Let's look back.....

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by icemoose, 15 December 2006 Social URL.

  1. icemoose

    icemoose The Diet Guy

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    Diet:
    Don't diet anymore!
    This is the time of year when we think back to the very
    first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar,
    Balthazar, and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus and,
    according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts;
    gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

    These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
    discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological
    fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper.

    If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said
    so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of
    paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty
    the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but
    Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is
    nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth
    his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the
    paper than the frankincense."

    But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that
    the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is
    because the people giving those gifts had two important
    characteristics:

    1. They were wise.
    2. They were men.

    Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the
    point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can
    tear it off. This is not just my opinion, this is a
    scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I
    know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a
    gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be
    there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told
    me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never
    takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to
    wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene
    said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous
    spitballs."

    I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor
    skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift
    the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a
    piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball
    court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still
    see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I
    camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an
    ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of
    the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

    On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of
    wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife,
    like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she
    gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the
    batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a
    symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife
    would wrap each individual volt.

    My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like
    having babies that come more naturally to women than to men.
    That is why today I am presenting:

    Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:

    * Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If,
    when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you
    recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

    * The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item
    on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design
    on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped
    in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must
    be smoking crack. If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip
    the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one
    of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive
    visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on
    Christmas morning:

    YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
    YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
    YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
    YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
    YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
    YOU: I also got you some myrrh.

    In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what
    you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during
    this very special time of year, is that you save the
    receipt.
     
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  3. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

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    Absolutely cracked me up!! :D
     
  4. MadamDotty

    MadamDotty Back again!

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    LOL - DH will agree with every word of this.
     
  5. magickmel

    magickmel Loves VLCD's !

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    Yep, that's men !
     
  6. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    LOL Mike :D
    Of course, it should have been 3 wise women. They would have:

    a) asked directions,
    b) they would have arrived on time (instead of 2 years late:eek:)
    c) helped deliver the baby,
    d) cleaned the stable,
    e) made a casserole.
    f) brought practical gifts.
     
  7. sonkie

    sonkie Gold Member

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    lol at karion
     
  8. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

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    rofl!!!!!!!
     
    sonkie likes this.
  9. kati

    kati Gold Member

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    lol i hate wrapping too. I dont do it if I can help it but since theres no one else to do it for me I have to :( nieces and nephews get money
     
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