Minerva's corner...

I'm doing a degree in Computing and Information Technology... I did maths at school, but that was over 10 years ago, my other degrees had statistics maths in them, so nothing anywhere near as hard as this! I think I might just run and hide from it for a bit. O_O What was your degree in? Is it the field you moved into for work?

I do remember the dilemma after the VLCD picking up clothes in sizes you're used to, only to find out they hang off like like some sort of sack. It was strange to know I needed a smaller size, but I just couldn't believe/see it. I completely agree on your point in trying clothes in different styles, only to completely criticise and think it looks awful... when in reality it probably looked stunning. I have had to come to terms with the fact that I will always feel and SEE myself as fat. I still felt that way at size 8. Confidence is the thing we need to work on, but after years of putting ourselves down it's quite a difficult mindset to break.
Still... it's not always too bad. When my dad came around yesterday he said I actually looked good at my current weight and didn't need to lose very much. He's always been the most critical person, my whole family were, but I guess he's learned to let it go and support me... finally now that he's turned 60. I guess he's just happy I'm not as unhealthy as I was at my heaviest.

Food wise today was good so far, had a Chicken Noodle cupsoup with added carrots, in anticipation of a Hello Fresh meal, only to be informed just now by my dear other half that he's eaten at his meeting and won't be hungry. Oh well, I can't be too annoyed, I just wish he'd have told me! I guess I'll go on the hunt for something healthy :p
 
I did a biochemistry degree in the 70's, and worked for Glaxo, initially in R&D lab work but got into the regulatory side , which I really enjoyed. I did a lot of stats too, which I found easier than calculus. I've been in that field really for the rest of my working life, except for having a few years out having four kids in the 80's. I currently work for a biotech company, in charge of regulatory compliance, and enjoy the things most people hate; ploughing through EU directives, submitting licence applications etc. The up side is I can work from home which is currently ideal and stopping me going stir crazy!

You are right, confidence is something we need to work on. I am the same age as your dad and wish I could be happy in my skin, if I can't just be me now without worrying what other people think of me all the time I don't know when I will. I'm still full of so many hang up's and insecurities. I'm glad that your dad is being supportive, all we should really want for our kids is for them to be happy and healthy. I feel sad that you say your whole family were critical, that must have put pressure on you. My kids amaze me, I don't just mean as a proud mum, but that they have all grown up to be such strong, confident, happy, secure people. As kids they would just throw themselves into anything, which I never would. My elder son and daughter have both inherited my pear shaped body type and tendency to put on weight but are much more disciplined than me and actually keep it under control. My daughter particularly recognises the lifelong struggle that I have had with my weight and made a conscious decision to not go there, although she does find it hard.

Hope you found something healthy to eat yesterday, and today is going well for you so far.
 
Wow. O_O A Biochemistry degree. That's really impressive. Did you work at the Glaxo in London? I used to live in Brentford which is fairly close to there, but, not sure, there must be more offices around the country. My partner's mum worked there for years on the recruitment side of things as far as I know. It's good that you have the freedom to work from home, but it must take quite a lot of discipline, I'd get distracted all the time... And I know what you mean, nothing is really that bad if you know your way around them, EU directives and license applications aren't so scary once the understanding is in place. You must be very good at it all because you actually enjoy it too!

Confidence... well. It depends on the sort of person you are. I'm introverted and was bullied at school to some extent, but I guess most of us have been in that boat. It destroys confidence in later life. Couple that with families which are maybe too critical, or dysfunctional and you have a recipe for disaster. But it doesn't mean that we can't learn from it and acknowledge that none of that is actually our fault and move on. My upbringing wasn't the most stable. I lost some people close to me far too young and was yanked around countries. School was just a nightmare. Then had damaging relationships. But I'm almost 30 now and don't look back at it too much. My current partner of nearly 11 years somehow has dealt with the baggage I came with and has helped me make sense of it. I actually doubt I'd have been able to do that on my own. He's the most stable and happy person I know, and that brings me to my next point, that some people are different and are naturally confident no matter what life throws at them. All we can do is take lessons from bright, positive people and try to apply different ways of thinking to our own everyday lives. Nothing is as bad as it seems. Life will keep going forward and wounds will heal.


All that being said, I am bloody hungry today. While I don't want exams to roll around, I can't wait to go back to University to get out of the house and have a routine going again. I had a cauliflower scrambled egg for lunch and will have a nice dinner tonight. Had a peek at the scales and it's 1lb down already since Wednesday, yay. Just have to keep going, but the temptation to have a "day off" is pretty real. Just have to remember not to give in as it won't solve anything, and that I have a weekend away in Edinburgh at the end of May... and my 30th on the 13th. Ghhh and I want to be in the 11's by then! It's 5 weeks away today. All the more reason to stay on plan. :)
 
No, I worked at the big manufacturing plant Glaxo used to have in Liverpool, but did travel to their facilities in Ware and Bethnal Green sometimes. It can get distracting working from home, I do try to do a structured day with a proper lunch break but sometimes just can't concentrate so will catch up in the evening. I do seem to have the sort of brain that finds it easy to read through official language-my friends who are coming up to retirement have started asking me to go through their pension forms and options, as they lose patience (never mind the will to live)!

It sounds like you had a lot of challenges growing up, but you sound very mature with a great outlook on life and I'm glad you have a supportive partner. I am introverted and was bullied too, I was a nerdy kid from a council estate who won a scholarship to a private school and spent seven years never fitting in anywhere. I came away with a great education but very poor social skills and no confidence, so like you had some damaging relationships, I was incredibly needy...still am a bit. The breast cancer and being suddenly widowed when my hubby was killed in a motorbike crash within a couple of years of my treatment toughened me up and I have been fortunate enough to fall in love again, with the most lovely guy who like your OH is totally uncomplicated, happy and stable, and is the most "in the moment" person I've ever known. As you so rightly say, life will keep going forward and wounds will heal.

You're doing great with the weight loss, and to be in the 11's in five weeks time is very achievable. I have always wanted to go to Edinburgh, it looks amazing. Stay strong!
 
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Bullied, terrible-upbringing kid here too. LOL. It has a very lasting effect and I couldnt agree more with what youve said Min xx We have to give everything time and realize that these things were not actually our fault and not at all the definition of who we are as humans. <3 And I know you will stick with it because you want to give yourself that gift of being in the 11s - and what a better milestone than for your 30th birthday, eh? :D I know you can do this, and you do too <3 xxxx

Ticketty - Edinburgh is so very worth a trip. So so so.
 
Haha, there's nothing wrong with being nerdy, but it does mean a bit of hardship through the school years. But, in certain circles - these days it's actually seen as a good thing. I was in a private school in the UK too, coming from a pretty common background so I never fit in at all, but it was actually GOOD to be smart in that school. The smartest kid was looked up to and was such a sweetheart. Everyone loved him. But it does vary school to school.
Kids are cruel and those who aren't the carved out popular kids will suffer in one way or another, I guess it's a fact of life. I wonder how I will be able to support kids (if and when), when they get to that teenage stage... I can't imagine it will be easy because it really wasn't easy for me. Oh well... I'll cross that bridge when I come to it!

And yes! It's your next destination Ticketty - after Prague, after your op - you have to go to Edinburgh! It's not far and would be a good weekend trip away! :D

--
Well as for me, I'm still going strong! Went to a concert last night and somehow ended up eating only two eggs for the entire day. o_O It was my lunch and I was just too tired to eat when I got in at midnight. WI day tomorrow! Eeek. Hopefully a small loss will come about. On a side note, I really hate WI day being in Wednesday. It feels wrong, I wish it was Monday, but when I started the diet, I didn't want to wait another half a week for Monday to come around. I was just READY to start. Oh well, maybe I'll cut a week short somewhere to switch it.
 
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I agree with you, nowadays being smart is looked up to and I think snobbery is less of an issue now as there is much less of a class divide than there was forty or fifty years ago, when my classmates' parents were all daughters of company directors, stockbrokers or other "professional" people. If you've ever seen the comedy sketch from the 60's about class with John Cleese & the two Ronnies (it's on youtube!) that just about sums up the way it still was then. At my school being sporty seemed to be the way to popularity and I was and am totally uncoordinated, as well as being the overweight kid. I think my most mortifying memory was being invited to one of the girl's birthday parties at her big posh house where we were all expected to play tennis on their court. I was useless at it and I remember her parents falling about laughing and making cruel comments. Now I see them for the horrible people they were, but for a painfully shy twelve year old it was devastating. I think though that my experiences actually gave me valuable lessons in parenting and I think I did manage to do a pretty good job, it's certainly the thing I'm proudest of in my life. I'm sure that if and when you decide to have kids you will be the same. The teenage years aren't easy and I think so much more so today with all of the problems modern technology brings as well as benefits (social media, internet access to porn and other unsavoury stuff) I would really worry about protecting my kids from that. At least when I was bullied I knew I was safe at home, whereas cyber bullying takes away even that place of safety.

Hopefully once I have recovered from my op we can plan some fun weekends away, including Edinburgh! I keep getting sent really tempting deals on Groupon for amazing places, there'll be lots to look forward to.

Well done on staying strong, I can't imagine existing all day on two eggs, that's even worse than my current 600 calories a day! Who was the concert by? Good luck for your weigh in tomorrow, sure you'll have a loss.
 
hi here to follow (again) i dont know why it doesn't give me notifications when you post??? will keep checking in heeh :) i have a degree in computing and its surprises a lot of people but then again they dont know i spend most of my time playing computer games hehe xx
 
Haha, I've totally been in that boat Ticketty... I came from a very small town in Latvia (population of 9000 people o_O) to central London. It was definitely a culture shock... Then I was put into a private school with kids whose parents worked for Embassies or other high organisations and I was very much out of place the whole time. I was also uncoordinated, overweight and didn't know how to talk to these kids who were so very different. One of the girls' parties at her Mayfair residence was insane, it had a swimming pool in the basement. But at the end of the day - we came through! We learned and it definitely made you a better person. You learned that being well off brings about its own awfulness and you strived to be everything that those people weren't. That's a valuable lesson. You are kinder and more understanding of people's struggles as a result.

And yeah, the day with just two eggs wasn't the best! I felt very drained, not hungry as such, but just lethargic. It wasn't hard... because a few years ago I had a ... phase where I didn't eat much, so hunger is something I've learned to ignore at times. :rolleyes: But not the times when I need to!


Do you work in computing now Brittany? It's cool to meet someone else who's been through it before, I feel really awkward at times studying this as it's always viewed as a 'man's' industry. But I've always been into gaming too :p What games do/did you play? I was heavily invested in World of Warcraft for a very long time, then tried quite a lot of other MMO's. Played other games like Skyrim and now am looking to try Dark Souls 3, it looks hard!
 
It sounds like elements of our childhood were quite similar-although yours sounds much more exotic than mine, but quite unsettled and stressful too. You sound like a very mature strong person. I do believe that negative experiences can shape us in a positive way. I don't think I'd be as resilient if I hadn't had some horrible things happen to me. Thanks for your lovely words about being a good mum and grandma, I was a bit choked when I read that. At the moment I'm just sad I can't be more fun with the little ones, Oliver always wants me to get down on the floor and play with him which I can't do, but hopefully one I've been fixed I will!

How was your weigh in yesterday? hope you were pleased, and are having a good day.

The only computer games I've tried are driving ones. Let's just say I'm a better driver in real life :D
 
i work in an office on a computer but nothing really to do with my degree. i was the only girl in my class at uni, usually the one stuck in the corner hungover haha.
Until recently I only had a tablet so the only games i played were sims freeplay, hayday and pokemon red.
ive always wanted to play world of warcraft but then i have seen a lot of people get obsessed with it.
Id like to play games like that but i wouldnt know where to start.
xx
 
My weigh in on Wednesday was good :) 3 lbs off, but I know it will slow down now. I wish it would go faster, but, even on a VLCD my losses were always painfully slow. So there's no point in me doing that over calorie counting really ... it'll just make me more miserable. At least eating actual food brings normality and portion control, so I'm ok with sticking to it for a while.

World of Warcraft isn't in itself going to make you obsess over it! It's down to personality and how much time you yourself invest. I did my dissertation on addiction to MMO's, so while the games do offer a reward system to keep you 'hooked' and a really good social element, it's really not addictive on its own. Most people now can take it or leave it. It's a fun game, I do recommend it. It's become a lot more straightforward and accessible for someone who's never played that sort of game before, the starting zones and starting quests are very good. Plus, you can always ask another player, most people will be nice and explain. I mean if you want to give it a go, you can download the game from the website and do the month free trial. :)

http://eu.battle.net/wow/en/game/guide/
 
tickettyboo said:
It sounds like elements of our childhood were quite similar-although yours sounds much more exotic than mine, but quite unsettled and stressful too. You sound like a very mature strong person. I do believe that negative experiences can shape us in a positive way. I don't think I'd be as resilient if I hadn't had some horrible things happen to me. Thanks for your lovely words about being a good mum and grandma, I was a bit choked when I read that. At the moment I'm just sad I can't be more fun with the little ones, Oliver always wants me to get down on the floor and play with him which I can't do, but hopefully one I've been fixed I will!

How was your weigh in yesterday? hope you were pleased, and are having a good day.

The only computer games I've tried are driving ones. Let's just say I'm a better driver in real life :D
Click to expand...

Thank you, you're very kind to say I sound mature, I don't always know whether it's a good thing. People think I'm too serious, always have been even when I was little! It's made me not have a lot of friends in all honesty, I'm baffled at times at how people make friends so easily and are able to be so ... silly and carefree. I kind of envy that.
Driving games are pretty fun, but I've never been very good at those! Driving in real life took me so long to learn, I'm the most uncoordinated person... I have to be grateful for the most patient driving instructor on the planet, he stuck by me for two years! Ha.
 
So the weekend begins, the last before I have to go back to Uni. I'm kind of glad really because this empty time (that I should have spent studying...) was a bit too much, the days go quite slowly and being stuck indoors, bored isn't very productive. I need to get back into the swing of things!
I'll be happy if I lose 1lb this week, so that's what I'm hoping for. :) I'll be in the 'overweight' BMI and out of the 'obese' bracket. WI is 4 days away so fingers crossed :D
 
I also found learning to drive so hard...it took me four goes to pass my test as I'm also very uncoordinated. I also over think everything, nothing is intuitive to me especially practical skills. Even assembling kinder egg toys for the kids used to be a challenge! I'm still not a confident driver, preferring to drive where I'm familiar with the roads, and don't really like motorways. I lack confidence in every aspect of my life really, except work because that is the one area I've always felt I totally know what I'm doing. How much of that feeling of being scared and timid is weight related I don't know, it's certainly stopped me from having a go at things over the years for fear of looking a fool.

I was very touched by your comments on my thread about my grandkids understanding and accepting my limitations. To a certain extent they do already, Oliver in particular is such a kind little boy who shows enormous empathy for a three year old. When I look after him, he knows that at the moment I can't take him to the park so we will bake cakes together, or do other fun stuff that we can do sitting down.

Well done on your weight loss for last week, 3lb is brilliant. Is your Uni far from your home? It's definitely easier to diet when you're busy and in a routine. Enjoy your last weekend at home!
 
Haha, we don't have to be good at everything in life, so long as we're good at one thing - then the rest just doesn't matter too much! I guess we've all felt that our appearances have stopped us from doing things in life, I know I certainly have, but at the end of the day, those are the choices we made and have to live and be ok with. I'm not really one to regret such things, just have to learn and move on I guess.
Oliver sounds like such a sweet grandchild, he's being raised very well. I'm glad you can still do sit down activities with him that he enjoys and I know in the future you'll be running around the park with him! It will happen! :D

University is about a 40 minute drive from my house, so it's not too bad. Makes me use my driving skills! ...though like you, I do prefer to drive familiar roads - I get freaked out and lost (even with satnav...) if I'm in a new area. Haha, I really shouldn't be allowed on the road :p

--

Today has been an "up" day, I had the upper limit of my calories for the day - 1100-1200. Not sure really how much exactly, I had a LARGE steak for dinner, it was tasty, but with meat I can never tell calories precisely. Oh well, protein :p It wasn't heavy carbs, so it's fine. I did have a cucumber and tomato salad with sour cream to accompany my steak, and two apples after. For lunch I had a mushroom omelette.... I guess I want to keep my body guessing and not slow down my metabolism by eating too little in a long consecutive stretch. So while I feel guilty for feeling satisfied with my meal, I know it's for the best, for my body and mental state.
 
Your food sounds perfectly healthy and fine. Remember that feeling satisfied and (comfortably!!) full is a good thing - we shouldnt be in a permanent state of hunger or craving or deprivation!

Im starting driving lessons (again!) on 2nd May and after a few not-great experiences (and this being my 3rd instructor!!) Im half terrified and full of nerves and half just wanna get through it already! :/
 
I wish I could send my old driving instructor up to you Bee! He was the funniest, most patient, amazing man. He learned from ME as to what teaching technique would work best. I really hope you find someone like that! Third time lucky? :D With driving it's all about never giving up - and I wanted to about a million times!

And you're right about food... For some reason (I guess VLCD influence) I think I have to feel hungry and deprived on a diet, but that shouldn't be the case. It's not very healthy to get used to that feeling... it gets miserable. :)
 
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