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I can't cope anymore.

Ok, basically i'm a binge eater, compulsive eater & food obsessed.
I crave food if i see it on a picture/tv/think about it and don't know when to stop.
I also do little exercise as i'm a recovering agraphobic since bein (badly) assaulted just under 3 years ago at school. At the time I weighed 8 stone.
I'm 16 yrs old and i weigh just under 11 stone. I'm 5 foot 3. This time 2yrs ago, I weighed almost 14 and a half stone. My ankles had seized up and my back ached. I simply cut down on food but still had treats etc then started walking my dog when i felt able to and also filling up on salads and not eating late at night (1 of my biggest downfalls!)
At the biggining of this year I was 9 stone and 13 pounds, but due to my depression, agraphobia and binge eating getting bad again due to a knock in my confidence, i've gained a stone.
Im desperate to get back to that weight and my ultimate goal is 9 stone or less.
I have no idea what to do.. it feels like i've bein trapped for the past 6 months in a binge cycle - i can't stop.
I'm useless at calorie counting and find it triggers me to binge if i get the calorie amount too high, i've kept a food diary for a year and a half which doesn't seem to bother me, i thought it'd stop me craving/binging but it doesn't.
I'm in counselling (have bein for a year) but binge everytime i get home from it from the stress of going out as the boys who assaulted me regulary are around the estate and call me fat etc and harrass me. i also self harm and have recently started thinking about suicide.
I've never thrown food up however have started trying to. I also am a member of several pro anorexia forums, but i'm too weak to starve myself.
It's torture. I'm trapped & so desperate to get out. I can't go anywhere like this. I feel disgusting.
I don't know what to do. I'm considering asking the doctor for anti depressants or weightloss pills.
Also i've recently bein sabatoging myself for no reason. EG: today. ate healthy til 10pm then binged on 2 cheese and salad wraps when i wasn't hungry, i just had a huge urge to.
Any advice please? I'm going literally insane. My mind is numb constantly. I blush, sweat, shake in public, (which is not often as i only go out once a week at the most) i can't cope bein this big. I feel like people are disgusted just from looking at me. I want to be normal! thankyou so much.
Chels x
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S: 18st1lb C: 13st9lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 29.9 Loss: 4st6lb(24.51%)
Firstly Hugs. Sounds like you've had a crappy time especially being so young.

Secondly, I think you should go back to your Dr and just take a print off of your post. You don't need to say the words then because I have a feeling that would be very hard to say to someone face to face. You need more help than you are getting, additional counselling or maybe a different kind of approach altogether.

Please don't go down the anorexic or bulimic routes. Its often about control, you feel you have little and your diet is one area that you can suddenly control except thats not what happens because in the end its controlling you too.

YOU HAVE TAKEN SOME CONTROL BACK BY JOINING MINIMINS AND ASKING FOR HELP. I doubt anyone of us has all the answers but there will be so many people ready to listen, support and offer advice.

Please go back to your Dr's and also tell your counsellor exactly what you have told us.

Take care

S: 20st9lb C: 20st1lb Loss: 0st8lb(2.77%)
As CC says above. Go back to the Dr or tell your councillor. It will help, I promise. It took me til I was 34 to tell anyone about my bingeing. I thought people would hate me for it, but they didn't. Good luck.

Oli x
S: 18st4lb C: 10st10lb G: 11st2lb BMI: 20.9 Loss: 7st8lb(41.41%)
Big, big hug. CatCrazy is right - please, please go back to your doctor and take a print off of your post with you. I can't imagine what you must have been through, you are now among friends.
Hi and welcome. You have had great advice from the other posters.

I am so pleased you have joined us. Please talk to your doctor and your counsellor and tell them everything.

Irene xx
S: 17st8lb C: 17st8lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 45 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
Hello hun

I really 100% agree with everyone who has posted here, you really should talk to your Dr and Counsellor about how you are feeling, there are ways of helping you get through this... Good luck anyways hun and dont forget we are all here for you to talk to if ever you need us!! :) x
Big hugs and kisses
Firstly I think food isn't your biggest problem. You have to make yourself happy first. Do things that you enjoy. For example take your beautiful doggie for a walk and sit down in a park and look at nature. See the beautiful in all the stuff around you. Ignore the bullies because the are jelous that you have something they don't have that's why the bug you. You have to be happy with yourself first before you diet. Make your favourite meal sit down and eat slowly. Appreciate each mouth full and with each next bite think that if you take another bite will it make you happy in the long run. Taste each bite and think is it really that tasty. Then try a healthy option like a fresh salad. Taste each bite and think to yourself how good it tastes. And how healthy it will make you feel in the long run. Have fun. Remember food is emotional.xx
S: 19st3lb
Hey :)
I can totally relate to pretty much all of the stuff youve written about, and I can honestly say it takes a very brave person to share all your inner problems, so well done :D

I SH, binged, was suicidal, and was on anti depressants, and it was mainly because I was deeply unhappy with my weight, and the way I looked.

I only managed to stop because I fell in love and have 2 wonderful children, but I know what a horrible and lonely time it can be if you feel like you have no one around you.

I urge you to deffo go back to your GP. They can talk you through your options re anti depressants, councillors, weight loss tablets etc, you will find something that suits you :)

Feel free to message me if you ever want a chat :) xxx
S: 11st8lb C: 11st8lb G: 8st0lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
awwwwww, firstly please dont get yourself down by these guys, theyr bullies and pathetic... though i understand, its easier said then done.
secondly, i think everyone can relate to your food problems but you need to remind yourself there are people with more weight than you who have managed to get to a good weight with just abit of commitment.... just try to eat healthily and more importantly a SMALL amount for a day or two and you will feel less hungry and less in need of food. Also have you tried the gym? think that would help.... dont feel down and try changing your food habits, itl be hard at first, i know that personally.. but itl get better... iv just started a diet which consists of eating healthily and its the 6th day today and i feel much better about myself than i did before... I hope you find the motivation and are able to commit to losing weight because the best way to answer the guys back who are being nasty is by losing weight and shutting them up!

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