It's funny how things end up.

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Minerva, 7 May 2009.

  1. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

    I've had a wake up call somewhat yesterday...! Both positive and negative. I guess I'll start with the good. :D

    Been on Lighter Life for so long now... and I can honestly thank it for so many positives. For the first time in my life I can actually SEE that I am slim. I can finally say I make my own choices. I did get that self-image phase for a while where I saw myself as fat even though I was a size 12. It's strange. But somewhere along the line, just in the last two weeks I can honestly say, that I like me . I may not be beautiful, but I accept and embrace what I look like. I have had to come to terms with a lot of things and I feel like I've suddenly grown up. I'm turning 23 next week and suddenly I know where I need to go. I have been through clinical depression, have self-harmed for many years and always need to cover up my body because of this. I have for so many years also clung onto the 'injustices' that have been shoved my way. I have been obese all my life, and often been ridiculed because of it.
    But there is an upside. LighterLife gave me the tools (not just the counselling) but also teaching me the strength to be patient. Things will come in good time.... as they say: "Good things come to those who wait." and that is so very true. I can say I am happy now. So much of my life I spent looking to blame something else, someone else for my troubles; but I know now I need to take responsibility for my own actions. We all have a choice of which path we take, we need to remember that we are in charge of our own destiny. No one else will do anything FOR us. We are in complete control of what we say and do, after all, no one is holding a gun to our heads forcing us to eat a cookie. We do it to ourselves.

    The negative side, is the addictive nature of weight-loss and the fear of re-gain. Furthermore, not just that. I actually fit in a size 10 now which is fairly amazing! I didn't think I'd get this far, it wasn't in my original plan. At this point of Lighter Life Lite I am suffering from lethargy. I have hours of my brain just failing, every movement, every thought, every task takes so much effort. *THINKING* is an effort. Lol, that sounds stupid, but for the last 2 months it's felt like I've been running on vapours. I just don't have the energy to even have a normal conversation with my boyfriend. And yesterday he finally said it to me: "You're not a nice person to be around." Now before you all bounce off the handle at him: He is right. I reached my target of 10stone, and have done 2 extra weeks. Because of the obsessive nature of weight-loss I was determined to keep going even though I'm finding it more and more difficult to stay awake, to even be NICE to someone. How absurd that sounds? I promised him I'd start RTM this week and somewhere I almost decided I wasn't going to. I forgot how much this type of living affects the people around me. I am happy with what I have now why keep pushing at the expense of my relationships and health?

    I guess I was curious as to what's on the other side of Obesity. The extreme opposite - the bones and the dips and that 'frail' feeling.

    But ... Curiousity killed the cat... I choose to stop before it's too late.

  2. daisydoll

    daisydoll Well-Known Member

    this is exactly what is bugging me at the moment..... sums up my other thread really.

    good luck with whatever you decide to do
    daisy x
  3. iceycold

    iceycold Well-Known Member

    Good luck, your BMI looks great, you've done really well.
    You'll lose a bit more the 1st 2 weeks of RTM anyway.

    Sorry you're feeling lethargic, I found energy I'd never had for years when I got to my target, I figured it was due to getting all the nutrients I needed for the first time in an age.
    Hope you pick up soon,

    They reckon exercise in a strange way produces energy if you can get motivated, it also is supposed to release "happy endorphins" or some such (Daisy as well, as you're feeling fed up)
    I never did get very motivated in that direction I'm afraid.
  4. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

    Thanks to both of you for reading. ^_^
    Daisy: You've done fantastically well. If this thread struck a chord with you, perhaps at this moment in time you need to take a step back and look not just at yourself as the central figure of this experience but take into account where your life is, and realistically weigh out the positives and negatives of going forward. Have you achieved what you originally wanted to? If yes, then what's holding you back? Fear? Curiousity? The wanting to be 'in control' of the situation? Evaluate every reason... No one can give you the answer, only you know what's best for you. :)

    Icey: Thanks for the reply! I'm not doing the 12 week RTM (already did it when I was on abstinence), I am now going to do 4 week Lite RTM version, so won't lose any more weight. :)
    I did a lot of exercise last week and this only made me much more tired. I'm one of those people who the state of "ketosis" actually affects negatively. Most people seem to experience a state of euphoria and energy, some experience the exact opposite; constant lethargy and pain.
    I have great patience though, I endure. I know that everything ends one day. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day pain and gloom will be torn down by the coming of the sun.
  5. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

    I'm glad you've decided what comes next, even if it did take a kick up the (now very much smaller) bum.

    I've been doing the LLL for the past couple of weeks and I have been amazed at how delighted my OH is at having me eat 'properly' with him again, even if it is mainly green!!
  6. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

    Your post is very thought provoking as I have missed out on the energy burst aspect of LL too. Your start bmi and % weight loss goal are similar to my own. I have set an arbitrary target based on 50% loss and healthy bmi of 22-23ish. You are making me think it's a good idea to take it a week at a time when I get somewhere close. Only want to do this once though.

    Thanks for raising my awareness of some of these issues xx
  7. iceycold

    iceycold Well-Known Member

    Hi Minerva,
    glad you've got a game plan, and you're sorted. I did feel like death for the first 10 weeks, and the LL kept saying you'll get more energy and everybody else nodded, and I kept thinking dream on. But when I neared the end of developers I woke up one day and had more energy than I had in years. Kept me going for the last couple of weeks. (Still didn't find any form of exercise that I liked though - bad person)

    Didn't have Lite when I did it, only a 4 week RTM that's good.

    Hope you feel better and fitter soon, you look fab. :)
  8. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

    :D Hee Icey I did abstinence for 9 months last year! Then 3 months of RTM.
    Lite for 3 months since Feb this year to finish off and finally reach my original target. I guess you're lucky to finally have discovered that energy they promised, even though you found the first few months difficult. Maybe that energy you experienced by the end of developers was a psycological awakening to the thought of "finishing"? That can happen too sometimes, it's amazing how large a role psychology plays in our well being. I do find that in all my lethargy, I get a burst of energy when I'm cooking, or am distracted from my own self.

    Walking I find is a good form of exercise - it isn't too strenuous, but keeps you fit and healthy. :D
  9. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

    Minerva, you know something odd. I was just thinking about you yesterday, and that quote you had once about tackling the head demons before tackling the food demons or something like that? So I was like whoah when I saw this thread.
    I think it's great that you've started to see yourself as the way you really look and not 'fat' any more. But it's also great that you've decided to stop now that you're happy with your weight. You're right, it's not worth risking your health and relationships, to become a frail bag of bones! When I was on LL I also often had that complete lack of energy, I hated it - for me it never went away with distraction or anything.

    Anyway I'm glad you had the penny drop moment and are doing the RTM.. It's amazing how much we can learn on this journey and LL really gives us a boost if we choose to use it!
  10. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

    Holy crap! ... PB! :hug99: I missed you somehow. I sometimes wonder how you are.
    You know what though? You're right. I forgot that quote when I removed it, strange how I abandoned the words yet, amazingly I arrived there. I have tackled that emotional head demon, and feel like my world does not revolve around food anymore. It's my birthday next wednesday and my first thought to celebrate WASN'T "restaurant", but "go to the zoo" ... rofl. Food for me now is more about *quality* and taste and texture rather than how much of it is on my plate. I sincerely hope I can keep what I have achieved, I will definitely be fighting for it!

    Mooo. *hugs* Thank you for reminding me of that quote, it startled me a little!
    Hope your exams and coursework are going well as well as personal life...! :D
  11. slendablenda

    slendablenda Well-Known Member

    Well done you Minerva,

    Success definitely stems from inside our heads doesn't it?
    Sean said something similar to you on RTM earlier, that it's addictive when you are successful at losing the weight and something makes us just want to carry on to see how far we can go.
    Be careful. XXX I know you are very self aware and into the psychology.
    Hi PB. We missed you xx:wave_cry:

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