I don't feel any different - what next?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Cake'n'eat it, 11 February 2007 Social URL.

  1. Cake'n'eat it

    Cake'n'eat it Full Member

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    :confused: After 16 weeks on abstinance and 4 stones gone I can see I am in smaller clothes but other than my double chin, I look down at myself and I don't see much difference. I still have a wobbly tummy and flesh around my bottom. I have found the last 3 or 4 weeks really hard and have had a couple of lapses.
    I wasn't sure I could get through this weekend so yesterday I went and had all my hair chopped off. It was quite long and I've had it cut into a bob. It has me feel different. This morning I went through my wardrobe and drawers and sorted out two black bin bags of size 16 and 18 clothes. I have put them into the bottom of my wardrobe because I am too scared to let go.
    I have only 6lbs now to go until I reach my goal so surely this should be the best bit but in a strange way I feel sad and scared and a bit out of control. My LLC says there maybe something subconsciously that makes me not want to reach my goal. How do I get to the bottom of that? What deomon is lurking within that doesn't want me to be fit and healthy.
    The other thing is I am disappointed. I always thought that if I lost weight I would see someone beautiful looking back but the truth is the vision I expected just doesn't exist, so I just can't feel happy about what I've achieved. I would have my before and after photos done for 2 reasons. The first is that I feel to ashamed to acknowledge what I had allowed myself to become and the second is that I won't like the new me until I reach my end goal.

    I am dreading management in so many ways - I looked at Amanda Janes pot and thought - ' I could never be so in control'. At the same time I am desparate to eat again.

    Gosh my head is all over the place. I have 10 days left on abstinance and then management. If any of you have tips on how to get myself into the right frame of mind I would be ever so grateful.
     
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  3. mags1x

    mags1x mags

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    This seems to be something that affects pretty much all of us....

    i have lost 50 pounds and still don't feel I look much different, but logic tells me; you can't lose all that weight and look the same!! but the mirror just looks the same to me..... i suspect part of it is that I didn't really look in the mirror before, whereas I scrutinise it now.

    You have done so well, and if you do exactly what they tell you throughout management and check in regularly afterwards to get weighed, there is no reason why you can't spend the rest of your life a healthy weight!

    Rumour has it the brain catches up eventually and DOES see the difference, something to do with the weight going so quickly or something....

    I have to admit when I looked in the mirror properly this morning (after having a conversation only yesterday about this with a friend) and taking time to look closely.... I don't think I look slimmer, but I DO think I look more proportional and maybe even taller, which is pretty much the same thing as looking slimmer but my brain still won't acknowledge it!

    Just try to think as rationally as you can and take all the advice and support you can from your class and counsellor. Bring it up at your session and I'll bet any money most of the others have similar fears and feelings!

    You are not alone in this and you ARE normal!

    mags
    xxx
     
  4. In search of me

    In search of me Silver Member

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    I'm only just at the start of my journey so unsure BUT as a first step suggest that you just get rid of the clothes. Keeping them seems to be a way of setting yourself up to fail & I'd lay money that when you get rid of them you'll feel a weight has been lifted. When I got rid of stuff I bought compulsively it felt amazing, liberating and I felt free for the first time ever....try it! Yes its hard but the feeling is incredible! Big hugs & hope you do it! In terms of the way you feel I'm sure it must take time for your head to catch up with the weight loss and to compliment yourself & as suggested above bet others feel the same as you do if you share it. Let us know how you get on.
     
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  5. Cake'n'eat it

    Cake'n'eat it Full Member

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    Thanks so much for your words of support.

    Fishface - I really am hoping I will feel ready to get rid of my clothes. I was this weight about 2 years ago and I kept them all just in case. I will promise myself that when I hit my goal weight they will go to the Charity shop and this time I will keep nothing.

    Thanks Mags - I am glad to hear that others feel the same way. The others in my group all seem to feel fantasic and are very proud of what they've achieved so I have felt the odd one out a bit.
     
  6. mags1x

    mags1x mags

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    I'll bet some of them just don't want to say! I could be wrong though.

    It is very common to feel like this and lots of people on here have reported the same!

    Mags
    xxx
     
  7. bettyboo

    bettyboo Silver Member

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    Hi there Cakeneatit

    VERY VERY well done on the weight loss. I think it takes the head a while to catch up. I also know that I have lost 64lbs and its only in the last fortnight that I have started to be able to judge that I will fit through a smaller gap. I posted the other day that I had ordered new jeans from Next.......the first pair of next jeans I have ever owned from next .. when they arrived I thought Damn they won't fit (because in my head I am still four sizes bigger). But they did.

    I think that you will find over the next few weeks that you will start to feel slim, and that as you get rid of the old clothes and starting buying new stuff you will realise that you are much smaller.

    Also I use dove firming lotion everyday and that is making a big difference. Start to do some sit ups and some walking to tone up.......

    x

    Bettyboo
     
  8. dawntinkler34

    dawntinkler34 Water Baby

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    Hey Cakeand eatit,
    i am just starting out but you have done really well. I think we will always find something to beat ourselves up about, its human nature and i think because the weight comes off very quickly its hard for your mental image to adjust to the new you. Stop looking for faults and start enjoying the skin your in, i know these are cliches but if you learn to love yourself you are less likely to put the weight back on.

    Go girl and start enjoying life.

    Dawn
     
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  9. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    Hi there Cakenetit!

    "I look down at myself and I don't see much difference"

    It is a skewed way of looking at yourself because of the angle.

    I know what you mean though because, although I am smaller, I have lots of stretched skin on my abdomen which is not going anywhere and looks horrible, my boobs too. When I am covered up with clothes I look OK.

    I have more wrinkles on my face too. I did expect that to happen though.

    "I am too scared to let go ... I feel sad and scared and a bit out of control ... the vision I expected just doesn't exist ...
    I won't like the new me until I reach my end goal ... I looked at Amanda Janes pot and thought - ' I could never be so in control'."

    You've made some interesting comments there Cake, I always felt safe doing LL because it was so easy to get right. There were no grey areas where I could make mistakes and fall of the wagon. Moving on to Management I always knew would be the big challenge and I was apprehensive as to how I would cope.

    I have followed the programme to the letter and not diversified at all, because I am worried that I may throw it all away and eat too much. It is like walking on a tightrope very slowly and carefully. Your comments about me being 'in control' are right. I don't dare to relax yet.

    What vision did you expect when you got to goal? I didn't have a vision at all, I had no idea what I would look like and I couldn't even imagine it, never having been there.

    How have other people reacted to your new shape? Have there been lots of compliments and positive comments? Have you accepted them or 'discounted' them?

    Do you feel able to approach your group the next time you meet and talk to them about how you feel. My counsellor is happy to take the time to talk about any issues any of us have which may or may not directly relate to the topic we are discussing. I have found this to be extremely beneficial, expecially since I could not confide in anyone else.

    It really does help to talk through a problem with like-minded people.

    I think you've done great and will do great when you move on to Management.
     
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  10. Cake'n'eat it

    Cake'n'eat it Full Member

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    THanks AJ. I am going to try some of Betty's firming lotion. I have had a lapse today despite going for a long walk and really trying to ddistract my self. I've had 2 glasses of wine and some cheese and crackers. I know Sunday afternoons are a tough time for me. I'm not sure if its just a bad habit I've gotten into. I know I wasn't physically hungry and I didn't feel stressed or bored but just suddenly felt like I was starving. I had a lapse last Sunday too but I just don't want to turn it into a collapse this close to the end.

    How do I avoid 3-8pm on a Sunday? I can't just write off one afternoon a week - can I?

    I am not going to beat myself up over it. I get weighed on Wednesday night and will be back in Ketosis by then. Its funny when I'm at work and I'm busy I just don't have a problem.

    AJ I think you look fantastic. Your thread on management has been a real inspiration. I can't believe you started out at just under 18 stone. You must feel constantly chuffed- what a phenomenal change!
     
  11. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    "How do I avoid 3-8pm on a Sunday? I can't just write off one afternoon a week - can I?"

    Thanks for your comments, Cake!

    I was chatting to my friend LB, who I haven't seen for a few months since she moved away. Her daughter is doing a psychology degree and has been 'practicing' some of the stuff she's been learning, on her mum.

    One of the modules she is doing relates to obesity and involves changing habits.

    For a week LB had to change the way in which she got up in the morning, and got dressed.

    We all go through our routines on automatic pilot, without thinking. Changing the way or the order of what you habitually do, causes you to think about it. It may even cause a momentary feeling of anxiety, because it is out of your comfort zone.

    She had to change her daily routine too, doing things she normally did not do, again for a week. What she realised is that habits CAN be changed, and that any anxiety only lasts for a short while.

    You have already identified 'danger times' when you are vulnerable to habits which are just not good for you.

    Look carefully at your daily or weekly routines and make some changes to what and how you do things. How do you feel afterwards?

    It is within your grasp to put in place new habits to replace the ones you don't want any more. The anxiety or discomfort you may feel at first will not last. Start with your morning routine. Get out of bed on the other side you normally do. Change the order in which you get dressed. If you habitually switch on the TV for the morning news, switch on the radio instead, or don't listen to anything. Drive to work using a different route. It'll all feel strange at first.

    Let me know how you get on!
     
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  12. sukie sue

    sukie sue this is My time to shine!

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    Throw away those clothes!!!!!!
    as long as you hold onto those old clothes you are giving your old size place in your life ! you need to let go and revel and celebrate the new you , because as little credit you as give yourself and the amazing thing you have achieved is not going to take you forward into the future , you need to let go ,take that huge leap of faith and learn to love the you looking back from the mirror.
    dance !
    sing !
    jump around !
    and wiggle your bum like your elle macphearson!
    if nothing else you will laugh so hard that you think your sides will split!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and remeber.....
    if you dont keep going forward , what are you going back to?????????
     
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  13. Cake'n'eat it

    Cake'n'eat it Full Member

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    Suki - you made me laugh.

    For me I guess my past is safe and secure and I knew what my place was. The future seems all the more uncertain now. I guess its like starting a new job and you ask yourself all those questions like:
    What if its too hard?
    What if I'm not up to it?
    What if I've made a big mistake and should have stayed in my comfort zone?
    What if I just don't like it?
    What if it changes everyone's expectations from me?

    You see, I started this journey to lose weight, to feel healthier, to wear regular clothes. Ultimately I liked the person I was , I just didn't like the body, I didn't want to change who I am. As I write this down I realise it does change me and I do feel lost. I also don't feel I know what I want any more. I wanted to be a normal weight and I am ( almost) and now what? I wonder if I have been a serial dieter for so long I just can't imagine what the alternative could be?

    AJ - I generally have no routine whatsoever. My work changes what I do and where I am on a daily basis. Sunday afternoons are the only time I sit down and allow my self to relax. I even looked at the local gym to see if there was an aerobics class. I did have some strategies but I think I used them too early. I deally I think I need to get out of the house but with 4 children and bad weather it can be easier said than done!
     
  14. In search of me

    In search of me Silver Member

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    Hey there cakeneatit!
    I think the feeleings that you are experiencing are normal for someone who has lost a significant amount of weight.
    Do you discuss in your groups why you ate, what people expectations are of you etc? With addiction is is normal to hide behind the addiction & the problem with beating it is that it means you're left very vulnerable and need to learn a new way of living without the crutch be it food, alcohol, drugs etc...while that can be liberating it is also VERY scary because you have to go out of our comfort zone!
    As suggested I think that you should talk this through with people in your group as I'm sure others are feeling the same!!
    With the Sunday afternoon is there anyne who can have the kids for you so yo can turn this bleugh slot into a positive time for you by doing something for you - exercise, see friends etc...or take the kids out or plan a special family time - doesent have to cost but could be good diversion by playing games etc...just a thought!
     
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