Katycakes Won't Give Up...
- Thread starter Katycakes
- Start date
Chelsea Lou
Gold Member
Blame it on the cold weather KC, feeling hungry. I am very hungry today. Had an early shake before going on the bike ride and at 12:44 have just had a M&P porridge to warm up a bit. Usually I would be only one shake down today. I am not worried about it though and I am glad that you aren't either. You'll be fine. Scales are in the 11s for you, so it wasn't a mirage (?) You're going great xxx
Minz
Maintainer
Hiya Honey - great to see you have a diary again. I'm back trying to lose again LOL. Since going from 13.13 to 10.04 in 2008, I stayed within the 10s throughout 2009 and within the 11s throughout 2010 and am determined to get back to the 10s in the coming months through healthy eating. Tried CD again a few times but was only messin' around and it didn't come to much.
Had a bad time since October when Mum who lived alone and was 100% independent suffered a stroke - I brought her straight to hospital and she was there up to 17 December (she had 3 bleeds in/on the brain and pneumonia so it was an awful time). We got her into a lovely hospital on 17th December where she lives full time and is coming along. Still not walking again and in a world of her own but she's very content and happy and is making slow progress - hopefully will walk again. I couldn't think of diets with all that going on, but things are settling into a routine now (and acceptance is coming too), so I'm back at it.
What about you? Haven't read the rest of the diary so can you give me a summary (cheeky eh?) and I'll catch up with the rest of it in time.
Great to see you back again. xxx
Had a bad time since October when Mum who lived alone and was 100% independent suffered a stroke - I brought her straight to hospital and she was there up to 17 December (she had 3 bleeds in/on the brain and pneumonia so it was an awful time). We got her into a lovely hospital on 17th December where she lives full time and is coming along. Still not walking again and in a world of her own but she's very content and happy and is making slow progress - hopefully will walk again. I couldn't think of diets with all that going on, but things are settling into a routine now (and acceptance is coming too), so I'm back at it.
What about you? Haven't read the rest of the diary so can you give me a summary (cheeky eh?) and I'll catch up with the rest of it in time.
Great to see you back again. xxx
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Katycakes
Stubborn tortoise
Ah Minz, so sorry to hear about your Mum. She must be very strong to have withstood all that, and hopefully she will get more independence gradually, but so hard on you. My Mum lives alone & nearby, quite dependent though. It's quite a worry, I know.
You did so well to get down to 10 4, and to stay in 10s so long. Credit to you hun. My lowest was 10 10 in May 2009, and I managed to hover between there and 11 for a year. Then it was the 11s, and endless struggles with CD restarts, and then somehow over Nov/Dec it got to 13 4 which was awful (though still not back to original starting point). I was on self-destruct but the repeated failed CD attempts had messed with my head too, I think it can do that. Since early Jan have been doing SS/810 and trying hard to stick to it, in spite of some spectacular falls from grace. Have just broken back into 11s but must keep going.
Interested in the healthy eating path you've chosen, as I worry that CD is not good for me - any more of the binge/starve impulses and I will have to accept it's wrecking my head and look for another way forward.
Have you got a diary somewhere Minz?
xxx
You did so well to get down to 10 4, and to stay in 10s so long. Credit to you hun. My lowest was 10 10 in May 2009, and I managed to hover between there and 11 for a year. Then it was the 11s, and endless struggles with CD restarts, and then somehow over Nov/Dec it got to 13 4 which was awful (though still not back to original starting point). I was on self-destruct but the repeated failed CD attempts had messed with my head too, I think it can do that. Since early Jan have been doing SS/810 and trying hard to stick to it, in spite of some spectacular falls from grace. Have just broken back into 11s but must keep going.
Interested in the healthy eating path you've chosen, as I worry that CD is not good for me - any more of the binge/starve impulses and I will have to accept it's wrecking my head and look for another way forward.
Have you got a diary somewhere Minz?
xxx
MinnieMel
Why Be Normal?
Sorry for the bit of hijack KC
KC,
I am glad you had a nice lie in, and have an easier week to contend with this time.
@Chels and KC,
Me too. I think the cold does make you feel more hungry (and the lack of light).
@Minz --
Nice to meet you. Your weight loss story (including low weight, regain, and time frame) is very similar to mine.
I am sorry to hear about your mother, but glad to know that it is an improved situation.
My regain started with bad weather causing classes to cancel, classes being dropped, etc. and not having a back up plan or making one. Then, a couple of holiday gains -- and the final straw was some personal medical issues that are now resolved. So, I have been working on losing about 1.5 to 2 stone since late December. I have about one stone off, atm.
MM
KC,
I am glad you had a nice lie in, and have an easier week to contend with this time.
@Chels and KC,
Me too. I think the cold does make you feel more hungry (and the lack of light).
@Minz --
Nice to meet you. Your weight loss story (including low weight, regain, and time frame) is very similar to mine.
I am sorry to hear about your mother, but glad to know that it is an improved situation.
My regain started with bad weather causing classes to cancel, classes being dropped, etc. and not having a back up plan or making one. Then, a couple of holiday gains -- and the final straw was some personal medical issues that are now resolved. So, I have been working on losing about 1.5 to 2 stone since late December. I have about one stone off, atm.
MM
Minz
Maintainer
Thanks honey - Mum is strong alright, we came very close to losing her and the improvement since she's move to the new place is great. My diary thread is in my signature - prepare to be bored senseless.....
You're doing well back on CD, fair play to you. I think the first time (as may say) is the best and I couldn't really get back into it again. I'm just trying now to stay away from rubbish and eat 'normally' so it'll be a slow loss I'm sure as it's harder as you get older but I'll get there.
Just about to have me dins now - WW chicken curry, mmmmm.
You're doing well back on CD, fair play to you. I think the first time (as may say) is the best and I couldn't really get back into it again. I'm just trying now to stay away from rubbish and eat 'normally' so it'll be a slow loss I'm sure as it's harder as you get older but I'll get there.
Just about to have me dins now - WW chicken curry, mmmmm.
Greeneyes11
Gold Member
Hi Katy, hope you are feeling less tired this morning and get the lie in you deserve.... sounds like a good plan for next weekend with your hubby..... have a good day xx
Katycakes
Stubborn tortoise
DAY 61
Scales 12st 1. (Yep, you can guess why, bashes head against keyboard in despair...)
Today, I will do a 100% 810 or SS day; Tomorrow see CDC, and after WI plan to move to 1000 and see if I can manage any better with that. If not, well, plan B is required. I wish I could ask CDC about my blips but she doesn't do CD any more and isn't managing her weight either and doesn't really do that kind of support.
Headache and fever, either brewing migraine or the start of flu, either way, what fun.
Hope you are all in better fettle than me and having a fab weekend.
xxx
Scales 12st 1. (Yep, you can guess why, bashes head against keyboard in despair...)
Today, I will do a 100% 810 or SS day; Tomorrow see CDC, and after WI plan to move to 1000 and see if I can manage any better with that. If not, well, plan B is required. I wish I could ask CDC about my blips but she doesn't do CD any more and isn't managing her weight either and doesn't really do that kind of support.
Headache and fever, either brewing migraine or the start of flu, either way, what fun.
Hope you are all in better fettle than me and having a fab weekend.
xxx
MinnieMel
Why Be Normal?
Hi KC -- How is your weekend progressing thus far?
My DS is at the library researching his "new" topic -- nothing like deciding that the topic you were working on wasn't working, and having to redo the research and am now feeling a time crunch. Plus, the professor has not gotten back to him with an approval for the new topic, but he goign to do it anyway. (The Prof really likes him, so he thinks he'll say yes.)
DD is sitting at the kitchen table and muttering under her breath as she writes something to say about her project, in case they are told to "present" to the class. She needs to have it written out and practiced, as she has anxiety, as well as, language issues.
I am monitoring from out of sight, but within ear shot!
MM
My DS is at the library researching his "new" topic -- nothing like deciding that the topic you were working on wasn't working, and having to redo the research and am now feeling a time crunch. Plus, the professor has not gotten back to him with an approval for the new topic, but he goign to do it anyway. (The Prof really likes him, so he thinks he'll say yes.)
DD is sitting at the kitchen table and muttering under her breath as she writes something to say about her project, in case they are told to "present" to the class. She needs to have it written out and practiced, as she has anxiety, as well as, language issues.
I am monitoring from out of sight, but within ear shot!
MM
MinnieMel
Why Be Normal?
Hi KC,
Cross posted.
Please forgive what is going to sound as if I am analyzing you... but I really just wanted to share this with you and see if it helps you at all.
I found something in another person's diary that they have copied out from a book on Emotional Eating and copied it into my diary.
There are twelve types of emotional eating, and like Disney Paris, you may be more than one type - but I think that this one might be you:
Type 12. That Stranger In Lycra Wearing Your Face.
If you overeat because you fear getting thin, either consciously or unconsciously, you have Type 12 emotional hunger.
My comment:
You are already so close to your goal, and at a healthy weight. I am thinking that maybe you have been doing this for so long, that you are afraid to have it "end". So, it is not just the visual stranger that you are sabotaging, but also the internal one (i.e. you won't know who you are if you aren't dieting).
Just putting the thought out there for you to ponder, if you want.
Wishing you well -- MinnieMel (I rhymed
)
Cross posted.
Please forgive what is going to sound as if I am analyzing you... but I really just wanted to share this with you and see if it helps you at all.
I found something in another person's diary that they have copied out from a book on Emotional Eating and copied it into my diary.
There are twelve types of emotional eating, and like Disney Paris, you may be more than one type - but I think that this one might be you:
Type 12. That Stranger In Lycra Wearing Your Face.
If you overeat because you fear getting thin, either consciously or unconsciously, you have Type 12 emotional hunger.
My comment:
You are already so close to your goal, and at a healthy weight. I am thinking that maybe you have been doing this for so long, that you are afraid to have it "end". So, it is not just the visual stranger that you are sabotaging, but also the internal one (i.e. you won't know who you are if you aren't dieting).
Just putting the thought out there for you to ponder, if you want.
Wishing you well -- MinnieMel (I rhymed
)
Katycakes
Stubborn tortoise
Thanks Mel. I know I am sabotaging, just not sure if that is the reason. I am so very, very VERY sick of CD, sick of being on a diet, of not eating... every time I loosen the reins even slightly - returning home after an exhausting 2 days away, then a long & tiring work day 'in public'.... where as usual I coped well food-wise and made choices I was proud of... then exhaustion & possibly sickening for something, and everything falls apart...
I feel like I have forgotten how to eat well/healthily, unlike last time on CD. (Well, let's say unlike the first time). What i am learning is how to slot binges into my life, how to manage them & minimise their effects, but I don't think that's progress - feels dangerously like learning how to manage moods with bingeing, then claw back gains with CD. Feels very 'wrong'. I am not saying i never did this in past, but it feels worse.
I am interested to see where the quote you used is from Mel... in case there is another of the 12 that chimes more and somehow 'unlocks' something in my head.
Thanks for trying to help, it really IS appreciated. I sicken myself with all this so amazed anyone else has the time for it at all.
xxx
I feel like I have forgotten how to eat well/healthily, unlike last time on CD. (Well, let's say unlike the first time). What i am learning is how to slot binges into my life, how to manage them & minimise their effects, but I don't think that's progress - feels dangerously like learning how to manage moods with bingeing, then claw back gains with CD. Feels very 'wrong'. I am not saying i never did this in past, but it feels worse.
I am interested to see where the quote you used is from Mel... in case there is another of the 12 that chimes more and somehow 'unlocks' something in my head.
Thanks for trying to help, it really IS appreciated. I sicken myself with all this so amazed anyone else has the time for it at all.
xxx
Minz
Maintainer
Hi Katycakes - sorry you are having a tough time of it. It will pass and you know you have it in you to get back on track. I too was interested in the 12 reasons etc. and googled it. Not sure which ones fit for me - but there's more than one I think....
Type 1. Dulling The Pain With The Food.
If you get really hungry when you feel angry, depressed, anxious, bored, or lonely, you suffer from Type 1 emotional hunger, and you use food to dull the pain that these emotions cause.
Type 2. Sticks And Stones May Break Your Bones, But Cake Won't Heal What Hurts You.
If you react by getting hungry when others talk down to you, take advantage of you, belittle you or take you for granted, then you suffer from Type 2 emotional hunger. You eat to avoid confrontation.
Type 3. A Full Heart Fills An Empty Belly.
If you crave food when you have tension in your close relationships, you suffer from Type 3 emotional hunger. You eat to avoid feeling the pain of rejection or anger.
Type 4. Hate Yourself, Love Your Munchies.
If you tend to become hypercritical of yourself, if you label yourself "stupid," "lazy," or "a loser," you have Type 4 emotional hunger. You eat to "stuff down" self-doubts.
Type 5. Secret Desires Have No Calories.
If your hunger gets activated because your intimate relationships don't satisfy some basic need like trust or security, you suffer from Type 5 emotional hunger and you use food to try to fill the gap.
Type 6. Forty Gulps And The Well Is Still Empty.
If you eat to make up for the deprivation you experienced as a child, you have Type 6 emotional eating.
Type 7. It's My Pastry, and I'll Eat If I Want To.
If you eat to assert your independence because you don't want anyone telling you what to do, you have Type 7 emotional hunger.
Type 8. I Can't Come To Work Today--I'm Eating
If your appetite kicks in when you're faced with new challenges--if you use food to avoid rising to the test, or to insulate yourself from the fear of failure--you have Type 8 emotional hunger.
Type 9. Aroused by Aromas, Not by the Chef.
If you stuff your face in order to avoid your sexuality-either to stay overweight so that nobody desires you or to hide from intimate encounters--you suffer from Type 9 emotional hunger.
Type 10. I'll Beat You With this Éclair.
Emotional eaters often eat to pay back those who have hurt them, often in the distant past. They use their bodies as battlegrounds for working out old resentments. If you do this, you're really battling type 10 emotional hunger
Type 11. Peter Pan and the Peanut Butter Cookie.
If you eat to make yourself feel carefree, like a child, you have Type 11 emotional hunger. You eat to keep yourself from facing the challenges of growing up.
Type 12. That Stranger In Shorts Wearing Your Face.
If you overeat because you fear getting thin, either consciously or unconsciously, you have Type 12 emotional hunger.
Type 1. Dulling The Pain With The Food.
If you get really hungry when you feel angry, depressed, anxious, bored, or lonely, you suffer from Type 1 emotional hunger, and you use food to dull the pain that these emotions cause.
Type 2. Sticks And Stones May Break Your Bones, But Cake Won't Heal What Hurts You.
If you react by getting hungry when others talk down to you, take advantage of you, belittle you or take you for granted, then you suffer from Type 2 emotional hunger. You eat to avoid confrontation.
Type 3. A Full Heart Fills An Empty Belly.
If you crave food when you have tension in your close relationships, you suffer from Type 3 emotional hunger. You eat to avoid feeling the pain of rejection or anger.
Type 4. Hate Yourself, Love Your Munchies.
If you tend to become hypercritical of yourself, if you label yourself "stupid," "lazy," or "a loser," you have Type 4 emotional hunger. You eat to "stuff down" self-doubts.
Type 5. Secret Desires Have No Calories.
If your hunger gets activated because your intimate relationships don't satisfy some basic need like trust or security, you suffer from Type 5 emotional hunger and you use food to try to fill the gap.
Type 6. Forty Gulps And The Well Is Still Empty.
If you eat to make up for the deprivation you experienced as a child, you have Type 6 emotional eating.
Type 7. It's My Pastry, and I'll Eat If I Want To.
If you eat to assert your independence because you don't want anyone telling you what to do, you have Type 7 emotional hunger.
Type 8. I Can't Come To Work Today--I'm Eating
If your appetite kicks in when you're faced with new challenges--if you use food to avoid rising to the test, or to insulate yourself from the fear of failure--you have Type 8 emotional hunger.
Type 9. Aroused by Aromas, Not by the Chef.
If you stuff your face in order to avoid your sexuality-either to stay overweight so that nobody desires you or to hide from intimate encounters--you suffer from Type 9 emotional hunger.
Type 10. I'll Beat You With this Éclair.
Emotional eaters often eat to pay back those who have hurt them, often in the distant past. They use their bodies as battlegrounds for working out old resentments. If you do this, you're really battling type 10 emotional hunger
Type 11. Peter Pan and the Peanut Butter Cookie.
If you eat to make yourself feel carefree, like a child, you have Type 11 emotional hunger. You eat to keep yourself from facing the challenges of growing up.
Type 12. That Stranger In Shorts Wearing Your Face.
If you overeat because you fear getting thin, either consciously or unconsciously, you have Type 12 emotional hunger.
Chelsea Lou
Gold Member
KC, I think what Mel has posted is soooo relevant, not just to you but to lots of us here....I would definitely include myself in that. I know I hide behind my weight and I know where is stems from. Will PM you regarding this as I'm not sure I want to share this in public. xx
LellyCD
Trying to stay healthy!
Hey hunny, understand what you mean about forgetting how to eat healthy and then managing binges with cd...totally know that this is how I felt towards most of the end of last year, switching between all or nothing type eating and ending up with my head in a turmoil.
I think you are making a great decision to think about moving up to 1000, it just feels so much more like a conventional healthy eating plan and you feel less reliant on the shakes, I love the 1000, bit of bread, bit of fruit, normal looking evening meal, I found it a massive welcome change to 810 and although the losses were not major or magical i still lost but comfortably. Am back on 1000 from today. Shame your cdc is not more useful to you hun but there's so much support here for you so hopefully we can help as much as we can.
No more head banging hunny please.
Give yourself credit for still being here and bringing your issues to the front for us to help with.
HUgs to you
xx
I think you are making a great decision to think about moving up to 1000, it just feels so much more like a conventional healthy eating plan and you feel less reliant on the shakes, I love the 1000, bit of bread, bit of fruit, normal looking evening meal, I found it a massive welcome change to 810 and although the losses were not major or magical i still lost but comfortably. Am back on 1000 from today. Shame your cdc is not more useful to you hun but there's so much support here for you so hopefully we can help as much as we can.
No more head banging hunny please.
Give yourself credit for still being here and bringing your issues to the front for us to help with.
HUgs to you
xx
Katycakes
Stubborn tortoise
Thank you Minz and Chelsea.
@ Minz, gad, I ticked 5 or 6 of those. Don't feel any wiser, but - well, best to know what you are fighting I guess. I think I have seen these before, possibly somewhere on minis? Got to go & see Mum now but will pay a visit to your dairy later Minz, thanks for being there.
@ Chels, going out for a little while but will be back. Big hugs.
xxx
@ Minz, gad, I ticked 5 or 6 of those. Don't feel any wiser, but - well, best to know what you are fighting I guess. I think I have seen these before, possibly somewhere on minis? Got to go & see Mum now but will pay a visit to your dairy later Minz, thanks for being there.
@ Chels, going out for a little while but will be back. Big hugs.
xxx
*Shanny*
Gold Member
Morning KC.. i also can relate to what you posted 25mins ago.. i also feel like this, mainly this week. ( i think)
and it hasn't helped that i only lost 0.5 lb in 7 days..! I went back to bed started thinking about what say i eat.. to make me feel better for loosing such a small amount.
But did fall back to sleep and so far ive had a shake, and trying to clear my head about eating 'foods' i shouldnt today.
Then to jump back on the CD wagon to claw it back again.. so i do kind of understand.!
I hope you feel better soon, remember 'we are all here for one another'..xx
and it hasn't helped that i only lost 0.5 lb in 7 days..! I went back to bed started thinking about what say i eat.. to make me feel better for loosing such a small amount.
But did fall back to sleep and so far ive had a shake, and trying to clear my head about eating 'foods' i shouldnt today.
Then to jump back on the CD wagon to claw it back again.. so i do kind of understand.!
I hope you feel better soon, remember 'we are all here for one another'..xx
*Shanny*
Gold Member
Nicely written Lelly.. xx
Katycakes
Stubborn tortoise
@ Lelly... won't let me thank you!!! I do appreciate your input hun, so much. You are so calm I find it amazing to know you've had the same struggles... wish you were my CDC! Well, you kind of are in a way, sharing your wise words with us. I need to find out what 1000 entails now, hope CDC has an updated booklet.
xxx
xxx
