Im a prisoner in my own body, home and life! When will this end?

[ambitious]

Hi,

Umm, I've never really said this before but I feel like the biggest loser in the world and not in the TV kinda way. Im in my late 20's 5"9 and 260lbs/18.4 stones, no friends, no family that really cares, no partner, living at home and a general misfit.

I have had a few successes in my life, a few degrees and a small business but even those haven't been without problems and huge failures.

My eating is for comfort. I have been through a range of issues from the day I was born including homelessness, various kinds of abuse and so on.

Now, the only thing I have is food. The only thing that doesn't let me down is food and the only thing i can bank on is food. I don't know where to turn? How can anyone be so unsuccessful in life that they don't even have someone they can call on if in need? I have a very strong personality and am seen as intelligent which make ppl be really unkind to me, as if they have to hurt me for making them feel threatened.

I read all these stories on here today and ppl are worried about their partner seeing them.... I've not had a partner in more years than I care to type! Everything on paper says I should have it all but the reality of my life says different.

I can't get rid of this demon on my back. I can't go out becuase I'm way to unsightly or my clothes aren't right or ppl laugh as aI have big feet and people are unkind. My neighbours comment on me wearing similar clothes all the time but because of my weight, once I find something I like i tend to buy all colours as its the only thing that looks good.

What hurts the most is i have so much to give but feel absolutely useless and worthless. Ive not had a real hug or have anyone say they love me in 10 years and I just feel like an ugly blob.

Food is my only friend so what do I do without that???????????????? The one good thing is I have found a weight loss plan i love which is the Vi shakes. I tried Slim fast and so one but they tasted horrible but the Vi shakes are like milk shakes so very yummy. My problem is sticking to it. All these gremlins come into my head, i have arguments with ppl in my head in situations that have net even happened yet but I fear they will.

Now I'm not totally coo coo but lawd after reading this it would seem I'm not far off! I have everything and nothing in the same sad breath and am not sure whats next? Where do I go from here?

Thanks for reading and allowing me to express my thoughts

 

[happy&healthy]

Hiya, sorry that you're finding life so difficult at the moment. Have you considered counselling, maybe if you can work through the reasons why food is so much to you and discuss what's difficult for you and why, and you could learn to love and nourish yourself, so food would become nourishment for your physical body alone.Im on the same journey and it's tough but it's definitely helping, good luck !!!

 

[littlemiss]

Hi!

I could have typed that myself, and that's no joke!! The only difference with my circumstances is that I have a partner and kids, but trust me its still so totally lonely, my partner is there to talk to yes, and get a hug yes, but he doesn't understand, I don't think he ever will. All he says is that I need to pull myself out of it, and others can manage with not as many hard times in their lives as I have had, and that I can lose weight and stop binge eating if I really wanted to. So that can very often make me worse. Also the fact that I feel forced out of the house because of the kids, I suppose I thought when I had kids that all this would lift and i'd maybe be slightly more willing to go out, but nope, the only thing I've done is made other people's lives worse (my kids) I am the same as you with clothes, I am very funny about what I wear - and funnily enough I have the same insecurities about my feet, i'm a massive size 7, and because im only 5ft3 they feel massive. I'm late 20's too, and haven't achieved much in my life apart from the fact that I've kept a fairly well paid job for nearly 11 years, that's it.

I am also dealing with other things that you mentioned - the fact that you upset other people with your intelligence (its strange trying to say that without bigging yourself up). I was brought up in a very posh family, my parents very strict with my education/manners ect, now I live in quite a rough area, and most people where I live are the opposite to me, people often hate me when I start speaking because they think I love myself, because my accent is posh'er than theirs, they think I put it on (I think) and they tend to try and impress me!?!? Most other females dislike me, even ones who are skinnier and better looking than me. A lot of people around here have been brought up in poverty and I suppose they think I've had an easy upbringing and are jealous?! (its the only thing I can think of) I don't go to things or speak to people because no one ever wants to be friends with me, and im really at a loss as to how to "not offend" people.

Anyway sorry for blabbering on about my problems, I just HAD to reply because your post rang so many bells with me. Please feel free to PM me if you want to chat to someone. I suppose I haven't answered your question - I don't know what to say because I cant do it myself, I too cant stop eating and its my comfort thing too, I did manage to lose over 5 stone before, and the only thing I can say is - as the weight disappears (even by a few lbs) your confidence will grow like nothing you've ever seen before....trust me, you might think....losing weight will only help my confidence with my body but it wont, it will effect all aspects of your life. You'll feel like a different person, that much I can promise you. Its just getting there!

Anyway good luck and sorry for my rant

xxxxxx