How did your marriage change after weightloss

Discussion in 'WeMITTS (We Mean It This Time)' started by desperate2lose, 18 September 2006 Social URL.

  1. desperate2lose

    desperate2lose Regular Member

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    Hello all

    I was wondering how the weightloss improved (or not improved in some cases) your marriage (or relationship) after you have lost your weight?

    PS..No need for specific details :)
     
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  3. Karen1972

    Karen1972 Gold Member

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    I'm not married or in a stable relationship but i would hazard a guess that most partners would find it incredibly worrying that their partner will become more attractive to the opposite sex and therefore will receive lots of attention from possibly better looking people than themselves!!

    It's human nature !

    People will deal with it in different ways though! Some will cope well with it but for others it will be too scary a prospect to bear!
     
  4. westhills

    westhills I STILL mean it!

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    I think it's quite difficult for our "men". Michael has had to adjust from being the one who has to wait when walking up hills, to the one who can't keep up. From being the lightest by over 6 stone to being the heaviest by 3.
    He sees me as far thinner than I am, both now and when I was at my heaviest.
    Also, (you'll have to use your imagination here) the mechanics in the bedroom change drastically. It is a completely different physical exercise when you fit together in such a dramatically different way.
    Sometimes I think he's having a tough time adjusting to the way I have become, but mostly, he's proud of me. I do get a daily "you're not going to lose any MORE weight are you?" (and I'm still 11 and a half stone - hardly thin.)
    It's made him think a lot about his own fitness - not enough to do anything yet - but maybe soon.......
    Ann x
     
  5. Purple Hugs

    Purple Hugs Loves weight.. training!

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    Wow Ann your picture looks a lot lighter than 11.5 stone.. not that that's very heavy mind you.. but you know what i mean! lol I hope! :p

    Well, I'm not sure, i'll be reading with interest.

    I'm starting to wonder why my DH really doesn't make an effort to lose weight.. I know that sounds mean, but he is now about 18 stone and his dad had a stroke etc before he died. Graham did atkins with me, but that is a good diet for a man i feel.. all that meat! lol he loved it. So i'm hoping one day he'll chose to go back to that, as the weight dropped off him quickly and even he saw a difference... I don't nag though.. he'll do it in his own time if at all.

    Ok.. as for 'us' well i think that has changed somewhat, and will continue to do so. I can't say i feel any sexier.. :eek: but hope i will along the way somewhere. :p

    I do feel fitter, and AM Fitter. As you said.. I can walk hills better now, and ride at least weekly if not more. Am also a bit happier to set up swiming with my daughter and the toddler we are adopting too. Asked graham about this and he isn't keen to come at all.. he's never really enjoyed taking the kids swimming though. :rolleyes:

    It's tricky when we get a sitter these days, as before we'd have gone out for a meal.. but now.. i've started saying i don't want to go for a meal.. or a drink really.. so we ended up bowling one night and were supposed to go to a gig but couldn't get a sitter. So that is changing.. although once at goal i hope an occasional meal out isn't out of the question. Just gotta make wise choices.. and burn off pudding! ;)

    so.. i guess that's how we'll be.. i just hope that doesn't change us as a couple.
    Should say.. i can't really imagine being 'attractive' to other men again... it's long gone now, and i don't see myself that way!
    I'll be in for a shock if I ever get the eye.. or chatted up again!! LMAO..
     
  6. westhills

    westhills I STILL mean it!

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    It happens! A gorgeous Italian said to me (with faultless eye contect I might add) "Ah, signora, I want to DRESS you" OK he just wanted to sell me a leather coat, but it was nice all the same!!!!!
    Ann x
     
  7. Purple Hugs

    Purple Hugs Loves weight.. training!

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    lol Ann.. i can just imgaine! Good for you!! hope your hubby was jealous!
     
  8. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    The bed now feels Big!!!

    My husband has lost under around a stone and half and has been very encouraging all along so I would think it has brought us much closer together, both physically and mentally as he now knows how difficult it is to lose weight never having had a problem himself for years and not really had one to talk about, just lost his tum-tum and has become more health aware.

    Unlike Ann; I have not caught up with him and he still leaves me behind in the walking...I have wee short legs:( I do try...

    My husband feels he is getting back the women he married.:rolleyes:

    He use to tease...that if he had a before and after photo before he got married it would of influenced him...he thought this was funny ha! ha! somehow I did not share his sense of humour...still not laughing at that one:(

    I am sure all men feel a little threatened that they might get traded in for a newer model...for with losing the weight comes a new confidence and I guess it takes a bit of getting use to on both sides.:D

    Love Mini xxx
     
  9. Libbie

    Libbie Silver Member

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    Oh Ann being dressed by a gorgeous Italian mmmmmmmmmm
    When are you going back hehehehe
    Its funny but this morning I was with Pete talking to a friend about weight and I just thought so said to him that all the time we have been together 26years this is the first time I have been lighter then him I am 2.5st lighter,never thought about it till then.(hope that thought will make him go back to doing CD 100%)
    Can not say it has changed our marriage much.
    The one thing it has changed is that I do most of the dog walking now and belle gets more walks.
     
  10. Purple Hugs

    Purple Hugs Loves weight.. training!

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    Hmm.. i'd have had your feelings there too! I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt your feelings.

    You're right about men feeling threatened sometimes... lets just give them skinny cuddles when we're thinner eh!? lol

    I must admit Graham has always said it doesn't make any difference.. but there is the fact it DOES.. to ME! Long gone are sexy undies, and sexy nightclothes.. that is my one aim.. i've bought new bra's and undies, but nothing extravagent.. except maybe one bra that was £40+ from debenahams.
    But as for night clothes.. i'll wait till next spring! lol it's getting too cold soon! :eek: :D
     
  11. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    Well, I was skinny when we married!

    He is just telling it the way he sees it...

    "In his old age he says in his defense that beauty is only skin deep, it is the layers of fat underneath is the problem."

    He is home for lunch just now and this is what he says...:rolleyes:

    Off to burn his dinner for him.

    Love Mini xxx
     
  12. desperate2lose

    desperate2lose Regular Member

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    This is amazing girls. I mean I have never dressed in front of hubby. I wonder if i will become an exhibitionist! I really cant imagine.
     
  13. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    How to look good naked?

    I have always felt the cold in bed as my husband is a bit of hedge hog when it comes to the bed clothes...he rolls himself around in the duvet and I spend most the night trying to get a corner of the duvet back...in the end I go to bed well prepared!

    He now reckons I put on more clothes than I take off:rolleyes:

    Once! when I had regained my figure after our son was born I thought I would spice up the bedroom antics after all the breast feeding and changing nappies and thought it was about time I brought a bit of romance back...

    So I went to a great deal of trouble and followed the advice of my friends and got dressed up in a beautiful expensive silk bra and knickers and suspenders, stockings and I had a long silk dressing gown on and high heels and he was busy reading his motor magazine and I walked into the bedroom thinking I was looking the bees knees and he looked up from his magazine and burst out laughing!

    Needless to say the moment was spoiled and that was the end of that...years later he told he he was embarrassed and did not know what to think!

    So a lot of misunderstanding can happen in the bedroom when your not very knowledgeable.

    The sexiest thing he sees me in now is my birthday suit and of course my sturdy Bridget Jones Knickers!

    Love Mini xxx
     
  14. desperate2lose

    desperate2lose Regular Member

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    loool mini

    That is petrifying. That is exactly what i was planing after i shed the weight. I have been married for 5yrs with no kids, but i feel like we have been married for years. Rekindling romance especially when we are both working long hours and the fact we cant go to dinner is hard. When you dont feel attractive, you just wonder why is he with you?

    Darn it..i need therapy methinks!
     
    Last edited: 18 September 2006
  15. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    Honestly I don't think any of those things really matter as deep down when someone loves you that is just it.

    You just fit together and I think it is something you can't really analyse.

    I do often wonder when I hear some of the antics my friends get up to it would be nice to try something new...but by the time we get to bed we are pretty much just fit for sleep!!!

    Weekends is what we look forward too and the odd quickie in between.

    I remeber before we got married and a friend of mine said to me..."you know when your married you won't be having sex every night of the week"!!!! I thought she was mad! LOL

    Having said that now he does do a Robbie Williams for me 'most mornings' and that does put a smile on my face.:D

    Here is a good article well worth a read and you might find your just normal like the majority of us married ones...:eek:

    NEWSWEEK COVER: No Sex, Please, We're Married

    Are Stress, Kids and Work Killing Romance? Sexless Marriages On the Rise: 15 to 20 Percent Of Couples Have Sex No More Than 10 Times a Year NEW YORK, June 22 /PRNewswire/ -- It's difficult to say exactly how manyof the 113 million married Americans are too exhausted or too grumpy to get iton, but psychologists estimate that 15 to 20 percent of couples have sex nomore than 10 times a year, which is how they define sexless marriage, reportsAssistant Managing Editor Kathleen Deveny in the June 30 Newsweek cover story,"No Sex, Please, We're Married," (on newsstands Monday, June 23). And evencouples who don't meet that definition still feel like they're not having sexas often as they used to. Despite the stereotype that women are more likely tododge sex, it's often the men who decline. The number of sexless marriages is"a grossly underreported statistic," says therapist Michele Weiner Davis,author of "The Sex-Starved Marriage. Here is the link for the rest of the article....http://www.prnewswire.com/cgi-bin/m...tory/06-22-2003/0001969545&EDATE=Jun+22,+2003

    I like this article why women might prefare chocolate ?

    Women & Chocolate
     
  16. demon

    demon Cambridge Diet Counsellor

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    Guess I've been really lucky 'cos that's exactly how it is for us. Mr.D has always made me feel wanted and special whatever size I've been and believe me he's seen my size go up, down and inbetween over the past 33 years, but mostly it's been up [​IMG]

    The problem has never been with our relationship - it's been with how I've felt about myself and because he understands that he's been fantastically supportive whenever I've tried to address it.............truthfully wouldn't have been a fraction as happy without him :)
     
  17. chicken on a mission

    chicken on a mission Restarting to lose 4stone

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    My marriage hasn't really been affect by my size as such, what it has been affected by is my confidence in myself.

    I am lucky enough to have a husband that loves me as much as I love him and he has been distressed at my disgust at my size but has never given a damn about it himself.
     
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  19. lump2lush

    lump2lush Still at it!

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    Been together 33 years ???? Wow
     
  20. lump2lush

    lump2lush Still at it!

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    Mine has changed,,,:confused: I think, then it could be me like it was beofre :eek: ..mmmm Surley it can not be me all the time huh!!! Ok I'm working on it ,,
     
  21. Cheb

    Cheb Gold Member

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    Don't think our weight loss has changed our marriage, we're still as solid as ever 20years after our first meet.

    Undoubtedly though, aspects of our lives have changed. I'm quite a scoiable person but had lost a lot of confidence and didn't go out as often as I would have liked; now I have regained that and I'm always out and about. DH has also lost 6st but is a natural loner and so continues to stay home and chill. He does moan sometimes that I'm never around but I stand my ground and tell him that he is welcome to join me, after all I don't force him to come out and do something he's not happy to do so he shouldn't make me stay in and do something I don't want just to keep him company.

    We are both more enegetic and walk the dogs most evenings which used to be a chore but now we both enjoy it and it's 'our time' to catch up on the day.

    As for our lovelife......well lets just say we are re-discovering positions!! Funny thing is I really hadn't noticed how staid and routine we'd become!!!

    He has no worries about being traded in after all it's like I have a new hubby and he has a new wife. I like it when other women admire him cos it's good to know that he's all mine! He feels proud of me too and enjoys to 'show me off' nice thought but I know I'm a long way from being a trophy wife!!!:D
     
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