I am so disappointed in myself

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by annaphylactic, 12 December 2008 Social URL.

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  1. annaphylactic

    annaphylactic Guess who's back...?

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    *INC FOOD TALK*

    Arghhh. It was going to happen eventually (well, I was hoping it wouldn't to be honest, but I'm trying not to beat myself up and just leap back on the horse)... I lapsed.

    It wasn't anything major, but it was enough for me to have regrets... my OH left a dish from the chinese in my fridge and there were a few different pieces of protein in it, and i found myself wiping them free of the other bits, and munching on about 3 little pieces... my friend was round, and totally flabbergasted - I would never have done this home alone.... no idea what happened - it was literally like needing a 'fix', I couldn't stop myself.

    Then we started baking. Oh good lord. Making about 50 fairy cakes for my Bond party tonight, and I was testing the mixture (literally pinhead amounts on my fingertip) and when they were cooked had about a third of a cake.... again, my friend couldn't get over it.

    I hope to god my indiscretions haven't b*ggered my chances for losing this week... I gulped down loads of water after, and my pack - I was literally a woman possessed, and it was terrifying.

    I hate the fact I enjoyed it so much and am so so scared about being around food again now. I am going to get my foundation book out tomorrow (I have no spare minutes today with party etc) and read through again - get my goals back into mind.

    Until a second before I was such a hardcore I WILL NOT LAPSE person - and in the next breath, I had. Arghhhhh. Not a conscious decision at all - and def not adult... rebellious to the extreme :( Arse.

    Right.

    Sorry - just needed to tell 'people' - otherwise I wouldn't feel bad enough and I need some pepping.

    (PETE - If you read this - OMG your new santa avatar is brilliant!!!! You really crack me up!)

    A x
     
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  3. vintella

    vintella Full Member

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    hey anna
    well done for coming and 'fessing up'
    such a little blip shouldnt mess up your weight loss to much, i know party food can be tough, i had my babys first birthday a few weeks ago and made about 100 f..... c.....
    you did the right thing though, drinking water and keeping up with the packs. your such a strong woman we all know you can do this
    just wanted to give you a hug and say get right back on it lady!! (wink)
    to warn you it may be a bit tough tonight with lots of ppl around just try and remember why your doing this and enjoy the party too!!!
    ella
    x
     
  4. annaphylactic

    annaphylactic Guess who's back...?

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    Thank you Vintella - yeah, I am dreading tonight... it's essentially a normal night in my local bar (albeit with decorations, a DJ and people dressed up as furry white cats, secret agents etc)... so it won't be too tough apart from the cocktails and the nibbles. My OH will be with me, so I should be ok - don't want him to be disappointed in me, so I will stay strong.

    At the end of the day, this is for ME. I am not doing it to prove anything to anyone, and it's not benefiting anyone but me (and my OH indirectly ;)), but even so... last night affected no one but me.

    Back on the horse, and just hope I don't fall off again. I am banning all food stuffs from my house again after tonight.

    A x x
     
  5. MandyLupton

    MandyLupton Gold Member

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    Anna, you've done so well I'm sure this little blip won't stop you from achieving your goals.
    Have a fabulous night tonight , can't wait to see the piccies!!!!!
     
  6. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Aw Anna - don't beat yourself up - just see it as an opportunity to learn from a mistake - that will onyserve you well in the future.

    Be careful tonight - we all know how easy it is to say, "Well, I've already had *this* or *that* so I may as well go all out tonight and start again tomorrow...." No reason to start right now! As you are doing!!

    Hang in there kiddo - its just a minor blip. :)

    XX
     
  7. Tange

    Tange Silver Member

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    Anna,

    Sh*t happens, and to agree with BL, don't say to yourself I will be good again tomorrow, be good from right now. And if your child ego state starts giving you ideas keep asking it "Why not now?"

    I am sure I am saying this for nothing I just know you will be good.

    Enjoy the party!
     
  8. Guy

    Guy Likes to lurk

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    :(

    Sorry to hear that Anna but like others have said, get back on track right now and just put it down to a learning experiance. You won't have put weight on and you're probably not out of ketosis and even if you were, it wouldn't take long for you to go back in.

    This is what I will say. What you do right now will define the person you have become since starting LL. Don't look at it as the old you coming back. Look at it as the new you taking control. :)

    I might have to start with the Churchill quotes in a minute.
     
  9. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    oooh - I like that! I must remember that saying. :)
     
  10. annaphylactic

    annaphylactic Guess who's back...?

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    Thank you Guy - very wise - I like it :)

    Thank you everyone - I will grasp control and hopefully not let yesterday dictate anything for tonight. Yikes.

    A x
     
  11. Guy

    Guy Likes to lurk

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    No worries.

    Yesterday?? What happened yesterday? I didn't see anything.... Nothing to see here..... //waves hand.....move along, move along..... ;)
     
  12. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    Hey Anna, that's such a little blip so don't worry about it hun, I'm sure that you won't have gained, and you'll be fine (as well as looking fine ;) ) at your party tonight!

    Have a great time, and enjoy yourself (but NO butt-naked dancing around young lady, save that for at home, OK? :p )


    PS: glad the new av. made you laugh :D
     
  13. catznolan

    catznolan nearly there!! :)

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    hope ur feeling better now hunni. put it behind u, and stick to 100% ss xxx
    have a good time tonight xxx
     
  14. SerenityValley

    SerenityValley Surgically happy.

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    Anna, write down how you felt when you ate and how you felt afterwards. Write down how you feel now. Write down how you expect to feel if you lapse again.

    Use how you feel Anna, to make sure that no matter how tempting it is you KNOW it's not worth it.

    *huge huggles*

    Tell your other half not to leave food in your fridge - it's not his fault you lapsed but you can reduce the temptation.
     
  15. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hi Anna...

    On Beks thread, you asked, "What the heck is going on!!??"

    So, nbot to hijack her, I thought I would post here.

    Just running a few thoughts - and I am guessing that maybe part of what is going on - is that are just getting ahead of yourself a wee bit - riding the wave of excitement....

    Here is where you are:

    Thru development
    Near goal
    A new look
    New boyfriend
    Lots of strokes
    Parties
    Holiday plans

    I know I would be on such a high having all of those things happening at the same time, that I coulod quite easily get caught up in the euphoria, and begin to believe, "Ya know - I feel SO good, SO MUCH BETTER then years past - Maybe I AM done...." It was like that a little for me, though I managed not to lapse - which is not always the best thing, because you can now use this opportunity to learn from it and I am only reallly starting the learning now ;) .....hard to say which is the better way really.

    But I know I started falling for all the wonderful ideas I had going on in my head - until i finally realised WHOAAAA......I still have a way to go!!!

    Its natural to push ahead when we are feeling so happy and so high - its a contagious thing, and one just wants to live life and enjoy it all, forgetting that they are int he midst of work, that its not recess yet!! lol

    I don;t know if any of this rings for you - but just some thoughts I had.

    Be strong tonight - remember what committments you made to yourself - and above all others, you need to be true to yourself first.

    Enjoy al the strokes you get tonight and let them serve as reinforcements to remind you that you do not have to have food to feel good.

    Its a very tough time when you start nearing your goal - and you are gtting stroked everywhere you go....it just koind of plays havoc with your head. SO just refocus - remind yourself you are NEARLY done - but not yet - and get back in the groove.

    THEN - all those wonderful things await you at the end.

    Hope that helps in some small way.

    Have fun tonight - you can do it!!

    xx

    (do it because you are worth it - not because you would feel humiliated - you deserve this gift you are giving yourself. )

    x
     
  16. emzski

    emzski Full Member

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    Sorry Im a bit late on posting.

    I think when I had my lapse it was due to what BL said, I was getting loads of strokes, feeling great, getting close to goal etc and I let it go to my head. I just ate. I decided straight after I was going back on just shakes for 4 days because I was sure I had come out of Ketosis. I too was like woman possessed and it scared me but as everyone said you lean from your mistakes. I learnt straight away it was a bad habit something went to my mouth and I kept going with no control, I didnt let myself think abotu what I was doing. I was lucky enough still too lose that week but I have learnt that I can stop myself thinking about what Im doin by walking about picking. Ive learnt to stop and make myself think. Write it down and go over it.

    Im sure you have come out the other side and will continue to goal and through RTM.

    xx
     
  17. bekimo

    bekimo Fighting Demons....

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    Hiya Anna,

    Sorry I've not posted on here sooner. I have been having a little lapse of my own and I've only just made it back on here to check all the posts I have missed!
    I honestly and truly believe it is the time of year!
    Everything is focused on food and drink and cooking etc... and it's totally understandable that our minds drift that way too. I guess that many LLers drift off momentarily at all of this food focus. The important thing, is to work out why it was so important and get back on track. I know that you can do it honey. You have just been so excited about the progress you are making. And reaching your goal.

    And if all else fails, get your tongue pierced. The last thing you'll be thinking about is food!! :D:D:D

    B x
     
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