Lost weight but still feel bad

[xMariex]

My current BMI is 27 down from nearly 51. Yes I had to get new clothes, yes I still have weight to lose but I still feel fat. I look in the mirror and I see no difference. Others have commented but I don't see it. I used to hate having my picture taken as I was so fat, but I still feel that way. I am considering losing more if I can when I get to my goal BMI of 25 as I know others have goals less than that. But my weight loss has slowed, I am still losing but I am worried I will always feel and look fat. And I wont get under once I do reach my current goal, that I will always be this way.

I have health issues both with PCOS and thyroid cancer which I am sure affect my mood and I know my weight loss. But I have tried not to use them as excuses. I remember thinking when I first started this, I would feel so much better when my BMI was below 30 but it was a long way off. Well I got there and I think how fat I look. It is so depressing. I have a big build and my dr said I could easily be in the upper ideal BMI section or a little above and in her view be healthy (weight wise). She was amazed I managed to lose so much considering my thyroid levels (controlled by drugs as my entire thyroid was removed) have not settled, still having underactive symptoms and still in treatment (sadly it has gone into my lymph nodes). Many on my treatment gain, some with thyroid cancer lose but it depends on the treatment you need. Mine tends to be one you gain on.

But its all getting me down. Being ill is part of it. But feeling so overweight is also there. I feel like a failure and ashamed of my body I broke up from my ex last year when I was much bigger but the thought of anyone seeing my body terrifies me. Anyone else who has lost weight feel this way?

Sorry for rambling

 

[TracyGWill]

Marie, I'm so sorry you feel like this, but I can understand how easy it must be to feel down because of your illness. But you've lost 10.5 stone - that's blinking fantastic!! You are such an inspiration! You see so many people going on about how they can't lose weight because of various health issues, but you've just got on with it at the same time as fighting cancer, which is truly amazing!! But I know where you're coming from - whenever someone compliments me on my weight loss and says I don't need to lose any more (and I've lost two stone less than you), I point at my stomach and say oh yes I do, lol. I was talking about it at work the other day, saying I suppose other people see how much I've lost, whereas I just see how big my belly still is, and I'm sure the same must be true of you. Do you have any old clothes or photos that you can use for comparison? If I ever doubt my achievement I drag out my old size 30 trousers that I bought for my nephew's wedding two years ago, and I have a good laugh. I bet if you showed us some before and after pictures the change would be amazing! I don't really know what to say to make you feel better except that you are such an inspiration to me and others on this site, your achievement is truly astonishing, and whilst I know you have other things to feel down about, your weight should definitely not be one of them! Take care. xx

 

[xMariex]

Thanks for being so understanding you always say the best things and yet are practical about it. I do still have some of my old clothes and they do literally fall off me. I know its psychological, just thought I would feel better than I do when the weight came off. I suppose in practical terms I am healthier for it but like a lot of people vanity came into it as well and my self esteem is still really low. But I wont let it stop me just keep going. Thanks for your response.

 

[TracyGWill]

I know how hard it is to see the positives in ourselves, hon, and I can only imagine how much harder it is when you're contending with serious health issues - I feel sorry enough for myself because I've got osteoarthritis and gallstones, which is essentially nothing! I really hope you're able to find some way of enjoying what you've achieved, because it really is amazing. xx

 

[hexe]

My current BMI is 27 down from nearly 51. Yes I had to get new clothes, yes I still have weight to lose but I still feel fat. I look in the mirror and I see no difference. Others have commented but I don't see it. I used to hate having my picture taken as I was so fat, but I still feel that way. I am considering losing more if I can when I get to my goal BMI of 25 as I know others have goals less than that. But my weight loss has slowed, I am still losing but I am worried I will always feel and look fat. And I wont get under once I do reach my current goal, that I will always be this way.

Hi Marie

Firstly your weight loss is absolutely amazing xx

Regarding your appreciation of your own body, I found an article, that may help to normalise what you experience
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10310571

I am so sorry to hear about the poor health you have to put up with, however, losing all that weight despite all these problems proves that you are a very strong and determined person.
How about you ask your GP for a referral to a counselling service? I think some practical outside support would do you a world of good, especially bearing in mind your low mood xx

 

[xMariex]

Hi Marie

Firstly your weight loss is absolutely amazing xx

Regarding your appreciation of your own body, I found an article, that may help to normalise what you experience
BBC News - Brain 'distorts own body image'

I am so sorry to hear about the poor health you have to put up with, however, losing all that weight despite all these problems proves that you are a very strong and determined person.
How about you ask your GP for a referral to a counselling service? I think some practical outside support would do you a world of good, especially bearing in mind your low mood xx

Doctor knows I have depression but this gave the encouragement to talk to her again and I have been referred for counselling she said I am going through a lot now and it would be good to get some help on my mental health, while I fight my physical issues. AndI will check out that link thanks!

 

[hexe]

I'm glad you have an understanding GP xx You're definitely on the right track to recovery. Sometimes waiting times for counselling can be long(ish), for a little bit of self-help, it might be worth getting the book 'Overcoming Depression and Low Mood' by Dr Chris Williams. You should be able to get it in your local library, no need to splash a lot of cash That book/approach is used by many NHS Primary MH Teams, it really is good. Good luck on your endeavours xx you can overcome this

 

[rainer]

I have health issues both with PCOS and thyroid cancer which I am sure affect my mood and I know my weight loss. But I have tried not to use them as excuses.

I like your attitude! You are like ideal for me. You are suffering from these kind of deadly diseases and still focusing on weight loss.

 

[dandan14]

This post is so inspirational, you must look absolutely fantastic! Hope you feel better about your weight because you should be so proud of yourself

 

[Perpleo]

i feel the exact same
i have lost 4 stone and still feel like a fat mess
i still feel like i havent changed at all

and if people compliment me i never believe them because i feel like i look the same
and then some friends have even said to me "oh this guy in work lost 4 stone and he looks sooooo good you should see him"
" i cant see a difference in you, i see you all the time" when i dont even see her that often lol

 

[xMariex]

Well I have been back in the hospital for treatment so was away from the boards. Thanks for all your lovely replies, I still feel bad but book hexe suggested I now have and been reading. I am getting there. Food for me anyway has been attached to my mood hence the weight I was and it shouldn't surprise me that such a change in lifestyle I wont feel different. I just hope there will come a day when I wont feel ashamed to have my pic taken or feel sad looking in the mirror which is all down to how fat I look.

 

[sammym]

Try not to lose your motivation. You do have the right attitude towards weight loss. One day you'll get the body you want. Be patient. Focus on eating healthy and the results will show up.