losingit
Silver Member
(kinda long,.... i do waffle... will try to add some helpful waffle throughout the diary though for any poor souls that put up with it).
My dieting background:
Been fat on and off since i was 13. I come from a family of overweight people, mum, dad and brother are all 'morbidly obese'. My heaviest weight was 19stone2 which i recorded on 1 January 2012, although i think i have been heavier in the past, just used to be afraid to get myself weighed - got much better at facing up to things lately.
In 2011 i tried doing exante from a start weight of around 18stone. Lost 2 stone and then gave up and ate myself silly for the rest of 2011 (had about 3 attempts at restarting in between but never got past day 1). Put on 3 stone up to the 19stone2 that i started with for 2012.
I have done a few stints of low carb dieting before, both Atkins and Dukan diet style. I found them slower than the VLCD method but also more realistic and sustainable, and something i can see becoming a more lifelong habit if only i can stick with it. I tend to chicken out after a couple of months, which is silly.
I only ever remembering being 'somewhat normal' once in my life, just before i got pregnant with my daughter when i was 25. I think i weighed around 14stone and was going to the gym 5 days a week. I now work from home and look after my daughter fulltime so it's hard to get out to the gym, and i also have very bad knees and cannot walk long distances.
2012 - The year i turn 30!
My birthday is in August, and i will be 30 years old this year. It has made me take a step back and evaluate my life again. I feel like if i don't get my ass into gear and actually do this for the long term then i will be unhealthy for the rest of my life. I feel like i lost a good number of years of my youth to being fat. I missed out on lots of activities and fun because of my weight and became a withdrawn, shy, whale of a person who sits on the sidelines and watches everyone else have fun.
Well, not any more. I want to come back into the world again and live my life and stop being an observer. My daughter, who is almost 4 years old, is a real help on this too as she wants/demands that i take a greater role in her life, play with her, do fun things together, and this is increasing the older she gets. Thanks to her i have learnt to shake off a lot of my negativity and harmful thoughts, and learnt to value myself, if for no other reason that i have to because i'm the only one that is around for her.
2012 is my year
It's my turn to get healthy and i will not give in this time. I deserve this, my daughter needs it, and i have a whole life to be living - i want to get out there and have fun.
I love travelling, i want to be able to fit into seats on airplanes without being uncomfortable, i want to not look like "another beached whale Brit" while abroad and have all the locals stare at me, i want to run on the beach, put my swimming costume on and go for a swim in the sea without breaking into a sweat and collapsing under the weight of my fat and embarrassment.
I want to sit on rides at the fair ground (but not big roller coasters, no thanks!).
I want to be able to go upstairs without getting breathless.
I want to play in the park, be comfy in the cinema, and go bowling gracefully.
I want to wear pretty dresses, sleeveless tops, and go shopping in shops other than "Evans" and buy things other than sweatshirts, tshirts and supersize jeans.
I want people to take me more seriously in my business and on a professional level and i want the confidence to stand up and speak proudly infront of others.
I want to be alive to see my grandchildren be born, to collect my pension, and to enjoy my old age in good health.
I want to prove to my haters/expartners/exfriend that i'm not a worthless bag of ****.
I want to go and live abroad for a year and not be the fat one in the village, and blend in.
The Plan
Atkins is the plan for 2012. I am a big meat eater, quarter pounders and bigmacs and KFC chicken formed a big part of my diet in 2011
. Atkins and other low carb diets are a natural way of eating to me. I do love carbs too, i love all foods, but a diet where i'm allowed to eat steak every day fried in butter is my idea of heaven. So this is it.
I know i will be fine for the first 6 to 8 weeks. My problem is after that. I hope someone comes and hunts me down and gives me a big slap if i fall off the wagon, and doesn't accept ANY excuses from me. I need that. I find it hard to get this kind of motivation in my life though as i don't have any friends locally and my family don't really care whether i diet or not, infact the minute i become smaller than them they normally try and feed me up with cake!
I have noticed that with diets i go through a couple of phases:
- The obsessive phase. This is where i go mental counting every single calorie and weighing everything to the nearest 0.1gram and cross referencing all my sources 'just in case'. I'm prone to going above and beyond the call of the diet in this phase, if it says i can have 20g of carbs, i might aim for 10g or less, and so on. I weigh every day during this dieting phase and obsess over every fraction of a pound put on or lost.
- The 'don't give a damn' phase. Where i couldn't really care less about dieting, i can't be bothered to climb on the scales every day. I can still stick to a diet during this phase but will always push at the boundaries of what i can do and squeeze in as much food as possible, and have naughties perhaps once a week or more.
I've spent a long time trying to correct both of these attitudes and even it out into one long healthy eating attitude. But being quite frank here, it doesn't work for me. I don't fit into the guidelines of any food psychology manuals on this. So i decided to quit fighting and to roll with it, but plan ahead also so that i don't derail totally. When i'm obsessed with food, i'll just roll with it (it never lasts more than a few weeks so no danger of becoming too unhealthy!), and when i'm not giving a damn about anything, i'll roll with that too but try to keep myself on track by making sure i have to log on here at least once a week to say what i've been eating and how my weight is. I'm hoping having a little structure there and the knowledge i have to come here each week will limit any damage and keep me on the diet. Since this is Atkins too it shouldn't be impossible for me to stick to the diet as i do love protein foods!
The best thing that can happen for me is to be able to make it through a 'don't give a damn' phase without piling on 3 stone. It should be achievable, i've given myself permission now to *not* be obsessed with food but still stick broadly to plan. When i'm not obsessed, i don't have to be the total opposite afterall, just that sometimes being an angel gets to me after a while, lol. Even if i pile on 1 stone, it's way better than piling on all 3 and being back at the start + some more, this way i might actually get somewhere. This is worst case scenario of course, i hope it doesn't come to that. I have programmed my phone to send out an alarm each week for eternity so i have a reminder that i must come back here and be accountable to myself, even if no one else reads.
A few stats before I begin...
Clothes size= 22 / 24 from Evans (lol)
Start weight = 19stone2 = 268lbs
Start date = 1 January 2012
Start BMI = 46.0
Goal BMI = 25 (borderline between healthy and overweight)
Goal Weight = 145 lbs = 10stone5 = in my dreams, lol
Realistic target = below BMI 30 = 175lbs.
Targets to try and keep me interested and stop me thinking this is impossible:
Target 1 = BMI of 41
Target 2 = BMI of 39
Target 3 = BMI of 37
Target 4 = BMI of 35
Target 5 = BMI of 33
Target 5 = BMI of 31
If i ever get past this point then i'll re-evaluate!
----------------
Will add another post now to tell you where i have got to so far.
My dieting background:
Been fat on and off since i was 13. I come from a family of overweight people, mum, dad and brother are all 'morbidly obese'. My heaviest weight was 19stone2 which i recorded on 1 January 2012, although i think i have been heavier in the past, just used to be afraid to get myself weighed - got much better at facing up to things lately.
In 2011 i tried doing exante from a start weight of around 18stone. Lost 2 stone and then gave up and ate myself silly for the rest of 2011 (had about 3 attempts at restarting in between but never got past day 1). Put on 3 stone up to the 19stone2 that i started with for 2012.
I have done a few stints of low carb dieting before, both Atkins and Dukan diet style. I found them slower than the VLCD method but also more realistic and sustainable, and something i can see becoming a more lifelong habit if only i can stick with it. I tend to chicken out after a couple of months, which is silly.
I only ever remembering being 'somewhat normal' once in my life, just before i got pregnant with my daughter when i was 25. I think i weighed around 14stone and was going to the gym 5 days a week. I now work from home and look after my daughter fulltime so it's hard to get out to the gym, and i also have very bad knees and cannot walk long distances.
2012 - The year i turn 30!
My birthday is in August, and i will be 30 years old this year. It has made me take a step back and evaluate my life again. I feel like if i don't get my ass into gear and actually do this for the long term then i will be unhealthy for the rest of my life. I feel like i lost a good number of years of my youth to being fat. I missed out on lots of activities and fun because of my weight and became a withdrawn, shy, whale of a person who sits on the sidelines and watches everyone else have fun.
Well, not any more. I want to come back into the world again and live my life and stop being an observer. My daughter, who is almost 4 years old, is a real help on this too as she wants/demands that i take a greater role in her life, play with her, do fun things together, and this is increasing the older she gets. Thanks to her i have learnt to shake off a lot of my negativity and harmful thoughts, and learnt to value myself, if for no other reason that i have to because i'm the only one that is around for her.
2012 is my year
It's my turn to get healthy and i will not give in this time. I deserve this, my daughter needs it, and i have a whole life to be living - i want to get out there and have fun.
I love travelling, i want to be able to fit into seats on airplanes without being uncomfortable, i want to not look like "another beached whale Brit" while abroad and have all the locals stare at me, i want to run on the beach, put my swimming costume on and go for a swim in the sea without breaking into a sweat and collapsing under the weight of my fat and embarrassment.
I want to sit on rides at the fair ground (but not big roller coasters, no thanks!).
I want to be able to go upstairs without getting breathless.
I want to play in the park, be comfy in the cinema, and go bowling gracefully.
I want to wear pretty dresses, sleeveless tops, and go shopping in shops other than "Evans" and buy things other than sweatshirts, tshirts and supersize jeans.
I want people to take me more seriously in my business and on a professional level and i want the confidence to stand up and speak proudly infront of others.
I want to be alive to see my grandchildren be born, to collect my pension, and to enjoy my old age in good health.
I want to prove to my haters/expartners/exfriend that i'm not a worthless bag of ****.
I want to go and live abroad for a year and not be the fat one in the village, and blend in.
The Plan
Atkins is the plan for 2012. I am a big meat eater, quarter pounders and bigmacs and KFC chicken formed a big part of my diet in 2011
. Atkins and other low carb diets are a natural way of eating to me. I do love carbs too, i love all foods, but a diet where i'm allowed to eat steak every day fried in butter is my idea of heaven. So this is it.I know i will be fine for the first 6 to 8 weeks. My problem is after that. I hope someone comes and hunts me down and gives me a big slap if i fall off the wagon, and doesn't accept ANY excuses from me. I need that. I find it hard to get this kind of motivation in my life though as i don't have any friends locally and my family don't really care whether i diet or not, infact the minute i become smaller than them they normally try and feed me up with cake!
I have noticed that with diets i go through a couple of phases:
- The obsessive phase. This is where i go mental counting every single calorie and weighing everything to the nearest 0.1gram and cross referencing all my sources 'just in case'. I'm prone to going above and beyond the call of the diet in this phase, if it says i can have 20g of carbs, i might aim for 10g or less, and so on. I weigh every day during this dieting phase and obsess over every fraction of a pound put on or lost.
- The 'don't give a damn' phase. Where i couldn't really care less about dieting, i can't be bothered to climb on the scales every day. I can still stick to a diet during this phase but will always push at the boundaries of what i can do and squeeze in as much food as possible, and have naughties perhaps once a week or more.
I've spent a long time trying to correct both of these attitudes and even it out into one long healthy eating attitude. But being quite frank here, it doesn't work for me. I don't fit into the guidelines of any food psychology manuals on this. So i decided to quit fighting and to roll with it, but plan ahead also so that i don't derail totally. When i'm obsessed with food, i'll just roll with it (it never lasts more than a few weeks so no danger of becoming too unhealthy!), and when i'm not giving a damn about anything, i'll roll with that too but try to keep myself on track by making sure i have to log on here at least once a week to say what i've been eating and how my weight is. I'm hoping having a little structure there and the knowledge i have to come here each week will limit any damage and keep me on the diet. Since this is Atkins too it shouldn't be impossible for me to stick to the diet as i do love protein foods!
The best thing that can happen for me is to be able to make it through a 'don't give a damn' phase without piling on 3 stone. It should be achievable, i've given myself permission now to *not* be obsessed with food but still stick broadly to plan. When i'm not obsessed, i don't have to be the total opposite afterall, just that sometimes being an angel gets to me after a while, lol. Even if i pile on 1 stone, it's way better than piling on all 3 and being back at the start + some more, this way i might actually get somewhere. This is worst case scenario of course, i hope it doesn't come to that. I have programmed my phone to send out an alarm each week for eternity so i have a reminder that i must come back here and be accountable to myself, even if no one else reads.
A few stats before I begin...
Clothes size= 22 / 24 from Evans (lol)
Start weight = 19stone2 = 268lbs
Start date = 1 January 2012
Start BMI = 46.0
Goal BMI = 25 (borderline between healthy and overweight)
Goal Weight = 145 lbs = 10stone5 = in my dreams, lol
Realistic target = below BMI 30 = 175lbs.
Targets to try and keep me interested and stop me thinking this is impossible:
Target 1 = BMI of 41
Target 2 = BMI of 39
Target 3 = BMI of 37
Target 4 = BMI of 35
Target 5 = BMI of 33
Target 5 = BMI of 31
If i ever get past this point then i'll re-evaluate!
----------------
Will add another post now to tell you where i have got to so far.
