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Knowing you're going to make it.

I've believed for a long time that I will manage to finish this journey I am on - that I will experience thinness. Believing is a big thing.

It struck me today that beliving and knowing are still two pretty different states of mind and it's only NOW that I truly know I will complete my journey. At work, I keep my progress on a shete of paper on my wall. Just simply the date, and how much I've lost up to that date (and my weights).

Today looking at it, I saw the figures so clearly - I have potentially 26.5lbs to go (I'm unsure as yet whether I only want to get to 12 and a half, or whether I want to push further down).

I have lost 9 and a 1/4 stone. The old Andy, the tired, scared, awkward Andy isn't really there anymore. The one who never truly believed, wished himself out of existence. What is left is an Andy who is slowly finding himself and rebuilding what he's knocked over. And he is just 2 stone overweight. This New Andy has so little elft to go - that he just knows that he is going to make it - it's not hard to lose 2 stone.

I actually felt a bit choked up today when I made all those connections in my head. I could in 8 weeks time be my target weight (I love my stats - I've done this for 20 weeks, and have lost in 4 week blocks: 27lbs, 16.75lbs, 16.71lbs, 14.52lbs, 16.68lbs). So I'm looking at 8 weeks getting me where I want to be.

8 weeks is so short - the old Andy would have thrown his hands up, way too long, way too hard. New Andy says "bring it on".

That's my new motto for the time being "Bring it on". Life, love, good, bad, I'll take you all at once!

Just want to share something I posted to a group of friends back in November. It's far more true than it was then.

Andy, November, 2007.

Terrified, worthless, ugly, fat, miserable, insecure, lonely. I’d given up on life and rarely left the house. A self-defence mechanism where I would either run away from people, or would ensure I didn’t have to get close to anyone ever. Hopeless, and believed that I deserved it. Resigned to being alone. Scared of being rejected or abandoned.

Andy, November, 2008.

Excited, Worthwhile, valuable, not ugly. Getting thinner, happy, learning to be secure, surrounded by loved ones. I look forward to the experiences life brings me, and social situations no longer cause me anxiety. I look forward to doing things socially. I welcome people into my life, and actively seek it out (right down to starting Online Dating - though not sure I appreciated the webcam woman who appeared to pick her nose and eat it…). Very hopeful for the future, I know I will have the things I want, be that life, love, happiness and boy do I deserve it! Understanding that I will not always be accepted but that this I not a reflection on me.
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I have been reading annaphylactics posts and more importantly the posts in reply and they have really hit me. I am sure she is making the right decision for her....but the replies to her have really made me realise that I have been stalling losing the last 2 stone because I have been afraid or people in my environment not supporting me and not approving of me losing any more weight. I then read your post here and it resonates with me. I need to lose the next 2 stone and hope to do it in the next 2 months. Many thanks you have inspired me =)
Great post Andy, amazing journey and only the last leg to go! So proud to have "known" you over the last few weeks, and looking forward to your post in April when you hit target.
The old Andy

wouldn't have been able to be so open and honest about his feelings.
I have seen your progress, inner and outer. It's marvellous and I am so pleased your life is changing in such positive ways.
I am convinced that what will make this journey of self-discovery last for the rest
of your life is that you realise thin does not equal happy. It's the self-esteem and belief in yourself as a person of worth that will do it. I have felt the same Andy. It's as though a switch has been turned on. Once you start to acknowledge your
locked away emotions you can't turn the switch off - and don't want to.
I have learnt things in the past year that will help me deal with anything that happens in the future - good and bad.
Funny, when I started this time last year, i thought I was just doing a strict diet. I t has turned out to be so much more.
As you say Andy - "Bring it on".

p.s. You could get a decent coat from a charity shop for your 8 weeks for a few pounds, then give it back to them. Stay warm.
bring it on indeed!
daisy x
Great post and well done mate. My beginning weight is similar to yours so I know exactly where you were coming from with the negative feelings you initiallly felt. I'm starting this wednesday and am really looking forward to it. Just hope I have half as much success as you.
btw, the webcam experience cracked me up.
Brilliant post Andy! I know exactly where you are coming from.

Slenda, I totally agree with the sentiment that thin just doesn't cut it for making me have the ability to keep the weight off, but the way that I now feel about myself and my self esteem being huge compared to what it was definitely will!

It's really empowering to KNOW that I'm getting to the end of this without taking a bite of food and I'm going to be the person that I was designed to be (LS 2009)!! ;-)
Thank you everyone, it's these positive posts (mine and yours) that get me through this :)

I realised today - I have 3 big targets I should probably hit over the next 3 weeks. Next week, I will be under 200lbs. The week after I'll be under 14st, and the week after I MIGHT have finally lost 10st.

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