***jessica rabbit diary - thread closed new one started ***

Discussion in 'CD 1000-maintenance' started by Jessica Rabbit72, 17 July 2009 Social URL.

  1. Jessica Rabbit72

    Jessica Rabbit72 Gold Member

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    Hey everyone have decided to edit this as I dont want everyone thinking Im a loon!!!!

    I was having a really BAD day on Friday and was on a bit of a downer when I wrote my introduction to the thread. In hindsight I should have left it until today when PMT was not out in full force like it was on Friday.

    I am not usually as bad as I was in that day so please read past that and hopefully it will be an enjoyable read.............

    In general I love this diet and it is the best diet ever. If I had stuck to it I would be at goal now and doing maintenance properly. As it is, I have done the scenic route falling on and off every now and again and if Im truthful have mucked around this last 2 months and as a result have roughly maintained for them.

    So I decided that it would be best to come up the plans to get to goal as it wasnt good to be mucking my body around being on and off the plan.

    I started a diary on the main forum at around day 87 but I dont know how to merge that one and this so started a new one.................

    FRIDAY 17th JULY 2009 Original Start date:- Feb 6th 09 WEEK 23
    Hey everyone – I hope you don’t mind me moving my diary here, but I felt I needed to as I need to go up the plans for my sanity. SS and SS+ is just too drastic and is affecting my life too much.:cry:

    I have realised that when I started my diary last time I just went into day 87 so will give you a bit of background.

    I am a classic yo-yo dieter and am absolutely fantastic at diets as Im an all or nothing kind of girl, but its the keeping the weight off I cant do hence the yo-yoing. Its the classic of I have been deprived on my diet so need to make up for it now Im off the diet.

    So this time it is going to be different!

    Ever since I was a young girl I was a little bit overweight. So my childhood was spent doing one diet after another to lose about a stone to get to healthy weight range and then the crunch came at 19 when I was told at 11st 7 I was too fat to start my nurse training and I would only be allowed to start if I was 10st or under. (Healthy Weight range for me is 8.1 to 10.1)
    So from the Feb to the September I lost the weight and started my training (and no-one weighed me which really peed me off) and being away from home relished the delights of student life!!!

    Over the next 3 years of my training I was on one diet or another and weight was swinging anywhere between 11.7 and 13.7 Once my training ended I was 11.7 and I came home and proceeded to put weight on (AGAIN) and yo-yoed up to 13.6 and then a friend was getting married so dieted again down to 11st.

    And as the story goes again after the wedding I put about a stone on and then lost weight for the millennium and managed to get down to 10st 4 which was my lowest in 7 years. As usual once the occasion was over I put weight on again and went up to about 12.7 and then we set a date for our wedding in 2001 and got down to 11.5


    Then I got pregnant with DD (honeymoon baby) and put 5st on as I ate for 22 never mind 2! I lost 3st of that weight and then got pregnant with DS 10months after she was born and was determined I wasn’t going to put as much weight on and was a bit more careful what I ate and only put 4 st on, so was pleased with that!

    6wks after he was born I went back to WW and got all the weight off (6st from the day before he was born) My goal had been for his first birthday that I was back at my wedding weight pre-babies and I did it.:family2:

    Unfortunately I then had a horrendously stressful year at work and put 3st on and undid all the hard work!:cry::cry:

    Then in October 2005 I started LL which changed over to CD in Jan 06. It was the best diet I had ever done and was like an epiphany moment of why was food ruling my life etc etc,:p
    but because I didn’t have proper CBT with the LL leader cos she was crap, all my old habits returned once off the diet. I also didn’t do maintenance properly either which didn’t help.

    Then in September 06 my Mum offered to pay for a tummy tuck as I couldn’t get it on the NHS in my area as I had put 2st on after finishing the diet. So I had it done in Nov 06 as my tummy was horrendous hanging down and was NEVER going to go back as my muscles needed repairing too.

    You would think that would make me keep the weight off but no – probably subconsciously because I hadn’t been at goal when I had the tuck my emotional heating habits returned.

    Once back at work I was involved in a major incident and investigation (not about me) and proceeded to put on about 2st as I comfort ate to get through it. Then I spent Sept 07 – 08 doing a course and put on another 1½ st and started a new job, and I had got to my heaviest non-pregnant ever at 15.7

    So in Jan 09 I started back at WW and lost half a stone and thought it needs to come off quicker for my holiday in June I need to do CD again. So Feb 5th I started CD and by my holiday I had lost 4st which I am proud of, but annoyed at myself as I took the scenic route. I could never recapture that original enthusiasm and determination like the first time I did it.

    The diet has been fantastic, but I feel it has taken more of a toll on my life this time, it has affected my moods beyond belief and I have been taking it out on HB and the kids which is no way fair on them hence the not being 100% all the time.

    I know some people have managed to stick to it 100% through much worse circumstances, but I just couldn’t.:cry:

    After being on my hols I have been on and off the wagon to varying degrees and am maintaining between 11.2 and 11.7 and I fit in size 12/14 trousers/skirts depending on style which I am happy with. I want to stop obsessing about my weight on a daily basis and it ruling my life.

    But as usual the indecision is crippling me of what to do diet wise. I KNOW I cant go back to SSing its just too drastic and probably ss+, but its how to do it really and reintroduce me to healthy food choices as its all comfort food at the moment - which I hope will stop once TOTM arrives.

    I have enough shakes left for the next 6 weeks to have 2 a day and healthy food so could do 1200 plan or have enough for 1 a day and do 1500 for the next 3 months.


    I will definitely incorporate the shakes until they are all gone as otherwise it is a waste of money and I have spent a fortune and I so need to eat healthily.

    I appreciate that it will take longer, but I just cant put my body through any more binge starve cycles and I’m hoping that doing 12/1500 will get me to eat healthier in the long term.


    The main thoughts are do I say right because of all the yo-yoing is it that I always get to11st ish that that is my natural body weight and I just accept it and use that as my goal weight as every time I go any lower I just cant maintain it, and being an apple shape with big boobs and slim legs I don’t think I look that bad anymore

    OR is it my mindset that is wrong and I can do it and stay there as long as I change my mindset and I’m giving in too easily......... I don’t want to spend all my life trying to achieve the unattainable, dragging my family with me as there is more to life.

    An acquaintance was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year and she has an 8 and 10yr old and it tears me apart that she may not see them grow up and I cant imagine if that were me.


    I think I have also got to the point of going to the docs to try and get CBT as the over-riding feeling is 'I want to be normal' and there is more to life than obsessing about weight. There has to be some kind of treatment I can have for that! I know I am an emotional eater (for every emotion) think I am going to look into hynotherapy again aswell.


    On a good day I decide right no more scale hopping I will just judge how my clothes feel. So I do that, eat how I want then a few days later get back on and I’ve put 2lbs on so the cycle of scale hopping starts again!

    So I need to some input from you guys of any ideas about goal setting and realistic goal setting now you know the ‘LONG’ history. God I need therapy LOL!!!!!

    Sorry such a deep post to start off my diary, but PMT is heavily influencing it and I’m spending alot of it welling up as I feel a failure for not being able to control my weight and so so so so sick of it ruling my life there is more to life than weight and I want it to be only 1% of my life just making sure I am healthy and it not ruling 99% of my life! :cry:

    KD if you are around some wise words would be greatly appreciated, but also I see from your siggy that you are a weight management coach, so if you did support by email etc then I would be interested in becoming a client (paying of course!!!)
    Love Jess
    Xxx
     
    Last edited: 29 August 2009
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  3. chickenpie

    chickenpie Cambridge Diet Councellor

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    Hi Jess, just wanted to reach out to you as you sound so fed up.:cry:
    Your all or nothing phrase, could have been written by me. I too am just like you in that I can follow a diet to the letter and be really strict, then decide to have a day off and have to eat everything in sight! I am not suprised you are sick and tired of this constant yo-yoing, it sounds like food and dieting have consumed your life for a very long time.
    Have you even thought about hypnotherapy? I often think this could be the solution, for addictive behaviours, and once you have got your mind straight you may well be able to lead a more normal life with relation to food/eating. This type of therapy seems to work for alcoholics and smokers, perhaps it could work for you too?
    In relation to the dieting, perhaps 1200/1500 steps would suit you a little better, I am sure in time you will fashion a plan that suits you and your lifestyle. I think you should definatley follow the cd priniciples, and have at least one pack a day of the diet, as they provide perfect nutrition for your body.
    This constant struggle with weight and food has taken up enough of your life so far don't let it take up the rest, it's time to take control!
    I wish you lots of luck:D
     
  4. Jessica Rabbit72

    Jessica Rabbit72 Gold Member

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    Chicken - thanks so much for replying you are right I am fed up of it having so much control over me adn yes have thought about hynotherapy and did have it 4 years ago for a few months before I did LL for the first time and it was mainly to stop eating chocolate and it worked for the 9 weeks before LL and then 15 weeks into LL but then when normal eating resumed so did chocolate.

    I also got the hypnotherapist to regress me to find out why I overate and he could find no particular reason.

    I think I needed more sessions to delve further, but at the time I made a decision to start LL instead to get rid of the weight and I couldnt afford both and thought the CBT with LL would be the answer to my prayers, but sadly the woman who ran the class was only there for 6 out of 10 sessions and got her counterpart to weigh us when she wasnt there and then when she was there she only did 3 sessions and kept banging on about how wonderful the new package was going to be (I was one of the original ones where it was £45 and it was going up to £66 a week for nothing more!)

    Luckily the mood is lifting a bit compared to earlier (I think PMT has alot to do with it - lets hope TOTM hurries up) and my mate is coming over later so that will help and I have made a decision that over this weekend I am going to read all the maintenance diaries to help me FOCUS.

    Thankyou so much for replying and I will investigate hypnotherapy over the next few weeks
    Love
    Jess
    xxx
     
  5. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    You said in your post that you are happy with your weight. If you are happy, then stick to 1500 and you're likely to still lose a bit anyhow, depending on what your BMR is: BMR Calculator

    If you aren't happy, then look at doing 1200. I'm doing 810 now and have to say the first few days have been so easy (compared to SS), it's scary and I keep looking at the list to see if I've done something wrong.
     
  6. Jessica Rabbit72

    Jessica Rabbit72 Gold Member

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    Hi Laura,
    thanks for replying and as usual the cliche of that is me is written all over the link you put below and especially

    "I'm a big believer in life trying to teach you lessons and if you miss them the first, second, third.... time, they'll come back at you so you can learn them in order to move onto your next stage. This is where I am now, the kid whose just been told she needs to repeat a whole lesson that really the answer was just there on the page, she just didn't really think she needed it."

    So thats it Im back in the lesson and reading with everyone else and concentrating this time!!!!

    I have also been and worked out my BMR and will do 1200 so will still lose fingers crossed, but will only weigh myself once a week instead of daily.

    Unfortunately my CDC as much as she is a lovely person she hasnt done CD ( A very long story and too long for here) so doesnt appreciate all the battles it presents and especially for going up the steps - hence the reason I come on here.

    Thanks again and good luck with your journey I will keep an eye out for you adn we will stay at goal together THIS TIME no need for any repeat lessons this time!

    Love
    Jess
    xxx
     
  7. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    I'm afraid I don't do the support by email. I think it's really tricky. Need to see body language etc, and you know what the written word can be like when you get down to the nitty gritty. Can be so misunderstood ;)

    I keep it to my clients. Though it's not anything to do with Cambridge, they get the coaching chucked in for free if they want.

    Don't know whether Mike does email coaching....he may well do.

    Will read the rest of you message in a mo. Hang on.
     
  8. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Umm. I agree with Laura. If you are happy with your weight, but unhappy with the yoyo dieting, then it's your relationship with food that needs sorting, not trying to get down to a number that's fixed in your head.

    So, that's mindset stuff...big time. Nothing really to do with dieting. In fact I found it quite hard to diet whilst doing the mind stuff.

    So I would say 1500 minimum...up plans if needed until then....and definitely be happy ;)

    I'll pm you Jess.
     
  9. Jessica Rabbit72

    Jessica Rabbit72 Gold Member

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    You are both so right and I know my relationship with food is awful and its the mindset and I can say that now Im at a more reasonable weight and not having the mountain to climb of getting the weight off aswell!

    thanks for the help with Mike aswell will be contacting him over the weekend and hopefully we will be seeing alot more positive Jess back next week with no PMT!!! Oh to be a man.......

    Love
    Jess
    xxx
     
  10. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    Aw big hugs lovely Jess... great to see you over here and well done for getting all of that stuff out in the open. Writing it down helps to set it straight in our minds... and yes, the head stuff is the real battle and where the hard work often is. I think you can do it hon, because you've seen there is a problem and you sound as though you are ready to make some changes.

    Let us know how you are doing and listen to the wise KD!

    xxx
     
  11. Jessica Rabbit72

    Jessica Rabbit72 Gold Member

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    I will listen with big open ears and also not think I can do it on my own!

    Im going to be contacting Mike (Icemoose) this weekend and will listen with my biggest ears possible and hopefully he can help me make some changes.

    I have been on google looking at hypnotherapists in my area aswell.

    will see what kind of treatment Mike thinks I need (apart from being put down ;);)) whether it be his kind of coaching or hypnotherapy and then will go for it.

    Julie (from here) is coming round for a catch up in a bit so am off to get kids to bed so she can tell me all about her IVF meeting today - Im so excited for her...... her and her HB will make fab parents just hope it happens soon for them.

    Will be back in the morning raring to go

    thanks all for listening and being supportive

    Love
    Jess
    xxx
     
  12. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    Lol, just imaging you Jess with the rabbit ears twitching. And no, you will NOT be put down! Give Julie a hug and wish her luck, will go catch up on her thread... exciting!

    xxx
     
  13. Jessica Rabbit72

    Jessica Rabbit72 Gold Member

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    :8855::8855::8855:

    Read yr post before I went to bed and my DD has some ears which I was so tempted to put on and post a piccy - but resisted!

    Love
    Jess
    xxx
     
  14. Jessica Rabbit72

    Jessica Rabbit72 Gold Member

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    Morning everyone
    Just been looking at the smilies to cheer myself up so thought I would use all my favourites in this post to brighten it up a bit rather than the long depressing rant I had yesterday!

    Lately there has been far too much of this going on

    :party0051::7834::party0027::eating: and now the :hitthefan: unless I :whoopass: and start

    doing a bit of :secret: from all of you when you are :nono: and

    :hug99: to help me and try to manage to :ignore:

    Am going to have to do alot of :hmm:and soul searching and

    will take alot more than a :dooney: to get where I want to be

    and :winner: and be totally :D:D

    So as long as you will all bear with me :innocent0001: hopefully I will

    be posting alot more posts that will have the feelings of

    :party0011: :angel09: and :banana dancer: and I promise I will stop my daily

    :scale: and only do it once a week and get on with how I

    feel rather than what some random number says!!!!

    As you can probably tell the awful mood from yesterday is lifting so hopefully TOTM is nearly here and being day 29 it should be!!!! Fingers crossed its not a humdinger like last month.

    Have got a relatively busy day today. Have already scoured our cupboards and made the tesco list incorporating some lovely scrummy food for me (on plan
    of course) and then its bed stripping, the weekly washing (4 loads) playing with the kids, possibly the run to tesco, may do it online cant decide yet and then later on this afternoon when HB gets back from work we are going to take our DS and DD to the local park to teach them to ride without stabilisers! (2nd attempt DD has near enough got it DS may take another attempt but they are
    both trying so hard bless them!)

    Hope you all have a good day ooh and I forgot so far today I have had my shake for breakfast and I have my fruit and yoghurt lined up for lunch .......

    Love
    Jess
    xxx
     
  15. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    Great post Jess. You can do it :hug99:
     
  16. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    You've made me smile Jess, so good to see the sad mood lifting and it's contagious... you've put us all in good moods too!

    xxx
     
  17. Sunshine Singer

    Sunshine Singer Dropped White Sugar & Feeling Fantastic

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    Hi Jess, great to see you here. I read your thread yesterday and never got to post. Anyway just saying hi and good luck hun xxx
     
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  19. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    Happy Sunday, Miss Bunny Ears!

    xxx
     
  20. chickenpie

    chickenpie Cambridge Diet Councellor

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    Oh Jess, you sound so much happier than you did in your original post, so thats great!
    It is fab that you have been researching therapists in your area too, in no time you will feel so much stronger, and able to deal with all food situations.
    As I have said to others the key to success on any diet plan is mental toughness, if you can crack that you will be fine.
    I have been looking through your pictures, you are soooo pretty! You will look even more gorgeous when you reach goal!! Keep this in mind and also put a photo of you at a happy weight up somewhere to inspire and motivate you.
    Keep us up to date with your progress! Good luck!
    xx
     
  21. alexmummy07

    alexmummy07 Silver Member

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    Hey Jess

    I haven't had much chance to welcome you to maintenance yet, so "hey!!! and welcome over!"

    It's great to learn your story, and ok so you've taken a little bit of the scenic route, but you're learning everyday (just like we all are). Noticed we are the same height btw, so interesting to see how our bodies go, mine struggles any below 11 stone from previous, but really going to try :) xx
     
  22. Sunshine Singer

    Sunshine Singer Dropped White Sugar & Feeling Fantastic

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    Hope you're having a good day today xxx
     
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