Is it me being selfish & unreasonable...long rant be warned

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by big bear, 1 February 2011 Social URL.

  1. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

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    Ok, H works nights he starts at 12am & finishes at 8am. He gets home about 8.20am has dinner & goes to bed at 9am. He sleeps all day only getting up maybe at lunchtime for an hour & goes back to bed till 10pm.

    As most of you know we've got a 2year old boy & 3month old girl. I get up anywhere between 6am - 7.30am as this is when my son wakes up. I obviously get his breakfast then my daughter normally wakes up for a feed so I feed, changed her etc. Then i usually get my son dressed. I play with him, draw, read etc in between tidying up, doing the washing, dishes etc & on the computer in between when I get time.

    I then do my son some lunch & feed the baby again about 12.30. My son then goes down for a couple of hours nap in the afternoon, gets up about 3pm & then plays, feeds etc till his bedtime at 8pm. The baby is also fed & usually goes asleep around the same time. The I've got a little bit of time on my own but normally do things I can't do when my son is around. I get H up at 10pm make his lunch etc & then go to bed myself roughly between 11pm-12. My daughter wakes at 2am for another feed, change etc I then get back to sleep up again at 6am & the cycle continues.

    I'm completely exhausted, i understand I'm a mother of 2 & it's my job but I think my H is being selfish for just sleeping all day. he thinks because he's the one he goes to work I should do everything else. I tried to have a sleep this afternoon when both kids were asleep & he woke me up because the baby was crying. Why the hell couldn't he see to her? Then my son woke up & instead of saying you have an hours sleep I'll get up with the kids he went back to bed after sleeping all morning.

    I understand he's working & I shouldn't be a moany cow as we're lucky he has a job but sometimes it just gets too much for me. I've so much admiration to single parents how on earth they cope I don't know they are amazing in my eyes.

    Both the kids have had colds/coughs this week which is making things harder.

    I'm really angry right now & finding myself being snappy & shouting at the wee ones which i know is so unfair. My son is going through terrible 2's as well...

    I had depression when I went back to work when my son was 1 & now I feel as if I'm going to break down again but all H says is I'm working, at least I'm bringing in money to pay the bills.

    I feel a little better for getting it out.

    Am I being really unreasonable here or should H get up for some time in the afternoon to play with the kids & give me a little break?
     
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  3. ColJack

    ColJack Gold Member

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    totally unreasonable of him..

    he works 8 hours and sleeps 15 ish? what the hell? that's not on..

    tell him he has to pull his share and that if he was on days he'd work 8 then stay up until 11pm ish so he can just stay awake when he gets home until 2 or 3pm and help out....
     
  4. sarahevans

    sarahevans Silver Member

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    Totally agree with Coljack u need tonhave words!!! I work a lot of nights but I certainly don't sleep the rest of the time you have to have a life aswell. I'm
    Sorry but sounds very selfish
     
  5. Beegee

    Beegee The Big One

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    Totally agree - he's being utterly unreasonable. Do you get any time off at the weekends? Does he do his share when he's not working? You are no good to your family if you're exhausted and pushed to breaking point, if mum goes down and isn't there keeping it all together everything goes to pot. Things need to change hun! Time for a chat I think ...
     
  6. *EB*

    *EB* Gold Member

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    I think if he gets home and is asleep from 9am, then he should have 7 hours and be up at 4pm to spend some time with his family before he goes to work!!!!

    Not every day maybe - he could stay awake until 12 or something on some days, and then sleep until 7 - and get up and go to work for 10pm.

    Seven hours sleep seems reasonable enough for an adult.

    Sending you loads of love BB xxx
     
  7. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

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    Thanks guys, he is only off Saturday nights & he ends up sleeping all day Sat too.

    We had problems when i was pregnant if you remember but things have been really good as he stopped drinking in December but now seems to be going back to his old ways of sleeping all the time XX
     
  8. Anne2705

    Anne2705 Full Member

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    Totally unreasonable you may as well be on your own as you never see him and he dosent seem to spend any quality time with you or your children ... You 2 need to get this sorted :( x

    Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
     
  9. ColJack

    ColJack Gold Member

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    make a point of waking him after he's had 8 hours sleep maximum and tell him to get up.

    if he needs to sleep more than 8 hours a day then he needs to go to the doctors or change jobs.. that's just not worth it..
     
  10. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    Im not surprised hes needing so much if hes getting up for an hour in the middle of it! Hes having a "nap" and then a proper full "nights" sleep.

    I can kind of understand him not wanting to break his sleep pattern if he only gets one night off a week, but even taking that into account, he is behaving very selfishly. He should be getting up at around 4, spending the evening with you and some quality time with the kids, and then going off to work. Tell him to stop breaking his sleep by getting up at lunchtime, to eat when he gets up late afternoon, and to stop being so selfish before he finds himself having to do all your work, plus his own while you recouperate in the nearest psychiatric ward. You will burn out if he doesnt start pulling his weight and thats exactly what he will have to face.
     
  11. jimmy's girl

    jimmy's girl Full Member

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    I'm with ellebear all the way. Even if he took the kids to the park or swimming a couple of mornings a week you could have some time to have a bath, read a magazine or even have a warm coffee/tea(not one that is stone cold by the time you finish changing a nappy or dealing with a tantrum). Hope you get something sorted soon x x
     
  12. The Punisher

    The Punisher Full Member

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    Oh my, I think your hubby is being totally unreasonable. In my student days I'd go on 4 day long benders and still only need about 8 hours sleep afterwards. You need a break and he NEEDS to bond with his kiddies. Why can't he sleep from like 10/11 to 6 or 7pm. That way he gets to spend time with his kids and you get the much needed time for yourself. it's really not fair that he does nothing.
    So he works, he brings in the money. Big deal-he'd be bloody lost without you! Perhaps he needs reminding of exactly what it is you do for him and the family
     
  13. Cheekypasterfield

    Cheekypasterfield Rather comfy here

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    Hiya, I really feel for you.and think your Husband isn't being fair. You're totally right to be upset!

    My hubby works shifts and one if his patterns is to work 5 nights. He starts at 10pm till 6am. When we had our daughter we agreed, he would sleep from 6am till about 1pm ish (7 hours) then he would help look after her.

    Like you I don't get 'time off' but the stress is far less as hubby is involved in looking after our daughter.

    On his day off, could you go out and leave your kids with him? Have you spoken to him about his selfish attitude? Have you got support within your circle of family/friends, who could help you give a break.

    If you find it hard to speak to him, especially if he is 'stroppy' on the subject, you need to try and make sometime to yourself where possible.

    Good luck and take care x x
     
  14. snuggle69

    snuggle69 Silver Member

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    He is being totally unfair, no one needs that much sleep.
    He clearly isnt thinking about you and the children at all and needs a damn good shake! How can he enjoy their childhoods which are all to short as it is if he sleeps all the time?
    And you most definatly need a break. This is something you need to approach as soon as possible hun otherwise your just going to be to exhausted to be of any use to anyone x
    Give him a good kick up the bum from all of us!!
     
  15. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

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    Thanks everyone, I'll have a talk with him tomorrow again.

    Cheekypasterfield - My family aren't here & I don't get on with MIL at all. My son does go to in laws on a Thursday though so get a bit of a break then. All my friends are working & 2 of them have 2 year olds as well & are about to have their 2nd baby although they are very supportive.

    Hopefully another talk with him will work XX
     
  16. Cheekypasterfield

    Cheekypasterfield Rather comfy here

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    Know what you mean about MIL's . Good luck hun with your talk with him. I hope you can find a compromise that can work with you both. I'm sure if he can work his sleep pattern things will be easier. Hope he is receptive, I know my hubby can get defensive if he know I'm right but doesn't want to face the issue.

    Take care x
     
  17. Neonshock

    Neonshock Full Member

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    I work a 12 hour night shift and I sleep from about 9am-1pm then I will try for another couple of hours in the afternoon. In my house its just my partner and me but I still put the washing on when I get up and make tea for us etc etc.

    Your husband is being unreasonable. Or he needs to see the doctor because there is something wrong with him needing to sleep for 13hrs a day.

    :( Sorry to hear about your situation.
     
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  19. RegField

    RegField Silver Member

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    . . . edited
     
    Last edited: 2 February 2011
  20. MommyNOriana

    MommyNOriana Full Member

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    I HIGHLY doubt is is sleeping that much. He's prob messing about on his phone or something. My guess is that he's hiding. I had problems with my h too. Not quite this extreme but I was often angry too. I'm angry FOR you just reading about this! If he doesn't want to be a father and a husband, he should find a new place to lay his head. It took me about 4 years to separate from my husband. (Different circumstances) I was in ur boat no money of my own. But my daughter got older and I went back to work. She went to daycare.

    Chin up. U can talk to him but if he blows u off he has no respect for u or ur kids. My husband has realized what he lost. He agreed to counseling and we are repairing slowly although we still live apart.

    As for him bringing home a paycheck. Who cares? Money can't buy a happy family. Making money doesn't take care of a family. Love does. Took my oh a while to get that.

    Keep being a great mum. No one can stop u from doing that. Big hugs love. Xxx
     
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  21. Fatty_no_more

    Fatty_no_more Slimming for my children

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    He is being really unreasonable! I am a full time mum and also work.
    On a Monday I go to work at 8pm and leave the house at 6.30pm and don't get in till 4am I then go to sleep and my husband gets up with bubs at 5.00 when he wakes and looks after him till he has to leave at 6.30am. I only have 2 and a half hours sleep on tues but better than 1 hour lol.

    There are two of you in this relationship not one! You are both their parents and being a mum doesn't mean you sit on your arse all day you are the reason ur children are thriving and growing and learning!
    Tell him to get a grip!
    Hugs. X
     
  22. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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    So sorry to hear about your situation. Here are my thoughts on it all....

    Hubby is being unreasonable, I do agree with that. He does not need that much sleep at all and probably feels much worse for having that much sleep. Getting up for an hour at lunch is crazy, that's like me getting up for an hour at 2pm for example, I wouldn't dream of it! He's not getting a full "night's" sleep by doing that.

    He should go to bed when he's had his meal, put some ear plugs in and sleep for 7-8 hours then get up.

    I'm a bit of a believer that if you are staying at home to look after the children (the old fashioned word was "housewife" now I think it's Stay at Home Mum???") then it is your place to look after the kids, do the cooking, cleaning etc. Don't shoot me down on this one, it is just my opinion. That said, it doesn't mean he shouldn't do his share of spending some time with the children.

    You really should sleep when the children sleep, I'm a big believer in that. Especially if you are up in the night to feed. Even if it's an hours nap on the sofa, it will recharge your batteries.

    If tensions are high in the house (which it seems they are) then hubby probably is staying in bed for longer than he normally would perhaps? Try a different tact. Maybe try not to give him a hard time or tell him what a hard time you are having, try saying you need more time with him and would like to see him more and the kids would like to see him more, a bit of reverse psychology? Yes, he's selfish but telling him that isn't going to make him get out of bed!

    I was a single parent and I worked full time, it was very hard. I missed out on my daughter's younger days really and I regret that, I wish I could have stayed at home with her but I couldn't. I do think that if people can stay at home with their children then they are very lucky and I'm rather sad that I couldn't do it.

    Try to enjoy the lovely time with them, they grow up so fast and they'll be gone before you know it :cry:
     
    jigglymum likes this.
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