Little Book Worm tetra-ing her way through CD

[Book-Worm]

I just realised that I am kind of "diary anti-social"! I read all these wonderful diaries and never comment. I must remember to post a comment once in a while. These diaries (some are truly inspiring) have really helped me in the past and continue to do so. I feel like I have nothing really exciting to say on here though: I lead quite an eventless life, and I have to say I like it this way. My husband and I do not go out much, we're more "let's have a DVD night" than going out clubbing so I never have pictures of clothes to put on. But at least, I'm not tempted by the alcohol

Today is weigh in day. And I am incredibly nervous as I put a lot of pressure on myself to reach the 14s. If I don't reach them today, I think I'll need some TLC because that will be very disheartening So that's great that the husband is coming home this evening

I think the nerves are also linked to my conference tomorrow. I'm doing a PhD but never really fitted into the department as I have other commitments than my studies, so my work has been pretty average so far. The Head of Department doesn't like me (I caught her red-handed gossiping about me behind my back during another conference), and my supervisor, a young lecturer barely older than me is so ambitious that he would do anything to please her. And I can't help but think that the opinion she has of me is influencing him too. Plus add to that the fact that I am at best average... I mean compared to the 2 star students in the Department, I am really a non-entity to them Whatever, it doesn't matter, or so I keep repeating myself. I just hope they let me finish this PhD and do not fail me by not letting me submit... So yep, PhD life as a student is the same thing as office life: you can get fired or you can be the boss's pet. Except that you're not paid

But let's talk about something nicer this morning. Mmmm, let me think... Nope, that's pretty all there is on my mind at the moment: my weight loss and my PhD And believe it or not, I am also worried of people reactions when I'll arrive at the conference. They have not seen me since the end of May (part-time distant student) so there will be some surprised faces and I don't know how I'll deal with them. Not doubt they will start gossiping behind my back that my dramatic weight loss is a sure sign that I can't handle the PhD

Why did I make a late morning appointment???? I was up at 5am, fretting about my weigh in. I was offered 9am but turned it down thinking it would be too early

Today our solicitor is back and we should hopefully get some news on the house purchase this week. If not, I have given the husband the task of chasing things up because I don't want to have to move to my MiL's in mid-October when we have to hand-in the keys on our rented place And I really would appreciate being able to clean the new house, move and clean the old flat in my own time (we're relocating from the SW to the East of England!) without stressing. I may be a PhD student but I consider it as a day job and feel guilty when I'm not at my desk during office hours So the less panic packing/cleaning/moving I have, the better.

But how exciting it will be to move house! Not the "having a huge debt hanging over your head" part, mind you But the "being finally in my home without having quarterly inspection or without having to ask permission for everything or without having to worry if the animals break something" part. For the moment, I'm so stressed that time is flying by and I really forget to eat. But I know that once we're settled, food will be very tempting indeed...

 

[PuddingsKC]

I have loved reading your diary - congratulations on your losses, can't wait to see what today's is! I'm seeing my CDC for the first time today and start tomorrow and you're inspiring me as I'm currently experiencing very mixed emotions!!

 

[Book-Worm]

I have loved reading your diary - congratulations on your losses, can't wait to see what today's is! I'm seeing my CDC for the first time today and start tomorrow and you're inspiring me as I'm currently experiencing very mixed emotions!!

Thank you Pudding for your lovely message. i'm glad if my diary can help. We all have conflicting emotions: this diet is HARD so it's no wonder it plays on our minds too! xxx

 

[Book-Worm]

Well, -4lbs this week, and it has only been 5 days I'm over the moon, especially as it is TOTM and although I tend to lose quite a lot of water weight during TOTM, I wasn't expecting that big a loss right after another big loss

So that means that I've smashed another of my mini goal: I'm 14st11lbs now I'm over the moon.

I won't set any more mini goals as my next goal is to get to a BMI under 30, my medium goal, the first ticker in my signature. It should be achievable within 3 weeks, if I don't blow it up. But what a boost this WI was. I just don't really know what to say. For once, words fail me! My Christmas challenge looks very achievable now! And hopefully I will smash my Hallowe'en challenge before the deadline. So that means that when we finally move to our new house (has to be after mid October if that happens), I should be in the overweight category, not the obese one. Never thought I would be happy to be overweight

This morning, while dressing up, I also realised that I didn't have any clean t-shirts. Only ones I had where size 16 ones from NewLook. I didn't want to try them on, despite fitting in a size 16 from Dorothy Perkins because I was finding all sorts of excuses: NewLook sizes are more generous, this t-shirt looks really small, blah blah blah In the end, I put it on and not only did it fit, but it was very comfortable too!!!!! I used to wear this t-shirt and it felt really tight, so it means that I'm at my smallest since about 5 years ago!!! At this pace, I'll be back to being the slim girl my husband fell for during Freshers' Week at uni

As you can see, I'm over the moon

 

[Book-Worm]

OK, I don't if I told you that I now fit into my size 18 Primark jeans that I bought years ago but never fitted me. They have always been my "thinspiration" jeans for the 1st half of my journey. Problem is: they are very low waist and it looks like I will never wear them after all (I can't stand trousers with too low a waist) I'm a bit gutted because I had fantasies about my wearing these jeans, etc So I will be putting them on for 99p on Eb*y (they still have the tags attached to them!). It's like a page has been turned and I'm kinda sad I couldn't make my "Primark-jeans-fantasies" come true

How silly can I be sometimes! Thank God I have this diary or I think I'd drive myself potty sometimes if I kept all these thoughts to myself

 

[Book-Worm]

Yesterday, I gave my paper at the conference, and I was doubly nervous. 1) because it's always nerve-wracking to give a paper, especially with your supervisor and the head of department in the room, 2) because it was the first time anyone would see me since the beginning of the diet...

But all went very well. My paper received a lot of praise (yay ) and I felt so much at ease with my body in front of 20 pairs of eyes while speaking. There was cakes and biscuits and I didn't even took one bite. I am not going to shout victory quite yet as the conference still runs today, with yet more delicious food but I was very proud of myself yesterday.

One think though: I realised I have NOTHING proper to wear. Now at conferences, the dress code is usually casual, so I thought I'd be OK. However, I panicked last night when I saw that all my "wearable outside of the house or the library" clothes were all far too big Nothing would fit properly. The shirts look like they belong to my husband and even putting on a jumper over them would look silly with bumps and stuff. And then my jeans... The only pair I have now that I have lost all this weight... They're too big They kept falling! So either I get a belt or I get new jeans... The only thing that fitted was my shoes Good point though: I looked like a proper academic, slightly eccentric in my too-big-for-me clothes (the hair - bad hair day - helped too!) I have to go again today, and I am up now, trying to find out a) what I'm going to wear and b) what I'm going to do with my hair I had no idea that losing weight would make me so vain

Although it has not helped with my hirsutism: I dawned on me yesterday that I had not tweezed the small hairs on my face for a week!!! Out of all the symptoms of PCOS that I have, hirsutism (on the face only!!!!!) has to be one of the worst I wax and tweeze my upper lip and chin as they are the most hairy areas, and I feel so unfeminine having to do that. Still, I can't really complain as it's easily fixable. I should be thankful that I have regular periods

Aim for the week: find a belt and try the ASDA size 16 skinny jeans and see if they fit me better (ie, less of a muffin top than the first time I tried them on )

 

[scorpio dawny]

Just catching up on your diary well done for getting in those jeans, it's a great feeling. X

 

[PuddingsKC]

Well done on totally smashing another mini goal AND on your paper!

I think the eccentric look sounds great - you could probably get away with saying random things out loud

 

[Book-Worm]

Just catching up on your diary well done for getting in those jeans, it's a great feeling. X

It was one of the best feelings in the world Worth every moment of agony over food or doing the Shred

Well done on totally smashing another mini goal AND on your paper!

I think the eccentric look sounds great - you could probably get away with saying random things out loud

I was feeling so good this week, I hope it carries onto next week! I like the idea of being able to say random things out loud but I think I may still look a bit too young to be "credible" In the mean time, I promised myself that as soon as I lose this half a size worth of fat, I'm getting a capsule wardrobe for the beginning of autumn. Or I'm going to freeze (and no, I can't wear lumpy fleece hoodies all the time )

 

[Book-Worm]

I had a lovely day yesterday. We got up very early, while it was still cold. We're leaving this flat mid-October and my husband and I are trying not to use the central heating until then! So I had to get dressed up, etc next to our tiny fan heater because it was only 15° in the bedroom (very badly insulated place!) Anyway, we decided it would be nice to visit my in-laws (husband's parents) so off we went. 3 hour car journey but it was worth it, we had a lovely time. I ate a little as I didn't want them to know I was on CD again (given my previous failed attempts) so they all think my huge weight loss (over 4 stones now ) is due to healthy eating and exercise I ate, but I was sooooo good! I didn't take any chocolate cake, any biscuit. I sticked to vegetable and some vegetarian delicacies my MiL bought for e. It was lovely Only downside: right now, I am starving! I woke up very early because of the hunger but I only get my first tetra at 11 or thereabout. Although I was a good girl with the food, it was not JUST Step 2 food that I had (bread and cheese...), so I'm doing sole source until my next weigh in on Thursday. Or at least i'll try! But I won't have my usual Step 2 meal. I don't want to ruin all my hard work from last week as I would be devastated if I went back up in the 15s!

Another grey day today, and so cold in the morning (not so bad in the evening). It is also my last day with my husband until he has to go away for work And what awful weather! It is very foggy this morning, it is depressing... Thank God I washed and dried all the winter things (coats included!) because it looks like we will need them soon at this rate!

 

[lizzie9442]

Hi, I have just been reading through your diary and just wanted to say how inspiring you are! You have done so well and come so far. I can not wait to loose what you have. I have only been doing it 11 days so have a long way to go and as I am so short I have a really high bmi. Your post about you are what you eat was really good and it was so true. Good luck with your house move. It sounds like you have a lot on at the moment and your still loosing the weight. Once again you are truely an inspiration so thank you for posting xx

 

[scorpio dawny]

Well done for sticking with the healthy eating at the inlaws. Must be horrid not having the heating on in this damp weather. Although I'm knocking a wall down and I'm too hot lol. X

 

[Book-Worm]

Hi, I have just been reading through your diary and just wanted to say how inspiring you are! You have done so well and come so far. I can not wait to loose what you have. I have only been doing it 11 days so have a long way to go and as I am so short I have a really high bmi. Your post about you are what you eat was really good and it was so true. Good luck with your house move. It sounds like you have a lot on at the moment and your still loosing the weight. Once again you are truely an inspiration so thank you for posting xx

Awww thanks Lizzie! It's weird to think that some people can feel inspired by my journey, because for me it's not that extraordinary. I just take one day at a time and still have not realised how much I have lost! It's just so hard to see what 5 stones look like! But this is the good thing with this diet, once you're in the thick of it, it goes very quickly (although I won't lie and say it is always plain sailing!). Good luck on your journey Lizzie xxx

Well done for sticking with the healthy eating at the inlaws. Must be horrid not having the heating on in this damp weather. Although I'm knocking a wall down and I'm too hot lol. X

It's not really nice not to have the heater but we have to think about saving money. Soon, we should be in our new home, which is much better insulated, unlike our current place And knocking down walls? Go you

I was so good today with the diet. Only had my 4 tetras and am now in bed, waiting for Downton to start. I was not very good with the water though... I had a lot of tea but I know it wasn't enough. I have to get back to drinking my 4 pints at east as otherwise I get a) constipated ( ), b) hungry, c) not happy because I don't lose as much! But I am so pleased I didn't eat anything! I can do this. I can soooo do this

 

[Book-Worm]

What a :sigh: day today... My husband is going back to London, for night shifts this time. It's cold, windy, humid (although it's not raining anymore). I'm tired, annoyed at everything. I really don't know what's going on with me... Just a day without I guess!

We have prospective tenants coming to visit the flat today (we're renting and have handed in our notice a week ago). So we panicked to try and make the flat look presentable with all the boxes everywhere We did our best and hopefully the prospective tenants will see how big the flat is, even with the boxes.

On the bright side, our house purchase is finally moving along! We talked to our solicitor and she is going to call the other solicitors so we can agree on an exchange and completion date I hope it goes smoothly! We're looking at the beginning of October now. 5th would be perfect but then again, it'll depend on whether the other 2 in the chain can agree on a date (we are flexible, we don't mind at all what date they pick) and be quick with it

So feeling down that husband is leaving again (and we argued a lot this morning, mainly because I seem to explode all the time ( ) but feeling positive that the next stage in our life together is starting to happen Now I have to keep my side of the bargain and lose the weight and maintain so we can try for a baby next year

Another 5lbs to go and I will openly talk about target weight (or rather target BMI, this is what is the most important in my eyes). And clothes sizes too. I have not been slim in aaaaaages, so I have no idea what size I should be. I'm 5'9" and everyone tells me that I should be a size 14 but when I look at measurements online, size 14s seem quite generous... Anyway, we will see!

Hope you're all doing well

 

[Book-Worm]

Home alone again :sigh:

 

[Book-Worm]

Ugh, I caved in and ate... a carrot You should have seen the look the rabbits gave me! (I have house rabbits) We were in the kitchen, preparing their veggie and I ate one of their carrots: I was the most hated person on the plant

Joking aside, out of all the veggies in the fridge, I chose the one with the high sugar content :sigh:

 

[PuddingsKC]

You do make me chuckle book-worm.

We find you inspiring because you're normal ;-)

I dont like being home alone, home alone is time to secret eat! My flatmates at work tonight so ive spent all my time reading and catching up with diaries!

Exciting house buying update!

Damn that carrot - i bet it was nice and crunchy tho, i miss crunch. Anyhoo onwards and upwards!! Or downwards of course..xx

 

[Book-Worm]

You do make me chuckle book-worm.

We find you inspiring because you're normal ;-)

I dont like being home alone, home alone is time to secret eat! My flatmates at work tonight so ive spent all my time reading and catching up with diaries!

Exciting house buying update!

Damn that carrot - i bet it was nice and crunchy tho, i miss crunch. Anyhoo onwards and upwards!! Or downwards of course..xx

Awwww, thank you Puddings. It is SUCH a lovely message, you have no idea how good it made me feel

 

[Book-Worm]

Well the carrot didn't do too much damage, nor the food this weekend, because I lost..... 3lbs I am over the moon with that as it's almost a stone in 3 weeks For someone on Step 2 and in the middle of the diet, that is quite good! (average loss a month in lbs on Step 2).

I am also very happy that I managed to stick to SS (except for the carrot!) for the past few days, to counterbalance eating food on Saturday. I think it demonstrates some self discipline (finally, at my age!) that I will be able to reuse in the future once I'm back to eating "normally". Ie, if I have a big meal one day, then the following days should be more frugal food wise. If I can do it on SS, I can do it when I'm allowed food

This weightloss also means that I am 2 lbs away from being overweight and it looks like I'll smash my medium term goal of being overweight for Hallowe'en Stress is my friend at the moment weight wise. Not that I like stress but it just makes me lose weight faster I won't complain about the weight loss but I can't stress every time I want to lose a lb or 2

I hope everyone is having a lovely day

 

[scorpio dawny]

You are doing so well Book worm. what a great thought to be over weight lol im looking forward to it looking at your weight it wont be long before your in the 13s. x