I forbid you...

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by roundrachel, 24 October 2008 Social URL.

  1. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

    Lighter Life
    Just had to vent a bit...

    I was trying on old clothes from when I was 18 last night and most of them fit- hooray!

    My Mum came along and asked what size they were and I told her they were a 10. She then said 'I forbid you to go to a size 8'. I couldn't quite believe it! How dare she interfere with my weight loss journey. And how dare she forbid me to do anything. I'm 31 years old!!

    I can understand where she's coming from in some senses. I suffered from bulimia for 10 years. Part of my recovery has been piling on weight and establishing a new relationship with food which I did. After 6 years of being completely fine I came onto LL. And now Mum obviously thinks I'm going to develop an eating disorder again.

    It's so frustrating to have this hanging over my head. I don't want every meal time to be an issue. I don't want someone constantly making a judgement on what is or isn't on my plate. That's one of the reasons I got ill in the first place.

    Just so frustrating that I don't feel like my eating plan can ever be my own. There's always going to be someone looking over my shoulder.

    And yes, I do want to get down to a size 8 ideally. I'd still be a healthy BMI. But if I don't lose any more inches then fine. I'm happy at a size 10. It's much better than the size 28 I was!

    Sorry, just had to have a moan. I'm not being unreasonable am I?
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  3. minime

    minime Gold Member

    Most definitely not being unreasonable, think your mum is in forbidding you. However, with your history it is easy to see why she is worried about you and you probably seem like you are fading away to her due to your massive weight loss. As long as you are within healthy parameters you'll be fine, but the decision to stop has to be made by you and not others.
  4. Polly740

    Polly740 Full Member

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    Hell no, you are not being unreasonable!

    I can understand that your mum is looking out for you, taking your past history into account, but she now has to realise that you are an adult - and as such will make adult choices for yourself.

    You have done soooo well in sorting out your disorder in the first place - and now losing the weight.

    Try not to take it as an insult, she is only looking out for you. Maybe it's worth sitting down for a coffee and a chat with her and explaining your thoughts. She might understand where you're coming from a little better :D

    You have done an amazing job so far Rachel. You deserve credit for how you have handled your issues. Much respect and love to you.

  5. Carolanski

    Carolanski Back to it!

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    She's just being a Mum - and worrying about you. When I got down to my target my Mum was panic stricken that I would want to go further, and has said "you're not going under 10 stone are you?! and has pleaded with me to not lose any more. I'm still a stone heavier now than I was 6 years ago and really deep down I'd like to lose a few more pounds, but I had a few issues with food when I was at Uni and dropped to under 8 stone so my Mum, like yours just worries that I'm on a slippery slope.

    I think because with a VLCD you drop weight so rapidly its hard for parents to see that you are in control of it, and not the other way round.

    You're not being unreasonable - but try to see where she's coming from, you're her little girl and she's seen you go through a serious illness and doesn't want you to relapse. I think she just needs some reassurance.

    Good luck

    Carol x
  6. Sammy84

    Sammy84 Full Member

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    Eating Sensibly and Exercise
    I can understand you completely, i suffered from bulimia all the way through uni, so whenever i am on diet now (piled weight on when i managed to stop) people are always wary of it and saying things like 'well dont be stupid about it' etc etc and it is annoying, but then i guess i understand the concern at the same time but you cant win! When i was skinny, things were said, when i was fat things were said! agh! nightmare! lol
    You know your body hun, and you do what you think is right for you, when you are happy, stop x
  7. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

    Lighter Life
    thank you all for your kind words. I think it was just the way she talked to me that frustrated me the most. I know how worried she gets but she doesn't help me or herself by behaving the way she does sometimes.

    Mum doesn't do sensible sit down chats, she's has a histrionic personality and everything is a drama!

    That's the thing. I'm now at a place I'm in control of things. Not in an OCD way, but being sensible and happy about things. No strict rules. No beating myself up if things go a little bit off track. Just being sensible.

    I guess people always want to say their tuppence worth no matter what you do.

    I was saying to my bf the other day that I felt my fat represented what I'd been through and now it's not there any more it's like that part of my life is gone forever and is no longer dragging me and my mood down.

    I've got so much of a better understanding of life, myself, my ups and downs and how to deal with other people these days and would just love for everyone else around me to undertand that. But I guess what has happened in the past will haunt me in some ways forever. Even if it's only in the form of my mum reminding me from time to time!

    I know I have to be careful and yes, the thought of going onto management and eating again after all this time is terrifying. But I know I can do it sensibly and not do anything silly. I just want her to trust me a little for a change. That's all xx
  8. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    As said- I can surely see and understand your mums concern, and I don;t think she is acting inappropriately - based soley on her love of you and her fear of past habits, etc....I would be surprised if she did not show that kind of reaction.

    Howevr - you ARE an adult....and what she needs to do is communicate her concern and fear - not TELL you what to do.

    But I do understand it. It is probaby scary for her.

    Have a good, open honest heart to heart. :)
  9. annaphylactic

    annaphylactic Guess who's back...?

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    Hiya! Sorry to leap on the bandwagon - but yes, it is just your mum being maternal. I know what you mean about 'how she said it' - my mum is the same... she often gets my back up by the way she says things, or by the words she chooses - and it takes a while for me to break it all down and understand exactly what she was trying to say, and why... I just wish she was a little more softly softly and diplomatic sometimes! :s
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