LL Lite Tilley's Tumultuous Thoughts
- Thread starter Tilleymonster
- Start date
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Haven't posted for so long. Been catching up with all the diaries. Oh god, feel so bad about self right now.
So I've kept going to LL but just havent been doing it. I am eating carbs like they might disappear and pointedly so-like I know that they're bad so I binge. Oh look-I'm back where i started. Actually told
My LLC I needed to stop for a while as I'm now associating LL with yet more failure.
However 3 days since then and I feel
Miserable. I'm edgy, grumpy, my clothes are getting tighter and I threw away all size 16s but need them again so I'm having to circulate a few outfits that jst fit. The new bras I bought for my slimmer self are too tight so even my boobs hurt from cramming in. I'm not walking tall anymore.
I am so lost. There's a pop in on Weds so I think i should go. But I'm full of self loathing that I messed up another diet. I was so brilliant for weeks and now I'm going nuts with food-so I guess I've learned nothing?
This is a real pity party-sorry if any one reads. Everything is going well but this one thing. In fact I got engaged and promoted at start of this month. I just WISH I could do this. How do I get my zone back? When I'm nearly 14 stone again? I even tried on a wedding dress for first time in my life the other day and
Couldnt help but think-if I'd stuck to my diet I'd be picking size 12s and having space but now they're shoving me in tight 14s and this is really it-me trying on wedding dresses... But OF COURSE feeling fat as I always do in all important life events.
Someone help? Anyone help?! Desperate xxxx
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So I've kept going to LL but just havent been doing it. I am eating carbs like they might disappear and pointedly so-like I know that they're bad so I binge. Oh look-I'm back where i started. Actually told
My LLC I needed to stop for a while as I'm now associating LL with yet more failure.
However 3 days since then and I feel
Miserable. I'm edgy, grumpy, my clothes are getting tighter and I threw away all size 16s but need them again so I'm having to circulate a few outfits that jst fit. The new bras I bought for my slimmer self are too tight so even my boobs hurt from cramming in. I'm not walking tall anymore.
I am so lost. There's a pop in on Weds so I think i should go. But I'm full of self loathing that I messed up another diet. I was so brilliant for weeks and now I'm going nuts with food-so I guess I've learned nothing?
This is a real pity party-sorry if any one reads. Everything is going well but this one thing. In fact I got engaged and promoted at start of this month. I just WISH I could do this. How do I get my zone back? When I'm nearly 14 stone again? I even tried on a wedding dress for first time in my life the other day and
Couldnt help but think-if I'd stuck to my diet I'd be picking size 12s and having space but now they're shoving me in tight 14s and this is really it-me trying on wedding dresses... But OF COURSE feeling fat as I always do in all important life events.
Someone help? Anyone help?! Desperate xxxx
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LadyT
Tough But Sexy X
Aw hun I feel for you I really do!
I guess it's back to basics to try to understand the pattern you have found yourself in, maybe read the books again as a starting point and redo some of the exercises.
Once you identify the trigger then you can start to address it, so if it's boredom find a hobby or take long baths etc or emotional eating i guess do the same keep busy. Sorry I know you already know this, is it worth writing down everything around how you felt at your lowest weight, just focus on the positives.
Stay in touch on here too, sometimes the support and advice gives you things to think about and a different perspective xxx
Stay strong xxx
I guess it's back to basics to try to understand the pattern you have found yourself in, maybe read the books again as a starting point and redo some of the exercises.
Once you identify the trigger then you can start to address it, so if it's boredom find a hobby or take long baths etc or emotional eating i guess do the same keep busy. Sorry I know you already know this, is it worth writing down everything around how you felt at your lowest weight, just focus on the positives.
Stay in touch on here too, sometimes the support and advice gives you things to think about and a different perspective xxx
Stay strong xxx
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Thank you for replying so soon. Just logged back in before bed in desperate hope someone had heard my cries 
You're right that I need to focus on how lovely it was at my lower weight. I was doing a personal diary and weekly pics and loved every meeting cos I knew it was working. I HAVE to go back Wednesday and be honest with my LLC. she's lovely. I have to be reading and surrounding myself with LL again.
Thanks again for that. I think u r away a lot with work-having a panic that I am too-meeting people who always want lunch and dinner and spending weeks abroad-I find it hard to be honest about why I won't eat with them. I guess I need to embrace what im doing and to hell with others. It's just so hard when I always judge and project... Sometimes I worry LL has made
Me more mental than I was, if that makes sense???
Eeee-whirring brain. Must sleep gah! X
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You're right that I need to focus on how lovely it was at my lower weight. I was doing a personal diary and weekly pics and loved every meeting cos I knew it was working. I HAVE to go back Wednesday and be honest with my LLC. she's lovely. I have to be reading and surrounding myself with LL again.
Thanks again for that. I think u r away a lot with work-having a panic that I am too-meeting people who always want lunch and dinner and spending weeks abroad-I find it hard to be honest about why I won't eat with them. I guess I need to embrace what im doing and to hell with others. It's just so hard when I always judge and project... Sometimes I worry LL has made
Me more mental than I was, if that makes sense???
Eeee-whirring brain. Must sleep gah! X
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LadyT
Tough But Sexy X
You are welcome hun! I think you have found the answer yourself, there is no shame in going back to see your LLC especially as if you don't it could end up spiralling way out of control. My LLC also says that coming back is admired by her and I totally get that!
Good memory, yes I am away alot with work. Which means long days no routine, meals out, conferences and hotels nome of which like the LL plan. I was honest with the close people I work with and explained I needed to do LL to help me find the real me and particularly help with my health. They were great and never placed temptation in my way, it has got easier now I am on lite but I do think about pushing the boundaries and this week haven't weighed a thing, so not expecting great things, but I will take responsibility and make the right decisions and choices for next week now as I can't change this week just learn from it.
As for carbs, I actually realised tonight I have spent my whole life on diets but learnt nothing especially about carbs. I know the obvious ones but think it's s much wider foodgroup than I first thought so I need to really put the ground work in to make sure I keep this weight off permanently because like many say nothing tastes as good as being slim!!
You are not alone we are in this together xxx
Good memory, yes I am away alot with work. Which means long days no routine, meals out, conferences and hotels nome of which like the LL plan. I was honest with the close people I work with and explained I needed to do LL to help me find the real me and particularly help with my health. They were great and never placed temptation in my way, it has got easier now I am on lite but I do think about pushing the boundaries and this week haven't weighed a thing, so not expecting great things, but I will take responsibility and make the right decisions and choices for next week now as I can't change this week just learn from it.
As for carbs, I actually realised tonight I have spent my whole life on diets but learnt nothing especially about carbs. I know the obvious ones but think it's s much wider foodgroup than I first thought so I need to really put the ground work in to make sure I keep this weight off permanently because like many say nothing tastes as good as being slim!!
You are not alone we are in this together xxx
Clarabow
Silver Member
Some good advice Lady T. Tilley it can be anawful struggle when we feel we have lost it and cant climb back on the band wagon. You can do this. When I need to badly refocus I tend to take a few days leave from work and get my head in the right place. It is much harder I find trying to sort things out and sort the work issues as well, Just at hought might not be possible for you given your work comittments.
Keep fighting the good fight and go back to see your LLC they are usually very helpfull when dealing with the detrius of our compulsive brains xx
Keep fighting the good fight and go back to see your LLC they are usually very helpfull when dealing with the detrius of our compulsive brains xx
slendablenda
Gold Member
Hello Tilley
You've got in a muddle with this. Time to take stock and decide what you really want - and how you are going to get there:
:love047:
Your OH obviously loves you as you are now (and to me 14stone don't seem too bad. I was 21.5 stone when I started - imagine how I felt about myself.)
We all worry about what other people think of us and what we are doing. What I found out during a year of eating nothing -most people really don't give a monkeys or even notice if you don't eat at meetings, functions, hotels etc.
At first you can use reasons like dentist, tummy ache, anti-biotics etc if you don't feel confident.
I went to everything,birthdays and weddings, Christmas too. I couldn't put my life on hold for that long.
Would just say "i won't be eating tonight, just coffee and water for me thanks." End of story. Never had a problem.
I would make sure I had my pack before the event.
You can find a way that works for you. Do discuss it with your LLC. Nothing to lose by it, except weight !!!!
You can get this back on track. It has to come from inside your head.
Good luck Tilley. By the time you are at goal it will still be Summer.
:character00238:xx
You've got in a muddle with this. Time to take stock and decide what you really want - and how you are going to get there:
:love047:
Your OH obviously loves you as you are now (and to me 14stone don't seem too bad. I was 21.5 stone when I started - imagine how I felt about myself.)
We all worry about what other people think of us and what we are doing. What I found out during a year of eating nothing -most people really don't give a monkeys or even notice if you don't eat at meetings, functions, hotels etc.
At first you can use reasons like dentist, tummy ache, anti-biotics etc if you don't feel confident.
I went to everything,birthdays and weddings, Christmas too. I couldn't put my life on hold for that long.
Would just say "i won't be eating tonight, just coffee and water for me thanks." End of story. Never had a problem.
I would make sure I had my pack before the event.
You can find a way that works for you. Do discuss it with your LLC. Nothing to lose by it, except weight !!!!
You can get this back on track. It has to come from inside your head.
Good luck Tilley. By the time you are at goal it will still be Summer.
:character00238:xx
gracielou09
Silver Member
Aw hun, could hear the desperation in your posts. The girls are right, take stock and refocus. I'm taking each day at a time at the moment.
This forum is good for refocusing, re read your diary etc. I know it sounds silly but i look at clothes on the internet..i see the clothes i want to wear and kinda refocuses me a little.
You've recognised there's an issue, your half way there hun....you can do it
Big hugs xxxxxxxx
This forum is good for refocusing, re read your diary etc. I know it sounds silly but i look at clothes on the internet..i see the clothes i want to wear and kinda refocuses me a little.
You've recognised there's an issue, your half way there hun....you can do it
Big hugs xxxxxxxx
HannahNewton
Loves to post
It's never about the food!!
So what is going on? Thought records are great to find out the emotion behind the carb cravings.
If you are eating and dont want to go back to total, then you could turn this around and not use packs but food to get you back on track. I eat mainly from the Lite allowed foods list and have occasional packs as they are so convenient.
You can easily drop a dress (wedding) size with exercise - I recommend the 30 day shred DVD. My weight is only about 4 lbs less than when I started shredding - but my inch loss is amazing and I have dropped 1-2 dress/jeans sizes.
There is a whole thread on the diet and exercise part of the forum.
http://www.minimins.com/fitness-exercise/188887-30-day-shred-88.html#post3851470
And now about kettlebells too. My latest must try. http://www.minimins.com/fitness-exercise/219703-secret-shaping-up-14.html
I hope you find a way that works for you - to get back to that amazing feeling when you wrote this!!
"BINGO!!!!!
10 STONE 12lbs!!!!
SOOOOOOO HAPPY XXX"
Kisses xx
So what is going on? Thought records are great to find out the emotion behind the carb cravings.
If you are eating and dont want to go back to total, then you could turn this around and not use packs but food to get you back on track. I eat mainly from the Lite allowed foods list and have occasional packs as they are so convenient.
You can easily drop a dress (wedding) size with exercise - I recommend the 30 day shred DVD. My weight is only about 4 lbs less than when I started shredding - but my inch loss is amazing and I have dropped 1-2 dress/jeans sizes.
There is a whole thread on the diet and exercise part of the forum.
http://www.minimins.com/fitness-exercise/188887-30-day-shred-88.html#post3851470
And now about kettlebells too. My latest must try. http://www.minimins.com/fitness-exercise/219703-secret-shaping-up-14.html
I hope you find a way that works for you - to get back to that amazing feeling when you wrote this!!
"BINGO!!!!!
10 STONE 12lbs!!!!
SOOOOOOO HAPPY XXX"
Kisses xx
Tilleymonster
Full Member
You guys are just amazing. I had no idea I'd had all these replies today and feel a little bit more blessed to have so many people rooting for me!
You'll all be glad to hear - I'm on it! Went on Wednesday and my LLC was fab. She was so happy to see me as the last thing I'd done was send a text saying 'I need two weeks to get my head together', she said she didnt' want to butt in but she was so worried that all that meant was getting fat on food - which is exactly the truth. I'm glad I didn't go that far.
So, I got my packs. Got weighed. At 75.6kg so nearly towards 12 stone. Feel quite pleased that it's not actually at 12 though - it means i can focus on getting back down to 10 something.
Weirdest thing was I was waiting outside and a lady turned up and asked me lots of questions (there for info session) and I stood there for about 10 minutes extolling the virtues of the diet and how amazing and easy it is if you just do what it says on the tin and how quick my weight loss was and how much energy I had blahblahblah and it was a lovely LIGHTBULB - you're selling it and you believe your hype Tilley, no just bloomin' do it!!!
Reposting that entry i wrote with the 'BINGO' about getting there was genius. The feeling I had on that day was indescribeable. I miss my self during LL when I was losing. I felt amazing and I loved clothes. Goign online clothes shopping I just couldn't stop. And every week after meeting I'd go to the shops and try stuff on and smile and go home for porridge! I want that far more than the sullen/paranoid person I was before and was starting to become again.
So who KNOWS what was going with the food eating before. But I truly (please let this be true) feel like I'm back in business. On my Lite plan, 100% yesterday, 100% so far today and had a gorgeous pork chop concotion with spinach last night followed by a bar. What could be better than that?! I went to bed without feeling like my stomach was hanging on the sheets and without feeling sad - which i have been for weeks when messing about with this diet.
So, back again for proper meeting tomorrow and another weigh in. I wonder what I'll lose in these 2 days. ACtually, I don't even care! The great thing is that I know I will lose becuase it works if you just do it. Ahhh, good to be back y'all! xxxxx
:flirt2::flirt2::flirt2:
You'll all be glad to hear - I'm on it! Went on Wednesday and my LLC was fab. She was so happy to see me as the last thing I'd done was send a text saying 'I need two weeks to get my head together', she said she didnt' want to butt in but she was so worried that all that meant was getting fat on food - which is exactly the truth. I'm glad I didn't go that far.
So, I got my packs. Got weighed. At 75.6kg so nearly towards 12 stone. Feel quite pleased that it's not actually at 12 though - it means i can focus on getting back down to 10 something.
Weirdest thing was I was waiting outside and a lady turned up and asked me lots of questions (there for info session) and I stood there for about 10 minutes extolling the virtues of the diet and how amazing and easy it is if you just do what it says on the tin and how quick my weight loss was and how much energy I had blahblahblah and it was a lovely LIGHTBULB - you're selling it and you believe your hype Tilley, no just bloomin' do it!!!
Reposting that entry i wrote with the 'BINGO' about getting there was genius. The feeling I had on that day was indescribeable. I miss my self during LL when I was losing. I felt amazing and I loved clothes. Goign online clothes shopping I just couldn't stop. And every week after meeting I'd go to the shops and try stuff on and smile and go home for porridge! I want that far more than the sullen/paranoid person I was before and was starting to become again.
So who KNOWS what was going with the food eating before. But I truly (please let this be true) feel like I'm back in business. On my Lite plan, 100% yesterday, 100% so far today and had a gorgeous pork chop concotion with spinach last night followed by a bar. What could be better than that?! I went to bed without feeling like my stomach was hanging on the sheets and without feeling sad - which i have been for weeks when messing about with this diet.
So, back again for proper meeting tomorrow and another weigh in. I wonder what I'll lose in these 2 days. ACtually, I don't even care! The great thing is that I know I will lose becuase it works if you just do it. Ahhh, good to be back y'all! xxxxx
:flirt2::flirt2::flirt2:
Tilleymonster
Full Member
4 lbs off between Weds weigh and this morning. Long live LL!
Stopped in at Next n got a few half price sale items all in size 12. They all fit. And they'll fit WAY better in a few more weeks. Even went for dresses. Had it out with Mother about there seeming lack of interest in me getting married. A lot
Of stuff there that's my Mum and her issues with Dad(theyre together still n
Married but very anti the whole thing bizarrely). Was amazing to hear her say she is happy for me and excited and just wrangling with Dads lack of emotion but yeah... Too tired to explain but set a lot of my perceived issues at rest.
Happy Saturday night everyone. I hope everyones sticking strong xxx
Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
Stopped in at Next n got a few half price sale items all in size 12. They all fit. And they'll fit WAY better in a few more weeks. Even went for dresses. Had it out with Mother about there seeming lack of interest in me getting married. A lot
Of stuff there that's my Mum and her issues with Dad(theyre together still n
Married but very anti the whole thing bizarrely). Was amazing to hear her say she is happy for me and excited and just wrangling with Dads lack of emotion but yeah... Too tired to explain but set a lot of my perceived issues at rest.
Happy Saturday night everyone. I hope everyones sticking strong xxx
Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
LadyT
Tough But Sexy X
Excellent loss hun, stick at it!
Marriage is a strange subject to many, in years gone by marriage was forever regardless of how unhappy it made you, that stigma has gone nowadays and people give up so easily! There could be many reasons why your parents have a lack of enthusiasm I would get to concerned as it draws closer the excitement will come I'm sure xx
Marriage is a strange subject to many, in years gone by marriage was forever regardless of how unhappy it made you, that stigma has gone nowadays and people give up so easily! There could be many reasons why your parents have a lack of enthusiasm I would get to concerned as it draws closer the excitement will come I'm sure xx
Tilleymonster
Full Member
So, I totally gave up for a month. We started buying a house, I convinced myself I had no money, I told my LLC I was done. On and on it goes.
A month on I'm back up to 79.5kg-nearly what I was when I start at end of Feb. I went back because all I did was eat and eat and eat. Probably spent more money than ever before filling myself up with utter rubbish.
I'm my second week in. I did well in week one. Lost over 2 kg, this week I was 'bad' in that I've eaten bread and cookies in the evening rather than meals. What is going on there? Anyway, I'm pleased to say I sat and filled out my module book when I thought about eating badly again tonight.
At work I've seen a real decline in my confidence. I feel tired, grumpy, tearful even. My clothes dont fit - gave all my bigger sizes to charity when I lost weight in May to a 12. I can sense paranoia, lack of sex drive, a certain quietness in my personality and poor fiancé saying 'are you sure you're ok?' all the time. I'm so devastated I have so little control and u can probably tell from the ups and downs of my posts that my weight has so much to so with my perception of myself and my abilities. I'm a little scared to admit to myself that I need to be slim. I'm cross that I finally recognise I will have to totally change my thinking about eating forever. O know small steps and all that but it worries me that my counselling just hasn't rid me of my demons.
I probably sound mental. I need to take some responsibility and control back over myself, it's got to be more than just the eating right? Sometimes I think I need to be with a Total class, all the other Lite people flit in and out and just get on with it and don't want to chat about emotional eating and... It makes me feel lonely and a bit embarrassed like the child of the group with issues!!! But I do have issues, that's why I'm there. Humpf
Xx
Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
A month on I'm back up to 79.5kg-nearly what I was when I start at end of Feb. I went back because all I did was eat and eat and eat. Probably spent more money than ever before filling myself up with utter rubbish.
I'm my second week in. I did well in week one. Lost over 2 kg, this week I was 'bad' in that I've eaten bread and cookies in the evening rather than meals. What is going on there? Anyway, I'm pleased to say I sat and filled out my module book when I thought about eating badly again tonight.
At work I've seen a real decline in my confidence. I feel tired, grumpy, tearful even. My clothes dont fit - gave all my bigger sizes to charity when I lost weight in May to a 12. I can sense paranoia, lack of sex drive, a certain quietness in my personality and poor fiancé saying 'are you sure you're ok?' all the time. I'm so devastated I have so little control and u can probably tell from the ups and downs of my posts that my weight has so much to so with my perception of myself and my abilities. I'm a little scared to admit to myself that I need to be slim. I'm cross that I finally recognise I will have to totally change my thinking about eating forever. O know small steps and all that but it worries me that my counselling just hasn't rid me of my demons.
I probably sound mental. I need to take some responsibility and control back over myself, it's got to be more than just the eating right? Sometimes I think I need to be with a Total class, all the other Lite people flit in and out and just get on with it and don't want to chat about emotional eating and... It makes me feel lonely and a bit embarrassed like the child of the group with issues!!! But I do have issues, that's why I'm there. Humpf
Xx
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Catthin
Silver Member
Welcome back Tilly. Sorry to hear you are feeling bad about yourself but try not to learn from what has gone wrong and move on.You can do it you know you can.Our heads rule our thoughts and emotions but e are in control of what we put in our mouths.I have been struggling the last couple of days but I am back on track.Yes indeed it is little steps,walk before we can run.
Take care hun .
Cathy
Cathy
Take care hun .
Cathy
Cathy
Clarabow
Silver Member
Hello Tilley,
you made it back. You are not mental at all, all sounds perfectly normal to me.
Was speaking to my LLC the other day about the difference between LLlite and Total. Just a suggestion but you sound as if you would benefit from the work that goes on in a total group. She has found that the lite attendees tend to have different issues with food than those on total. The people on lite tend to have short term weight gain brought about by lifestyle changes such as bereavement, children ect. They stay for about 6 weeks then go off to manage their weight.
In the total groups there tends to be long term issues around food and weight. There tends to be very crooked thinking about body image, self esteeme, food and emotions. It might be worth you looking at exploring these issues as it is not about loosing weight its about loosing the negative relationship with food in the long run.
I am finding that for me it is about fixing my thinking and the issues I am unhappy about in my life rather than just loosing the weight.
Just my perspective. Hope it helps xx
you made it back. You are not mental at all, all sounds perfectly normal to me.
Was speaking to my LLC the other day about the difference between LLlite and Total. Just a suggestion but you sound as if you would benefit from the work that goes on in a total group. She has found that the lite attendees tend to have different issues with food than those on total. The people on lite tend to have short term weight gain brought about by lifestyle changes such as bereavement, children ect. They stay for about 6 weeks then go off to manage their weight.
In the total groups there tends to be long term issues around food and weight. There tends to be very crooked thinking about body image, self esteeme, food and emotions. It might be worth you looking at exploring these issues as it is not about loosing weight its about loosing the negative relationship with food in the long run.
I am finding that for me it is about fixing my thinking and the issues I am unhappy about in my life rather than just loosing the weight.
Just my perspective. Hope it helps xx
Spanglymum
Gold Member
I totally agree with Clara. Sounds like you would really find the support of a Total group helpful at the moment. I am sure your LLC will understand. Only difficulty will be having to remember no food talk at groups! I hope they can sort something out for you. Sounds like you're really starting to uncover some of your behaviours around food and are looking at them in a very honest way - which is the key to learning to leep your weight stable long-term.
I'm sure most of us on here can empathise with you. It's not easy. None of us finds it easy. The packs part is (relatively) straightforward, but it's the lifetime of learning useful habits and unlearning unhelpful behaviours that is daunting! Not impossible, but a challenge!
You can do this!!
I'm sure most of us on here can empathise with you. It's not easy. None of us finds it easy. The packs part is (relatively) straightforward, but it's the lifetime of learning useful habits and unlearning unhelpful behaviours that is daunting! Not impossible, but a challenge!
You can do this!!
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Hi all,
So, changing groups to Wednesday's which will be Total ladies and I think that will be more useful for me.
However, had a massive cry at group on Saturday. I am so upset with myself. Now my family and OH have said they think i should stop whilst i sort out the house move as i'm just getting psychologically kicked. Bless them all, they are right - i'm getting kicked BUT no matter what they say my head tells me that the kicking is all me, doing it to myself. There is no reason why a house move means i have to eat everything in sight. In fact, doing the diet would make things easier, surely? It sounds like an excuse.
So now I'm torn - my parents want me to stop because i'm wasting money and getting upset. But I want to keep going. I take my Mother's advice in so many things but in this I just can't quite get there. For example - i have no clothes that fit, and i'm bingeing. I want to go tonight and make a fresh start and lose the weight. But no one thinks it's healthy, and they don't think i'll do it, and there's a general thing that yet another diet hasn't worked for me. Which is true-but the diet worked, it's me that hasn't worked.
So I want to go tonight, and start again. Everyone's telling me that I'm wasting £50 a week - but seriously, I spent £30 on pizza last night alone. So, the money is a lie as a reason not to go.
I just now need someone to tell me, on here, that I can do it again. I don't know why i can't make decisions myself, but i know i'm unhappy in my looks at the mometn as I've soared back up to near 13 stone from 10. I've done it purposefully. I was happier before, when i was doing LL earlier in the year, so it makes sense to me to 'start again' and do it.
I want my clothes to fit again.
But am i kidding myself? Am i capable of doing this? Am I giving myself diabetes (mother's words) and illnesses?
I want results, fast, and I want confidence again. So i have to go against everyone's advice and do this. Panic panic.xx
So, changing groups to Wednesday's which will be Total ladies and I think that will be more useful for me.
However, had a massive cry at group on Saturday. I am so upset with myself. Now my family and OH have said they think i should stop whilst i sort out the house move as i'm just getting psychologically kicked. Bless them all, they are right - i'm getting kicked BUT no matter what they say my head tells me that the kicking is all me, doing it to myself. There is no reason why a house move means i have to eat everything in sight. In fact, doing the diet would make things easier, surely? It sounds like an excuse.
So now I'm torn - my parents want me to stop because i'm wasting money and getting upset. But I want to keep going. I take my Mother's advice in so many things but in this I just can't quite get there. For example - i have no clothes that fit, and i'm bingeing. I want to go tonight and make a fresh start and lose the weight. But no one thinks it's healthy, and they don't think i'll do it, and there's a general thing that yet another diet hasn't worked for me. Which is true-but the diet worked, it's me that hasn't worked.
So I want to go tonight, and start again. Everyone's telling me that I'm wasting £50 a week - but seriously, I spent £30 on pizza last night alone. So, the money is a lie as a reason not to go.
I just now need someone to tell me, on here, that I can do it again. I don't know why i can't make decisions myself, but i know i'm unhappy in my looks at the mometn as I've soared back up to near 13 stone from 10. I've done it purposefully. I was happier before, when i was doing LL earlier in the year, so it makes sense to me to 'start again' and do it.
I want my clothes to fit again.
But am i kidding myself? Am i capable of doing this? Am I giving myself diabetes (mother's words) and illnesses?
I want results, fast, and I want confidence again. So i have to go against everyone's advice and do this. Panic panic.xx
