Just came so close to lapsing! *f**d talk*

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by PurpleButterfly, 9 February 2009 Social URL.

  1. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

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    Oh my god.

    I thought I was pretty strong on this program and committed to it 100% but I *just* came a hair's breadth from lapsing!

    There's a box of thorntons chocolates that I bought as a gift for people in new zealand but then discovered they couldn't be shipped over with this shipping company in this box I'm sending there. So I was left with this box of yummy chocs. I decided to get rid of them by taking them to this society I run. But, worse! I came home with a half eaten box. I've had them for about 10 days and I've been absolutely fine.

    This evening I've been feeling on & off hungry. I do seem to get this and it normally is genuine hunger as far as I can tell, for some reason unknown cos I'm in ketosis. Normally I ignore it and although it continues for that day, it goes by the next. But I was feeling pretty lost & lousy tonight (won't go into it). And I thought "I'll just smell those chocs, won't have any but won't harm to smell them"

    Oh my gosh I can only describe a sort of frenzy took over my brain and I was so so SO close to lapsing and having one. I even looked at how many carbs/cals were in each chocolate as to how much damage it would do. I cannot describe it I practically was about to put one in my mouth.. I was stood for about 5 mins I think, frozen in my chatterbox dialogue!

    It's really scared me! For the first time I realised that I COULD lapse on this! I mean before I'd not even really considered that I could. And I nearly DID! It was only this forum that stopped me - when I see how much people struggle after lapsing. I keep telling myself it's not the physical damage to the diet as much as the psychological thing of knowing you couldn't resist food and knowing you've 'broken' it.

    I did manage to resist, but only by throwing the box lid on them and running to the bathroom and brushing my teeth!

    I also gave myself a stern talking to in the mirror.

    God this is a long post now but I just really needed to get it off my chest! If you're reading this far, all respect to you.

    Gaah. GAAAAAH! I'm sort of embarrassed and scared by it, even though I didn't do anything in the end and I resisted it.
     
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  3. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    PB, you deserve a HUGE pat on the back for resisting!!! It would have been so easy in one respect to just put one in your mouth! Although, to me, this would have been the hardest thing to do too, as I can't imagine eating yet! (just edited to say that sounds wrong!! I mean that I do crave things sometimes, but I can't imagine physically putting it in my mouth as I'd be devastated if I did! That still doesn't sound right, sorry that I can't explain it better!)

    I hope your self esteem has ballooned to massive proportions because you managed to overcome your addictive urges and realised you had a CHOICE!!

    Well done you!!
     
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  4. Lisa Bigger Bum

    Lisa Bigger Bum Full Member

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    Congratulations, you are doing so well and deserve that massive pat on the back poppysparkle mentioned.

    Speak to your LLC and they will tell you exactly the same and reassure you that these feelings are totally normal, flipping chatter box voices in our heads. I am betting that more would have fallen than been able to say no the way you did.

    Please be proud of yourself, we all need to give ourselves a good talking to sometimes, its good practice for our permenant future slim selves.

    Lisa x
     
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  5. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Well done girl!! SCary stuff, ay!? But you did brilliantly recognising the potential danger.

    Next time - might be best to leave the half behind, or even throw them away, which I trust you have done by now? :)

    Fantastic job PB, and nowt to be embarassed by!!

    XX
     
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  6. Huseyin

    Huseyin Silver Member

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    Dont worry its ok, we all have our moments :)

    Why did you brush your teeth? lol
     
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  7. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

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    H, I brushed my teeth because then my mouth would be full of mint flavour and I wouldn't be able to taste the chocolate anyway!! :D It's a good trick if you are trying to resist something because the mint makes almost everything taste nasty anyway.

    You guys are so nice. I feel like what I deserve is not praise, but a kick up the pants for even going there! Have repped you all for being so nice.

    At least I know the danger now and although I cannot throw them out (as they are for this society on wednesday), I have taken on board what others say they did over xmas with xmas dinner, I picked out 2, put them in a little box and sellotaped the box & put them away out of sight so that I don't feel deprived by not having any. I will have them, but not until I've finished LL and I can have the odd treat. This may be wise or it may be not but I think it'll help me to resist them more?

    I feel stronger today anyway and back to what I felt before - like PS said, that it's not worth putting anything in my mouth because it's not worth sabotaging such a good thing here.

    Anyway I'm not really getting to a point here. But thanks guys for your support and niceness!
     
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  8. Huseyin

    Huseyin Silver Member

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    yeah true especially if you have orange juice after or mike errgghhh
     
  9. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    I brush my teeth before I have my choc shakes in the evening as I think it makes them taste nicer............ am I the only weird one here??? :p
     
  10. Tange

    Tange Silver Member

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    I think we all know the answer to that question ;)
     
  11. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    You THOUGHT you were strong? You are strong you just proved that, you are doing amazingly well!

    Emma xXx
     
  12. MandyLupton

    MandyLupton Gold Member

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    You didn't lapse PB, thats the main issue, give yourself a pat on the back!!!!!!
     
  13. SerenityValley

    SerenityValley Surgically happy.

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    Honey, only you could come on here and consider what happened, to be a bad thing! It was bloody amazing and I'm proud of you! You'll have 50+ years to enjoy thorntons and you would have hated these ones.

    Keep up that fantastic work xxx
     
  14. woof

    woof Alway see the love x

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    Well done!!!!!! You have beaten the voices hunni

    Woofy X
     
  15. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

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    Haha! yeah the medication is working at last :8855:

    That's only too true, LOL! I do tend to beat myself up a lot... Hm.
    Thanks Andy! You're my inspiration as always!
     
  16. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Pete! mix the choccie shake with Peppermint Tea - its SUBLIME!!!!! :)
     
  17. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    ooops, meant to say a massive WELL DONE to PB for beating those damned inner voices but somehow it got missed off my post!

    Guess that'll teach me for sneakily posting at work eh? lol :p
     
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  19. Huseyin

    Huseyin Silver Member

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    Ahhhh BL no, tea and the shake together.....Still worse things have happens *runs off to make one*
     
  20. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

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    Gaah. I feel really knocked by that incident yesterday.. I now have completely started doubting my ability to get through another 8 or more weeks of this!
    I still want that chocolate, but I know now that I won't let myself have it. But I can't describe how it feels like someone's put a bomb under that foundations of my confidence about going through with this diet to the end!

    It's really stupid because I am in my 5th week now, and at the start I was daunted about even getting through this far. I just have to get my head straight again and keep on those packs I guess. One day at a time. I can do it!! I have to do it.
    I have 2 stunning dresses in my wardrobe and I'm buggered if I'm going to give up on the hope of ever wearing them!

    As my mum would no doubt say, "Deal with it!".
     
  21. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    aaah, PB, don't doubt yourself for a second!

    one thing I would do (and did do!) was absolutely not keep something 'tucked away' which you are going to have as a treat when you are done - you will always know it is there, in your house, and be tempted by it.

    for the first 3 or 4 weeks I had an un-opened pack of choc-fudge in my wardrobe; kept telling myself, once I was done, I could open it and treat myself to a little bit now and again, but that was never going to work, as every time I got home from work, there it would be, looking at me.

    So I threw it in the bin - quite an empowering moment actually!

    So chuck those thorntons away - you can always go and buy some more once you are finished on the program, if you feel you want to at that stage (and you might well not!) :)
     
  22. Berryred

    Berryred Gold Member

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    well done hun stay strong x
     
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