SerenityValley
Surgically happy.
I've believed for a long time that I will manage to finish this journey I am on - that I will experience thinness. Believing is a big thing.
It struck me today that beliving and knowing are still two pretty different states of mind and it's only NOW that I truly know I will complete my journey. At work, I keep my progress on a shete of paper on my wall. Just simply the date, and how much I've lost up to that date (and my weights).
Today looking at it, I saw the figures so clearly - I have potentially 26.5lbs to go (I'm unsure as yet whether I only want to get to 12 and a half, or whether I want to push further down).
I have lost 9 and a 1/4 stone. The old Andy, the tired, scared, awkward Andy isn't really there anymore. The one who never truly believed, wished himself out of existence. What is left is an Andy who is slowly finding himself and rebuilding what he's knocked over. And he is just 2 stone overweight. This New Andy has so little elft to go - that he just knows that he is going to make it - it's not hard to lose 2 stone.
I actually felt a bit choked up today when I made all those connections in my head. I could in 8 weeks time be my target weight (I love my stats - I've done this for 20 weeks, and have lost in 4 week blocks: 27lbs, 16.75lbs, 16.71lbs, 14.52lbs, 16.68lbs). So I'm looking at 8 weeks getting me where I want to be.
8 weeks is so short - the old Andy would have thrown his hands up, way too long, way too hard. New Andy says "bring it on".
That's my new motto for the time being "Bring it on". Life, love, good, bad, I'll take you all at once!
Just want to share something I posted to a group of friends back in November. It's far more true than it was then.
Andy, November, 2007.
Terrified, worthless, ugly, fat, miserable, insecure, lonely. I’d given up on life and rarely left the house. A self-defence mechanism where I would either run away from people, or would ensure I didn’t have to get close to anyone ever. Hopeless, and believed that I deserved it. Resigned to being alone. Scared of being rejected or abandoned.
Andy, November, 2008.
Excited, Worthwhile, valuable, not ugly. Getting thinner, happy, learning to be secure, surrounded by loved ones. I look forward to the experiences life brings me, and social situations no longer cause me anxiety. I look forward to doing things socially. I welcome people into my life, and actively seek it out (right down to starting Online Dating - though not sure I appreciated the webcam woman who appeared to pick her nose and eat it…). Very hopeful for the future, I know I will have the things I want, be that life, love, happiness and boy do I deserve it! Understanding that I will not always be accepted but that this I not a reflection on me.
It struck me today that beliving and knowing are still two pretty different states of mind and it's only NOW that I truly know I will complete my journey. At work, I keep my progress on a shete of paper on my wall. Just simply the date, and how much I've lost up to that date (and my weights).
Today looking at it, I saw the figures so clearly - I have potentially 26.5lbs to go (I'm unsure as yet whether I only want to get to 12 and a half, or whether I want to push further down).
I have lost 9 and a 1/4 stone. The old Andy, the tired, scared, awkward Andy isn't really there anymore. The one who never truly believed, wished himself out of existence. What is left is an Andy who is slowly finding himself and rebuilding what he's knocked over. And he is just 2 stone overweight. This New Andy has so little elft to go - that he just knows that he is going to make it - it's not hard to lose 2 stone.
I actually felt a bit choked up today when I made all those connections in my head. I could in 8 weeks time be my target weight (I love my stats - I've done this for 20 weeks, and have lost in 4 week blocks: 27lbs, 16.75lbs, 16.71lbs, 14.52lbs, 16.68lbs). So I'm looking at 8 weeks getting me where I want to be.
8 weeks is so short - the old Andy would have thrown his hands up, way too long, way too hard. New Andy says "bring it on".
That's my new motto for the time being "Bring it on". Life, love, good, bad, I'll take you all at once!
Just want to share something I posted to a group of friends back in November. It's far more true than it was then.
Andy, November, 2007.
Terrified, worthless, ugly, fat, miserable, insecure, lonely. I’d given up on life and rarely left the house. A self-defence mechanism where I would either run away from people, or would ensure I didn’t have to get close to anyone ever. Hopeless, and believed that I deserved it. Resigned to being alone. Scared of being rejected or abandoned.
Andy, November, 2008.
Excited, Worthwhile, valuable, not ugly. Getting thinner, happy, learning to be secure, surrounded by loved ones. I look forward to the experiences life brings me, and social situations no longer cause me anxiety. I look forward to doing things socially. I welcome people into my life, and actively seek it out (right down to starting Online Dating - though not sure I appreciated the webcam woman who appeared to pick her nose and eat it…). Very hopeful for the future, I know I will have the things I want, be that life, love, happiness and boy do I deserve it! Understanding that I will not always be accepted but that this I not a reflection on me.