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It's not easy being chunky...

Discussion in 'Weight Loss Diaries' started by Linners, 2 November 2009 Social URL.

  1. Linners

    Linners New Member

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    OK, where do I start? I've been planning on writing a diet blog for ages and never quite managing it. Ho hum.

    The first Monday in the month is as good a place as any to start, I guess. Having successfully dropped from 21st 6 to 14st 11, I now find myself looking at the scales at 16st 12 and thinking I sure as hell don't want to creep up any further.

    I lost most of my weight with CD, and then gained most of it care of chocolate and crisps. I do so hate that mindset I find myself in when I successfully lose, only to get complacent and think 'I'll start again tomorrow...'. It's so bloomin' destructive and tomorrow never comes!

    My main problem is, I live miles from a CD Counsellor and I find CD terribly expensive. And it's serious money crunch time! I got married this year and I've got a £15,000 loan to get rid of (not all wedding cost, I had some expensive but essential dental work done :( ). All my energies need to be channelled into stripping that debt away.

    So, my plan of action today is to get me some Atkins stuff from Tescos. I know, I know, it's not cheap or proper, but the bars are very similar to the CD bars nutritionally and I have a few shakes left over to last me a month. It might just give me a boost... I hope!

    I also need to find out psychologically what my issue with food is. I know deep down it's a kind of a 'Oh, I'm so fat! I'll console myself with a chunky kit kat!' type thing, but it's very much a nervousness issue. I eat in secret, then feel guilty for eating in secret and eat as a result of the guilt?! It's insane, I don't really understand why I do it. Or occasionally my colleague will go out of the office and I scoff a whole bag of sweets while she's out so she won't know (she's super slim by the way, 7st size 8).

    It might be cathartic getting all my feelings written down, and to stop being nervous and quietening it with food. It's going to be a hard slog though -- I have been overweight all my life, right from the word go. I've never been my 'proper' weight. The closest I've been is 10 years ago when I weighed 12st 6. I was a very fat baby, very fat child, very fat teen and very fat young adult. I've almost resigned myself to it, but then this little voice in my head squeaks that it's just not acceptable and I must be a size 10/12 and fit. Maybe I set myself too high a target and up for failure.

    Oh, it's just all so confusing!
    AG1981 likes this.
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  3. Linners

    Linners New Member

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    Hmm... two Atkins bars down, one to go. Feeling determined, but I can't lie, I want more food.

    Colleagues are annoying me today. They're doing nothing at work, and there's always jobs to do when you look. Now colleague has one of her friends in to chatter -- it's really not on. :(
  4. AG1981

    AG1981 Gold Member

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    Stick with it hun.
    You can do it.
  5. miss jelly tot

    miss jelly tot CWP Consultant

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    Yes stick with it, think of the loss at WI. I'm back on shakes for a few days so know how you feel......Im starving but the water is keeping the hungar pains at bay, for now

    Your def not alone with this!
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