Jo's Journey - 175lbs to happiness...

[strawberry]

Oh hun, it's such a hard situation you've been put in. I understand what you're saying about Darcy and him being her dad, you dont want her to be growing up surrounded by behaviour like that and thinking it's acceptable to speak to a woman in that way.
You did a great thing calling the police over him being drunk and getting into a car, you've probably just saved somebody's life (and his) just by making one phone call. You have made a really brave decision, I wish somebody would have made that decision for me when I was younger but that's another story! I wish you all the luck in the world, Darcy will thank you one day xxx

 

[Darcys Mummy]

3.5lbs off this week.

0.5lb off my 40lb loss.
2.5lbs off 3st award
and need 3lbs to complete my 2lb challenge...

would love 2.5-3lbs next week of course but when it happens it happens...

I may be weighing in a day early as it's my birthday next Thursday and we're going out for a meal and I don't fancy getting weighed the morning after the night before if you get me so this may be a shorter week for me...but I'm currently unwell so the meal may not even happen...watch this space...

 

[new_patty]

I am so sorry to hear all you have been trough with your husband, i imagine it was really hard to take the decision of separating but it definitely looks like the best thing to do while he is drinking. He sounds like a very abusing man and violent and nobody should ever treat you like that.
I have been in a similar relationship in the past so do not hesitate to message if you need to talk xx

 

[NewMe14]

Hi hun, congrats on your loss this week.

So sorry to read all your going through at the moment. You have to do what is best for you and Darcy xx

 

[Darcys Mummy]

It sounds like a lot is going on hun, so be kind to yourself if sw does slip a little bit! I think you're doing the right thing getting the support required... I hope you get things sorted tomorrow! x

Oh hun, it's such a hard situation you've been put in. I understand what you're saying about Darcy and him being her dad, you dont want her to be growing up surrounded by behaviour like that and thinking it's acceptable to speak to a woman in that way.
You did a great thing calling the police over him being drunk and getting into a car, you've probably just saved somebody's life (and his) just by making one phone call. You have made a really brave decision, I wish somebody would have made that decision for me when I was younger but that's another story! I wish you all the luck in the world, Darcy will thank you one day xxx

Congrats on your loss hun and hope you're feeling much better for your birthday next week! x

I am so sorry to hear all you have been trough with your husband, i imagine it was really hard to take the decision of separating but it definitely looks like the best thing to do while he is drinking. He sounds like a very abusing man and violent and nobody should ever treat you like that.
I have been in a similar relationship in the past so do not hesitate to message if you need to talk xx

Hi hun, congrats on your loss this week.

So sorry to read all your going through at the moment. You have to do what is best for you and Darcy xx

Thank you all for being lovely...I just needed to have a rant and clear my head and everything just to get it all off my chest in hopes I would feel better.

 

[Darcys Mummy]

How am I?

I'm so so...I kind of feel bad that I don't care about my marriage ending. I was with this man for 5 years I should emotion and the only thing I feel is relief. I feel so cold hearted for feeling that way but maybe it's just a reflection of how unhappy I really was behind the fake smile? I mean don't get me wrong it wasn't all bad but this last 2 years has took its toll and the first 3 were pretty bad so all in all it's been hard work...And I know they say you have to work at relationships but what we had wasn't a relationship it was...a support system maybe for him...and a project maybe for me...maybe I never did want to be with him maybe I just wanted to rescue him...I don't know.

I can't remember what I've already told you so I apologise for repetition but I enjoy typing this on here...it helps. I know its a diet forum but all this stuff is diet related...for instance I haven't eaten properly since Wednesday I've had 2 Weetabix, half of one of those individual kiddie pizzas you get from the supermarket for 50p and I had some chips when I wasn't well enough to and I brought them straight back up lol...so it is in a way related to my SW journey.

Ok so yesterday I woke up me and Darcy were in the process of getting ready for our busy day ahead and he started pounding on the door...I asked him to leave and told him if he didn't I would ring the police...I did end up ringing the police but he'd legged it...they asked me if I wanted to issue a harassment warning which basically means he can't come near me without getting himself in trouble. I agreed and he hasn't told me he's been issued with one but based on his actions afterwards I'm assuming he did get it. I went to CAB which were beyond useless knew nothing and told me what I already knew...waste of an hour...then went to solicitors and she's basically done the same as the police told him to leave me alone or else again not much use...Then I had just stepped through my front door after being out for 3 hours and he text me telling me I was ****ed because he's put a freeze on our joint account. I checked and it was true. I think the numpty did this by accident because he doesn't have the intelligence to know how to do this...I think what he's done is because he doesn't have a bank card hes gone into the bank with ID and told them the situation in hopes he could draw the money out but they said no and froze the account instead...what he wouldn't have known before going there was I had cleared the account out - Don't mess with me boy! As this was my main account all direct debits etc were set up in this account so I had to walk all the way back and I said to the woman what if I hadn't cleared that account...what if the money was still in the joint account and it had been frozen...what was I supposed to do for money to look after my child? To keep a roof over her head? She said I'm just following protocol I not very politely told her the protocol was **** and if the money got recalled back to the joint account then the next time she sees me I suggest she rings the police because I will not be happy and I will be making sure someone in that bank either accesses my money so I can support my child or I will make sure that they all put their hands in their own pockets to support her because it was their fault I had no money. And I then told her again not very politely I'd be taking my banking elsewhere...lol. Come on seriously how bad is that? If I hadn't have had the common sense to move that money I would now be penniless and tbh I daren't spend the money in case it gets recalled on Monday...I'm petrified its going to get recalled still.

He's been an absolute dick ever since and today he was all sweetness and light and I smelt a big fat dirty rat and I wasn't wrong he asked me to give him his money back so he could pay his Dad board. Are you seriously you drunken muppet? You made a decision that effect all of us me and Darcy didn't get a say in and you think you can walk out leave me with he bills and a child to raise and you don't have to contribute at all? Again not politely I told him no so he said he was getting me done for theft so I said crack on seriously do you think the police are going to take money off a jilted wife and her dependant to give it to the alcoholic father/husband who abandoned them...I don't think so. Then I got home to find my dog has started chewing my stairs carpet...not very happy about...but he had lent our dog cage to his friend...I asked him to get it back the response was I bought it so **** off...my response was WE bought it (as we're married) and you don't have a dog so I want it back...he continued it was his. So I replied saying fine if you want to be like that then I'm really going to enjoy selling MY Xbox...because 'technically' I bought it as it's on my store card. From here on he was very angry and abusive lol. He was also in the process of claiming some tax back and he text me and said you're ****ing screwed now I've got the cheque redirected to my Dads house...you're ****ing screwed soon you'll be homeless...you *****. This is either how drunk he is or how stupid he is or both...lol...even if it did come to this house...it will be in his name...and he's closed our account...and I have a little bit too much breast to pull off being a dude and going out without any ID to open an account in his name to cash the cheque lol. MORON! And I replied saying oh good them you can pay your daddy 'who doesn't love you' and you will have money to start divorce proceedings. And I'm not homeless and never will...I am actually better off emotionally and financially without you. This is where he told me to **** off and never speak to him again that was 2-3 hours ago...lets see who texts who first.

I then rang the police to ask about how I get his belongings out my house as I've told him to get in touch with police and come collect them and he's been gone since Wednesday and hasn't done a thing about it. So waiting for an officer to get back in touch with me about that. Also the police officer on the phone told me he can only take what I allow him to take...so I am seriously thinking about going and getting one of my mums dresses and some high heels...and just giving those to him and burning his clothes in the backyard lol would be funny. The main thing is I want the animals out the house...I hate fish so I want them gone and the dragon he's done nothing wrong to me I wouldn't mind keeping him but he is Phil's and both the dragon and fish need 24 hour electricity and I can't really afford that now...so could do with getting shut of them.

None dickhead related news my cat came back in after roaming on Thursday night with two puncture wounds on his chest...£100 vet bill for antibiotic, painkillers and a plaster. £100!!

Also the dog...it...that thing...I am so fed up of her chewing and I don't know what to do to stop her...I have a neutering voucher so she's going next week hopefully to be neutered and if that doesn't work I don't know what to do...I have to find money to replace that carpet she's chewed because its just flapping their tempting her and I can't not go to work...the dog has to be left alone...

They say it comes in threes. 1. hubby left 2. cat costs me £100 3. dog ruins my carpet...surely that's it...surely I am in for some good luck right?

Anyway on a lighter note...my mum called me this morning to tell me I had received my inheritance cheque from my Nan and although it won't get me out of debt...it will give me the month or more that benefits will take to be calculated to carry on somewhat stress free not having to worry about where I'll be living come rent day.

I'm taking all these things as signs...getting into see the solicitor within 24 hours...getting my inheritance cheque...I mean she died in May what are the chances I would receive it 2 days after my marriage ends? That crotchety old cow (term of endearment) is still looking out for me bless her...she's still there when I need her from the grave...and freaky or what I found her funeral service book today as I have been sorting things out...I mean...what are the chances honestly?

Anyway I sorted tax credits yesterday, child benefits, I applied for maintenance from him, I am going about housing/council tax benefits on Monday I have to ring up income support on Monday, change my bank details at work and then I think I'm pretty much sorted apart from the waiting...

Anyway guna get going now as I need to carry on sorting his **** out...just in case the copper comes tonight with him...

 

[new_patty]

Oh Jo, i've just read your post.
I am so sorry to hear your husband is behaving like an idiot, it's very sad to think that not even the love for his daughter stops him behaving like that.
Be careful and hopefully all the benefits you meed will be sorted soon.
Message me if u want to chat xx

 

[Darcys Mummy]

I am weighing in a day early this week as today is my birthday...Yes the ******* walked out with no explanation a week before my 30th birthday...so I intend on getting very very very drunk today...so like I said early weigh in...lost 5.5lbs...got my 3st award...

 

[NewMe14]

well done Jo, that is a fantastic loss. I lost half a pound this week was on plan but guess thats how it goes sometimes!

I hope you have a lovely birthday and enjoy the celebrations :birthday:

 

[strawberry]

Well done Jo!!!

 

[new_patty]

Happy birthday Jo!! I hope u have a wonderful day x

 

[Nolava]

Hi Jo, I noticed you haven't posted for a few days, hope you and Darcy are alright. Stay strong and look after yourself! xXx

 

[Darcys Mummy]

Hi Everyone,

Just dropping in to update everyone on my situation and my SW journey hopefully I won't ramble on for too long but you can always scroll past it lol.

So its now been 12 days since I separated from my husband and I would love to say things are getting easier but I would be lying. There is one good point all benefits told me 3-6 weeks and 3 of the 4 have already given me my award so only waiting on one now which I am dealing with on Wednesday as they couldn't get me in any sooner. So Darcy and I have a little bit of money now...unfortunately...because I don't know how long until I get my last benefit sorted I am still in limbo about whether I can continue to live in my house which I only moved into in May so I know I am here for 5-4 weeks after that I don't know but I can't stress over something that is out of my control. I can only worry about it when I have the numbers in front of me and realise I can't afford to stay here.

I am pissed off with the world at the moment I feel so powerless at the moment. My husband made a decision that impacted all our lives and he's walked away scott free and I've been left with no money, all the bills, a 3 year old to raise (obviously wouldn't have it any other way) and no explanation as to why its happened which is probably the most frustrating thing of all. The people that are supposed to help me such as CAB, police, solicitors, womens aid, cafcass, social services have all been near useless and just keep pushing me from pillar to post and not actually helping me. I don't qualify for legal aid so I am in a bind, I have to pay £60 for mediation that I don't have before I can apply to court which is going to cost me another £215 that I don't have and these are my only options...

On top of this my ex is being rude, abusive, demanding, hurtful...I have tried to be civil but it hasn't worked...so I am now ignoring him...its only been 48 hours and I've only received 2 messages from him neither one abusive...but I'm waiting for it to come...I'm waiting for the nasty messages such as don't think I'm paying you maintenance if you don't talk to me...and obviously I need it...and CSA haven't made it official yet so he's paying me willingly at the moment...so he can hold back that maintenance as punishment/leverage at the moment.

My 30th was...so so...it was what you would expect of a birthday only a week after my separation. My friend took me out during the day and treated me to my nails and eyebrows being done, we did some window shopping, went for lunch then we came home she went to her house as she is a Mummy too and then my Mum and cousin came to my house and we had a takeaway...I appreciate the effort they made but I just wasn't in the mood to celebrate it wasn't anything to do with them...just wasn't in the mood.

I am being devilish with SW. I went out for a meal on my birthday which probably cost me a weeks worth of syns then I've had 2 takeaways since then and today for dinner I cooked a packet of duck skewers from my daughters birthday party that didn't get cooked and ate the lot...so I am expecting a gain this week...but I will accept it because I deserve it...and its my own fault...I didn't do any food shopping for me so I have nothing in to eat that is healthy so I've fallen back on bad food. I also have a freezer full of frozen meals that I used to buy him for his dinner at work...he doesn't want them but I can't see them go to waste but I obviously don't want to eat them...so there's temptation there all the time to be lazy and not cook from scratch and because I don't want to eat and it seems pointless cooking for one as Darcy eats at my mums every night those meals are the easiest option. I just want to shake this off and wake up and be back on plan and I'm just not in SW frame of mind atm. And I don't want this to effect my SW because I refuse to let him be the reason for my undoing...he doesn't get to win...I want to lose my weight get to target and bump into him and be like 'yeah dumbass this is what you gave up'. I just need a kick up the arse and as sad as it is to say I think a gain this week is what it's going to take to get me to step back look at myself and say 'what the **** are you doing?'

So entry complete...I am going to attempt to post on here everyday as I think I have finished running around like a headless chicken for the time being as I can't do anything now until I've attended mediation on the 14th.

So hopefully I'll be back tomorrow a little bit brighter, a little bit more focused and with some delicious food pix...I will take myself to the supermarket tonight and do a little mini shop for the rest of the week...

Love to you all xx

 

[Darcys Mummy]

Hi everyone sorry I didn't come by yesterday bit of a hectic one. I took my dog to be speyed and I didn't get bk till late. To prove I'm an independent woman me and a friend put a shelf up...well long story short it fell off the wall taking half the plaster with it lol so I attempted a bit of patch work and I admitted defeat and have had to call a handy man in...and he's supposed to be coming this morning. Other than that I didn't do much yesterday just cleaning. Then I was cooking my tea when my ex got in touch and started to be abusive threatening to take door off hinges...again. So I had to call police...getting fed up of doing this...but its what I've been told to do to build up a case to prove he isn't responsible enough to care for Darcy. This continued for 4 hours then police finally turned up at 10pm (I called them at 4:30) and they're supposed to have given him a telling off...I haven't heard from him since last night but give it time. He's also confirmed he will be coming to mediation on Tuesday was kind of hoping he wouldn't but we'll see what happens.

I ate a lot better yesterday...

- yogurt for breakfast

- bacon and mushroom sandwich for dinner

No pic as this is when it all kicked off and I was also rushing to collect Maisie from the vets but I had chilli, ginger and lime chicken with potatoes.

Treats I shared a pack of rolos with Darcy.

No Hex A which is weird for me but nevermind.

Ok so thats yesterdays update hopefully I will be back later today for todays update.

 

[strawberry]

Oh Jo I just want to come and give you and Darcy a big hug, you both don't deserve any of what is happening... I really hope things start to improve xx

 

[new_patty]

I have just read your latest updates, i think i told u before but i was once in an abusive relation, there is light after the tunnel even though everything looks pretty dark at the moment, you are doing so well keep going girl, lots of hugs!

 

[Darcys Mummy]

Hello everyone

Quickly updating while the little madam is at school. I didn't hear from the ex until 7pm yesterday and he then sent me a message saying he's just unblocked me to say...whoa! He's unblocked me? He's the one texting, ringing and threatening me but he's unblocked me? Are you serious? Anyway it was an apologetic text saying he's sorry for everything he's said and done and his heads just screwed up at the minute and he can't do it alone and he misses me and Darcy...tough ****...he made the decision, he walked away, he said he didn't want to come home, he's been the nasty one, he's left us with no money and all the bills...does he seriously think I'm going to say 'oh it's ok sweetheart you come back home like nothings happened'...None of this was down to me it was ALL him so I am not going to be taking him back even though my family and friends don't seem to have any faith in me. I do love him I can't deny that I was with him for 5 years and he's the father of my child and I care what happens to him but I'm not in love with him and I haven't been for a very long time...I have been miserable in my marriage for longer than I care to admit. I was scared to leave because of the finances but this time he made that decision for me and now I'm almost there financially just have to hear back about income support...then I'm set. So I've faced that fear and this past 2 weeks...although it's been difficult transitioning and with him being abusive but all that aside this house has been happier and calmer and I don't want him and his short temper back in this house...I don't want to feel like a prisoner in my own home afraid to speak for fear of getting screamed at...having to run my life around his...and not getting a **** you or thank you from him. I am happier now...just need to get the court sorted and he managed to piss me off yesterday without me even speaking to him. He hasn't been at work for 3 weeks because he's been drinking...we're supposed to have mediation on Tuesday and I have to go to mediation before I can apply to court the dickhead has rung them up and postponed it for 3 weeks telling them he can't make it...the reason he can't make it is because he's too ****ing drunk to drive the car...and he doesn't want to spend £60 of his drinking money on mediation. So now I can't do anything for another 3 weeks minimum because he's a twat and he probably won't even turn up to that appointment...and he's being abusive to me because I won't let my pisshead ex see my 3 year old daughter without going through the courts and getting supervised visitation at a contact centre yet...he's the one who's postponed it and now I have to put up with 3 more weeks off abuse. When we were talking to each other I told him about my daughters school photos and said if ya want one put the money in my bank I have to 'order' them Monday...by Tuesday he was blowing up my phone demanding his photo because he'd paid for it...I've been told by police and solicitor not to talk to him so I had to get the police to go and tell him I'd only 'ordered' them Monday and they'll get here when they get here and he'll be informed by someone. He then threatened me saying he'd got my daughter birth certificate (copy not original) and I'm thinking and? What are you guna do? Kidnap Darcy get her photo taken, apply for a first passport and pay money out your drinking fund...to do what? Kidnap her again and **** off out the country...he's too dumb and cheap to do any of it...so where's the threat? Then I found out after telling them not to contact him that he's been talking to my parents and asking them to let him talk and see Darcy at their house and my Dad disagrees with me not letting him see Darcy until the courts have ruled it be supervised so I can see my dad letting him...which worries me because if he were to take her I wouldn't be able to get her back...which is why I am waiting for court...I don't want to fall out with my parents but I just don't understand why they're on the side of the alcoholic idiot who walked out on their daughter and granddaughter for no reason, leaving us without money to go and spend every penny off his on drink? Why? They should be on my side.

Anyway just wanted to thank you all for your kindness during this difficult time I'm going through. I'm not going to sit at the keyboard and lie to you all that I'm ok because I'm not. I still have money worries and I'm scared by this time next month me and Darcy will be homeless. My hubby has fallen well and truly off the wagon and he's being very abusive verbally and emotionally...I've got police involved, solicitors involved, womens aid, social services etc...and I think that someone has it in for me because since he's left my doors broke, my air vent fell off the wall, my dogs chewed my skirting board and stairs carpet, my shelf fell off the wall taking half the wall with it, my cat turned up with 2 puncture wounds in his chest cost me £100 at vets, got a free neutering voucher for my dog took her to have that done they rang to inform me she had an infection so I'm paying for antibiotics for her...my hubby loaned our dog crate out to his mate week before he walked out and because he's being an arse he won't get it me back so I've had to go and buy a new dog crate...2nd hand...bless the woman though it was brand new she put it up and her dog wouldn't stop barking at it so she put it away and she only charged me £50 should have been £110. So things could be better but I'm just going day by day thinking it can only make me stronger. I haven't been very good with SW this week...I got my appetite back but until 2 days ago I couldn't be bothered to cook for myself so I took the easy option...but I'm back on it now but damage limitation was well out the window for this week so I'm going to take the hit and just start a fresh in the morning and hope the gain is gone very soon. I will be damned if I let that man be my undoing...I want to hit target and make him regret ever leaving me...not that I want him back after 2 weeks apart I'm quite content now...just wish things would move a little faster so I could go to court. Anyway that's me up to date...hope you're all doing well...and again many thanks for your support and kindness.

Food photos to follow...

 

[Darcys Mummy]

- forgot to take a pic just remembered before I scoffed the lot lol was a bacon sandwich

- gammon chips and egg...

No lunch as the day got away from me

 

[Darcys Mummy]

None dickhead related...

- Darcy's new onesie/Halloween outfit

- behind bars where they belong lol in Maisie's new dog crate.

- my SW Christmas tree so far

 

[strawberry]

None dickhead related...

View attachment 155961 - Darcy's new onesie/Halloween outfit

View attachment 155962View attachment 155963 - behind bars where they belong lol in Maisie's new dog crate.

View attachment 155964 - my SW Christmas tree so far

Beautiful xx