Is anyone else actually scared of getting to goal?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by laura33, 19 August 2009 Social URL.

  1. laura33

    laura33 Member

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    I'm in week 7 of Lighter Life and have lost 1 stone 3lbs so far, but I seem to be really struggling this week. We had a difficult meeting last week and one of the things that came out was that I was in fact scared of getting to goal because of the effect it may have on my relationship and I had in fact started pre planning my lapses? Has anyone else done this? The problem is I'm feeling so low now that I'm struggling not to lapse and having got so far, I don't want to lose it. Any advice would be appreciated? Take care, Laura xx
     
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  3. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Hi Laura

    I think youwill find many peole can relate to what you are feeling.
    Lots of us had a certain weight loss, maybe 2 stone or in my case 4.5 stone which were psychological milestones to pass, maybe due to links with difficult times in our lives. Or as you said, reaching goal, perhaps it's easier to stay on abstinence, no choice of foods so less
    likelihood to cheat!
    Ilike those difficult and challenging meetings. It makes me realise what a tough undertaking this is. It's all in the head.
    Good luck Laura. I'm sure you'll get there.
     
  4. SexyBecks1

    SexyBecks1 is loving CWP xx

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    Hi Laura,

    I know exactly how you feel. I had started struggling when I got to a size 18 (was previously 22/24). The reason being is that before is started me and my OH had so many arguments about me doing this diet mainly as he was so worried that when I lost all my weight I would leave him. I told him so many times that just because I was thinner it wouldn’t affect my feelings for him.

    Once I started it got worse but as I am losing the weight and getting more confident it's starting to get better and he now knows that what I was telling him at the start is true. So when I got to a size 18, I was self sabotaging because I felt he would leave me in fear of me leaving him (silly I know). I am now down to a size 14 but not quite used to being the size I am. I feel really excited about getting to a size 12 but at the same time I am still really scared. I am scared that he won’t like the slim me as I know he likes bigger girls. I think this is going to be a battle until I have maintained for a while and realise that things are fine and we still love each other.

    Sorry about the rambling, now onto you. I would really evaluate why you are feeling like you are. Could you speak to your OH and tell him how you are feeling? He may be able to reassure you that things are good between you. With regards to the plan, take one day at a time or even a food pack at a time, that is how I am having to play it at the moment.

    You are definitely not alone in the way you are feeling. I think the majority of people on this diet have been large people for as long as they can remember so becoming something we have longed for for so long is a very daunting prospect.

    I write a diary and that really helps me. Because when I am feeling down I re-read previous entries from when I was feeling great and I find that it really lifts my mood.

    Please keep posting and you will get yourself back in the zone and on towards your goal.

    Sorry for the long post but hope it helps.
    Love Becky x x
     
  5. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    I wonder whether we are all experiencing the fear of achieving the dream..

    ..and then we won't have anything to dream about?

    xx
     
  6. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Confidence

    Hello Ladies,
    Interesting point TI. You are very thoughtful at the moment aren't you.
    Achieving the dream, is a dream come true. Being slim again has transformed my life, truly. However, it doesn't take away the difficult things in life.
    Anxieties still remain, tough situations still arise, but knowing I've had sufficient control over my life to lose the weight has given me the confidence to deal better with other challenges.
    There is no dream solution. It's a bit like winning the lottery I imagine.It changes your life, but it's how you deal with it long term that really matters.
    Becks, I'm sorry you have the anxieties over your relationship with your other half.Mine also likes curvy women, although I have to say that when I look
    at my "before" photos I wasn't "curvy"
    just lumpy!
    Since I've lost my weight he is so proud of me and keeps encouraging me with my new obsession, buying clothes.
    BecauseI feel so much happier with myself it has made me easier to live with
    and our relationship has improved.
    He knows I'm with him because I want to be, not because I can't finnd anyone else. It's all very complex and goes back to why we allowed ourselves to gain the weight in the first place!
    The anxieties don't go away, but for me
    LL and CBT has helped me recognise them and deal with them rather than ignoring them and covering them up with food and drink as I did before.
    Good luck with the rest of your journeys. Don't be tempted to give up - it's life changing.
     
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