Minerva
...we're sinking deeper.
Right... Now that this forum has finally reopened, I'll quietly try (try being the key word here) to just write a little something here every once in a while... to maybe motivate myself? To be "good"? To be held accountable?
I've been around these forums for so long... First with Lighter Life, then with SnS, then just all sorts... But, positively, I've come a long way since my 18st 7 days in 2008. It's definitely been up and down. But... mostly down. Looking at my signature in 2013 I weighed 15st 8 and I'm happy to say I actually have maintained the loss since then. I believe I stopped somewhere at 12st something and have been bouncing within that 1 stone or so leeway ever since then. Going between 12st 0 to 13st 7 ... Something always stops me when I start dipping into the 11's. I self-sabotage. Maybe some sort of fear of going back into UNKNOWN territory. I've always been overweight ALL my life. Except after Lighter Life. I lost over 10 stone and it was so new... and so terrifying. My body was not my own. And I also developed an eating disorder. So I know, somewhere in the back of my mind there is a subconscious block that happens when I don't recognise my body anymore.
Still, I don't want to be overweight all my life. I really don't, so I have to try to push through and understand how to go through that transition and accept a new body, how it feels, how it looks, how it moves... I am less than 2 months away from turning 30 and I think it's time to try to turn this around. I don't want to come to the age of 50 with regrets. My fat is a safety blanket that prevents me from doing things, prevents me from living life because I use it as an excuse. It tells me I'm not good enough, it tells me I can't do it. I need to stop this.
So anyway. That's me. For now. Day 1 (yesterday) went well - albeit with tantrums in my head (the usual - I WANT PIZZA! One more day! Start this later!). Bleh. That one more day turned into weeks and months of delay.
Wish me luck.
I've been around these forums for so long... First with Lighter Life, then with SnS, then just all sorts... But, positively, I've come a long way since my 18st 7 days in 2008. It's definitely been up and down. But... mostly down. Looking at my signature in 2013 I weighed 15st 8 and I'm happy to say I actually have maintained the loss since then. I believe I stopped somewhere at 12st something and have been bouncing within that 1 stone or so leeway ever since then. Going between 12st 0 to 13st 7 ... Something always stops me when I start dipping into the 11's. I self-sabotage. Maybe some sort of fear of going back into UNKNOWN territory. I've always been overweight ALL my life. Except after Lighter Life. I lost over 10 stone and it was so new... and so terrifying. My body was not my own. And I also developed an eating disorder. So I know, somewhere in the back of my mind there is a subconscious block that happens when I don't recognise my body anymore.
Still, I don't want to be overweight all my life. I really don't, so I have to try to push through and understand how to go through that transition and accept a new body, how it feels, how it looks, how it moves... I am less than 2 months away from turning 30 and I think it's time to try to turn this around. I don't want to come to the age of 50 with regrets. My fat is a safety blanket that prevents me from doing things, prevents me from living life because I use it as an excuse. It tells me I'm not good enough, it tells me I can't do it. I need to stop this.
So anyway. That's me. For now. Day 1 (yesterday) went well - albeit with tantrums in my head (the usual - I WANT PIZZA! One more day! Start this later!). Bleh. That one more day turned into weeks and months of delay.
Wish me luck.
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