Jessica Rabbit72
Gold Member
Hey everyone have decided to edit this as I dont want everyone thinking Im a loon!!!!
I was having a really BAD day on Friday and was on a bit of a downer when I wrote my introduction to the thread. In hindsight I should have left it until today when PMT was not out in full force like it was on Friday.
I am not usually as bad as I was in that day so please read past that and hopefully it will be an enjoyable read.............
In general I love this diet and it is the best diet ever. If I had stuck to it I would be at goal now and doing maintenance properly. As it is, I have done the scenic route falling on and off every now and again and if Im truthful have mucked around this last 2 months and as a result have roughly maintained for them.
So I decided that it would be best to come up the plans to get to goal as it wasnt good to be mucking my body around being on and off the plan.
I started a diary on the main forum at around day 87 but I dont know how to merge that one and this so started a new one.................
FRIDAY 17th JULY 2009 Original Start date:- Feb 6th 09 WEEK 23
Hey everyone – I hope you don’t mind me moving my diary here, but I felt I needed to as I need to go up the plans for my sanity. SS and SS+ is just too drastic and is affecting my life too much.:cry:
I have realised that when I started my diary last time I just went into day 87 so will give you a bit of background.
I am a classic yo-yo dieter and am absolutely fantastic at diets as Im an all or nothing kind of girl, but its the keeping the weight off I cant do hence the yo-yoing. Its the classic of I have been deprived on my diet so need to make up for it now Im off the diet.
So this time it is going to be different!
Ever since I was a young girl I was a little bit overweight. So my childhood was spent doing one diet after another to lose about a stone to get to healthy weight range and then the crunch came at 19 when I was told at 11st 7 I was too fat to start my nurse training and I would only be allowed to start if I was 10st or under. (Healthy Weight range for me is 8.1 to 10.1)
So from the Feb to the September I lost the weight and started my training (and no-one weighed me which really peed me off) and being away from home relished the delights of student life!!!
Over the next 3 years of my training I was on one diet or another and weight was swinging anywhere between 11.7 and 13.7 Once my training ended I was 11.7 and I came home and proceeded to put weight on (AGAIN) and yo-yoed up to 13.6 and then a friend was getting married so dieted again down to 11st.
And as the story goes again after the wedding I put about a stone on and then lost weight for the millennium and managed to get down to 10st 4 which was my lowest in 7 years. As usual once the occasion was over I put weight on again and went up to about 12.7 and then we set a date for our wedding in 2001 and got down to 11.5
Then I got pregnant with DD (honeymoon baby) and put 5st on as I ate for 22 never mind 2! I lost 3st of that weight and then got pregnant with DS 10months after she was born and was determined I wasn’t going to put as much weight on and was a bit more careful what I ate and only put 4 st on, so was pleased with that!
6wks after he was born I went back to WW and got all the weight off (6st from the day before he was born) My goal had been for his first birthday that I was back at my wedding weight pre-babies and I did it.:family2:
Unfortunately I then had a horrendously stressful year at work and put 3st on and undid all the hard work!:cry::cry:
Then in October 2005 I started LL which changed over to CD in Jan 06. It was the best diet I had ever done and was like an epiphany moment of why was food ruling my life etc etc,
but because I didn’t have proper CBT with the LL leader cos she was crap, all my old habits returned once off the diet. I also didn’t do maintenance properly either which didn’t help.
Then in September 06 my Mum offered to pay for a tummy tuck as I couldn’t get it on the NHS in my area as I had put 2st on after finishing the diet. So I had it done in Nov 06 as my tummy was horrendous hanging down and was NEVER going to go back as my muscles needed repairing too.
You would think that would make me keep the weight off but no – probably subconsciously because I hadn’t been at goal when I had the tuck my emotional heating habits returned.
Once back at work I was involved in a major incident and investigation (not about me) and proceeded to put on about 2st as I comfort ate to get through it. Then I spent Sept 07 – 08 doing a course and put on another 1½ st and started a new job, and I had got to my heaviest non-pregnant ever at 15.7
So in Jan 09 I started back at WW and lost half a stone and thought it needs to come off quicker for my holiday in June I need to do CD again. So Feb 5th I started CD and by my holiday I had lost 4st which I am proud of, but annoyed at myself as I took the scenic route. I could never recapture that original enthusiasm and determination like the first time I did it.
The diet has been fantastic, but I feel it has taken more of a toll on my life this time, it has affected my moods beyond belief and I have been taking it out on HB and the kids which is no way fair on them hence the not being 100% all the time.
I know some people have managed to stick to it 100% through much worse circumstances, but I just couldn’t.:cry:
After being on my hols I have been on and off the wagon to varying degrees and am maintaining between 11.2 and 11.7 and I fit in size 12/14 trousers/skirts depending on style which I am happy with. I want to stop obsessing about my weight on a daily basis and it ruling my life.
But as usual the indecision is crippling me of what to do diet wise. I KNOW I cant go back to SSing its just too drastic and probably ss+, but its how to do it really and reintroduce me to healthy food choices as its all comfort food at the moment - which I hope will stop once TOTM arrives.
I have enough shakes left for the next 6 weeks to have 2 a day and healthy food so could do 1200 plan or have enough for 1 a day and do 1500 for the next 3 months.
I will definitely incorporate the shakes until they are all gone as otherwise it is a waste of money and I have spent a fortune and I so need to eat healthily.
I appreciate that it will take longer, but I just cant put my body through any more binge starve cycles and I’m hoping that doing 12/1500 will get me to eat healthier in the long term.
The main thoughts are do I say right because of all the yo-yoing is it that I always get to11st ish that that is my natural body weight and I just accept it and use that as my goal weight as every time I go any lower I just cant maintain it, and being an apple shape with big boobs and slim legs I don’t think I look that bad anymore
OR is it my mindset that is wrong and I can do it and stay there as long as I change my mindset and I’m giving in too easily......... I don’t want to spend all my life trying to achieve the unattainable, dragging my family with me as there is more to life.
An acquaintance was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year and she has an 8 and 10yr old and it tears me apart that she may not see them grow up and I cant imagine if that were me.
I think I have also got to the point of going to the docs to try and get CBT as the over-riding feeling is 'I want to be normal' and there is more to life than obsessing about weight. There has to be some kind of treatment I can have for that! I know I am an emotional eater (for every emotion) think I am going to look into hynotherapy again aswell.
On a good day I decide right no more scale hopping I will just judge how my clothes feel. So I do that, eat how I want then a few days later get back on and I’ve put 2lbs on so the cycle of scale hopping starts again!
So I need to some input from you guys of any ideas about goal setting and realistic goal setting now you know the ‘LONG’ history. God I need therapy LOL!!!!!
Sorry such a deep post to start off my diary, but PMT is heavily influencing it and I’m spending alot of it welling up as I feel a failure for not being able to control my weight and so so so so sick of it ruling my life there is more to life than weight and I want it to be only 1% of my life just making sure I am healthy and it not ruling 99% of my life! :cry:
KD if you are around some wise words would be greatly appreciated, but also I see from your siggy that you are a weight management coach, so if you did support by email etc then I would be interested in becoming a client (paying of course!!!)
Love Jess
Xxx
I was having a really BAD day on Friday and was on a bit of a downer when I wrote my introduction to the thread. In hindsight I should have left it until today when PMT was not out in full force like it was on Friday.
I am not usually as bad as I was in that day so please read past that and hopefully it will be an enjoyable read.............
In general I love this diet and it is the best diet ever. If I had stuck to it I would be at goal now and doing maintenance properly. As it is, I have done the scenic route falling on and off every now and again and if Im truthful have mucked around this last 2 months and as a result have roughly maintained for them.
So I decided that it would be best to come up the plans to get to goal as it wasnt good to be mucking my body around being on and off the plan.
I started a diary on the main forum at around day 87 but I dont know how to merge that one and this so started a new one.................
FRIDAY 17th JULY 2009 Original Start date:- Feb 6th 09 WEEK 23
Hey everyone – I hope you don’t mind me moving my diary here, but I felt I needed to as I need to go up the plans for my sanity. SS and SS+ is just too drastic and is affecting my life too much.:cry:
I have realised that when I started my diary last time I just went into day 87 so will give you a bit of background.
I am a classic yo-yo dieter and am absolutely fantastic at diets as Im an all or nothing kind of girl, but its the keeping the weight off I cant do hence the yo-yoing. Its the classic of I have been deprived on my diet so need to make up for it now Im off the diet.
So this time it is going to be different!
Ever since I was a young girl I was a little bit overweight. So my childhood was spent doing one diet after another to lose about a stone to get to healthy weight range and then the crunch came at 19 when I was told at 11st 7 I was too fat to start my nurse training and I would only be allowed to start if I was 10st or under. (Healthy Weight range for me is 8.1 to 10.1)
So from the Feb to the September I lost the weight and started my training (and no-one weighed me which really peed me off) and being away from home relished the delights of student life!!!
Over the next 3 years of my training I was on one diet or another and weight was swinging anywhere between 11.7 and 13.7 Once my training ended I was 11.7 and I came home and proceeded to put weight on (AGAIN) and yo-yoed up to 13.6 and then a friend was getting married so dieted again down to 11st.
And as the story goes again after the wedding I put about a stone on and then lost weight for the millennium and managed to get down to 10st 4 which was my lowest in 7 years. As usual once the occasion was over I put weight on again and went up to about 12.7 and then we set a date for our wedding in 2001 and got down to 11.5
Then I got pregnant with DD (honeymoon baby) and put 5st on as I ate for 22 never mind 2! I lost 3st of that weight and then got pregnant with DS 10months after she was born and was determined I wasn’t going to put as much weight on and was a bit more careful what I ate and only put 4 st on, so was pleased with that!
6wks after he was born I went back to WW and got all the weight off (6st from the day before he was born) My goal had been for his first birthday that I was back at my wedding weight pre-babies and I did it.:family2:
Unfortunately I then had a horrendously stressful year at work and put 3st on and undid all the hard work!:cry::cry:
Then in October 2005 I started LL which changed over to CD in Jan 06. It was the best diet I had ever done and was like an epiphany moment of why was food ruling my life etc etc,
but because I didn’t have proper CBT with the LL leader cos she was crap, all my old habits returned once off the diet. I also didn’t do maintenance properly either which didn’t help.
Then in September 06 my Mum offered to pay for a tummy tuck as I couldn’t get it on the NHS in my area as I had put 2st on after finishing the diet. So I had it done in Nov 06 as my tummy was horrendous hanging down and was NEVER going to go back as my muscles needed repairing too.
You would think that would make me keep the weight off but no – probably subconsciously because I hadn’t been at goal when I had the tuck my emotional heating habits returned.
Once back at work I was involved in a major incident and investigation (not about me) and proceeded to put on about 2st as I comfort ate to get through it. Then I spent Sept 07 – 08 doing a course and put on another 1½ st and started a new job, and I had got to my heaviest non-pregnant ever at 15.7
So in Jan 09 I started back at WW and lost half a stone and thought it needs to come off quicker for my holiday in June I need to do CD again. So Feb 5th I started CD and by my holiday I had lost 4st which I am proud of, but annoyed at myself as I took the scenic route. I could never recapture that original enthusiasm and determination like the first time I did it.
The diet has been fantastic, but I feel it has taken more of a toll on my life this time, it has affected my moods beyond belief and I have been taking it out on HB and the kids which is no way fair on them hence the not being 100% all the time.
I know some people have managed to stick to it 100% through much worse circumstances, but I just couldn’t.:cry:
After being on my hols I have been on and off the wagon to varying degrees and am maintaining between 11.2 and 11.7 and I fit in size 12/14 trousers/skirts depending on style which I am happy with. I want to stop obsessing about my weight on a daily basis and it ruling my life.
But as usual the indecision is crippling me of what to do diet wise. I KNOW I cant go back to SSing its just too drastic and probably ss+, but its how to do it really and reintroduce me to healthy food choices as its all comfort food at the moment - which I hope will stop once TOTM arrives.
I have enough shakes left for the next 6 weeks to have 2 a day and healthy food so could do 1200 plan or have enough for 1 a day and do 1500 for the next 3 months.
I will definitely incorporate the shakes until they are all gone as otherwise it is a waste of money and I have spent a fortune and I so need to eat healthily.
I appreciate that it will take longer, but I just cant put my body through any more binge starve cycles and I’m hoping that doing 12/1500 will get me to eat healthier in the long term.
The main thoughts are do I say right because of all the yo-yoing is it that I always get to11st ish that that is my natural body weight and I just accept it and use that as my goal weight as every time I go any lower I just cant maintain it, and being an apple shape with big boobs and slim legs I don’t think I look that bad anymore
OR is it my mindset that is wrong and I can do it and stay there as long as I change my mindset and I’m giving in too easily......... I don’t want to spend all my life trying to achieve the unattainable, dragging my family with me as there is more to life.
An acquaintance was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year and she has an 8 and 10yr old and it tears me apart that she may not see them grow up and I cant imagine if that were me.
I think I have also got to the point of going to the docs to try and get CBT as the over-riding feeling is 'I want to be normal' and there is more to life than obsessing about weight. There has to be some kind of treatment I can have for that! I know I am an emotional eater (for every emotion) think I am going to look into hynotherapy again aswell.
On a good day I decide right no more scale hopping I will just judge how my clothes feel. So I do that, eat how I want then a few days later get back on and I’ve put 2lbs on so the cycle of scale hopping starts again!
So I need to some input from you guys of any ideas about goal setting and realistic goal setting now you know the ‘LONG’ history. God I need therapy LOL!!!!!
Sorry such a deep post to start off my diary, but PMT is heavily influencing it and I’m spending alot of it welling up as I feel a failure for not being able to control my weight and so so so so sick of it ruling my life there is more to life than weight and I want it to be only 1% of my life just making sure I am healthy and it not ruling 99% of my life! :cry:
KD if you are around some wise words would be greatly appreciated, but also I see from your siggy that you are a weight management coach, so if you did support by email etc then I would be interested in becoming a client (paying of course!!!)
Love Jess
Xxx
Last edited: