Yasmine
One last chance
I'm going to do refeed again. I think I'll do it for about 3 weeks. So after my weigh in on saturday and seeing the damage, I'm going to start a new again. And this time, I'm going to be sensible.
I've had my taste of chocs and all that other junk. Turns out that I don't really like chocolate anymore, it gives me a headache and a tummy ache no matter how much I seem to eat.
I ordered the maintenance formula samples and I still have some LT shakes. So I'm going to be doing this.
I know some of you will be dissapointed, but I sort of don't feel ready to eat again, if you get what I mean.
Without the comfort zone, I feel unstable and I feel that I still need to have time off to think about why I've been behaving the way I have been.
I am really glad that I have come to realise what I have been doing before it became worse and ended up into a eating disorder.
You see, this is really uncomfortable to say, but I feel that I can trust you guys. I can't say what I've done to my family, because they will end up sending me to the doctors and probably end up monitering me and force feeding me.
I have been forcing myself to purge. Everytime that I felt full, it was off to the loo to get rid of the damage that I felt I was doing to myself. I started to think that food was the enemy again. I was starting to see myself fat, my mum said that there is no difference in my appearance, but I wa starting to see something else. It was really starting to mess with me, but I'm glad that I am aware of what I was doing before it went completely out of control.
I know when I was on LT and on this forum, I seem to be strong, determined and sensible, but I am just like every other individual on this site. I have many weaknesses, I make stupid mistakes and I am afraid of doing the slightest thing wrong. And when things do go wrong, I panic and I can't help myself. I'm prone to having many panic attacks, I've had countless panic attacks since the age of 15 and they began getting worse from that age onwards.
All I'm saying is that I don't feel safe right now. Being around real food again so far has been so frightening. In a way, yes, I am afraid of food but at the same time, I do have the mental strength to realise that food is not the enemy.
It's just that control I don't seem to have at the moment. Going back on refeed is like hitting the reset button.
I don't have any support at home, and I really hope you guys will understand that I really have to do this. I usually am able to stand on my own, but when it comes to food and weight managment, I'm in deperate need of guidance.
Sorry to ramble on like this, but for me, minimins is kind of like an online shrink for me heh.
Thanks.
I've had my taste of chocs and all that other junk. Turns out that I don't really like chocolate anymore, it gives me a headache and a tummy ache no matter how much I seem to eat.
I ordered the maintenance formula samples and I still have some LT shakes. So I'm going to be doing this.
I know some of you will be dissapointed, but I sort of don't feel ready to eat again, if you get what I mean.
Without the comfort zone, I feel unstable and I feel that I still need to have time off to think about why I've been behaving the way I have been.
I am really glad that I have come to realise what I have been doing before it became worse and ended up into a eating disorder.
You see, this is really uncomfortable to say, but I feel that I can trust you guys. I can't say what I've done to my family, because they will end up sending me to the doctors and probably end up monitering me and force feeding me.
I have been forcing myself to purge. Everytime that I felt full, it was off to the loo to get rid of the damage that I felt I was doing to myself. I started to think that food was the enemy again. I was starting to see myself fat, my mum said that there is no difference in my appearance, but I wa starting to see something else. It was really starting to mess with me, but I'm glad that I am aware of what I was doing before it went completely out of control.
I know when I was on LT and on this forum, I seem to be strong, determined and sensible, but I am just like every other individual on this site. I have many weaknesses, I make stupid mistakes and I am afraid of doing the slightest thing wrong. And when things do go wrong, I panic and I can't help myself. I'm prone to having many panic attacks, I've had countless panic attacks since the age of 15 and they began getting worse from that age onwards.
All I'm saying is that I don't feel safe right now. Being around real food again so far has been so frightening. In a way, yes, I am afraid of food but at the same time, I do have the mental strength to realise that food is not the enemy.
It's just that control I don't seem to have at the moment. Going back on refeed is like hitting the reset button.
I don't have any support at home, and I really hope you guys will understand that I really have to do this. I usually am able to stand on my own, but when it comes to food and weight managment, I'm in deperate need of guidance.
Sorry to ramble on like this, but for me, minimins is kind of like an online shrink for me heh.
Thanks.