Jezebella's Journal
- Thread starter Jezebella
- Start date
Jezebella
Playing the Angel
RTM Day 37 (Week 6)
This will be a very quick entry.. lol look at the time nearly 1am
So will just log the food and add details later
Many black coffees, breakfast at 10:30 of some strawberry muller light the 125g pot with a small apple and a handful of raspberries.
Cranberry bar at 2pm as was starving and way from my work kitchen. Reasons might have been emotional as well as physical, due to having just had my yearly performance review. Late afternoon tea before I went off to the job as I knew I would not have time to eat whilst there. This was a salad of oak smoked salmon, fat free cottage cheese, capers, cucumber, tomato a slice of red onion and some lettuce, was divine, but couldn't quite finish it - I did make a good attempt though. 8pm just before service I had a sf blackcurrant jelly- my personal fave atm. Lovely sister had made dinner for when I got home of Wholegrain Mustard Chicken Breast with some mashed sweet potato, roasted root veg and savoy cabbage and leek "stir fry". Was really divine. Left 1/3 of the sweet potato as I found it very rich tonight. Pud was some beautiful warm fruit salad with orange jelly and some banana muller on the fruit. Gorgeous with the hold/cold thing.Had one cup of coffee with milk this afternoon and will have a cup of tea shortly to take to bed - doubt I will drink much of it though - it is a great wind down for me after work. Total cals just over 1000 so still managing to keep them up there. I find that if I don't over think the food too much I end up eating pretty much the right amount. I did not plan today, or weigh and measure mush, just ate what I thought was an appropriate portion - when I logged it later on FF - I saw that I came in very well. Perhaps I am learning a thing or two on this RTM after all
Promises of a better journal tomorrow but must be awake in 4 1/2 hours for another long day so off to bed I go.
Jez
xx
This will be a very quick entry.. lol look at the time nearly 1am
So will just log the food and add details later
Many black coffees, breakfast at 10:30 of some strawberry muller light the 125g pot with a small apple and a handful of raspberries.
Cranberry bar at 2pm as was starving and way from my work kitchen. Reasons might have been emotional as well as physical, due to having just had my yearly performance review. Late afternoon tea before I went off to the job as I knew I would not have time to eat whilst there. This was a salad of oak smoked salmon, fat free cottage cheese, capers, cucumber, tomato a slice of red onion and some lettuce, was divine, but couldn't quite finish it - I did make a good attempt though. 8pm just before service I had a sf blackcurrant jelly- my personal fave atm. Lovely sister had made dinner for when I got home of Wholegrain Mustard Chicken Breast with some mashed sweet potato, roasted root veg and savoy cabbage and leek "stir fry". Was really divine. Left 1/3 of the sweet potato as I found it very rich tonight. Pud was some beautiful warm fruit salad with orange jelly and some banana muller on the fruit. Gorgeous with the hold/cold thing.Had one cup of coffee with milk this afternoon and will have a cup of tea shortly to take to bed - doubt I will drink much of it though - it is a great wind down for me after work. Total cals just over 1000 so still managing to keep them up there. I find that if I don't over think the food too much I end up eating pretty much the right amount. I did not plan today, or weigh and measure mush, just ate what I thought was an appropriate portion - when I logged it later on FF - I saw that I came in very well. Perhaps I am learning a thing or two on this RTM after all
Promises of a better journal tomorrow but must be awake in 4 1/2 hours for another long day so off to bed I go.
Jez
xx
Jezebella
Playing the Angel
RTM Day 38 (Week 6)
This morning was a nightmare drive in to work, lol only because I really wasn't quite awake enough to be driving, it all just seemed to be on autopilot. Every so often I would realise that I was absolutely not concentrating on what I was doing!! Not great on a dark and mizzly morning. Got into work just after 7am, and got stuck into cleaning a few things. One of the overlord chefs was due in today, apparently at 7:30 ... well he didnt arrive and I got a message much later that he wouldn't be arriving. Pah, could have had that extra half hour in bed after all. More coffee, well it was helping to keep me awake. The boys arrived and I did a few orders, then started rushing to get my first tasting done. The lovely foh managers arrived, wanting breakfast which the boys provided whilst I got the last few desserts made. At about 11 just after they left I realised I hadnt eaten and was now hungry, gobbled down a yoghurt with some apple compote. There was no time to sit down and enjoy, so it filled me but was not satisfying - all in all made me pretty angry that I was too busy not to have the time to eat properly - I think having to miss class last night because of work too, was playing on my mind. I really feel I need the sanity of class to keep my head together atm - all of a sudden going through some weird stuff. Rushed on with the day, and various people popped in, which was great but I really didn't have time to chat, so that irritated me too - because it was work related I couldn't really tell them to p**s off either. So had to keep taking time out and smile sweetly whilst listening to them when I really had other things I desperately needed to do. I started feeling hungry again, and kept thinking I wanted to stop and eat, then ended up rushing around some more. Caught myself twice putting salmon into my mouth which I duly spat out - not because I couldn't eat it, but because I really am trying not to eat on the hoof as of old. I got really angry with myself for automatically doing something I have not done for months - how was it so easy in abstinence and how did it just become an automatic reaction now- Still at least I spat it out. I suppose I am partially aware of these things. I am just horribly scared now, as I do not ever want to go back to the way I was before, and up till this point I had it pretty sussed. No major problems, today I just feel out of control and really angry and very very scared. Scared because I feel weak, and scared that I will end up putting on huge amounts of weight before the end of RTM and scared that I will put on even huger amounts afterwards. Arrrrrrrrgh, sorry really didn't mean for this to be a whinge. At about 3:45 I realised I still hadn't eaten anything so had a small banana, and my toffee bar (quite a good combo) with a cup of coffee that had some skimmed milk in it. Sat down outside had a few smokes and tried to pull my head together. Got the last bits of work done just before 6.
Lovely Kind wonderful sister had made the most yummy dinner of a chicken, bacon and avo salad (ooh how I missed avos) with loads of lovely lettuce, tomato, cucumber and other veg. It was great and not as high in calories as I expected. Pud was a lime jelly, with some raspberries, canteloupe (could have been riper but was yum all the same) with some vanilla yoghurt.
Part of me wants to rush back onto packs - I feel out of control and that gives me control. The other part is loving the food, but I am also really scared of it - what if I can't control myself when RTM is over. Have a pop in on Saturday, so hopefully this will help put my mind at rest. The lack of sleep probably also didn't help my feelings or my energy levels, which led to me feeling more emotional that I should have been?? I should have my pack now, and my cals are only just over 900 so can easily afford to do so, but I don't really feel that hungry, and another huge part of me says "skip it" you keep your cals down that way - not a totally healthy state of mind. I just don't want to loose my gorgeous skinny self, I love the little collarbones I have and that I can feel my ribs and I absolutely don't want them to dissapear... I just feel very afraid right now of the eating thing so any advice would be welcome.
Jez
xx
This morning was a nightmare drive in to work, lol only because I really wasn't quite awake enough to be driving, it all just seemed to be on autopilot. Every so often I would realise that I was absolutely not concentrating on what I was doing!! Not great on a dark and mizzly morning. Got into work just after 7am, and got stuck into cleaning a few things. One of the overlord chefs was due in today, apparently at 7:30 ... well he didnt arrive and I got a message much later that he wouldn't be arriving. Pah, could have had that extra half hour in bed after all. More coffee, well it was helping to keep me awake. The boys arrived and I did a few orders, then started rushing to get my first tasting done. The lovely foh managers arrived, wanting breakfast which the boys provided whilst I got the last few desserts made. At about 11 just after they left I realised I hadnt eaten and was now hungry, gobbled down a yoghurt with some apple compote. There was no time to sit down and enjoy, so it filled me but was not satisfying - all in all made me pretty angry that I was too busy not to have the time to eat properly - I think having to miss class last night because of work too, was playing on my mind. I really feel I need the sanity of class to keep my head together atm - all of a sudden going through some weird stuff. Rushed on with the day, and various people popped in, which was great but I really didn't have time to chat, so that irritated me too - because it was work related I couldn't really tell them to p**s off either. So had to keep taking time out and smile sweetly whilst listening to them when I really had other things I desperately needed to do. I started feeling hungry again, and kept thinking I wanted to stop and eat, then ended up rushing around some more. Caught myself twice putting salmon into my mouth which I duly spat out - not because I couldn't eat it, but because I really am trying not to eat on the hoof as of old. I got really angry with myself for automatically doing something I have not done for months - how was it so easy in abstinence and how did it just become an automatic reaction now- Still at least I spat it out. I suppose I am partially aware of these things. I am just horribly scared now, as I do not ever want to go back to the way I was before, and up till this point I had it pretty sussed. No major problems, today I just feel out of control and really angry and very very scared. Scared because I feel weak, and scared that I will end up putting on huge amounts of weight before the end of RTM and scared that I will put on even huger amounts afterwards. Arrrrrrrrgh, sorry really didn't mean for this to be a whinge. At about 3:45 I realised I still hadn't eaten anything so had a small banana, and my toffee bar (quite a good combo) with a cup of coffee that had some skimmed milk in it. Sat down outside had a few smokes and tried to pull my head together. Got the last bits of work done just before 6.
Lovely Kind wonderful sister had made the most yummy dinner of a chicken, bacon and avo salad (ooh how I missed avos) with loads of lovely lettuce, tomato, cucumber and other veg. It was great and not as high in calories as I expected. Pud was a lime jelly, with some raspberries, canteloupe (could have been riper but was yum all the same) with some vanilla yoghurt.
Part of me wants to rush back onto packs - I feel out of control and that gives me control. The other part is loving the food, but I am also really scared of it - what if I can't control myself when RTM is over. Have a pop in on Saturday, so hopefully this will help put my mind at rest. The lack of sleep probably also didn't help my feelings or my energy levels, which led to me feeling more emotional that I should have been?? I should have my pack now, and my cals are only just over 900 so can easily afford to do so, but I don't really feel that hungry, and another huge part of me says "skip it" you keep your cals down that way - not a totally healthy state of mind. I just don't want to loose my gorgeous skinny self, I love the little collarbones I have and that I can feel my ribs and I absolutely don't want them to dissapear... I just feel very afraid right now of the eating thing so any advice would be welcome.
Jez
xx
Jez honey you sound like you are being ever so hard on yourself. You are doing so incredibly well.
I am not at the stage you are so cannot truly understand where you are but I am sure SB, BL, Minerva, Morticia and Daisy will be able to offer you some brilliant advice.
Here anytime if you need to chat honey.
Kat xx
I am not at the stage you are so cannot truly understand where you are but I am sure SB, BL, Minerva, Morticia and Daisy will be able to offer you some brilliant advice.
Here anytime if you need to chat honey.
Kat xx
You have worked alot lately and as you say are likely quite tired. Sounds like youhad quite a day of it today.
You do sound very meticulous which is not a bad thing but you must accept how well you have done and continue to do. That is not an easy thing but you are also under target.
You need to settle into the new you and embrace it honey. We are all different so no one can tell you for sure where you will be when you finish RTM. But it is a process to follow and if you follow it hopefully your body will settle into it.
<hugs>
Kat xx
You do sound very meticulous which is not a bad thing but you must accept how well you have done and continue to do. That is not an easy thing but you are also under target.
You need to settle into the new you and embrace it honey. We are all different so no one can tell you for sure where you will be when you finish RTM. But it is a process to follow and if you follow it hopefully your body will settle into it.
<hugs>
Kat xx
Morticia
Happy in my own skin
Jez, just a quick reply for the minute. You seem to think you will absolutely put on weight with trigger weeks. This means you are pushing yourself a bit more to compensate. Well look at me (admittedly I'm slightly heavier than you) but I've not put any weight on (one week did put on 3lb with TOM but lost it the next week) and overall I'm 10.5lb lighter. So please please please relax about the trigger weeks. You have done so well so far that I know even if you don't, you will not go off the rails.
The other issue I'm feeling in your post is your anger. Understandably so. I think your lack of sleep has contributed to this hugely. Have an earlier night tonight and see how you feel tomorrow. I know it's probably been done or thought of before, but can't you have a word with your bosses about your working conditions? It sounds like madness to work for that long without a proper food break.
Sending you hugs.........:hug99:
The other issue I'm feeling in your post is your anger. Understandably so. I think your lack of sleep has contributed to this hugely. Have an earlier night tonight and see how you feel tomorrow. I know it's probably been done or thought of before, but can't you have a word with your bosses about your working conditions? It sounds like madness to work for that long without a proper food break.
Sending you hugs.........:hug99:
peony
Silver Member
Hello Jez
I can't offer much in the way of advice, I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. (((((((Jez)))))))
Sometimes we are very hard on ourselves - it is very common. You have come a very long way relatively quickly and it will take a while for your brain to fully comprehend what you have experienced. I am not surprised you have had scared feelings, it is a scary (but wonderful) rollercoaster. Ease up on your self, you don't have to be perfect all the time. As the others have said also, can't underestimate the negative effects of tiredness. Try to get a couple of earlier nights where you can (might need to knock a few coffees on the head for that lol) and start thinking about what and where you want to go the next time you get a break.
You are doing great honey.
xxxxxxxxx
I can't offer much in the way of advice, I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. (((((((Jez)))))))
Sometimes we are very hard on ourselves - it is very common. You have come a very long way relatively quickly and it will take a while for your brain to fully comprehend what you have experienced. I am not surprised you have had scared feelings, it is a scary (but wonderful) rollercoaster. Ease up on your self, you don't have to be perfect all the time. As the others have said also, can't underestimate the negative effects of tiredness. Try to get a couple of earlier nights where you can (might need to knock a few coffees on the head for that lol) and start thinking about what and where you want to go the next time you get a break.
You are doing great honey.
xxxxxxxxx
kenshin112
Gotta Make A Change
jez you sure are bringing SEXYBACK lol
your doing amazing hun
lolyour doing amazing hun
Jezebella
Playing the Angel
RTM Day 39 (Week 6)
Thank you so much everyone for your very kinda comments, it really has cheered me up and given me something to think about. Today was a much better day. Slept in till 8am which helped and was home by 5pm so something that is actually a "normal" day!!
Food wise cut back on the coffee a bit today in the hopes of a fairly early night - not sure if I will sleep early (am such a night owl) but at least then wont be able to blame it on the caffiene.
Breakfast at about 10:30 and I tried some sneaky calorie uppage, so had a small banana, handfull of raspberries, small 150g muller light with 5g raisins and 2g flaked almonds - the crunch gave it a little lift Was much better mentally re the wanting to taste thing today, and did actually taste a small piece of lamb for which I did not beat myself up. It was max about 10cal value, so wont be the end of the world. Had some of my fat free mushroom soup for late lunch after service with a few wild mushrooms added followed by a jelly. The soup really filled me up but was very low cal. When I got home, I had not 1 but 2 cups of tea with milk and a peanut bar which was fab. Got stuck into the kitchen and made a fabby dinner of roast meat loaf with a little bacon on top and lovely lemon zest and thyme in the mince, which we had with some celeriac mash (to die for) baby carrots, patty pans and 2 baby turnips and some lovely gravy!
Whilst I was cooking I thought I would do a few other things up, so made a fruit compote with the fruit int he fruitbowl that was slightly iffy, and a huge pan of roasted veg to have over the weekend.
Pud will be some of that compote with jelly and yoghurt (god I am getting dull!) and will probably have a shake later. I only seem to manage the 2 packs I am supposed to have every 2 or 3 days.
Will see how I feel tomorrow, but will definitely have a chat with LLC next week to get his thoughts. In my more realistic moments like this morning I realised that damnit I am a size 8 and that is smaller than I ever thought I would be. So I do wonder why I still want this bigger buffer against the fat, maybe I don't trust myself very much?
I thought I had this all so sussed until now, I think this is why people warn you RTM is hard, it seems fine then something zaps you. Still I have had a pretty easy ride of it till now so something was bound to come up at bite my in the ass at some point.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday.
Jez
xx
Thank you so much everyone for your very kinda comments, it really has cheered me up and given me something to think about. Today was a much better day. Slept in till 8am which helped and was home by 5pm so something that is actually a "normal" day!!
Food wise cut back on the coffee a bit today in the hopes of a fairly early night - not sure if I will sleep early (am such a night owl) but at least then wont be able to blame it on the caffiene.
Breakfast at about 10:30 and I tried some sneaky calorie uppage, so had a small banana, handfull of raspberries, small 150g muller light with 5g raisins and 2g flaked almonds - the crunch gave it a little lift
Was much better mentally re the wanting to taste thing today, and did actually taste a small piece of lamb for which I did not beat myself up. It was max about 10cal value, so wont be the end of the world. Had some of my fat free mushroom soup for late lunch after service with a few wild mushrooms added followed by a jelly. The soup really filled me up but was very low cal. When I got home, I had not 1 but 2 cups of tea with milk and a peanut bar which was fab. Got stuck into the kitchen and made a fabby dinner of roast meat loaf with a little bacon on top and lovely lemon zest and thyme in the mince, which we had with some celeriac mash (to die for) baby carrots, patty pans and 2 baby turnips and some lovely gravy!Whilst I was cooking I thought I would do a few other things up, so made a fruit compote with the fruit int he fruitbowl that was slightly iffy, and a huge pan of roasted veg to have over the weekend.
Pud will be some of that compote with jelly and yoghurt (god I am getting dull!) and will probably have a shake later. I only seem to manage the 2 packs I am supposed to have every 2 or 3 days.
Will see how I feel tomorrow, but will definitely have a chat with LLC next week to get his thoughts. In my more realistic moments like this morning I realised that damnit I am a size 8 and that is smaller than I ever thought I would be. So I do wonder why I still want this bigger buffer against the fat, maybe I don't trust myself very much?
I thought I had this all so sussed until now, I think this is why people warn you RTM is hard, it seems fine then something zaps you. Still I have had a pretty easy ride of it till now so something was bound to come up at bite my in the ass at some point.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday.
Jez
xx
Jezebella
Playing the Angel
RTM Day 40 (Week 6)
Wow, almost forgot to type this out, what with relaxing on the couch and chatting away on the pesky interwebs!
Today was a good day, still trying to come to terms with the whole getting my head straight thing, but working on it and feel a bit better today.
Brekkie was some stewed apple and plum with yoghurt, again sprinkled with a bit of almond and raisin. I am loving the addition of the dried fruit and the little crunch from the nuts.
Busy day as we were cooking in the new menu and presenting it to my bosses. I was absolutely thrilled with it all , it looked amazing. I did have the tinyest taste of a few bits that I am allowed at this point of RTM and tried not to feel guilt - probably not more than 50 cal in total. Felt hugely productive and happy, but when I do cook I am just generally not hungry. Realised at 4pm I hadnt eaten again apart from my few small tastes, so had a banana. I hate the guilt I now associate with tasting, because I am a chef so have a duty to taste some things. But arrrrrrrgh it kills me half the time.
Had half my peanut bar in the car on the way home - traffic was a nightmare. Got in and my sis had invited our new neighbour and her 2 lovely daughters to come in for a cup of tea. Such a lovely woman and wonderful kids. It is great to finally have a lovely friendly neighbour in London - few and far between they are.
She left after 7, so got stuck into cooking dinner - Cannon of Lamb (no fat so just fab lean meat) marinaded in balsamic, rosemary and garlic with some of the roasted veg I made yesterday, with asparagus and savoy cabbage. Totally divine and even though I cooked more than I should have veg wise, when I dished up I realised i had cooked too much so left half of it to cool then packed it away for another meal. Perhaps I am learning about portions that suit me now. Previously I would have just eaten the lot.
Had some lovely fruit compote warmed up with an orange jelly and yoghurt for pud, and a cup of tea to end it off. OOh forgot to add 2 cups of tea during the day so 3 lots of milk - not high cal but small bits that will help with the general increase without making me feel ful. Thing is I like black coffee now, so the latte and tea with milk really does feel like a treat.
Part of my relaxed feeling is coming from knowing I have a whole weekend off and a day entirely to myself tomorrow. Also that I am getting to go for my pop in with LLC so can get some guidance from him or the locum. Also to see what my weight really is on his scales.
Have more fruit to cook into lovely compotes tomorrow for the weekend and some other lovely veg to do things with. Also planning of making the xmas cakes on Sunday which will be fab. Glad a long and stressy week is over for now. OOhh and other good news, I felt the baby kittens kicking tonight - no wonder poor Mrs Pumpkin Belly is so uncomfortable, there really is a football match going on in there! Bring on the bonfire babies!!
Jez
xx
.
Wow, almost forgot to type this out, what with relaxing on the couch and chatting away on the pesky interwebs!
Today was a good day, still trying to come to terms with the whole getting my head straight thing, but working on it and feel a bit better today.
Brekkie was some stewed apple and plum with yoghurt, again sprinkled with a bit of almond and raisin. I am loving the addition of the dried fruit and the little crunch from the nuts.
Busy day as we were cooking in the new menu and presenting it to my bosses. I was absolutely thrilled with it all , it looked amazing. I did have the tinyest taste of a few bits that I am allowed at this point of RTM and tried not to feel guilt - probably not more than 50 cal in total. Felt hugely productive and happy, but when I do cook I am just generally not hungry. Realised at 4pm I hadnt eaten again apart from my few small tastes, so had a banana. I hate the guilt I now associate with tasting, because I am a chef so have a duty to taste some things. But arrrrrrrgh it kills me half the time.
Had half my peanut bar in the car on the way home - traffic was a nightmare. Got in and my sis had invited our new neighbour and her 2 lovely daughters to come in for a cup of tea. Such a lovely woman and wonderful kids. It is great to finally have a lovely friendly neighbour in London - few and far between they are.
She left after 7, so got stuck into cooking dinner - Cannon of Lamb (no fat so just fab lean meat) marinaded in balsamic, rosemary and garlic with some of the roasted veg I made yesterday, with asparagus and savoy cabbage. Totally divine and even though I cooked more than I should have veg wise, when I dished up I realised i had cooked too much so left half of it to cool then packed it away for another meal. Perhaps I am learning about portions that suit me now. Previously I would have just eaten the lot.
Had some lovely fruit compote warmed up with an orange jelly and yoghurt for pud, and a cup of tea to end it off. OOh forgot to add 2 cups of tea during the day so 3 lots of milk - not high cal but small bits that will help with the general increase without making me feel ful. Thing is I like black coffee now, so the latte and tea with milk really does feel like a treat.
Part of my relaxed feeling is coming from knowing I have a whole weekend off and a day entirely to myself tomorrow. Also that I am getting to go for my pop in with LLC so can get some guidance from him or the locum. Also to see what my weight really is on his scales.
Have more fruit to cook into lovely compotes tomorrow for the weekend and some other lovely veg to do things with. Also planning of making the xmas cakes on Sunday which will be fab. Glad a long and stressy week is over for now. OOhh and other good news, I felt the baby kittens kicking tonight - no wonder poor Mrs Pumpkin Belly is so uncomfortable, there really is a football match going on in there! Bring on the bonfire babies!!
Jez
xx
.
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
Hi Jez....glad youare in brighter spirits and sussing all this out. RTM definatly is the hardest part of the diet. I am finding it a challenge recently, as I have been under a lot of stress. So muc so I have developed horrible psoriasis on the bottom of my feet!! Crazy days. I feel like I have not been able to follow this site very much lately, but do catch up now and again.
I think you are doing great. Just don't obsess to much - relax, and listen to your body. Easier said then done, I know. And it does sound like you are doing that, so thats great! Your meals all sound fab. Absolutely fab! You certainly are putting a good effort in to make this exciting and varied - good on you!
I am looking forward to the 14th! Can't wait!
I am hoping tmorrow to make my peach jam - got to pack up some goodies for my husband to take to my mom in California and she loves peaches, so need to really try and sort it out. Only thing, I did not weigh my peaches beofre I froze them - do you think their weight after being froze needs to be adjusted for ratio to sugar???
Anyway - keep on rockin this....and know you are already a star!!!
xxx
Crazy days. I feel like I have not been able to follow this site very much lately, but do catch up now and again.I think you are doing great. Just don't obsess to much - relax, and listen to your body. Easier said then done, I know. And it does sound like you are doing that, so thats great! Your meals all sound fab. Absolutely fab! You certainly are putting a good effort in to make this exciting and varied - good on you!
I am looking forward to the 14th! Can't wait!
I am hoping tmorrow to make my peach jam - got to pack up some goodies for my husband to take to my mom in California and she loves peaches, so need to really try and sort it out. Only thing, I did not weigh my peaches beofre I froze them - do you think their weight after being froze needs to be adjusted for ratio to sugar???
Anyway - keep on rockin this....and know you are already a star!!!
xxx
Jezebella
Playing the Angel
RTM Day 41 (Week 6)
41 Days now of food, so kind of like Lent but opposite! Today was a good day for me. Woke up at 8am had to set the alarm because I was going for my pop in this morning at 9am. It was so lovely and dark in my room this morning that I got a huge shock when the alarm did go off! Managed a swig of coffee, got dressed and headed out. Had a new locum today but she was lovely. According to her I have lost 2lbs since I last weighed in, but I was 8st 10lb then and now 8st 9lb so I think it is only realistically 1lb. Also have not really dropped on the home scale much. She said my LLC had asked her to speak to me about keeping a food diary as he is concerned at my continued losses. I told her about this blog and what I log on FF so will give him a link to this so he can read what I get up to food wise. I am honestly not trying to loose more weight. I can now see the rib bones on my chest (upper half above my boobs) which means I really am thin enough. Swapped a food food packs around as I find mostly I am having shakes and bars. She was a lovely locum and we had a really good chat which made me feel a whole lot better. Headed up to the high street and foudn a cute little reindeer Xmas cookie cutter. Popped into the charity shop but it was obviously the wrong day for clothes Had a very treaty skinny cappucino at the Neros and headed down to the doctor. Had an appointment at 10am because I have some weird trapped nerve thing going on in one of my legs and it continuously feels like the onset of pins and needles so needed to check that out. Went off to the hole in my walled called Sainsburys. Busy as hell in there even though it was quite early on in the day. Spent ages again trawling through the aisles looking at the calorie content of everything and thinking "ooh too high" I dearly wanted a packet of the little dried fruit and seed mix but over 100 cal for 1/4 of the packet and it was a tiny packet!!! Much more value from lettuce <G> Also had a look at the little packs they do for kiddies lunch boxes - all supposedly healthy, and I suppose in some ways yes because it is good food, but god no wonder kids are hyper nearly 400 cal for a little packet of dried cranberries dipped in yoghurt!!!! Also had a look at innocent smoothies which I used to love the banana and strawberry being a personal favourite. 57cal per 100 ml and a bottle is 250ml so put that aside as well. Although I might head off and get one tomorrow as a treat. It just seems a lot of calories for a drink when you could utilise those calories on a meal instead. What shocks me is how I previously picked those as a healthy option and just necked them. Calories were not something I have ever looked at much before now. Weirdly still not had any wine or alcohol but best have a small attempt soon as it seems I might actually have a date sometime soon and he wants to take me out for a drink - falling flat on my face after a glass would just be too odd for a first date!! I also have no real craving for alcohol, it is more a mental thing because I used to drink it at certain times. I have had a few glasses of Diet coke and diet ginger ale which I really enjoy. But have realised that this is also something I no longer just drink all day. My body likes the water and even though I am not drinking as much of it as during abstinence, my body cries out for it so it is still a pretty big part of my liquid intake. But I have digressed. Found 1 pair of size 8 jeans in the right colour and style for a tenner so popped those in the basket as my size 10's are falling off now. Also found the cutest most adorable little set of bra and knickers in pale lilac. Since every bit of underwear I now have is functional rather than pretty, those went into the basket too!! You just feel so much more girly with pretty underwear on.
Got home after midday and had a lovely late breakfast of vanilla yoghurt with 2 small bananas a sprinkle of raisins and crazens with a few almonds. Swirled it with a teaspoon of strawberry puree so it looked really pretty. Not sure why I had more than usual, but I was hungry and I felt like it and it was great, ate it nice and slowly. Had a very lovely afternoon nap, something I love but hardly ever do, so took pumpkin belly and lay in bed with the electric blanket on reading magazines then rolled over for a snooze!! Wonderful, wonderful stuff. Just what I needed. Was hungry when I woke up at around 5 and really craved protein so had a small salad with some cucumber, tomato, peppers, celery, red onion and mixed leaf, sliced a bit of grilled chicken onto that and had a small bowl of my very yummy sweet potato and butternut soup. Felt really full after that but in a satisfied kind of way and not an "oh my god ive eaten too much" kind of way. Perhaps because I could eat when I was hungry and at my own pace so was really listening to my body, instead of trying to fit everything in, in the little time I have in my usual working day? I had pre prepared bits for dinner when I got home today, so that was all done, had also made the most amazing fruit compote - peaches, plums, apple, nectarine, strawberry and redcurrant. I find these so satisfying warm for breakfast or pud with a bit of yoghurt. So I have a huge batch for the week. Then as I still had the house to myself I had a girly treat evening. Waxed my legs, had a long pamper bath, washed and blowdried my hair. God I feel really spoiled today!! But this weekend was always going to be about Me time which I think I need right now just to get my head back in the right place.
Dinner was a fantastic stirfry with bok choy, thai asparagus and peanut shoots, added some peppers, celery, mushrooms and white cabbage, had this with tuna steak and some prawns marinated in soy and sweet chili. It looked so pretty on its big square plates garnished with little chive flowers and drizzled with the marinade. Ate it with the chopsticks, which made a nice change and you certainly do eat slower!!
Still havent got space for anything else. But have a blueberry muller light which I am dying to try and will try to fit in a bar or a shake as I have had no packs today.
Once I had logged all my food, I realised this is a fairly high cal day for me. I really want to at least be the same weight when I have my official WI on Tuesday. Strangely I don't feel the guilt I have been feeling, again probably because I ate what I wanted when I wanted it and as much as I thought my body needed.
Have a great day planned with my sister tomorrow, hopefully we can get out for a swim, but have loads to do, including coffee with a friend in Dulwich Picture Gallery, and the making of the Xmas cakes. I would also like to have a few hours of nothing in my day.
The big treat planned for tomorrow is a proper cooked breakfast. I have organic eggs, lean bacon, tomato, and am going to really step out and break the mould by having a few baked beans a day before I should. I have so been looking forward to this, and as it is one of the very few days we have off together I thought we should have it when we can lay the table, sit down and really enjoy it.
Wow, could I be breaking my nice adapted child status and being slightly rebellious, or is this a bit adult?
Things to ponder on for sure.
Jez
xx
41 Days now of food, so kind of like Lent but opposite! Today was a good day for me. Woke up at 8am had to set the alarm because I was going for my pop in this morning at 9am. It was so lovely and dark in my room this morning that I got a huge shock when the alarm did go off! Managed a swig of coffee, got dressed and headed out. Had a new locum today but she was lovely. According to her I have lost 2lbs since I last weighed in, but I was 8st 10lb then and now 8st 9lb so I think it is only realistically 1lb. Also have not really dropped on the home scale much. She said my LLC had asked her to speak to me about keeping a food diary as he is concerned at my continued losses. I told her about this blog and what I log on FF so will give him a link to this so he can read what I get up to food wise. I am honestly not trying to loose more weight. I can now see the rib bones on my chest (upper half above my boobs) which means I really am thin enough. Swapped a food food packs around as I find mostly I am having shakes and bars. She was a lovely locum and we had a really good chat which made me feel a whole lot better. Headed up to the high street and foudn a cute little reindeer Xmas cookie cutter. Popped into the charity shop but it was obviously the wrong day for clothes
Had a very treaty skinny cappucino at the Neros and headed down to the doctor. Had an appointment at 10am because I have some weird trapped nerve thing going on in one of my legs and it continuously feels like the onset of pins and needles so needed to check that out. Went off to the hole in my walled called Sainsburys. Busy as hell in there even though it was quite early on in the day. Spent ages again trawling through the aisles looking at the calorie content of everything and thinking "ooh too high" I dearly wanted a packet of the little dried fruit and seed mix but over 100 cal for 1/4 of the packet and it was a tiny packet!!! Much more value from lettuce <G> Also had a look at the little packs they do for kiddies lunch boxes - all supposedly healthy, and I suppose in some ways yes because it is good food, but god no wonder kids are hyper nearly 400 cal for a little packet of dried cranberries dipped in yoghurt!!!! Also had a look at innocent smoothies which I used to love the banana and strawberry being a personal favourite. 57cal per 100 ml and a bottle is 250ml so put that aside as well. Although I might head off and get one tomorrow as a treat. It just seems a lot of calories for a drink when you could utilise those calories on a meal instead. What shocks me is how I previously picked those as a healthy option and just necked them. Calories were not something I have ever looked at much before now. Weirdly still not had any wine or alcohol but best have a small attempt soon as it seems I might actually have a date sometime soon and he wants to take me out for a drink - falling flat on my face after a glass would just be too odd for a first date!! I also have no real craving for alcohol, it is more a mental thing because I used to drink it at certain times. I have had a few glasses of Diet coke and diet ginger ale which I really enjoy. But have realised that this is also something I no longer just drink all day. My body likes the water and even though I am not drinking as much of it as during abstinence, my body cries out for it so it is still a pretty big part of my liquid intake. But I have digressed. Found 1 pair of size 8 jeans in the right colour and style for a tenner so popped those in the basket as my size 10's are falling off now. Also found the cutest most adorable little set of bra and knickers in pale lilac. Since every bit of underwear I now have is functional rather than pretty, those went into the basket too!! You just feel so much more girly with pretty underwear on.Got home after midday and had a lovely late breakfast of vanilla yoghurt with 2 small bananas a sprinkle of raisins and crazens with a few almonds. Swirled it with a teaspoon of strawberry puree so it looked really pretty. Not sure why I had more than usual, but I was hungry and I felt like it and it was great, ate it nice and slowly. Had a very lovely afternoon nap, something I love but hardly ever do, so took pumpkin belly and lay in bed with the electric blanket on reading magazines then rolled over for a snooze!! Wonderful, wonderful stuff. Just what I needed. Was hungry when I woke up at around 5 and really craved protein so had a small salad with some cucumber, tomato, peppers, celery, red onion and mixed leaf, sliced a bit of grilled chicken onto that and had a small bowl of my very yummy sweet potato and butternut soup. Felt really full after that but in a satisfied kind of way and not an "oh my god ive eaten too much" kind of way. Perhaps because I could eat when I was hungry and at my own pace so was really listening to my body, instead of trying to fit everything in, in the little time I have in my usual working day? I had pre prepared bits for dinner when I got home today, so that was all done, had also made the most amazing fruit compote - peaches, plums, apple, nectarine, strawberry and redcurrant. I find these so satisfying warm for breakfast or pud with a bit of yoghurt. So I have a huge batch for the week. Then as I still had the house to myself I had a girly treat evening. Waxed my legs, had a long pamper bath, washed and blowdried my hair. God I feel really spoiled today!! But this weekend was always going to be about Me time which I think I need right now just to get my head back in the right place.
Dinner was a fantastic stirfry with bok choy, thai asparagus and peanut shoots, added some peppers, celery, mushrooms and white cabbage, had this with tuna steak and some prawns marinated in soy and sweet chili. It looked so pretty on its big square plates garnished with little chive flowers and drizzled with the marinade. Ate it with the chopsticks, which made a nice change and you certainly do eat slower!!
Still havent got space for anything else. But have a blueberry muller light which I am dying to try and will try to fit in a bar or a shake as I have had no packs today.
Once I had logged all my food, I realised this is a fairly high cal day for me. I really want to at least be the same weight when I have my official WI on Tuesday. Strangely I don't feel the guilt I have been feeling, again probably because I ate what I wanted when I wanted it and as much as I thought my body needed.
Have a great day planned with my sister tomorrow, hopefully we can get out for a swim, but have loads to do, including coffee with a friend in Dulwich Picture Gallery, and the making of the Xmas cakes. I would also like to have a few hours of nothing in my day.
The big treat planned for tomorrow is a proper cooked breakfast. I have organic eggs, lean bacon, tomato, and am going to really step out and break the mould by having a few baked beans a day before I should. I have so been looking forward to this, and as it is one of the very few days we have off together I thought we should have it when we can lay the table, sit down and really enjoy it.
Wow, could I be breaking my nice adapted child status and being slightly rebellious, or is this a bit adult?
Things to ponder on for sure.
Jez
xx
Minerva
...we're sinking deeper.
Is your Leg ok?!
... While it's helpful to look at those... It can become a slippery slope. I walk around my shop for ages... just looking at things and putting them back. But at the end of the day: I have to remember, if I want something, I can have it. It's just knowing how much. ... Just because it has 400 calories per 100g. Yes, but what is the *weight desnity* of the product? Lets say we have a packet of Puffed Wheats - they are 365 calories per 100g. Yet the whole big box has 150g in it. Means you'd have to eat two thirds of the box!
And realistically you wouldn't. It's all about measuring yourself out how much you want of <item> and not depriving yourself of those special things.Plus, with certain kinds of food items, our body digests, metabolises and uses the energy in different ways. Some more fibrous foods pass through the system much more readily than others and their 'calories' can become negated. Plus, someone posted a lovely article the other week from the New Scientist that was discussing that 'calories' should only be used as a 'guideline'. They are not definitive measures since the energy food produces is tested in a lab environment. It doesn't necessarily mean that is how much energy it actually provides for us. Our bodies are much more complex than that. It's all about different combinations of chemicals, reacting with each other, metabolising, passing through - giving energy to all sorts of processes - not just the store of fat!
It's great to have jeans that fit! Hooray! Though, yes, size 8 is becoming a little scary. I was very happy to be a 10..
And perhaps you can teach me to be girly! I don't actually know how to shop for such things... it's all black and rather frumpy .... then again I kind of don't need a bra anymore, except for giving the illusion that something is still there!Sounds lovely!! *(except for the celery ...) Everything looks awesome on square plates, don't you think? I bought a few black ones from Wilkinson's - cheap but awesome. Also helped to buy the 'side plate' range, as the main dinner plates are the size of a table - who do they expect to feed off those? An elephant? I've always had a problem with the size of the plates in this country. Why are all dinner plates so large?
As for chopsticks... I eat nearly every meal with them... Much to the annoyance of those around me!
It's a nice feeling to not feel that guilt... I find when I have a relaxed state of mind, a non-rushed day, I take it more slowly and easily. Then the few extra bits don't matter as much and we take it in our stride... So for you especially it's important to remember and actually practice that calm in your head. Even when you're absolutely stressed out, remember to approach food with a relaxed state of mind. Never eat when angry or frustrated or it can develop badly later. :hug99:
OoooOoooohh! DO TELL!
(And alcohol - remember to use it in moderation. Probably at your current state of food intake and changing body - one glass of wine (or one and a half - the tolerance will have gone down significantly) will be enough to get the 'happy' going but not enough to make a fool of you... just make sure you go into the evening mentally prepared. It is important to set boundaries before going in for a social event. If I go in and get all flustered by choice and no limits I over-do it in the face of the panic of the 'fat' me looming around the corner...!)
kenshin112
Gotta Make A Change
Well done jez ur doing great
and you got a date do tell
and you got a date do tell
