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I will change my life!

Hi all, well I guess it's a familiar story but I am in the early stages of losing a large amount of weight, 15st to be precise. (Well approximately). As a bit of background, I have been overweight practically all my life. I had a brief spell about 12 years ago when I lost a lot of weight (about 8 stone). However, I never dealt with my issues with food and consequently put it all back on plus a lot more.
I lost the weight through calorie counting to a silly extent. I think at one stage I was having about 700 calories a day and I was also really pushing it at the gym every day. All in all it was not a sensible way to go about things, and as I’m sure you can imagine I was thoroughly depressed and permanently starving.
The week I stopped dieting I put on 6lb, despite having no more than about 1300 calories per day. At this point my world collapsed, I realised I couldn’t spend every day of my life hungry and I just stopped, and as quickly as I lost it, it all came back.
I have since avoided dieting for many years, more from fear of putting weight on again should I lose it, then the thought of losing it itself. I had honestly reached the point where I thought my life would never be more than giving the kids excuses for not doing things and avoiding situations that I find difficult/impossible, i.e. holidays in the sun because I can’t fit in the plane seat never mind cope with the heat, etc.
There were two things that have finally tipped me over the edge, and made me realise that I have to do this. The first is the fact that I now have a son with special needs and whilst I’ve been pretending for years that my daughter and husband will be able to cope, should my weight eventually kill me, my son can’t. He will possibly need care for the rest of his life and I need to be here for him.
The second is the realisation that if I carried on as I was my children and husband would ultimately end up being my carers and at the age of 35 that is an appalling thought.
Anyway, I have finally started doing something about it. In August this year I joined SW. I knew I needed to avoid calorie counting, as I don’t want to fall back into my old dieting habits of starving, and my mum and sister had joined so it made sense. My biggest problem is that I have a really poor relationship with food. It’s either all or nothing. I am either bingeing or (when I’m dieting) starving but I’m pretty rubbish at just being normal. I hope that having lots of food I can eat without counting anything will work for me.
Up to now I’ve down pretty well and am finding it very easy. My biggest problem actually isn’t craving stuff its making sure I don’t stop eating (Sounds ridiculous I know!). Anyway, this has turned into a bit of a marathon post now. I just thought I’ve try and motivate myself a bit by keeping a bit of a record of how I’m going. I also just wanted to say to others with lots of weight to lose. It is doable if you’re in the right headspace, If like me you were just steadily putting it on, please stop and think about where it could end up and don’t end up like me with a monumental task ahead of you.
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welcome to the forums feynman. you've come to the right place! there are a lot of inspiring and caring people on these boards to help you on your way.
all the best. do keep posting, it really helps :) PRx
Hi :wavey:
Well done on your weightloss so far :) I also have a lot of weight to lose (about 10 - 11 stone) like you I lost a large chunk of weight in the past (just over 5 stones) got to about 2 stone from goal weight, left home, moved in with my now husband, starting eating too much and stopped exercising and so 5 years later I find myself having gained it all back and with plenty of extra on top. So far I've lost 17lbs in 5 weeks with another weigh in tonight. I'm finding it pretty easy at the moment and my motivation is high, early days but I'm determined to stick it out.
Good luck with your own weightloss, you seem to be doing fab and I look forward to reading more of your diary! :)
Thanks purple, I've already read some massively inspirational stuff on here, seems a fab place to be.

Willsmummy (I have a William too lol). Sounds like you've made a good start also. I know this time I will make it, I just want to do is sensibly and in a way I can maintain. Fingers crossed I'm driven by other motives now, not just wanting to look better.

I'm just embarrassed/disappointed/angry with myself for letting things get so far and not doing anything about it. Still can't dwell on the past I must look forward.

WI tomorrow, have been good but not done as much exercise as last week so fingers crossed
Willsmummy (I have a William too lol). Sounds like you've made a good start also. I know this time I will make it, I just want to do is sensibly and in a way I can maintain. Fingers crossed I'm driven by other motives now, not just wanting to look better.
Only the best people have a William ;) he's a 2009 baby and despite people claiming it's a popular name I haven't encountered another William in person yet.

Good luck with weigh in, let us know how you did!
Hi again, My Wills a 2007 baby, little monkey that he is lol. There are not too many around here either, lots of Harry's and Alfie's. Well maybe not that many really I just seem to know a lot of Alfie's and Harry's lol.
Anyway weight went well, another 5lbs off which makes it 20.5 lb in the last 4 weeks, which is fabulous. I am amazed at how easy I'm finding it at the minute. I keep waiting for the wheels to fall off and it all go wrong, but touch wood I'm nearly 3 months in and no probs so far, fingers crossed I can keep this up.
Wow, well done, that's a great loss :D

Ah yes I know a few Alfies (also 2007 babies!) but the big name for 2009 appears to have been Oscar - I'm always bumping in to Oscars. I think the more old fashioned names are starting to be more popular again!
Well, had a little bit of a trauma this morning. I took my son to the local play cetre, with a friend who doesn't know I've been dieting. Whilst I was at the toilet's she bought us a coffee and a MARS BAR. I didn't want to seem ungratful, and had a real dilemma as to whether I should just eat it, tell her I didn't want it or what.
Initally I was just going to not eat it and not say anything. I then thought about it some more and decided I would eat it. I reasoned that 1. it would not kill me
2. it did not mean I'd stopped trying to eat healthily
3. The world would not end
and 4. it just meant I'd either do a bit more exercise this week or cur back the odd meal or both.

So I ate the mars bar, and do you know what, I didn't even enjoy it!. I really didn't want it but am pleased with myself as I felt I made an 'in control' decision. I also know I won't buy another as I really didn't like it that much, it seemed far too sweet and sickly. (I can't believe I've actually just said that!).
Anyway, all is well looking forward to sw chips for tea.
Have a good day all x
Hi Willsmummy. Yes I did go swimming in the end. Going twice a week now and to the gym once a week. Have had an ok couple of weeks but don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. Had more syns then I probably should have done. I didn't wi last week as I couldn't get to class, but don't feel like I've lost much anyway.
Never though, I'm still determined, I have lost quite a lot quite quickly and I know that can't keep happening.
I'm hoping for another couple of pounds since I last WI, but we'll see.
WI is on Wed for me. How about you ? Are you going ok this week?
Well have had a pretty good weekend. Had a brilliant day yesterday when I managed to get on, and fasten my old wax jacket that I haven't worn for over 10 years. Admittedly it was tight but it felt so good just to get it on.

I've also thrown out some old underwear and knackered trousers that I should have binned years ago, but couldn't as I didn't have anything else to wear!! It was very liberating, I'd definitly recommend it lol x