I'm slipping back...

[toller-girl]

I've been putting off posting this for a while, but figure I need to tackle things and maybe writing it down is the first step?

I've had a really bad couple of months. My husband left me just before Christmas and I've started to slip into old habits of comfort eating.

Cooking for one seems pointless, and I'm surviving on marmite sandwiches, the odd piece of fruit and also bingeing on crisps and chocolate.

I know I'm putting weight back on, though not too much yet, and I really need to stop this before I'm back where I started, I just don't know how to. I seem to have lost all respect for myself and feel like it doesn't matter.

I was in the supermarket yesterday about to buy crisps and chocolate and was saying to msyelf 'do I need this, I shouldn't buy this stuff' but I still did. I felt like I couldn't bear not to buy them, because I knew I'd get home, feel depressed and 'need' them.

I don't know how to get through this without resorting to my old habits.

I've eaten all the junk food I've bought, hovered over a packet of laxatives but decided that was a route I didn't want to go down.

Money is tight now that I'm on my own, I can't afford to go back on a meal replacement diet and am just struggling with what's the way forward.

It scared me that I wanted to resist buying that stuff yesterday but I couldn't.

Apparently you can get a free 12 weeks at slimming world if your doctor refers you, I'm probably back in the 'overweight' BMI category (I don't have any scales) so I've been debating asking him for that, so that I've got a bit of support and being weighed regularly.

 

[Blonde Logic]

Oh TG. <super warm comfy hugs> I am really sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I really am. A plit marraige, no matter who leaves who is such a traumatic event. I am not surprised your pschye's inital reaction was to revert to old patterns - it was your 'safe' zone.

I am glad you have come here for support. That isw brave, and a very imporatnat first step. And at least you are listening to your chatterbox - you are aware its there. You maybe didn;t make the right choice in that instance, but it doesn;t mean you won't in the next.

I would suggest you call your LLC and see if you can do a refresher course, or just go along for the weekly meetings. As you completed the program you are entitled to do that free of charge. I think you can maybe still benefit from the CBT, which you won;t get from SW.

But you could also do SW, if you felt you needed a club program to follow?

Oh I just feel so for you right now. I really do.

Stay close to the board - and ask for help when you need it.

And let us know what you decide to do.

In the mean time though, it's very important you do not beat yourself up. YOU are the victim here - so you need a lot of tender loving care, starting with yourself. Your self worth is still off the charts Mrs. Maybe even more so then before. You ARE worth everything. So be gentle with yourself - you are entitled to feel hurt, and angry and sad. And you should feel those things - so you can move past, otherwise you can get stuck - and we all know where that gets us. You know stuffing the problem will only delay your having to feel and go through it - so try not o fall into that trap. I know how much easier said then done that is. But put you first.

We're here for you doll, and sending you lots of love and happy healing vibes.

XXXX

 

[toller-girl]

Thank you :hug99:

I think the fact I posted shows I have still got respect for myself, or I wouldn't want to change it would I?

My LLC has quit, although to be honest she was worse than useless anyway!

I don't feel strong enough to dedicate myself to anything drastic with regards to my weight. I think I'm going to just commit to cooking one meal a day to start with, and giving myself one 'naughty' day a week. If I can at least maintain where I am now it will be easier to get back to where I was. I was a comfortable 12 before all this, and now I'm more comfy in my 14's. If I just maintain at my current weight that's something, although I'd rather get back to the way I was.

I'm going to join a pilates class I think, I need to get out and mix with people, it's very lonely being here on my own, and hopefully that will make me feel a bit better about myself.

Everything just feels like such an effort at the moment, keeping on top of the housework (no mean feat anyway with 3 dogs, especially when one is a puppy!) is getting me down, I don't have the energy for much else.

I think I need to find something to make me happy - something that I can't eat that is

 

[Blonde Logic]

Hey TG - just wonder how you are doing. Are you enjoying PIlates now? I hope you are OK.:hug99: