Jezebella's Journal

Discussion in 'Route to Management' started by Jezebella, 16 September 2009 Social URL.

  1. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    Well this will be the journal of the scary but exciting stuff that is RTM. I have 2 posts which I will copy and paste into here later. Have to rush now, seafood to find for dinner and this place has seafood that is about as fresh as it gets!!!
     
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  3. Sean(JSF)

    Sean(JSF) Making it all add up

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    Welcome aboard Good Ship RTM :)
     
  4. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    Welcome to the world of RTM! :D
    Wishing you luck; just remember don't get too hung up on the precise measurements, just be sensible and you'll be absolutely fine.

    x
     
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  5. Jo B

    Jo B Full Member

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    Hiya Jez! Well done on getting there - I start RTM next Thursday so Friday will be my first meal! It's great that we are doing it at the same time and I will also be starting my food logging on here to see how it goes.
    Good luck xx
     
  6. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    So cool to meet you today. All the very best with your RTM journey. xx
     
  7. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    Lovely to see you here Jez. So jealous you two met up...:(
     
  8. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Hi Morticia - maybe we could meet up in Glasgow sometime? I'm there in Oct and Dec. xx
     
  9. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    Ohh sounds fab...:)...we could share a coffee and carnberry bar...lol.
     
  10. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    Hey Lovely people

    Sadly back from Scotland but in Yorkshire for another 2 days and then back to London on Monday. Scotland was more amazing than I could have imagined and I am so glad I went. Also so glad I have managed to stick to plan. When I have caught up on a few other posts I will copy and paste in the 5 days "diaries" from the beginning of my RTM. Sort of had to combine that with the blog, so it is a bit detailed, but now I am back with an internet connection I can post as normal and keep the blog separate, so forgive the very long posts. Really cannot say how much I missed you all and the wonderful support, it certainly was a bit bloody scary to say the least and more things popped up in my head than I ever thought they would.

    Thank you so much for all the good wishes :)

    Jez
    xx
     
  11. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    RTM Day 1

    Well, cannot believe the day is finally here, my first meal approaches in a matter of hours. It is very hard to describe quite how I feel. Part of me is very excited and looking forward to eating and chewing and tasting food. The other part of me is totally bricking it!!! How will I feel after it all, both physically and mentally? One of my biggest fears is that once I start to eat, I just won’t stop. I also really fear putting on the weight I have just lost. I really am starting to love my skinny body, even with it’s lumps and bumps and little wobbly bits. No way am I going to allow this to be taken from me, by myself. My sister, who has been on a similar VLCD has also decided to start maintenance today. The programme her diet offers does not have a very long RTM and it is not as broken down as LL is. She has decided to basically follow what I am doing. So many long discussions on what the first meal will be. We are up in Scotland in the Highlands at the moment on holiday. Very beautiful and oh boy, I really do want some seafood or fresh fish whilst up here. I have decided, however, to put that on hold, until day 3 when I can have lemon. Never having been a massive fish eater before. So the big toss up for tonight, was it chicken, or the hot smoked salmon or smoked mackerel I had brought up with me, or the fat free cottage cheese? Eventually we decided on the chicken, 2 tiny breast fillets each, just done with salt and pepper. Dry fried and then finished with water to keep it nice and moist.
    We made it a really special event, laid the table, put on some flowers and candles, had music. Mom and Dad took pictures of the “first bite”.

    I really did eat slowly. It probably took about 40 minutes all in all, but it was such a strange sensation – wonderful and terrifying. I made a point of eating very slowly, chewing well, putting my knife and fork down between each bite and really trying to notice how my body was feeling. I do feel full. I guess my stomach is not used to it. Hope I feel ok later. But, so far, so good. I have heard lots of people do feel physically unwell after the first meal. Not quite sure what I have planned for tomorrow, food wise, but have taken pictures and will post then when I get online ( this is all being done on in a word doc format for later posting)

    I am going to try now and do some of the RTM week one work from the book.

    Jez
    xx
     
  12. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    RTM Day 2

    Meal two, down the hatch. What a treat it was. Tonight was hot smoked salmon with black pepper and a little cream cheese. Shake for breakfast and a soup for a late lunch. Waited till 8pm for dinner. Sat and slowly, slowly ate, savouring each bite. The flavours really were incredible. The salmon soft and buttery and so flavoursome, the pepper spiky and sharp. The cottage cheese albeit fat free, so tart and lovely, it almost tasted lemony. Really not half as scary as last night and much tastier. I did not worry before this meal, nor did I think about too much before hand. I felt wonderfully satisfied but not as bloated as yesterday. The really great news this morning was that I had dropped to my goal weight of loosing 5 stone!!!!. I was petrified that I would have put on. So a really happy day for me. I noticed last night that had random emotional feelings of “oh I can eat now what shall I snack on?” Even though I was not hungry. Luckily doing a thought record helped. I did feel a lot safer when I had had my late evening hot food pack. This morning seemed like back to normal and on safer ground. I will get the hang of this food thing though and am really looking forward to having my salad bits tomorrow and ooh lemon juice as a seasoning! The great thing about RTM is that each week there are new things to look forward to. Next week, other veg and jelly!! I cannot remember the last time I ate jelly, let alone looked so much forward to a sugar free one.


    Had a bit of an emotional blip this afternoon. Usually one that would have had me turning to the food/wine bottle. Have had numerous calls/texts from work, even though I am on holiday, one text even asking me to come back a day early, and I am already going back a day earlier than planned!!! I was so angry I could have spit. I just felt it welling up inside. I have so little time off and to have them impinge on it is really pissing me off. It is bad enough I have had to write menus for them while away, and now have to find a suitable internet café to send them off from.

    I have written a shopping list for tomorrow and will hit the shops for my salad leaves. Also very excited to be meeting another Mini mins member who is almost at goal. It really will be lovely. So much to look forward to
     
  13. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    RTM Day 3

    Another food day got through ok. Really was a lot brilliant. Flavours have never tasted so good. I think my palate is better than it has ever been.

    Went through to Fort William this morning armed with the shopping list for the salad bits, some fish and some chicken and a few bits of condimenty things, as we are not at home so don’t have access to our wonderful condiment cupboard.

    It was the strangest feeling going shopping for something other than water. Although that was the first thing that went into the trolley! The list was followed to the letter. Everything looked so fresh and wonderful. We had planned to stop at the local seafood shop for some prawns but had to leave a bit earlier to expected so found another fabulous seafood shop more local to Ballachulish – you can pick the langoustines, crabs or lobsters right out of the tank!!!

    Still it was the most wonderful morning. TI came to meet us, and what a lovely woman she is!! We spent hours just chatting and not just about LL!! It did, however form a fairly large part of the conversation. It is so nice to know that we are all going through or have gone through the same things. And so lovely to meet a fellow LL’er from Mini Mins.

    We popped into the local Golf Club – Dragon’s Tooth to make use of the wifi. Over the last few days had made friends with the manageress, Lisa who is lovely and her young brother is the chef. They take great pride in the food and source it all locally. It is a very small but lovely menu. We decided to take Mom and Dad out for dinner there this evening. We got chatting – as you do, and explained to her our small dilemma what with eating out on RTM, especially day 3 of RTM! She assured us it would not be a problem.

    So down we went at 7pm and ordered, Mom and Dad having Fish Pie and a lovely steak respectively and us having smoked chicken on leaves. They slightly warmed the chicken and served it in the small portion requested on beautiful rocket and baby spinach with a wedge of lemon and a tiny sprinkle of paprika. It was the most lovely meal, took ages to eat once again. Every mouthful was a new sensation. It was so beautifully made and presented and felt like such a guilty but divine treat. I appreciate the effort that went into making us a wonderful on plan meal. Mom and Dad finished with a lavender crème brulee and we had a small cappuccino – sadly not skimmed milk but semi skimmed so I feel somewhat guilty, but as things go, it could have been worse!

    Also had my first cup of tea with a splash of milk, totally delicious – I really have missed tea. Will keep the milky coffee as a treat but will have tea with a little milk from now on. Black tea is not the same.

    So the fridge is packed, tomorrow will be tuna marinated in lime, chilli and coriander with soy on leaf with fat free lime and coriander dressing

    I ate slowly and stopped when I felt full – left some of the chicken on the plate which I rustled back to the cottage as a treat for Miss Lily. I am trying so hard to make sure that I stop eating the moment I think I am satisfied and not over full. I think it worked!!! I feel satisfied but not too bloated. Sadly now really do not know how I am going to manage the final foodpack – which will be vanilla with a sprinkle of cinnamon. Still will wait up for a bit and see how I feel.

    This eating food again is strange but also familiar. This time I just have to do it better than before with a more adult head on my shoulders.

    Until tomorrow.

     
  14. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    Day 4 RTM

    Wow, four days of food under my belt. This is starting to become a habit ;P

    Pretty good day food wise. Had a bar, well half of one when out and about at about midday, then had a thai chilli soup at 3pm followed by a cup of tea with a splash of milk and the other half a bar at 4:30 whilst lying on the bed reading a book. Felt hugely guilty about this for some reason as it felt sneaky and snacky!!! I was not really hungry for it, but then I was not really hungry all day. Had another cup of tea with a splash of milk at 6pm.

    Dinner tonight was tuna marinated in a little soy, sweet chilli, lime juice, garlic and chilli with fresh coriander. Mixed leaves, quarter of a stalk of celery very finely sliced. Used some fat free lime and coriander dressing on the leaves.

    Whilst it was delicious, and as wonderful as I wanted it to be, the amount of flavouring was almost too intense and too extreme when I have eaten so blandly for so long. Will hold back on the seasonings until I am more used to them.

    I ate slowly again, part of me wonders if this is because I am learning to eat slowly or just trying to savour it and make it last?

    I feel a bit queasy, probably because of the seasoning.

    Another shake to have later, but will delay this as long as possible because I feel perfectly satisfied at the moment.


    Tomorrow might try a bit of milk in the coffee, but really don’t want to get into the habit of drinking too much milky coffee as this was my downfall before, hot sweet milky coffee.
     
  15. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    Day 5 RTM

    Where the hell does the time go?? Not only is my precious holiday time nearly over but already I am on day 5 of RTM that is nearly a week done!! Today was a bit more difficult because I was somewhat out of my routine, but I have stuck to plan so I am pretty happy with that. We travelled to the Western Isles of Mull and then Iona – fabulous. Pretty early start. On the first ferry over had a black coffee with 1 tsp of semi skimmed milk – tasted a bit weird but ok. I took a bar and a soup for later. Had the bar at about midday then a strong black coffee, which went down much better then lots of touring – hahaha for the first time ever I really enjoyed being a tourist and even weirder enjoyed having my picture taken! I don’t look half as bad as I thought! I have a great aversion to pictures from my larger days. The ferry back to the mainland was late by which stage I was dying for my soup. Got some hot water and mixed up as soon as we got on board. Was given totally nasty looks by the steward who pointed to the sign that only food purchased onboard could be eaten on board. Well sorry to say, I went ahead and could hardly be bothered to go into the diet plan speech. Realistically I spent loads on there getting coffees and rolls and cokes for those that were eating!! Felt much better after the soup, but obviously the delay set dinner time later too so only ended up eating at 9:15 which is an hour later than I wanted to. Still it was totally delicious. Mixed leaves with slivers of celery and fat free dressing, and about 100g ofchicken breast with thyme parsley and smoked garlic stuffed with 2tsp of cream cheese. It was everything I wanted it to be.

    I am having a bit of a headf**k currently though. I am eating really slowly, chewing, enjoying, putting knife and fork down between each mouthful etc. And I know that I am satisfied by my food. Not over full, just pleasantly satiated. However my head is saying all sorts of different things. This scares the hell out of me. My head was saying “oooh this is good eat it up quickly” and a part of me wanted to scoff it down. The other very evil chatterboxy thing going on is that I know I am satisfied but….. my chatterbox is saying “oooh you really want another piece of chicken” Bizzarre. I think it is because I am trying so hard to find out what satisfied/normal persons full is. And I am only used to eating till I feel fit to burst. I usually feel full and heavy after a food pack, but did not feel this way about the food, just well that’s ok that’s a portion that’s enough an realised I wasn’t really hungry anymore.

    Any advice on this whole head thing would be great. Tomorrow travelling day again. So have the packs ready and some bits for a meal tomorrow night.

    Have also got the necessary bits bar one or 2 things which I will pick up on Sunday for week 2 which begins on Monday. As Monday is the long drive back to London.
    I am so scared of putting weight on, and so scared of this voice that encourages me to eat. I know I am stronger than this, but it was so much easier in abstinence when you really did not have any choices.

    Also cannot wait for a bit of internet connection to post this up and get advice from you RTM Pros. And catch up on minimins reading.
     
  16. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    Day 6 RTM

    OMG, I cannot believe the first week is almost up!! Where does the time go? Am just starting to get used to this chicken/fish with salad idea and now on Monday a whole lot of new things get introduced. I am really looking forward to jelly and yoghurt and ooh fennel and cucumber and peppers, but it all seems so fast after weeks of sameness.

    Today was a good day

    Black coffee this morning, then a shake at about 9am as we had a long drive ahead. Stopped at about 2 and got some hot water for soup which we drank in the car - really needed it as I was starting to feel hungry by this point. Delicious dinner tonight, chicken marinated in soy and chili with coriander on some leaves with balsamic and a tsp of cottage cheese. One small skinny white coffee en route and a shake to have later - probably a hot chocolate which will be fab infront of the beautiful peat fire.

    Doing shopping tomorrow so I don't have to when I get back to London on Monday afternoon, probably could not face the supermarket after the drive and the traffic. Really still scared of putting on the weight, but I guess I am doing the right things so far. Have been very good at keeping up the journal and food/mood thing. Find it very helpful. Looking forward to WI and first RTM class on Tuesday when I get my CD's the recipe book and journal etc.

    Really enjoyed dinner tonight and felt very satisfied.

    Jez
    xx
     
  17. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Jez

    Your posts are amazingly informative for those of us who still have to tackle the uneven path of RTM.

    I have to say I was drooling over your meal choices. Wow! I am already planning much more adventurous early days than I had believed possible. Thanks for the detailed descriptions of the food.

    The head thing - I guess RTM is where we have to practice stamping on those voices (demons?) that try and persuade us to return to the old, bad habits. You are doing brilliantly - keep challenging the voices and keeping those thought records. xx
     
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  19. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    So good to hear from you hun, and it was fabulous to meet up, next time you are in London let me know. I am so sad to have left Scotland, really feel like I left a piece of my heart behind. It was just so stunning and people amazing. I really felt at peace there. Will deffo be getting hold of those people you mentioned. How has the week gone for ya? And congrats on the fab WI results.

    Jez
    xx
     
  20. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    You and your sis are fabbie and look amazing! I had a lovely morning :). So pleased you like my adopted county. I feel so privileged to live here and especially love my job which allows me to see so much of the place.

    My week going OK. Feeling quite stable at the mo - despite all the birthday cakes and treats I cooked up over the last couple of days. My eldest, now 9 :eek:, had multiple parties - after school club, family and then official one for friends today. In fact, I've just packed the 'cinema' up and put the remaining popcorn and chocolates away and chased the sleepover party to bed.

    I needed that result on the scales last wed for the motivation boost. No wi this week as working away, so need to stay focused. It'll be a challenging week as with colleagues in hotel and socialising expected.

    Looking forward to reading about your food choices in week two. I am starting to put together a menu plan for the first weeks. A little early I know, but planning keeps me focused and oddly motivated to reach goal. xx
     
  21. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    So glad the parties went well, exhausting I guess - kids have so much energy. I started reading RTM threads like a drug once I knew I was about a stone or so away and really started thinking about eating. Hahaha I guess because I am a chef I cannot do things simply. But it is sooo exciting to be cooking for me again. So I am trying to make the most with what few ingredients I have - kind of like a mystery basket competition.

    Jez
    xx
     
  22. Mel P

    Mel P Full Member

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    Hi Jez and welcome to the RTM club. You are doing really well, particularly considering you where away on holiday during your first week. Well done for sticking to plan :)

     
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