How do you find the willpower?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Lana, 4 October 2008 Social URL.

  1. Lana

    Lana Full Member

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    Firstly, sorry for the long post . I've tried every diet going, none have really worked for me, mainly because I don't have any willpower.

    I tried Lighterlife in Feb 07 and after 'cheating' every week I managed to lose 1.5 stone in almost 3 months. If I hadnt pinched food whilst cooking for Hubby I would probably have lost double that! Its was things like beetroot, olives and pitta breads. Easy food to grab that would leave a smell in the house so Hubby didnt know I'd cheated!

    I got married in May 07 and felt fabulous but it ended there, the weight slowly crept back on and before I realised, I was 2 stone heavier.

    I then lost a baby in Jan 08 and put on another half stone so I'm feeling pretty rubbish. I tried Lighterlife again for 3 weeks in Jun and left because my need for another baby was outweighing the need to lose weight.

    I'm still not pregnant and have hit rock bottom and I'm trying to decide whether to put a hold on trying for a baby and try LL again or am I kidding myself, I've failed before so will fail again!

    How do you guys find the willpower? Any advice would be much appreciated.

    :(
     
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  3. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Lana - I am so so sorry about your loss first of all. <huge gentle hugs>

    For me willpower has always been an issue. I have masses for the first few weeks, then it falters.

    WIth LL, I managed to saty 100% and hit my goal. That is a lifetime first for me....and I wish I could tell you how I did it..... I think we all reach a point in our lives, where we realise its time for no more excuses, etc., and we have to face the fact that if we want something bad enough, we HAVE to do what it takes. At the end of the day - its our hands that put the food in our mouths. Our brains let us do that. SO its a matter of being stronger then your mind - and taking control.

    I also found, I had a lot of personal issues around loss, guilt, regret, grief, etc., that I had never addressed. I did a lot of hard work last year, and faced those up to 20+ year old skeletons. I think that has made a huge difference. I did not need to rely so much on will power, as I had forgiven myself, and found it was easy to do the diet because I chose to - so will power never really came in to play?

    I hope that makes sense. (I'm on pain meds - my thoughts may be a bit garbled. ;))

    This will be an interesting thread.
     
  4. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Absolutely spot on there BL :clap:
     
  5. greentea

    greentea Full Member

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    lana ive given myself a really hard time over the last few weeks because every diet ive ever been on i have lost the will power, or rewarded my weight loss with food as a treat, now im rewarding myself with things to pamper myself.
    Now im just loving doing this for MYSELF, not because i have been told i should go on a diet.
    DO IT FOR YOURSELF, thats my advice.
     
  6. hippychicken

    hippychicken Full Member

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    i agree to BL it was time when i thought i cant keep going on like this, i knew i overate in first place and thought i have to change my way of life i was like i wanted to stop thinking how great life would b if i was slim and start having a great life cause i am! if that makes sence
     
  7. babs11

    babs11 Full Member

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    hi lana, sorry for your tough times and loss.
    i've never managed to lose any substantial weight in the past never stuck to any diet and the weight has just crept up over the years.

    i'm almost halfway thru the 14 weeks and have lost 25lbs so far and have so far stuck to it 100%. don't know whats different for me thats made me stick to this diet, i know i was addicted to eating and was at the point of getting absolutely no joy from it.
    i have to travel an hour each way to my llc and also the cost is streching us so i just feel if i cheat i may as well just pack it in, i cant go thru this to only spoil it for a mouthfull of something.

    i have a 3 year old so have to cook for him and sometimes feed him, i cant tell how strong the urge is just have a bite of his dinner also my husband is a chef and cooks the most wonderfull food (he's indian so lots of delish curry's)
    i just keep telling myself its not forever and clothes becoming loose so quickly is so encouraging.

    can you not do the diet and continue trying for a baby? i dont know if thats possible, i have fertility issues so very unlikely to fall naturally but it did happen once (sadly mc) so not impossible.

    i think you have to be in the right frame of mind to begin this and as my friend keeps telling me it doesn't matter if i dont finish the 14 weeks if i lose some weight its all better than what i started at.

    good luck with whatever you decide.
    ps dont they say alcoholics usually relapse a few times before they succeed. dont let the fact that you struggled last time mean that you cant do this, you can.
    xxx
     
  8. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Get started, the other things will follow

    Hello Lana,
    My heart goes out to you over your sad loss earlier in the year. As with most of us who finally find LL it sounds as though you have multiple issues to deal with too.
    I found that I started out thinking LL was just going to be an "extreme diet which was expensive so better work" and it did.
    Very soon the psychology/CBT/counselling kicked in and became even more important. In fact I doubt youwill need to pay separately for therapy if you have a good LLC.
    You'll get to understand yourself so much better, youbecome happier and hopefully healthier and the maybe the baby will follow naturally when your mind and body are ready.
    I've lost 9st. 10lbs since Feb 08. Didn't think it was possible. :hug99:
    Good luck - the will power comes naturally if your head is in the right place.
     
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  9. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

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    Hi Lana,
    I'm really sorry. It sounds like you're having a rough time.

    I've tried various diets over the years and yet LL seems to be the only one where I haven't gone off the rails. I'm not sure if it's just the right time but I feel the time for me to shift this 10 stone I've been carrying around for 10 years needs to go. It's like it represents what happened in the time I put it on and now it's time to leave it behind.

    I was a very trim and athletic size 10 up until I was 21 when everything went wrong. I got a back injury and couldn't exercise any more. Sport was all I had known and done. I became massively depressed and ate like there was no tomorrow. I put on 10 stone in 18 months and gradually put on another 3 which has dropped off and been put back on again every few months. I was in huge amounts of debt and was drinking excessively every evening. I don't know how I managed to get up for work every day.

    My depression had me hospitalised on several occassions and I never thought I'd really get on top of it. I wanted to be slim for my 30th birthday but was incredibly unhappy and in extreme pain. On the day itself I took enough pain killers that I'd just be able to sleep through it as I had done every Christmas day. My Dad was dying of cancer and I was caring for him at home.

    But then I had some surgery on my back (having told them for almost 10 years there was a serious problem, finally they found it and fixed it!). Not being in agony all the time and in a drugged up haze was amazing and I felt myself coming back and actually starting to care about what I was doing with my life.

    After an awful Christmas (hate that time of year) my Dad died in February this year and it was such a wake up call. Seeing that life is so precious and wanting to have people say how much I'd done with my life when I die as they did about my Dad made me realise the time was now. And so I started LL. And I keep that thought close every time I think about going off track.

    I don't want to be the person who cared so much about everyone but never about herself. I want to be the person who lived her life and made the most of what she was given. And with LL I've been given my life back. It's about caring about myself. Being good to myself.

    My aunt died last month following a long illness. My boyfriend has cancer but is in remission. A 33 year old colleague died of cancer two months ago. All around are reminders that I never know what tomorrow's going to throw at me and it's my duty as a human being to be kind to myself.

    I'm almost at goal now and feel so different inside. I cry because I wish my Dad could see me happy. I cry that I've wasted 10 years of my life neglecting what could have been. But I don't look back too often. Now is what it's all about. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

    That's where I get my will power from. Find your thought to keep in your head. The baby you want. The baby you lost. Whatever will keep you going, find it. And it'll help you along the way. Not just the thought of those size 10 jeans!
     
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  10. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    What a wonderful post Rachel - thanks for being so open and honest. I can relate to much of what you say as well. Just last week I was having a tearful moment wishing my dad could have seen me thin,..but maybe he does now.

    Bless you - you have a lot on your plate.

    <hugs>
     
  11. dalite

    dalite Full Member

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    I started LL nov 07 lost 4.5 stone ( wanted to lose another 4.5)
    then everything went to pot and i put 3 back on.
    I started again on tuesday and even though ive got the flu and a period im still sticking to it.
    I started so many times as i had loads of packets left. The final straw was seeing my friend who started after me in size 12/14. She has lost 7 stone. So to answer your question the willpower came from jealousy i want so desperately to feel and look like her.
    So get jealous and get back to class now focus on yourself for a littlewhile. The baby will come when your most happy and relaxed and you will be able to lose some weight in the meantime.

    ps blonde logic OMG you are beautiful now ive got someone else to be jealous of. I just need you to come around at teatime when im feeding the kids just stand there so i wont get tempted.
     
  12. karmawitch

    karmawitch Full Member

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    Rachel, that was such an open and honest and emotional post. I wish I could give you a big hug.

    I too have lost my dad through cancer and have also seen my husband through bowel cancer (He's in remission now), the irony being that I am an Oncology/Palliative Care Nurse.

    But as you say, now is the time to focus on ME, I'm 45, I don't want to be fat anymore, I don't want to have diabetes or heart problems and I want to wear nice clothes and look nice going out.
     
  13. lynnwilliams

    lynnwilliams Silver Member

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    Aww all these posts bring tears to my eyes! i too lost my grandad and my dad, and i had an awful life being abused by boyfriends and also by a man that my mum was with when i was younger. I never cared about myself really. Not until i met my husband who calls me sexy and other nice loving names, tells me he loves me more than 3 times a day.Now i have LL and all you lovely people to help me through this hard time.
    All you have to do is think good thoughts and what you will look like once you are slim, and feel better than you do now. Your baby will come when your body is ready. I took wanted another child but i could not get pregnant for years. So i gave up on the idea. Now im a childminder, im happy to pass them back at the end of the day. I know how upsetting it is when you want something badly, and feel its never going to come. But it will. Use LL, it will be the best thing you ever did, stick to it 100%.When you feel you are going off the rails, just come on here and talk to people, they are so supportive. It is hard but i know it is easy to lose the weight.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXX
    All the best to you what ever you choose to do!;)
     
  14. annaphylactic

    annaphylactic Guess who's back...?

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    So so sorry to hear about your loss... I've had the same, and struggled to get pregnant again last year. One thing to remember is that losing weight and being healthier not only increases the chance of conceiving, but will also stand you in greater stead for the rest of the pregnancy... I don't know what clock is ticking for you, or even if there is one... but would 14 weeks make all the difference? If not, why not do foundation, give it your all and then look to getting pregnant... obviously, it is a VERY personal choice, it is just what I have done... i've decided to get myself in shape and then consider starting a family next year with any luck.
    Fingers crossed and baby dust for you x x x x
     
  15. Lana

    Lana Full Member

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    I'd just like to thank everyone for their helpful posts. I have realised I have other issues to deal with on top of my weight and I've taken the steps to help myself by self-referring back to my counselling which I never gave a chance.

    I have also taken the steps this morning to go back to LL. I have made my decision and I feel I am 100% focused and ready. I really need to lose this weight to make me feel happier inside.

    Thanks again everyone. You will no doubt here a lot from me over the coming weeks!

    x
     
  16. Big H

    Big H Silver Member

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    Some really powerful stuff in here.

    On the subject of Will Power, I just want to say that Will Power has a time limit, without any doubt. You cannot survive on Will Power for ever, because at some stage your subconcious will become more powerful than your Will Power. CD is a great tool (the best imo) to teach you control and allow you some respite from the binging, guilt , depression etc etc and allow you to address the real issues. So basically at some point we will all have to get to the route cause to succeed long term, will power is not enough!! The fact that we are here and on this journey means we are on the right path. CD is the easiest diet in the world. You don' have to do anything for yourself, no regulating, counting etc. Simply have your 3/4 packs per day and you will absolutely 100% lose weight - and what's more you won't feel hungry on the way!
     
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  17. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Absolutely Big H. Willpower is a bit of a myth anyway. Wait for willpower to arrive and you can be waiting for a long, long time.

    But it does give you an excellent reason for not staying on track.

    BTW, since this is the LL forum, read LL, instead of CD in all of the previous post by Big H ;)
     
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  19. Topcat

    Topcat Member

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    Hi Lana, well done for making those choices, it sounds like you're ready this time. I had six pregnancies in 5 years, won three and lost three. It really does mess up your head AND your body :cry:! I had some counselling and found it a terrific help, so I hope you do too. I have been fat literally since I was a baby, but have managed to lose 7 stone on LL over the last 7 months and am only half a stone away from goal now. It is lovely that my baby girl (who has just turned 1) will only know me as a 'slim mummy'! The other thing that has really helped me, as I have absolutely no willpower at all, is a simple 'tapping' therapy called EFT - you can find out about it on the internet (emofree.com) or look at YouTube for how to do it. You can literally learn in 5 minutes, even a child can do it. It helps to collapse all those old emotional issues that trip us up every time we try to do something positive like lose weight, and really helps me with stress, which is my trigger for eating. Works on a million other things as well, from phobias to headaches, it is just brilliant!
    Good luck, and let us know how you get on.
    TC x
     
  20. SweetySuperstar

    SweetySuperstar Full Member

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    Hello Lana,

    Firstly, so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost a baby in March 2003, and I found it so hard to get over the loss. I would literally cry myself to sleep every night. Had it not been for my husband being my absolute rock, I don't know what I would've done with myself.

    I then had a beautiful daughter, who has just turned 4 years old last week. I love her to bits and I thank God for her every day.

    Since getting married 6 yrs ago I have been very happy and content on the whole and my weight has slowly crept up and up and up, and I was 3 stone heavier upon starting LL than I was when I got married. I have tried various diets... not losing more than a few lbs and then giving up coz I'm not seeing results.

    When my daughter turned 2, in Oct 2006, we decided to try for another baby. It has been 2 years and I haven't become pregnant. I have made a lot of excuses to myself thinking maybe it's this and maybe it's that over the last two years. We have both been to the doc's and all test have come back clear. Finally I have acknowledged that it is more than likely that my increased weight is affecting my fertility. I was in denial before thinking 'oh but she's fat and she got pregnant' about various people I either knew or saw around. It took me just 3 months of trying to get pregnant with my daughter, and the only thing that is different this time is my weight... I can't tell myself any longer that everything is fine and it'll happen in time.

    So I have put baby no.2 on hold for a while, not just for the 14 weeks, but until I lose all my excess weight. I want to be a slim healthy mummy, not one that my daughter (and any future kids) get teased about in the playground. I want to be able to do activities with my kids. I want to be around to see them grow up, get married, have kids of their own. I don't want to live a half life, I want to live my life to the full. I want my husband to be proud of me, which he assures me he already is.. but no harm in being proud-er!

    I wish you the best of luck and love in whatever you choose to do :D
     
  21. annaphylactic

    annaphylactic Guess who's back...?

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    Sweety, that was a lovely, honest post. Thank you for sharing all that. I think you've made a good decision there - that is exactly where I am too... struggled to get pregnant... was even set to start fertility treatment, but they said it was most likely due to my weight, so that was that. I want to do it properly... not be in danger or high risk - and like you, I want to be a slim, happy, healthy mummy... and I want to be around when my kids have kids, and even when THEY have kids... lol. I'm going to be around FOREVER nagging them! Mwahahahaha ;o) x
     
  22. SweetySuperstar

    SweetySuperstar Full Member

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    Lol Anna,

    Isn't it funny how when we are young and our parents nag us, we think, god i would never nag my kids like that... but then when we actually become or start to think seriously about becoming mummies, this automatic 'nag switch' turns on... the amount of times i say something to my daughter and then think omg i just sounded exactly like my mum (bless her)!! hehehehe

    I am definitely going to see LL through... apart from any other reason to lose weight, to start or expand your family is such a key one! Hopefully in a few months we can both be posting on the pregnancy part of the forum!!!!!

    As I had NO probs getting pregs with my daughter (only took 3 months of trying!), I would love to be able to conceive a second baby naturally without having to go thru fertility treatment etc. And you know what, once you lose weight, you might find that you become pregnant naturally too! I feel soooooo motivated now!!!!

    Thanks so much Anna xxx
     
    Last edited: 9 October 2008
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