I Have Cheated - I Hate Me

[Mia]

I HATE MYSELF. :cry::cry::cry: I have been struggling for days now with hunger. I have just sat and ate a full tin of PEK chopped pork. I opened the tin, knowing exactly what I was doing, and enjoyed every mouthful. I feel sick I am so full. It was the best thing I had in the house ie. non carb as I was looking for minimal damage. I WANTED toast with butter and knew I was going to eat something, so ate the meat. I wanted to 'chew' so I had a bar first. I have been trying to keep off them as much as possible but just needed to eat. Does anyone understand this feeling or is it just me?

Did I enjoy it? Yes
Do I feel full? Yes
Do I feel good? No
Do I regret it? Yes

I have posted this exact message on my diary thread too so I can see it every day to remind me how terrible I feel right now.

Tomorrow is going to be hard again, I have tasted food and that is the beginning of a downward spiral for me. I want to cry but I also want to continue eating. I admire anyone who can do this 100% for 100 or so days.

 

[bondgirl]

Hi Mia

I'm a bit of an oldie of minis and have done every diet going, Cambridge, LL and 3 years ago had a gastric bypass.

I lost 10 stone but have put 3 back on:cry:

I am back on CD and know exactly how difficult it is to SS 100% but hey please don't beat yourself up about it.

WHAT IS DONE IS DONE!

The thing I always try remember is we can all lapse but get straight back on the SS horse don't let it spirral.

Well done on your weightloss so far....keep your chin up....YOU CAN DO IT

 

[Surfhunny]

Oh Mia I totally understand how you feel. I think it's important that you draw a line under what you've had, it's done, don't let it turn into something bigger. Trust me I KNOW this is way easier said than done!! But if you feel bad now imagine how bad you'll feel if you let this one slip up turn into another day, or week or month off plan?? Don't let it happen. Only you have the power to stop it, but we're all here to help you get through it.

I've been there (several times) and it is hard to get back on track there's no denying that, but it's not impossible, and if you're feeling miserable now you'll feel better for carrying right back on with the plan. Trust me, I'm an expert on how you're feeling now. I've spent the last 6 months feeling like this.

Good luck with getting back on track, it's not a total catastophy unless you let it become one.

Lost of luv and hugs xxx

 

[*Shanny*]

Yes i agree with surf hun, it's done now soo draw line fresh start tomorrow.!

Your not alone hunnie. i know how u feel hun.!
we both know you have come so far this time round.
xxxx

 

[Dione]

hun i know exactly how you feel. Please dont be down about it. Drw a line under it and move on. You cant change the fact that you have eaten but you can get back on it and stay 100%.

We have all had our days where we have fallen off the wagon but that is how we learn. Every time you feel the need to eat just remember how you felt today and it will see you through. I have had my fair share of blips and i know it makes you feel crap but dust yourself off and think tomorrow is a new day for a new start.

I know you will be fine and back on ss 100% tomorrow, you will be fine hun (((HUGS))) xxxx

 

[AmyE]

forget about it, just get straight back on track and it won't make a difference to your weight loss long term, you'll be fine xx

 

[*Shanny*]

It looks like a few ppl struggling today.!! including me.! xxx

 

[beinggood]

Dont hate yourself honey ... use the fact you regret eating the pork as an indication that you your inner voice is telling you that you do in fact want to lose weight. Stick at it - tomorrow is a new day and reward yourself at the end of this week with some new make up or something nice for getting this far. your weight loss is great ...dont give up you are almost half way there.

 

[BeckyN]

poor Mia, don't fret it, it has happened, draw that line and start again with a vengance, we know you can do it!

xxx

 

[X_Tasha_X]

Come on be strong and dont get upset hun. Its done now so get right back on track YOur doing so so well hun <3 xxx

 

[MrsN]

Oh hun - dont hate yourself.
Dont do what I've just done and have a day off and let it lead into 3 weeks off and feeling really crappy!
Draw a line under it now and get back on it - I'm back on it today and its so hard but it'll be worth it.

 

[oisin]

Aww hun dont be so hard on your self, We all know how hard this diet is and WE all slip up on the odd occasion...

Just draw a line under it and start again xx

M x

 

[Madferret]

just to echo what everyone else has put - draw a line under it and start again...

Hope that you are ok

T
x

 

[Mia]

Thanks everyone. I know why I ate. It was an emotional backlash. Maybe some of you have read my other threads where I have mentioned my foreign friend leaving. Well, he left Newcastle this morning and I won't see him again. I have cried since Saturday night . Everytime we talk we cry, but he is on the runway taxiing at Heathrow Airport as we speak. He will be in the sky retuning to his life in minutes.

I can't stomach food today. I feel ill with crying. I managed a tetra and will have another 2 tetras but I just feel like throwing them back up. I will be ok but at the moment food is the last thing on my mind. I am very very very sad.

Thanks for all the support, I won't cheat again. I have promised Shanny I will stay 100% until 3rd July when I have a planned meal out becasue it's my daughters 18th birthday.

 

[*Shanny*]

lol lol yes u have promised shanny, and shanny want's you to keep your promise to yourself too Mia.!!!!!

Get your tetra down you they are your special medication hun.xxx

 

[Mia]

Yes, I will have them, just don't feel like them at the moment. Maybe after a hot bath I can face them.

 

[*Shanny*]

Ok then and be proud of yourself for today Mia xx

 

[Mia]

Thanks, I am a bit because I have had one of the saddest and shittiest days of my life. Been a challenge if nothing else. Thanks for the support x

 

[Dione]

Oh hun i am so sorry to hear that you are sad. i am sure it will not be the last time you see your friend. Plan a trip to go and see him and use that as part of your target. i.e when i get to goal i will fly out to see him xx

That will not only give you the incentive but also something to look forward to. Hope you feel better soon xxxx

 

[Mia]

Thanks Dione. Maybe - but its not that easy. It's not often in life that you meet a 'real' true friend. That's what we were - just genuine real friends. Our lives are worlds apart, he needs to get back to his world and I need to continue mine. Maybe one day our paths will meet again but I don't think so. Saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. I will miss him so much.