I feel so lost

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by Yasmine, 18 January 2010 Social URL.

  1. Yasmine

    Yasmine One last chance

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    I'm feeling really small right now. I've been crying for a while over this, but it's not doing anything for me. I need to get this out because there isn't anyone that I can talk to who will listen or who will understand. I find it sad that I rely on the support of people over the internet who I do not know instead of getting it from my parents. But I guess it's better than nothing.

    I'm on my 4th day of slimming world and I'm finding it hard to eat right now, I've completely lost my appetite and I haven't been this way for a year.

    As if it isn't hard enough as it is having to eat this way on SW without thinking I'll gain weight instead of lose it, I have my 'mother' making comments about the food I eat.

    And this morning I was actually feeling good about myself, I could actually like my body image again and I haven't felt this way in a long time. I had a good day in college, everything was great. My mother said earlier, that my figure was perfect for me, telling me how good it was. Then about 30 min earlier while I was going to peel some spuds to make SW chips, she then switches it around, saying I'm gaining weight and it shows.

    I get no ****ing support from her! I never have with anything!!:cry:

    And now, I don't want to eat anything, the mere thought of food makes me feel sick :(. I'm already struggling with my weight issues, I've just come out of my eating disorder, and now I'm feeling like avoiding food totally!.

    I don't know what to do, I hate this! she won't stop commenting about what I'm eating, even though the diet states that it is a free food. She keeps on telling me that the diet is rubbish and wrong :break_diet:
     
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  3. eternity

    eternity Gold Member

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    I don't know what to say. If it was me I'd eat what I know I'm allowed and then when I lost weight I'd tell her that if she needed the diet explained, I'd be happy to do it. Ask her to give it a couple of weeks to see how it works but request that she stops criticising something that she doesn't understand.
     
  4. Wendyuk

    Wendyuk Full Member

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    Don't give her that power, stick to the diet and remember that it works! I gave my power to my mom for far to long (and other people) it just so isn't worth it. You're worth it remember that. This is different but the same in so many ways. I'm very much into science and my mom is religous and sooo totally opposed. I used to make myself sick with the comments she made like 'you used to be such a nice religeous girl before you started that science degree'. 'I know you don't believe but I'll light a candle for you etc etc'. It used to really get me mad and down but you know what? I've let it go, yes I still get a bit angry when she mentions it but mostly let it roll off my back and she's backed off tremendously now she sees she's not getting anywhere. It's hard but try and shrug it off I don't even hear half the comments she makes anymore and she knows it.
    Remember the choice is yours how you live your life, don't give that power to someone else that has half lived theirs. I watch Dr Phil....alot! family will testify to that and long story short there was a college professor who said 'everyone should live their life like they have a bird on their shoulder and ask themselves questions each morning' even if its morbid lol. ;-) It worked for me.
    HTH
    Wendy
     
  5. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

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    awww you poor thing. my dad's the same - even though he's done SW himself!!!! he makes snide little comments, but my revenge is coming through the door every week and announcing my loss :)

    don't let her win.... if i was you next time she makes a snide remark about your weight i would tell her you're very sensitive to how critical she is and she is the cause of your weight issues.
     
  6. Meli

    Meli Gold Member

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    Gosh it's really sad, but don't let your mom's comments get to you. I know it's difficult, but stay strong and SW does definately work! My mom is a bit controlling and thinks she knows best, but sometimes I just pretend I'm listening and just go on and do my own thing. Think it's just one of those situations where you need to take it in from one ear and out the other.
     
  7. charliebecca

    charliebecca Full Member

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    I know what you mean about having to come online. I dont really know anyone who is in the same situation. You have the same stats more or less as me. And when you not really over weight people dont take it seriously. And its always" aw you look fine" which is nice i guess, but it really doesnt help. My "best" friend just rolls his eyes and says its ridiculous that im on a diet and that its all a big joke. Easy for him when hes really slim. I just want to prove them all wrong stick in there. I bloody gained weight in my first week of slimming world...talk about taking one step forward and two back
     
  8. Yasmine

    Yasmine One last chance

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    Thanks guys, really appreciate it.

    I shouldn't let her do this to me. I'm going to prove that it can and will be done :mad:
     
  9. Brightonrosie

    Brightonrosie I want to be fitter again

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    I don't know your mum but it sounds like there is a part of her wanting to keep you poorly. Perhaps she doesn't like the thought of you growing up and moving on and by maintianing your eating disorder she will have some control over you. Take back that control with some dignity and your head held high for all the things you have acheived so far. Try to think of times she isn't nasty to you. When doesn't it happen is there a pattern to it, something you can avoid ? Do what you know is right for you xxxxx
     
  10. ukmonkey2002

    ukmonkey2002 Full Member

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    Chin up hunnie xx just remember you are doing this for you and no one else do this for you and you will feel so much better
    not goona kid u its a long haul but it will be worth it

    my sis was always going on at me (oh your really overweight you really must lose weight) she even tried to get me to a fat camp:eek: I have now lost 2 1/2 stone for me not for her :D

    you need to just shrug off the remarks I know its hard when its family but you will get there
     
  11. lemma1968

    lemma1968 Silver Member

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    Chin up babe.

    Lets hope tomorrow is a better day cos today has just been pooey for a lot of people i think.

    And Mothers? Yes, they can burst our balloons by just breathing on them. :rolleyes:
     
  12. avisk

    avisk xx

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    I may have mentioned this before, but it worked for me, so I trust you will forgive me if you have read this before.

    I used to get snide remarks from my mother-in-law all the time, about anything and everything. I could never do anything right - ever. One day she made a remark that I honestly didn't hear - so I smiled vaguely and carried on.

    Then I saw the look on her face, and realised that she was completely thrown by my non-reaction. It was priceless. From then on I took no notice of any nasty remark she made and eventually she stopped doing it. I suppose it was no fun any more!!

    So just don't listen and with a bit of luck eventually it will stop.
     
  13. funcurls

    funcurls Never gets tired of SW!

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    I think your Mum is scared of losing control over and ownership of you (a common trait in many Mums)! She is probably used to perceiving you as her vulnerable little girl who's had some issues with your life and is now almost horrified and threatened by your sudden desire to take the bull by the horns and do something positive for yourself! Don't listen to her when she criticises SW! Instead offer her the opportunity to read and learn about it before making any further comment! Let her find out for herself how many millions of women have lost many stones and regained self esteem and control over their own lives by following it! Use it to fuel your motivation and determination to succeed! And please STOP listening to people when they criticise it! I'm sick of people sticking their oar in, trying to give me advice on 'the best' way to lose weight! I don't need anyone to tell me! I've lost 18lb on my own without starving myself, I have 54lb to go but that's fine because I know I'm going to get there! And you will too!X
     
  14. *gold.emerald*

    *gold.emerald* dancing queen ;)

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    awww yasmine, hugs over the internet to you!!!!
    hope you'll be strong to do what YOU think is right!!
    I hope things will be better soon :) xxx
     
  15. philly_x

    philly_x Full Member

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    aw bless you...my mum makes comments about what I can and can't eat as well. My mums always been super healthy - works out all the time, eats lots of fish and takes suppliments, and genuinly craves salad (?!?!?!), and her diet is quite different to mine. She particiularly comments on the way SW doesnt like oils in cooking, she insists that oils with "good fats" such as olive oil and sunflower oil should be fine, she doesnt really seem to grasp the aspect of trying to loose weight, instead of maintaining it! But at the end of the day I'm doing it for me, and I can understand why she doesnt have a lot of faith in me, i've done many diets i've been determined about before! A lot of people will probably comment on it...people who have always been slim particularly rarely seem to understand!
    Maybe you should show her the food optimising book, and the website, and maybe include the fact that Slimmin World is a HUGELY successful company here and in the USA, and that they couldnt possibly be so successful because of a diet that doesnt work!
    Good Luck! xxx
     
  16. suepat10

    suepat10 I am one of the 63336

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    HUGE hugs to you. So much good advice and words of wisdom from the ladies. I really would echo all Heather's comments though. I really do think she's hit the nail on the head xx
     
    Last edited: 19 January 2010
  17. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    Perhaps Im playing devil's advocate here, but from reading your post, you said that you had just come out of an "eating disorder"....do you think your Mum is a little concerned that this could happen all over again??
    I sympathise with the comments Hun, I get it from my Mother in Law and people at work. My MIL has been on at years for me to loose the weight and now that I have begun, she is really proud and even takes me shopping for new clothes (much to my Hubby's horror!)
    Try and ignore the comments as much as you can, but please do not stop eating.
    Hugs to you.

    xxx
     
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  19. jerricebenton

    jerricebenton Silver Member

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    Does your mum have issues with food herself? Does she or has she had an eating disorder too?
     
  20. charlottegrace1

    charlottegrace1 Gold Member

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    I think Heather has said a lot of good things in her post that are worth taking on board, as have all the other people. I would like to defend mums though being one myself. You are right in that she has no right to be nasty to you about anything, but, mums love their children and would do anything for them, we don't always do it in the right way though. Fear can play a great part in the way we view things and fear of the unknown is a terribe thing. If your mum doesn't know about SW and the way it works then she probably has the old mentality of eating anything when you are on a diet etc is wrong etc. If she is approachable then sit down and talk to her. Tell her how hurt you are and that you would like her support and involvement in your journey. Getting her on your side will make her feel needed and all mums want to be needed. That way she will learn to be more relaxed about things after a while and see that you are in control of what you are doing and that it is a good way for you to eat. She needs to understand and until then hun, I realy do feel that she will be so fearful for you and feel helpless, that it comes accross as all wrong to you. But always remember, no matter how bad things seem between you, your mother will always love you no matter what.
     
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