Just a few thoughts....

[Goreygirl]

Well, today has been an interesting day.

I had a session with my therapist this morning and we were discussing the whole CD thing in the context of my other behaviours and beliefs & values I have discovered were causing me distress in day to day life.

Anyway we were talking about compulsive behaviours and how I had/have an addictive relationship with food in particular with sugar/white carbs (we've been talking about this on and off for weeks now). It seems with addictive behaviours there is a ritualistic behaviour around the "giving in to the addiction" and the further you go down this ritual pathway the less likely you are to be able to stop the binge (for me at the end it was damn near impossible; I felt powerless and then disgusted with myself for being so powerless). It's much like the active alcoholic trying to stop himself drinking when he's already walked through the pub doors. The "ritual" can take a few hours or a few days even. The start of it could be the way I might not get up when the alarm goes, then not do the chores I had planned.... and 10 hours later I am surrounded by pizza and chocolate. It could start later and be around the way I settle myself down on the sofa in the evening .. the way I sit down, the way I line the remote controls around me with my book beside me. I am not consciously thinking about food at that time but it triggers the cascade of subconscious thoughts and behaviours that find me reaching for the take out menu or driving to the garage at 10pm for chocolate. After which comes the shame, self anger, self disgust etc...and I vow to "abstain" ... and then it starts all over again.

So some of the work I have to do going fowards is try to work out where that ritual starts for me. What starts that cascade? Apparently finding that starting point is the key for recovery from addiction (no matter what the drug).

CD is working for me at the moment because I have accepted the fact that I have "addiction behaviours" around food. I may not be doing drink or drugs.... but I behave with food the same way an alcoholic/drug addict wood. CD is the closest to "abstinence" from my drug as I can get and like a recovering alcoholic who can have a drink but every hour chooses not to I am choosing not to eat.

Just thought I'd share.

Gg

 

[Dolly2]

That is so interesting and yet a mirror of my own destructive cycle of food addiction. The difference is I know why i turn to food, "love" in a wrapper, but yet i don't know when i set myself up for the onslaught. I find like an alcoholic that i will find a reason to be near a shop i,e i need petrol for tomorrow etc....
My biggest fear is going back to old habits and using food as an emotion. I am listening to a motivation cd on my ipod which is very powerful and when i return to food i am going to have some hypnosis to subconsiously help me understand my full and empty signals. At the moment i have handed all my feeding responsibility to my CDC (in the form of only having shakes) and i need to empower myself when i go on holiday that i can be responsible not to fall off the wagon and go on a three week binge, living on a sugar high then realising at the end that i have put back all of my weight and more!!
Sorry have hijacked your post, but it just hit home your post and made my mind whirl...
Dolls x

 

[Goreygirl]

Sorry have hijacked your post, but it just hit home your post and made my mind whirl...
Dolls x

Not at all Dolls; I hoped it might resonate with some people so I could get support too. What's also been interesting for me is how I'm realising how my food addiction/behaviours have gone hand in hand with other behavious (sexual, relationships etc) and apparently this is quite common because it's all coming from the same base of lack of self love. So learning to love myself and learning how to live comfortably with loving myself is going to be a big part of the recovery process.

 

[Dolly2]

Yup, if i look back all that goes hand in hand, but i always manage to think of them as seperate issues as opposed to one big destructive behaviour.
The hypnotist i am going to see has provided me with the CD that i listen to, there are two. One is for food control and the other motivational. I listened to the food control on the plane over to Salzburg a few weeks ago and found it good and calming. Two nights later (after a few wines and a whopping meal.....had come off CD for business trip) i woke at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep. So decided to listen to the other recording on my Ipod which was the motivational hypnosis, my gawd it was so powerful, i started sobbing. It made me realise how little i thought of myself and the lack of self love created a cycle of the people i had allowed to reinforce my insecurities.....then it gives you the power to stop this and empower you to move forward.....the more you listen the stronger you get.....it is amazing and can be for anything diet/career/relationships etc
As so many people have stated, losing weight is the easy part, keeping it off is the difficult bit. Which translates to find out why we used food in the first place.
Dolls

P.S Am hoping this makes sense as i have my two teenage kids having a massive debate about the weekend going on over my head!!

 

[Setas]

Wow this is so interesting and made me think. The first week I was amazed hat how often I was 'triggered' to eat without even being away of it. Filling the car up with petrol+ fill up the glove box with chocs and eat while waiting for the children at school, eating the scraps of their sandwiches. Putting nutella in a sandwich and then eating a couple of spoonfuls at the same time. I really didn't realise I was doing it..well maybe a bit, but not as much as I was - if i'm making any sense. I didn't find it difficult to not do it because I am so focused on staying 100% (partly because no one believes I can do it)

I chose CD because its as close to cold turkey as I can get. All i keep thinking now is i must have an addictive personality - if I smoked or drank or took drugs would I have had an addiction to those ?

 

[Goreygirl]

. All i keep thinking now is i must have an addictive personality - if I smoked or drank or took drugs would I have had an addiction to those ?

I've never been a big drinker.. I can go months without but I was always known for being able to drink people under the table when I did have a few indicating that I have a high sugar tolerance (so need more to get the "hit"!) I've never smoked cigarrettes but did have a heavy has habit for my 20s (although it was very socially acceptable within in my peer group.. and we were all high achieving professionals). It was when I found myself "bargaining" with myself during the day about when to have a "smoke" on a normal weekday that I realised I had issues. I had thought my sugar/food issues were separate but can now see that I just switched substances. I've also played out addictive behaviour in my relationships. Psychotherapy has helped me see all these links and after years of feeling lost and knowing "something" was wrong it feels like the light has gone on and I finally am finding myself so to speak.

Apparently you can learn addictive behaviours from the people around us in our childhood without neccessarily smoking/drinking etc ourselves.

I know think of that little voice of sabotage/craving for sugar as my addictive gremlin... something that is not truly part of me so I can tell it to go to hell