I don't know if I can do this...

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by Scratch, 3 February 2010 Social URL.

  1. Scratch

    Scratch Member

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    I know I am new to this whole concept of dieting and I was really pumped, super focused thought about how I am going to really do this and than BAM! Smacked right into a brick wall. My Grandmother has moved in..she has dementia so she gets very mean. Well Today I was feeling good doing some house hold chores and I hear her say to herself Wow, she's huge. I stopped and thought she must not be talking about me. ( I didn't want to think she could actually be that rude) So I continued threw out my day. While I was waiting for the school bus to pull up with my little ones. She says to me you really got big! and than says to me you better lose some weight I doubt your husband finds you attractive being that fat!

    I can not tell you how Horrible I felt. You think that would have motivated me More..it didn't, you know what I did..I ate pizza for dinner instead of the Salad with Grilled chicken that I planned. It felt like a knife threw my chest..I still have a huge lump in my throat it feels like my tears are stuck..like I want to cry but can't!!

    Ugh I don't know what I am more angry about her for saying something to me or for me letting her get to me the way she did!!

    I feel like I am back at square one! Like she sucked the motivation right out of me!! Ugh!! Sorry to dump this on all of you I just needed to let it out!! Thanks for listening!!!
     
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  3. alibalibee

    alibalibee Gold Member

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    You know hun, you CAN do this, you really can. You're not on your own, you've got support from us, and I'll bet you've got support from other members of your family too.
    Living with someone who has dementia is really hard, when I was first married, my father in law lived with us, and he also had dementia, so I can appreciate how hard and and emotional time it is for you. But don't let that be the excuse to quit sweetheart, you'll only feel more down about yourself. Been there, done that, got the t shirt ;)
    Hang in there xx
     
  4. Scratch

    Scratch Member

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    Oh Ali thanks so much for the support and kind of putting it in my face that don't let this be the "Excuse" You are so right...Its almost like I sub conscientiously am trying to find away out of doing what I have to do..:sigh: Sometimes it takes an outsider to give you a little nudge in the right direction. So thank you so much for replying to me. I just need to retrain my brain and who cares what others are going to think right?!? Someone is always going to have something to say I should know that by now. So that's it No More excuses no more self sabotage!! I am going to stay with this!!! ;) (ugh if it was only that easy right :p) But thank you again.

    and by the way your pics are amazing a true inspiration!!
     
  5. John-

    John- Member

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    Sorry that you're going through this. Everybody who tries to lose weight goes through these issues, although I suspect that what you're going through is harder than what most cope with. It's times like this where your husband comes into play, maybe tell him what happened, and he'll show you he's attracted to you. Don't go through this alone!
     
  6. Minnow

    Minnow Full Member

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    Aw, I just want to send you a huge hug. :hug99:

    Even though you know your gran didn't mean it (and I bet if she was well she would be beside herself for hurting you so badly) it still hurts doesn't it? And of course food is our comfort and so the vicious circle continues. :(

    Hang in there. I found that when my weight started to come off things got easier to resist because I really wanted more and more weight to be gone. I hope it works the same for you.

    Ali :)
     
  7. alibalibee

    alibalibee Gold Member

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    Just keep posting here hun, you're not alone in this, and you'll always get support from us xx
     
  8. IrishMum

    IrishMum A little of everything!

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    So you've discovered you're an 'emotional' eater! She's done you a favour in one sense, now you know that your mood determines what you eat, you can learn to beat it!
    Everyone has that defining moment where they finally realise they HAVE to lose weight, be it for health/looks whatever. Let this be yours.
    Turn your sadness into anger and let it fuel your determination.
    Get rid of the 'rubbish' foods, so if you have a weak moment, the damage won't be too bad. If you get upset about something, go into a quiet room, or go for a walk and think it over before reaching for the biscuit tin. Tell yourself you want to lose weight MORE than that slice of pizza. Distract yourself. Focus on the things you'll be able to do/buy when you get your weight down a bit.
    Try all these tricks and hopefully you'll break this cycle?
    Good Luck!
     
  9. hchappyh

    hchappyh Silver Member

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    I know exactly how you are feeling. 2years ago my Grandma unfortunaley died - she did have dementia (didn't die from that, had other problems as well) and she moved in with my parents. Because both mum and dad worked all day, muggins here, who is a stay at home mummy looked after her alot - transporting her to and from day care etc..dr's appts, the hairdresser etc etc.... I had been dieting for years and she never said anything to me about my weight - that is until she was diagnosed with the dementia. 'They' say, 'they' hurt the people they care about the most and who do the most for them...well she must have loved me loads. Some of the things she used to say were awful and if she knew what she was saying she would have been devestated...you have to remember that she really doesn't mean it. You also have to remember that you have to have time out for you! Your time out can be preparing the most delicious dinner for you and the family - that is healthy etc. As IrishMum says, get rid of all the 'naughty' food - you dont really want it. When your gran says something to upset you and you want to eat, go and have something - a large banana, carrot sticks with low fat humous, anything that is healthy- still eat just make the right choice of what to eat. Keep food in the fridge that is already prepared so you can grab them instantly as you would with a bag of crisps or choccy bar.
    Try and keep positive and remember you will have bad days as well as loads of good days. Dont give up on the bad days, just think, ok, today was no good, tomorrow WILL be better.
    Good luck with everything and remember we are all here to help...
    xx
     
  10. sugar_fiend

    sugar_fiend Full Member

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    Hey, sorry to hear the comment she made upset you so much. My Nan has dementia too, and whilst it's hard you really do need to remember that she doesn't mean what she is saying, and would be heartbroken to realise she has upset you!
    I agree with the others here that doesn't need to be your "excuse" to go off track, and if you can try to limit the things you overeat on that are in the house. This is probably easier said than done if your nan has a sweet tooth like a lot of dementia sufferers!
    My nan also has a mean streak now, but we are learning that just letting her have what she wants whether it's sweets or a little glass of brandy in the evening! And the hardest bit is realising that you can't correct her (we always have men in the garden - she can't understand that it's a reflection in the window ;)
    Less disagreements like this help them to stop getting agitated, angry and mean. Try to reprogramme the way you think about what she says just like youre trying to reprogramme your relationship with food.
    Easier said than done I know but you'll find a lot of support here! Good luck!
     
  11. Scratch

    Scratch Member

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    Thank you all so much for the support :hug99:it really makes feel like, there is hope. I think I am an emotional eater. I think the second going gets rough the fridge is the first place I hit. I do need to retrain my brain, and start thinking things threw more clearly.

    I woke up this morning and felt alot better than I did yesterday its just one of those days I guess, and I am sure that I will have more like those but I just have to keep thinking of what I want the end result to be, funny thing is I don't know if I would have been able to realize that without all of you..Thanks For Keeping my butt in check :)

    You are all an inspiration to me!!

    Scratch
     
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  12. Jillian Stuart

    Jillian Stuart New Member

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    Hi!

    My first post here :wave_cry:

    I've been in your shoes countless times, they got to me too.

    I always knew comments like this were true, so why not do something about it :).

    Like you said, have the end result in mind and let comments like these motivate you even more - because when you lose weight and look fabulous, you'll only get positive comments.
     
  13. TheWill2GoOn

    TheWill2GoOn Member

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    Just hang in there, like Tupac says "Resist the temptation". Just gotta stick it out and the results will be amazing. I find nasty comments only fuel me more to succeed. When you reach goal it's kind of like an "IN YOUR FACE!" thing lol.
     
  14. alibalibee

    alibalibee Gold Member

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    Hi Jillian and welcome to Minis hun :) Good luck on your weight loss journey xx
     
  15. Jillian Stuart

    Jillian Stuart New Member

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    Thank you very much!

    I know I'll have a great time here.
     
  16. IrishMum

    IrishMum A little of everything!

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    I'm the exact same! I get pi**ed off and go "Right, I'm going to do this!"
    If I had someone to make a smartarse comment to me everyday I'd be at goal long ago! LOL!:p
     
  17. tarotwoman

    tarotwoman Loves life

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    Hi Scratch,

    You know your grandmother doesn't mean it but it still hurts. If anyone says something like that to you don't punish yourself by eating more. Grit your teeth and stick to your eating plan.

    Tracey
     
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  19. hchappyh

    hchappyh Silver Member

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    If it would help IrishMum, we could all insult you!! Only joking.... I find the insults make me worse and more fed up and so end up going straight to the fridge. I'm trying to have healthy food in the fridge ready chopped up so its easier to choose the right option, if its there, I'll eat it. Had a weigh in yesterday - my second one - lost another 4lbs, which makes a total of 9lbs in 2 weeks!!! Yeah...Go Lower, I love you...
    As for the dementia, with my grandma we used to have the same conversations not only on a daily basis but on a minute by minute basis. In the end as cruel as this may sound, but it did stop us getting so annoyed and frustrated, we would change the answer we gave her everytime. So me and the rest of the family would make a game of it - how many times can you have the same coversation with grandma and how many different answers could you give. She was completely oblivious to this so no harm was done. Before she got ill she had a good sense of humour, so would probably have laughed at what we were doing.
    Good luck and keep positve
    xx
     
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