How do you handle known triggers??

Discussion in 'LL Maintenance' started by Poppysparkle, 27 January 2010 Social URL.

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  1. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    So, to keep a long story very short...my husband is pretty high maintenance. I know that when he upsets me I eat! He's made one of my babies (okay, she's 8!) cry tonight by being horrible to her. The way I look at it is that I would do anything to not see my babies upset. He seems to revel in it sometimes when he's in a bad mood or stressed and grumpy. Well, that makes me eat, and eat...etc!!! I have done so well, it's all gone **** up and he's upset everyone and I went straight to the bread cupboard and ate bread and butter x 3.?...why oh why??
     
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  3. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

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    Ooo Hugs Poppy! Not sure about the trigger coping thing. When I had those problems, I smoked like a trooper and didn't eat at all! My first 18 years was with an abusive alcoholic mother, my next 18 with a self centred, dominating control freak (who also found it better to take it out on me via the children) and my answer in the end was to divorce them both!

    I then had someone who spent 3 years spoiling me rotten and that's when I put the weight on (hence 40th birthday nearing 17 stone and hating the photos!!).

    I am so coming at your post from a different perspective, I'd get rid of the problem (him), but that's not easy and not very helpful I'm afraid. Something inside has to snap eventually and at the moment for you it's the elastic in your waistband. I really, really do send you hugs my lovely.
     
  4. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    Awww....bless you FT - you are a sweetheart!!

    I know a big part of when I eat (or drink!) is when he upsets me or the kids. He can be quite lovely for a large portion of the time, but then he can also be quite vile when he wants to too. We have an 18 month old who he adores and is perfectly lovely with...it's just when they start getting older, I think he expects too much from them!

    Anyway, I recognise why I'm eating, which I thought was half the battle...just now need to put some plan in place to get over the hump.

    We aren't speaking, which suits me as he always treats the kids lovely when we've fallen out! ;-)
     
  5. girloutdoors

    girloutdoors Full Member

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    For emotional triggers I find putting anything in place that stops me for a bit and gets away from the immediate feeling really helps. It's kind of about giving enough time to get back into Adult. Things I've used include keeping an "in case of emergency" letter to myself, or preparing or cooking something complex to eat so by the time I've got it ready I don't want it anymore and freeze it.

    The other option is to keep food at the ready that you can eat when triggered - a big tub of sugar free jelly in the fridge, or frozen fruit to blend with water into a sorbet, etc.
     
  6. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    Hi Poppy
    I don't have answers I'm afraid - my hubby has a very short fuse and we bicker like kids a lot of the time. We have always been the same and depending on the time of the month I can cope with it/'enjoy' even, or I can be exhausted by it.
    I just can't leave it - if i ignored him when he starts my life would be so much easier, but I'm no doormat, and refuse to be one!
    Trouble is I will eat if I'm peed off - then I feel rubbish cos I've eaten etc etc!

    I get in a defiant and say 'sod it I will eat what I like' in some strange way to punish him - only it doesn't, it just makes me feel rubbish. I know it will, but I still do it anyway. Time and time again.

    Let me know if you find any answers.....

    daisy x
     
  7. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    Heya... I guess... we will all have triggers of some sort and often the way we deal with difficult situations is by relying on a mechanism which we have developed when we were very little.
    If you watched 'My Big Fat Diet Show' - maybe you will recall a lady who absolutely adored cheese. Was it cheese? I'm not sure. But either way, her story was, that when she left India, she was forced to leave her Granny behind... as a way to deal with it, she remembered her mum giving her some food to deal with her anguish of missing the family member... ever since then, without her realising, the cheese became her source of comfort for all situations. Whenever she ate the substance it made her feel warm.
    Same with the man addicted to Coke.... His mum gave it to him in a baby bottle for crying out loud!

    The way to deal with it... If you don't want to turn to food in a difficult situation - at first, the technique to use is, get a glass of water ready. Have your trigger (denying the comfort food at first will ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE MENTALLY) - but in between every mouthful have a big sip of water. It will start breaking that strict reliance on the pure hit from the trigger.

    Have a go at that for a few weeks... Once that cycle is broken, maybe then, the rest will follow and you will be able to address your difficult situations in a more constructive manner... I gave up my vices too - and after a while I started seeing actual ways to build bridges rather than running away and ignoring the cracks in the mortar.

    Wishing you courage and strength.
    x Hang in there.
     
  8. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    i'm going to try that - it might just work.
    cheers min
    daisy x
     
  9. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    Good advice there Min. I shall have to try that next time I'm in a difficult situation.
     
  10. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    I hope you don't mind me joining in this thread. I was on CD and like hearing about how other people maintain. *waves*

    I am trying to think of it like remapping my thought processea. Before hungry/lonely/tired/happy/whatever = eat, now I'm literally trying different actions in the hope it becomes a habit. When I get home from work, the first thing I do is have a shower, not head to the kitchen to think about what to cook for dinner.
     
    Last edited: 30 January 2010
  11. Sean(JSF)

    Sean(JSF) Making it all add up

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    Great thread & some excellent advice :)
     
  12. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    I've noticed that physical triggers are easier to deal with for me than emotional ones.

    Bread for me now I've discovered is a trigger and I am sooooo trying to avoid it. I can avoid milk easily (it gives me sinus headaches) so it's so easy to avoid because I just have to think about how awful the headaches feel and then it's not worth it. I just need to get the same mental attitude with bread.

    I've also discovered that my barriers are not so robust when I'm cold. I know it sounds odd but I just get so upset when I'm feeling so cold. If I come home and the heating has not been on for some reason I know I will never heat up no matter what. My place is old and draughty at the best of times. It takes hours to heat it up and if I start out cold I just knwo I'll spend the whole evening feeling miserable. That makes me head to the fridge. I've no idea why. I think I somehow feel that nobody takes how miserable the cold makes me seriously. So it's not so much about the feeling of being cold. It's the feeling that my wellbeing is being ignored and when I complain about the cold I feel I'm not being listened to. I think it goes back to feelings as a child, feelings of not being taken seriously or listened to.

    I've not got any brilliant answers or advice for anyone. Just wanted to get down how this makes me feel. It might help with avoiding it in future.
     
  13. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Strange isn't it Poppy. When someone upsets us we tend to turn to food - to punish THEM?
    How do we rationalise that?
    All we do is punish ourselves and then regret it.
    I'm afraid I have very little time for people who bully children, mentally or physically. They should pick on someone who can defend themselves. I hate seeing people make children cry. It makes me sad inside.
     
  14. susianna

    susianna Full Member

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    I too can relate to this and bread is what I go for too but I also love crumpets so generally try and reach for those instead, I know its not solving the issue of emotional eating (great advice Min by the way will try that) but I feel its kind of damage limitation and I don't feel quite so bad.

    x
     
  15. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    Personally, I don't cut my triggers out... Not to the point of deprivation of them - but with some triggers I've retrained my brain not to depend on them anymore (so essentially I don't have them because I don't want them) - I used to be an absolute pasta addict and a heavy smoker. Sometimes I'd crave vast amounts of chocolate chip cookies. Now I can't even face pasta anymore (it's disgusting), I hate the smell of tobacco, and chocolate is so utterly sweet it hurts to eat it?

    I've worked on myself for long enough (granted it took about a year of intensive work with my emotional needs, self control and discipline)... I no longer look to those triggers, and in fact have started to have non-food based outlets, going for a walk is more therapeutic, or listening to some music. In times of extreme emotional stress I do still sometimes crave chocolate and sugar (even though I don't like sweet things anymore). I have a tiny bit in those times - I either do the 'Chocolate Tasting Club' with my boyfriend, or have a spoonful of honey. One is usually enough to satisfy and calm the frenzy.

    While I don't like snacks such as crisps and stuff - there are times when I have a bit to stop 'wanting'. Conventional society rules sort of ... MAKE you want a lot of things you probably should not eat. It's strange how deep these social norms do penetrate our psychological state - and a lot of the time I can easily say no and not buy what THEY tell me I "need". ... Sometimes though, the desire to have some 'nasty food' is overwhelming, and at a party, I don't deny myself the odd Dorito/Pringle/Chocolate truffle. We're all human. Just have a little bit - in moderation. Denial of these items in a cold-turkey sort of way will only make things psychologically worse and may lead to bingeing behaviour in the long term.

    So be MIND-HEALTHY above all!! :D
     
  16. CalicoSoneji

    CalicoSoneji Full Member

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    I find at the moment im also craving bread more than anything!
    I really fancy a nice bit of toast right now - but i wont give in!
     
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