How do I deal with this one?

[Sez]

Those of you who have read mymany and varied posts will perhaps recall, that my sister is the one person who has yet to comment on (in any way) my weight loss so far. My LLc says that this says far more about her than it ever says about me!

We have always had a volatile relationship, and although I love her and would see no-one ever hurt her, I accept we will never be close or possibly even friends. She often belittles me and my chosen lifestyle; I am not a career person, I chose to stay home with my children when they were small and I do not have huge career aspirations now. I have a small but happy home & I love my husband and kids dearly. (yuk! sounds like the Waltons.....:sign0137 She, on the other hand, is very driven, a solo lady, lives in the city and commands a huge freelance salary etc etc.

The problem I have is that in July she will be 40, and there is likely to be a "Do"arty0016: for her. Unknown to her about 25 of her London chums are descending on Weymouth for a weekend shindig, and It looks as tho there will be a 3 course sit-down meal for her and entourage. (As a surprise) How the heck do I avoid the food, which I really dont want because to pretend to eat would be such a huge waste of money. If I dont turn up, there will be ructions. If I turn up late, there will be rude derisory comments. I really am between a rock & a hard place here.


:help2::help2::help2::help2::help2::help2:

 

[Karen]

can u not ask them to make ur soup for u? it can be served with the other eaters and im sure tey wuldnt mind. just say u hav a dicky tummy if u dont wanna have to explain?

 

[SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue!]

ooooh, this is a tuff one.

I have read as you say above before that you two have a difficult realtionship and perhaps you are going to attend out of obligation to prevent any necessary upset etc.

Firstly I would work out what is the most important thing to you before you consider anything else, ie staying on the program as once off the wagon it's harder to get back on, how much you have achievied so far and how far it could potentially put you back. Maybe even use a thought record or another tool you find helpful to work it out?

Then, when know deep down what it is you really want, work out how you can still meet your needs. Obvious answer is don't go - evidence for this is that your sister has not been supportive of your journey or weight loss and even been hurtful. Therfore why should you feel breaking the plan is in your interests?

Or, you could go, stuck to your guns and have your packs whether that's sitting at the table while others eat or making self scarse and telling her and relevant others so. Up to you if come clean why or even be devious and fake emergency friend in need and take mobile call? By then even more food over etc etc.

Or you go ...... eat whether that's everything on offer or try hard knowing what the menu is in advance to pick the best options available. At the end of the day as one of the customers, you could speak to venue and ask if could do protein like fish/chicken on salad as a course. They could do a soup for a starter, not sure for dessert but I am sure you will not be the only one who passes on this and goes for coffee.

Bottom line, and I am sorry if this sounds like I am preaching (but am relating to myself who has recently fell offf the wagon, struggled to get back on and ate at a barbecue to fit in and please others!!!!!) BUT .... it's how much you want this goal and whether you are prepared to delay the prize by moving off the program.

You deserve so much to get there, you have done well and got through some scrapes. I am sure you would feel fab knowing that you sister one way or another had not called the shots and put you under pressure to eat even though of course it's our responsibility as adults whether we give in or not.

One thing I am not sure of is whether your sister or others who are there know you are on the program? If the do, it's easier than if have to pretend to eat.

Hope this ramble offers a few suggestions and somewhere along this thread you find a happy medium you feel comfortable with.

Please. Please make the decision based on what's right for you. It sounds like your sister would, don't make yourslef be second best.


Sam xx

 

[Sez]

Sam, Thank you!

Decision made, partly as a result of your post. I do not want to eat, at all. I have fallen off the LL wagon too, and am only just now getting myself together to continue this journey, which I am determined to see through to the end, this time. I think she knows what I am doing , although she has never asked me & I have not volunteered the info, mainly for fear of her acid tongued retorts!

You are also right when you say I may be going out of a sense of duty. I would prefer not to , but again, the verbal brickbats would fly thick & fast if I "couldnt be bothered " to turn up to her do.

Decision made, will turn up after they will have eaten most of their goodies, introduce myself and sip sparkling water, be social like the good elder sister that I am. If thats not enough for her, then I guess its just tough! MY life/health/happiness are only just beginning to come first for me and I am loving it too much!!

 

[Isis]

Sam, Thank you!

Decision made, partly as a result of your post. I do not want to eat, at all. I have fallen off the LL wagon too, and am only just now getting myself together to continue this journey, which I am determined to see through to the end, this time. I think she knows what I am doing , although she has never asked me & I have not volunteered the info, mainly for fear of her acid tongued retorts!

You are also right when you say I may be going out of a sense of duty. I would prefer not to , but again, the verbal brickbats would fly thick & fast if I "couldnt be bothered " to turn up to her do.

Decision made, will turn up after they will have eaten most of their goodies, introduce myself and sip sparkling water, be social like the good elder sister that I am. If thats not enough for her, then I guess its just tough! MY life/health/happiness are only just beginning to come first for me and I am loving it too much!!

Good for you!!! This is for YOU...xx

 

[DQ]

Sam, Thank you!

Decision made, partly as a result of your post. I do not want to eat, at all. I have fallen off the LL wagon too, and am only just now getting myself together to continue this journey, which I am determined to see through to the end, this time. I think she knows what I am doing , although she has never asked me & I have not volunteered the info, mainly for fear of her acid tongued retorts!

You are also right when you say I may be going out of a sense of duty. I would prefer not to , but again, the verbal brickbats would fly thick & fast if I "couldnt be bothered " to turn up to her do.

Decision made, will turn up after they will have eaten most of their goodies, introduce myself and sip sparkling water, be social like the good elder sister that I am. If thats not enough for her, then I guess its just tough! MY life/health/happiness are only just beginning to come first for me and I am loving it too much!!

The right decision for you - good on ya!

 

[Cherry Plum]

Well done Sez, that is the best decision, stick to your guns & you'll be proud of yourself.

 

[Goombagirl]

Decision made, will turn up after they will have eaten most of their goodies, introduce myself and sip sparkling water, be social like the good elder sister that I am. If thats not enough for her, then I guess its just tough! MY life/health/happiness are only just beginning to come first for me and I am loving it too much!!

Makes a lot of sense. Sounds like you won't be able to please her anyway, so why derail yourself by eating? Think of that holiday in Spain and all the people on Minimins cheering you on if things get a bit tense with your sister!

 

[Just Do It]

Hi Sez,
I think you've made a good decision. You are so right that if she doesn't like it then tough.

Can I just say that when I go out and socialize, I don't apologise or make a fuss, I just order a coffee and water, and drink them.
Most of the time everyone is too preoccupied to even notice. After one night out my husband woke up the next day cross because he thought I had had a meal as well as the rest of the family.

I'd only had a bar and water but he was convinced he saw me having pizza!!

Good luck with it.

Claire

 

[SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue!]

Sez,

I am so so plesed you have decided what is right for you.

You may wobble but stuck to your guns and feel fab after you have got through it.

Keep us posted

Sam xx

 

[debz32]

Well son Sez - do what is right for YOU - and to pot with everyone else.....sounds like your Sis isn't easy to please anyway so muck up your own plan by eating to please others.....?

hope the day isn't too difficult for you.......

love

Debz
xx

 

[faylolo]

well done you!! Enjoy the party arty0011: and think of all the calories you can burn up being scoial butterfly and anyway jealous sisters can be such a pain!