I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by peachy1982, 6 December 2007 Social URL.

  1. peachy1982

    peachy1982 Silver Member

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    Hello everyone,
    posted on the relationships thread a few days ago about my dwindling relationship with my OH.

    Has anyone else out there found that as they have lost weight they feel they don't get enough from their partner and now you have this new confidence you want more?
    Also I think he has started pushing me away as the weight has come off and i thought being this new confident woman would have had the opposite reaction and i would need to fight him off - but not to be.

    anyone got an opinion?

    peachy
     
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  3. MsJMC

    MsJMC Strong women stay slim

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    Maybe don't try so hard ... Let him come to you . See what happens ...
     
  4. Sambucca

    Sambucca Gold Member

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    How long have you been together Peachy? Has his attitude changed since you lost weight or have their been problems before that?

    If it is only since the weight loss he could be feeling threatened or jealous of the attention you will get from other men. You could try talking to him to tell him that no matter what attention you get from others it is him that you love and you are going no where.

    However if yoru problems started before your weight loss then only you can decide whether you think the relationship is holding on to. You deserve to be happy Peachy. We all do. You only get one life and the fear of being alone can be great, but whats the point staying together if it is making you miserable.

    Sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear hun. Sending you a big hug and hope you find the strength to deal with your situation. xx
     
  5. peachy1982

    peachy1982 Silver Member

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    I think there has been more distance since the weight loss.
    In fact anytime one of his friends comments on how well I am doing he always replies - oh and it won't be long till she leaves me (in a jokey way but maybe thats how he feels).

    He might be trying to protect himself I suppose.
    He only ever shows me affection if he wants sex and even that is getting few and far between.When we go out you would think we were two single people and even if i stand next to him and maybe touch his arm or something he never responds back to me.
    I feel a bit hurt as well because i have put in all this effort to give us a better life together and it feels like i have sabotaged our relationship.

    I should be happy that i am losing weight but at the minute i feel like its driving a wedge between us. When I was at my biggest I didn't go out and socialise but now i want to go out and enjoy myself but he only seems interested in going out with his mates to the local pub. He often works away in the week so you would think on a friday he would be looking forward to seeing me but all he wants to do is come in and dump his bags then get to the pub with his mates. He does invite me but then we get to the pub and he ignores me.

    i think its all going wrong
     
  6. Sambucca

    Sambucca Gold Member

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    If you want to save the relationship you really need to talk to him Peachy. He probably hasnt got a clue how miserable he is making you feel. You clearly love him and want it to work out but he needs to make more of an effort.

    You deserve to be adored. You are gorgeous. Let him know how you are feeling. xx
     
  7. julesrush

    julesrush Norwich CDC

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    you need to sit down and talk to him, maybe then you will know exactly what the problem is. As you are losing the weight your confidence is growing and he might be feeling insecure, when a partner is heavier sometimes it feels like a security blanket for some men as they dont get the same attention as a thinner women. All of a sudden you have changed your appearance and may dress in a new way, have new found confidence and for some men they suddenly think 'well maybe she will leave me now.

    See if you can find out what the problem is and tell him how you are feeling, maybe even think about going to see a marriage counsellor who can give you advice from an outsiders point of view .

    Good luck and remember communication is the key to problems being solved.

    julesrush
    cdc norwich
     
  8. Shazpaz

    Shazpaz Regular Member

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    For him to say "its a matter of time before you leave him", even if it is in a jokey way then it is obviously on his mind. Maybe he needs reassurance that you still love him. My OH is rubbish at showing affection and handing out compliments. When people say to him.....doesn't Sharon look fab...he just kind of shrugs and says yes, but he never offers a compliment without me asking if I look ok etc. I just think men are soooooooooo different from us women. I'm sure he loves you to bits, but he sounds worried you don't feel the same.

    Good luck hun. I hope it all works out for you.
     
  9. MsJMC

    MsJMC Strong women stay slim

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    Some men can't seem to say what they feel , just think at the start peachy , what things did he say to you then that he doesn't now , what did he say when you told him you was going to lose weight and when you got there what did he say and how long have you been together ? When you first get with someone its all so wonderful but things do change i always find this , they do anything to please you say such nice things then it all fades slowly
     
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