I'm really desperate

[slimbride]

I have wanted to post this for a while, but haven't been able to as I am so totally shamed of myself.
I started LL in January of this year, and finished foundation with a total loss of about 35lbs - I had a few blips along the way. I am getting married on 22nd December of this year, and at the end of foundation, I went wedding dress shopping. The dresses all looked amazing, and I felt so so proud of myself.
Because I was doing so well on my diet, I ordered I size 14 wedding dress - one size lower than I was at the time. The dress has a lace up back, so I have some flexibility with the sizing.
Everything was going great - but then I had a miscarriage. Things seemed to fall apart a bit - we also had some other massive family traumas which I will not go in to. We also bought our fist house - what should be an enjoyable experience was a stressful nightmare - I almost had a breakdown.
So the net effect of all this, and why I am now so desperate I cannot sleep at night, is that I have regained quite a lot of the weight I lost. Tons actually. I ate through the stress, through the pain, and to keep myself going when all I wanted to do was sleep for a century and wake up after the wedding was over.
My first dress fitting is in about 2 weeks time, and I am absolutely dreading it. This is not how wedding preparation should be, and I am just so upset. I am lying awake every night worrying about how bad it is going to be instead of looking forward to what should be the most exciting times of my life. I feel awful - fat and unfit and horrible, my clothes don't fit, and I can't even tell my fiancé what is wrong because I am so ashamed of letting myself go so quickly. He is pretty intuitive, and I think he knows, but in a way that makes it worse, as he tells me that he loves me whatever size I am, and whatever I wear. I just don't see how he can find me attractive at all.
I really need help from you - because only you guys can know how I feel.
I have about a months worth of LL packs left over from Foundation and management. I keep trying to restart but I can't. I was looking over my old LL log books and I need to do LL well for about 6 weeks to get back to a weight when I could squeeze into my dress. I want to do it so so badly, but I just seem to sabotage myself all the time. I can remember how good it felt being on LL, the lack of hunger and none of the sugar and carb binges, but I can never seem to get past the first five days.
On top of all of this, I have tons and tons of social things coming up - two hen celebrations, endless meals out, drinks and parties, and I just cant seem to find a way through.
Please help me - I am so worried that I am going to do something very dangerous and stupid in desperation. I want to look amazing for my fiancé, and in the photos that we will keep forever.
I have updated my ticker below, to read my current weight and my dress fitting goal.
[I want to end by saying that LL is just great - it really works - but don't get back into emotional eating once you have got near your goal weight!]
I can't believe I am admitting I'm such a failure
Thanks guys
Slimbride

 

[DramaQueen]

Hello,

Firstly, I am probably not that qualified to say too much as I am only on week 6 so have not gone all the way and am really only beginng my own journey.

What i can say is that, I do know how you feel. I am not going to blah on . I am just going to give you one thing to think about.

Your first dress fitting is in 2 weeks. If you start RIGHT NOW and stick to the LL plan rigidly by the time you go to the fitting you will have lost at least 9 or 10LBS. If you do nothing but continue to eat, get stressed out, get depressed and generally make yourself thoroughly miserable you will probably put on another 5 - 7 lbs (if you are anything like I was!) By the time your wedding comes you will be well on your way to goal and feeling fabulous.

You have taken the first step and that is to come to the place where everybody really understands how hard trying to lose weight can be.

You know, you will feel so much better. Don't delay. Start now.

Best of luck and we are all here to help you on your way. x x

 

[Sez]

Hey there SLimbride. I too know how you feel. It is very stressful getting married (Yes I remember it very well, even though out 17th anniverary is in a few weeks!) I have alos had the trauma of house buying, never an easy thing to do. I have had a miscarriage too.

But you & I both know that the food wont help. All it will do is make you feel worsr in the long term. You are trying to stuff down those emotions with the food & it really is not your friend. You know, deep down, how good LL will make you feel. Ok, so you may not reach your goal by your wedding day, but try to be realistic and set yourself a goal that is acheivable for you.

Your fiance obviusly loves you, why not ask for his help and support?

IF however, for whatever reasons this weight loss does not happen for you, thats ok too. Your wedding day is the most wonderful day ever. You will have so much to be happy about, that honestly, a few extra lbs wont make a jot of difference. You will radiate joy and happiness whatever. Again, I speak from experience. On my wedding day I was far heavier than I am now. I have one photo in particular that I love to bits. Even I can see, that in it, I am beaming, so happy and overjoyed to be marrying my fella. I hated my size too; tried and failed tolose weight for my big day, but I didnt. My day was as wonderful as I had wanted, and whatever you choose to do yours will be too!! Honest!

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} to you.
xx

 

[chunkychicken]

What an awesome post Dancing - I am printing that one off to go in my scrapbook for when times are touch - thanks so much for sharing

Laura

 

[Just Do It]

SlimBride, my heart goes out to you. It is so tough when you are in that place.

Sometimes the more you panic and want to look good the harder it is. I set myself up for failure time and again by promising that by my sisters wedding, my 40th etc I will lose x stones and so on and so on.

It was only when I truly gave up, after all of the major events in my life (So far), that I actually changed and did LL. I really hope that you find the strength to go back on LL and do more than 5 days.

But if you don't, just don't beat yourself up about it. You can enjoy yourself in the position you are in now, being loved by someone who doesn't care about your size must be so special. He wants you. And if you have to get a different size dress, it isn't the end of the world. My LLC was just telling us last week of a client who was so devastated she didn't lose weight before her wedding, but started LL a couple of months after the ceremony, lost the weight and then paid to have her photos done again. And she had a fab time the second time.

Sending you best wishes.

Claire

 

[Uphillstruggle]

Hi slimbride,

I posted a similar thread the other day about why I have self sabbotaged and regained the weight I lost. Restarting is SO hard - so much harder than starting foundation was. I have restarted at least 20 times snce June and only managed 6 days before going on massive binges. I too have had some emotional stress (a marriage break-up) but last weekend I was really honest with myself. I stripped naked in front of the mirror and really looked. I think at times it is easy to regain the weight gradually - you just squeeze into the same clothes or fool yourself by buying bigger ones. In reality I had regained half the weight I lost and I didnt like what I saw. I forced myself to stand on the scales and to acknowledge that I have regained and that I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK. I thought about peoples faces when they saw me after I'd got to 10 stone and how I'd feel if I saw those people now at nearly 2 stone heavier. I keep thinking these thoughts and it has got me through one full week on restart. I have lost 6lbs this week and that is a big boost. THe fact is that you know you can lose the weight by December - that is 3 months and you only need 6 weeks. YOU CAN DO IT. You have to be VERY STRONG and very honest with yourself. In a way you have to treat it as a personality test - have you got the determination and grit to succeed (sorry if that sounds like the Gladiators theme tune ;-) ) I am NOT prepared to fail at this.
Be gentle with yourself. You have been through a lot. A misscarriage is terrible and with the wedding stress on top I am not suprised you have taken solace in food as I have done. But you can't let yourself be beaten by this. YOur wedding day can be the best day of your life and you CAN SUCCEED in getting into your dream dress.

If you want to be restart "buddies" I will happily do that - or even if you just post on here daily to let us know how you're getting on. THe people on here are such a great support.

GOOD LUCK - I am determined to be a healthy BMI again by Christmas.

xx

 

[Uphillstruggle]

Sorry - just wanted to add that I was 14 stone on my wedding day and it was still the best day of my life. xx

 

[slimbride]

Thank you so much. Your kind words made me cry! Everything you have said is true. Am going to use this weekend as 'me' time, and try to relax about the dress - I'm sure i can be altered if it doesn't fit, and in the meantime i'll do my best!

Thanks so much everyone.

xxx

 

[Madam Mimm]

Good luck sweetie - you'll be fine!

 

[JulieJ]

Hi Slimbride

I am also getting married on 22nd December, and was being really good on CD until last weekend (fiance's birthday, and haven't stopped eating since). I have decided that Saturday is going to be my new start date. I understand completely about the hen nights and the meals out, which I believe is all a big part in the run up.

Why don't we do the next week together, and aim to be beautiful brides (not that we wouldn't be beautiful anyway) on the 22nd. Only 10 weeks to go we could lose 2 stone easily by then. I need to lose a stone by the 9th November for my first fitting.

Keep your chin up and picture how you will feel on the day.

JJ