can do it together. I really valued her hknsety and I like that she has been where I am and understands how embarrassing this is.

I have my products ready...I must admit that I am a little excited I feel very motivated and am looking forward to Monday. I know the first 4 days or so are going to be horrific as I withdraw from the dreaded but I am determined to get through this.

The way I psych myself up is to use social media to look at other people's stories and get tips from their pages...I like to look at before and after pictures and I have been screen shotting clothes I would like to get when I lose weight .
I have selected different things for different sizes...occasions and reasons. I actually don't know what my style is going to be !

I am hoping that health wise I will see an improvement in the dark circles that I have and hopefully my sleep too x J x

 

[Cavegirl21]

Great you have a consultant who doesn't judge you.

Just take each day as they come and remember why you are doing it.

 

[jenboo]

Thank you craftermary I am making a list of my 'whys' so that I can keep looking at them x

 

[chocko1]

Good luck, jenboo. You're sounding very focussed. x

 

[jenboo]

It's day 1 eve ! All prepared ready to go. Today I have been put and bought some things to keep me going at night through the week..nail varnish...bath bombs...face masks..and a journal. I find that I eat loads more at night and so I need to be distracted. I am going to spend tonight eating things I will miss see you on the other side ! X

 

[jenboo]

Hi all!

It's day 2 ... I have found today tough but am determined to keep going. I am quite hungry and so I am trying to keep as busy as possible to keep my mind off it ! I am hoping that after the first 3 or 4 days the hunger will dissipate. I have found this site and also Instagram really really helpful. Looking at everyone's weight loss stories and success is really motivating. I have also set up a blog to write my thoughts down, I aren't really bothered if people follow it or read it...it just helps keep me busy

Today I have been looking online at clothes that I would like to wear when j am smaller, I have been fantasizing about what it will be like to be s healthy weight I just cannot imagine it ! I feel that I don't really have a style as such as I dress for comfort and coverage and have done since I can remember. I feel like I have missed out on fashion when I have been younger and will probably be too old now to wear most of the outfits I have seen, however boring this may be my ultimate outfit goal is to wear light blue jeans and a white tee shirt...simple yet not flattering on the larger lady !

A challenge I have found so far is explaining to my son why I am doing this, I don't want him to think that this is a healthy way to live however being overweightisnt teaching him either. He is constantly saying can't you eat this or that or what about this and I am finding this hard.

I think realistically I would like to lose my first 2 stone on the step one and then I would like to move up to step 3.

J x