Goreygirl
Gold Member
Well, today has been an interesting day.
I had a session with my therapist this morning and we were discussing the whole CD thing in the context of my other behaviours and beliefs & values I have discovered were causing me distress in day to day life.
Anyway we were talking about compulsive behaviours and how I had/have an addictive relationship with food in particular with sugar/white carbs (we've been talking about this on and off for weeks now). It seems with addictive behaviours there is a ritualistic behaviour around the "giving in to the addiction" and the further you go down this ritual pathway the less likely you are to be able to stop the binge (for me at the end it was damn near impossible; I felt powerless and then disgusted with myself for being so powerless). It's much like the active alcoholic trying to stop himself drinking when he's already walked through the pub doors. The "ritual" can take a few hours or a few days even. The start of it could be the way I might not get up when the alarm goes, then not do the chores I had planned.... and 10 hours later I am surrounded by pizza and chocolate. It could start later and be around the way I settle myself down on the sofa in the evening .. the way I sit down, the way I line the remote controls around me with my book beside me. I am not consciously thinking about food at that time but it triggers the cascade of subconscious thoughts and behaviours that find me reaching for the take out menu or driving to the garage at 10pm for chocolate. After which comes the shame, self anger, self disgust etc...and I vow to "abstain" ... and then it starts all over again.
So some of the work I have to do going fowards is try to work out where that ritual starts for me. What starts that cascade? Apparently finding that starting point is the key for recovery from addiction (no matter what the drug).
CD is working for me at the moment because I have accepted the fact that I have "addiction behaviours" around food. I may not be doing drink or drugs.... but I behave with food the same way an alcoholic/drug addict wood. CD is the closest to "abstinence" from my drug as I can get and like a recovering alcoholic who can have a drink but every hour chooses not to I am choosing not to eat.
Just thought I'd share.
Gg
I had a session with my therapist this morning and we were discussing the whole CD thing in the context of my other behaviours and beliefs & values I have discovered were causing me distress in day to day life.
Anyway we were talking about compulsive behaviours and how I had/have an addictive relationship with food in particular with sugar/white carbs (we've been talking about this on and off for weeks now). It seems with addictive behaviours there is a ritualistic behaviour around the "giving in to the addiction" and the further you go down this ritual pathway the less likely you are to be able to stop the binge (for me at the end it was damn near impossible; I felt powerless and then disgusted with myself for being so powerless). It's much like the active alcoholic trying to stop himself drinking when he's already walked through the pub doors. The "ritual" can take a few hours or a few days even. The start of it could be the way I might not get up when the alarm goes, then not do the chores I had planned.... and 10 hours later I am surrounded by pizza and chocolate. It could start later and be around the way I settle myself down on the sofa in the evening .. the way I sit down, the way I line the remote controls around me with my book beside me. I am not consciously thinking about food at that time but it triggers the cascade of subconscious thoughts and behaviours that find me reaching for the take out menu or driving to the garage at 10pm for chocolate. After which comes the shame, self anger, self disgust etc...and I vow to "abstain" ... and then it starts all over again.
So some of the work I have to do going fowards is try to work out where that ritual starts for me. What starts that cascade? Apparently finding that starting point is the key for recovery from addiction (no matter what the drug).
CD is working for me at the moment because I have accepted the fact that I have "addiction behaviours" around food. I may not be doing drink or drugs.... but I behave with food the same way an alcoholic/drug addict wood. CD is the closest to "abstinence" from my drug as I can get and like a recovering alcoholic who can have a drink but every hour chooses not to I am choosing not to eat.
Just thought I'd share.
Gg