I am being soooooooooo tested!!!

[Chelsea Lou]

I do admire you and the way you are coping with all the horrible stuff that's been happening to you. One strong woman there though and a great example to Jess. Being able to deal with the downs and still standing - good for you. Hope things get much better soon.

Aw thanks so much. My aim for today, apart from doing CD 100% is to get through without welling up. It was awful yesterday. Just could not stop crying. People at work were just scared to talk to me and a man came to the apartment last night to measure up and quote for vertical blinds and I had to tell him I had a stinking cold cos I was so red eyed and snotty lol.

On a slightly more positive note, I really feel that by all this happening without the usual 'comfort' tools to help me cope, I am maturing as a person. I have felt in the past that I revert to child-like behaviour and want someone/something to make it all go away. I am wondering, because I am so distraught, if all this isn't deferred grief through losing my mum and my sister? Obviously on both occasions I was extremely upset but used the usual things to help me through. All this has come as quite a surprise. I just thought I was going to lose weight, not go on such a voyage of self-discovery. Anyone else having the same experience?

 

[Katycakes]

It's definitely NOT just you!!! I really identify with what you say about our usual coping mechanisms dulling down the feelings when life throws something bad at us. I lost my lovely dad just over a year ago & didn't cope really, though I thought I was... that & the stress of looking after my mum who is elderly, unwell and quite 'difficult' in many ways just tipped me over the edge and by the end of the year I was basically eating myself to death. (Trust me I had tried the other 'crutches' too but found over the years food worked best for me).
Since starting CD at the end of November 08, I have had to handle my emotions in the raw, and that has not been easy. But facing difficult stuff and learning to keep on going has made me feel stronger than I have ever been. I too have always wanted to be looked after - maybe that's a factor in this addictive thing, don't know. So losing the person who always looked after me no matter what & the comfort-blanket of binge eating... to become a grown-up (who wants to be that?) and a carer for someone you know you can never really please... that was hard.

But maybe growing up is not so bad. Chelsea, you can do this. And tears are healing, so if you need to cry, then cry... time for us to face the way we feel. Big hugs.
xxx

 

[Chelsea Lou]

It's definitely NOT just you!!! I really identify with what you say about our usual coping mechanisms dulling down the feelings when life throws something bad at us. I lost my lovely dad just over a year ago & didn't cope really, though I thought I was... that & the stress of looking after my mum who is elderly, unwell and quite 'difficult' in many ways just tipped me over the edge and by the end of the year I was basically eating myself to death. (Trust me I had tried the other 'crutches' too but found over the years food worked best for me).
Since starting CD at the end of November 08, I have had to handle my emotions in the raw, and that has not been easy. But facing difficult stuff and learning to keep on going has made me feel stronger than I have ever been. I too have always wanted to be looked after - maybe that's a factor in this addictive thing, don't know. So losing the person who always looked after me no matter what & the comfort-blanket of binge eating... to become a grown-up (who wants to be that?) and a carer for someone you know you can never really please... that was hard.

But maybe growing up is not so bad. Chelsea, you can do this. And tears are healing, so if you need to cry, then cry... time for us to face the way we feel. Big hugs.
xxx

Big hugs to you too. I think you have done such an amazing thing and it is hard, scary but hopefully the best thing that will happen to us xxx