katalena said:
Minerva that is a really emotional and honest post. In a similar but different way, I understand what you are saying about getting your Dad's attention although for me, it is my Mum.
I wish you all the very best with "managing" yourself as from Monday and taking back some of that control for you and I hope the sea is not too stormy and that the boat floats throughout.
I feel really touched by your post.
Kat xx
Parents are such strange things I suppose… I didn’t grow up with my dad, and grew up with my grandparents after my mum passed away at the age of 4… so it’s always been a battle to prove myself to an idolised image of my father who I respect immensely, but neither of us really know how to act around each other. I can’t even begin to imagine what your relationship with your mum is like, I hope you are finding that with time it gets easier to resolve issues surrounding the difficulties… after all we both need to remember that no matter what; our parents do care very deeply about our well being – they just don’t quite know how to show it in a way that is appropriate to our individual needs… which sometimes may be wholeheartedly selfish, because, parents as people have their own emotional needs too.
… It needs to be a two-way conversation and listening is just as important as getting heard.
Hope you aren’t finding RTM *too* scary, never be afraid and never doubt yourself… I know you’ll do well!
daisydoll said:
hi min
hoping it goes well for you - i'm worried about you hun - your bmi is very low now
at least you seem to have a grip on the reasons behind it
don't disappear on us please
(((((((hugs)))))))
daisy x
Hey Daisy
Don’t be too worried, I’m still alive and kicking! It’s funny how little we need to *survive*, however, I do realise now, surviving isn’t the name of the game. Living is. Making the right choices. And slowly I do plan to take back the control of the situation even though the steps I’m taking are rather scary. … Still, I am the type to jump off the cliff rather than dipping my toes over the edge forever. I’ll have a look over the edge, get the best trajectory for the jump and then after about a minute go for it. After all… sitting in the dark isn’t going to get us anywhere.
How are you finding this ‘maintenance’ stuff? I hope you are not stressing out too much, how is the running coming along? You must have come down off the high of ‘finishing LL’ by now, so now I suppose that realisation that this sort of lifestyle change needs to be much more long term… I don’t mean that pessimistically at all, but, I guess this is when reality of life has to descend upon us all. Plus the dark winter months don’t help, since the rightful animalistic instinct within us all is going to be sending us towards the fridge to pile on a few pounds in preparation of the cold, dark months ahead. I’m fighting mine at the moment!
thin_inside said:
Lots of Hugs Min.
You need to put yourself first - and this time it means working at putting on a few pounds.
I'm a little scared for you hon. Can you get your boyfriend to cook for you a couple of times a week - and not worry about what he has put into the pot? Or get a full fat takeaway once a week?
Maybe have some one to one sessions with your old LLC or another counsellor to work out better strategies for coping with the issues you are now aware of.
Do keep posting here only if it helps, but I am very relieved to hear from you. xxx
Heheh, I took your suggestion on board… with the decision to stop counting (TODAY!), I’ve asked him to cook! And you have no idea how happy he is to do it! Lol, he loves to cook, and because of my needy counting of every morsel for the last few months I hadn’t let him. He dutifully laid out all the ingredients out on the counter and is taking the evening off from his computer game!
As for the full-fat takeaway… I did that for my anniversary meal a couple of weeks ago, we had a lovely Indian, but even while I was watching the quantity of what I ate, I felt I had a normal size portion, the food was way too rich for me, and I seriously suffered because I’m just not used to so much oil, sugar and salt and what-not in one go. It wasn’t an unhealthy dish either, so I need to watch this one for a little while…! My stomach can’t handle it!
I’d been considering going to see my LLC, but I know she isn’t very well equipped as a counsellor… she is a food caterer in her day-job role, and, I think like quite a few LLC’s out there, does LL as a franchise on the back of literally just the experience she is getting through her clients. She is a lovely lady, but as far as counselling goes, she isn’t a professional. … And we all need to remember this fact, the final word of the LLC is actually usually only as ever good as any of ours on this board. Sometimes it’s opinion, and sometimes it’s just what the ‘central bureaucratical’ Lighter Life advisory board has to say.
And yes, you are right… something I didn’t think I’d ever hear on this particular forum: but I WANT to gain about a stone back! I don’t feel right being on the brink of ‘Underweight’ BMI, I don’t feel good. Plus being absolutely frozen the whole time isn’t nice either.
Of course, not all in one go, and not completely intentionally.. I know I’ll gain a bit once I start upping my cals and my body re-adjusts to a normal daily intake... But even after I gain this stone back (hopefully fairly slowly), I’ll still have a ‘safety box’ of about a stone before it starts getting a bit close to my original “target” weight. … The important thing of course for me to remember at all times of course is that this large box is not an excuse for ‘extras’… and I don’t think about it that way at all. It’s the wrong approach to the whole thing – this is the exact same thinking that gets people into trouble, especially if they do exercise… they overcompensate their ‘exercise’ regime with an extra chocolate “because they’d burnt it off” … well, no. Bank the success, why waste it?
How are you doing though? Are you getting ready for RTM?
Or dreading it? You have so little left to go, you must feel fab!
Jezebella said:
Hey Min
So pleased to hear from you. I had some suspicions as to why you were away :/ I am managing to up the cals a bit, still have a complete mental breakdown when I do, but seem to be maintaining for the last week or 2. Realistically I would like another kg or 2 off before Xmas as my family will be down and I do want to indulge a little, so wonder if this is forward planning in a sensible way or just me being silly. But there is no way I plan on starting the new year over a size 8!!!! Glad to hear you will stop the cal counting. I find that it does cause me some head problems too when I see how much things are. If it makes a difference for you, please let me know and perhaps I will stop logging everything that goes into my mouth.
Jez
xx
I’m glad you are managing to up the calories! I will report my week to you… when I hopefully see you on Saturday! (I’m quite excited!!)
The thing is – at the moment, you are still in RTM, and realistically after such a long period of abstinence I would suggest to you to keep on logging them. But – shift your focus from the NUMBER of calories per day, to the more important thing of : PORTION SIZE. Start tracking portion size VISUALLY, so that when you do stop counting and you start floating free from the safety net of Lighter Life, you will be able to gauge how much a healthy and ‘normal’ amount of food is just by looking at it. We in this country have run into trouble with our weight, not so much because of WHAT we eat, but because we’ve lost the ability to tell HOW MUCH we should be having.
As for Christmas – I was actually going to suggest something to you a couple of weeks back… I know that you and I are a little similar in our ways of needing to have some sort of control over situations. I was thinking, as an experiment – we don’t let Christmas be an “excuse” to overeat, because realistically there is never an excuse to pig out over such a long period of time! Remember the LL lessons over associations and expectations around food and tradition/RITUAL? I guess it’s breaking free of the idea that there is an expectation to over-indulge. While – we can have things that we wouldn’t usually have on a daily/weekly/monthly basis, we need to remember to remain in control over how MUCH we have. Exercise control away from numbers (because we can’t possibly count Christmas dinners!
). … You expressing wanting to lose another 2kg in “preparation” … well you are thinking about it all the wrong way – because you are saying that you are expecting yourself to over-do it already. You are saying that you are already expecting yourself to fail so you need to have the buffer. You need to go back and reread this message that you left me above and critically evaluate your relationship to YOURSELF – because it seems like you do not trust yourself.
I believe that the trust in the self is the first and foremost thing. Like I detailed above, I have very much recognised that I am still scared of the “fat-me” inside. I fear that she will take over once the control of numbers/discipline/routine goes away. … but this, I am challenging now. I am letting go of that crutch, and taking on the next phase where I am the only one responsible for my own actions. … and I think, both of us need to remember this. YOU are responsible for YOU. You will not fail if you don’t let yourself. Go into Christmas with a clear idea of what you want at the end of the festive season. After all, it is all what we make of it. :hug99:
Morticia said:
Good to hear from you Min, even though we all suspected you might be staying away for a reason. I'm sending you positive wishes for Monday for what it's worth. Also to echo another comment, you might get a lot out of one to one counselling. Wouldn't do any harm to give it some thought. Take care...
Hey Morticia… I wish I was as relaxed about things as you have proven yourself to be! As for the counselling, a big no to that one! I’d been through a few counsellors a few years ago due to other reasons and I’ve never found them helpful at all, so I stay away.
I’ll get there myself somehow, some way. After all, the best way to learn ANYTHING in life is through personal trial-and-error. The key is never to give up and keep trying again. How are you getting on post-RTM? I read your blog and you seem fairly calm. The challenge however does come a couple of weeks after the ‘honeymoon’ period wears off and real life sets in. I remember I came off abstinence RTM right around Christmas and it was rather … lets’ say… interesting.
Gemma79 said:
Nothing I can add that hasn't been said, but wanted to know I was thinking of you /wave /hug
Heheheh, thank you! /tar Gemma79 …/cheer… /hug… lol. How’s Aeon?
…could I get any more geeky in my response? Though I can safely say, only you will get the reference. … yes. Time to /facepalm.
hey min hope everything is settled now and going well
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
Hee, thank you!... Things are going … ok so far I suppose, even though I’m absolutely frozen at the moment, sipping a huge cup of coffee!
How are you doing?
---
Hmmm… Today. … First day of not logging – it’s quite hard, because I’m still counting in my head, as I know rough amounts of calories in things from visual amounts. I did challenge myself to have a lunch at the University cafeteria, didn’t like their options of some dodgy cannelloni, or the macaroni cheese, so settled with a baked potato with baked beans… Had about a quarter of the potato and half the beans given to me with a large helping of salad. I still found myself limiting my portion, but this time I guess it was different in a sense. Now I am more concentrating on LISTENING TO MY BODY rather than listening to the NUMBERS as a controlling measure for the portion thing. … It’s an interesting shift of responsibility.
I was depriving myself and limiting my portions based on calorie numbers, but now I will take back control and actually listen again to what my stomach tells me – which is crucial in getting my relationship with food back to normal. If I can learn to manage my portion based on how I feel, rather than what some other measurement limits me to, then I can take this self-discipline into a long term goal of maintenance. The elimination of counting calories opens up my food choices to a wider spectrum of experimentation, and I am now, no longer going to deprive myself of anything that counts as ‘too high’ … or ‘bad’. … because realistically there is no such thing as ‘bad’ food (…well except the trans-fat laced deep fried horrors of chip-shops of course, or fast-food, and some ready-meals)… yes, as I was saying, there realistically is no ‘bad’ food. There is only a ‘bad attitude’ that can exist towards it. Just because someone serves me a piece of cake – I don’t have to eat all of it. The ball is ALWAYS in my court, I can taste some, or I can leave it. I can even have all of it on an occasion if I really want to. … I think that’s important. I need to be responsible for me.
We’ll see how tomorrow and the rest of the week goes… I hope my mind doesn’t spaz out. … eek. … My boyfriend’s cooking dinner, and hopefully I won’t feel too guilty after I’ve eaten some… as the guilt does drive me crazy.
