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In the beginning...prelude to a restart

S: 12st1lb C: 11st9lb G: 8st13lb BMI: 31.8 Loss: 0st6lb(3.55%)
In the beginning there was my June resolution, which was at the time so clear and precise it rendered immediate results on the scales. For the first time in years, weeks went by were food was accounted for and exercise was regularly preformed (not even begrudgingly!). A new life was taking form, which was far more active and positive then what had been the status quo for the prior year.

And then, University kicked in.
With the crisp scent of Autumn came the sting of anxiety towards studying and coursework. The anxiety which justified the consumption of one off indulgences which grew into regular comforts. In not even a span of 4 weeks, 3lbs had reclaimed their position right under my nose.

And I'm sitting here writing this, not because it's all a wash or that the 13lbs meant nothing - but rather it's the next 4 weeks which are glaring at me menacingly. In the next 4 weeks I will be turning in work which will have a hand in the course of my new career, my years spent studying will come to a natural head and the work preformed will dictate the opportunities shown. And the sheer volume of those consequences just dominate my head space for watching my food intake. I love food, growing it, preparing it, savoring it. I find it to be such a unique interaction with nature, one of the last binding forces we have to the actual earth. I have never been a junk food fanatic - I just love my food in bigger sizes than suggested. I don't need to be rail thin but I want to be healthy. The fact that I lead a veggie lifestyle but am "obese" by medical standards rather astounds me. Especially since less than 2 years ago I was at my ideal weight, feeling like I was finally living the life I wanted. But it's gone again, and I have all these shells of clothing items which sit in my suitcases accusingly because it would be laughable to try and squeeze any one of their number on. I know how I got here, I know it was the stress of my job, the lack of activity, the reentering of student life - the sedentary grind which not only ruins my diet but also ruins my mood - broke my figure apart. I know that I can not expect to work / study without stress and therefore I must learn how to eat responsibly and cope - but the idea is so foreign so remote that it seems like fantasy. Organization, structure, coping responsibly are not my strong suits.

I don't know if I will keep up the diary - I struggle with consistency but I thought for now it's a tool for a restart.
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S: 12st1lb C: 11st9lb G: 8st13lb BMI: 31.8 Loss: 0st6lb(3.55%)
First day :

Went well with breakfast, which I never enjoy eating. I managed to pack enough snacks not to devour crisps or the like around lunch time when the class was over. In fact, running on breakfast alone, I had a impromptu meeting and shop and dog walk without snacking... I'm feeling quite proud of all that. I did eat 2 generous bowls of tomato bisque for lunch and dinner, but I think I did myself good calorie wise. Tomorrow should be easier as it's just a mid afternoon meeting and no other obligations. I will go for a run tomorrow - it will my week 9 of C25k and I think it's gonna feel brilliant to finish the program finally.

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